It's a Romantic Conquest, Haruhi Chan!
by fukuji mihoko
Summary: Haruhi and Kyon finally begin dating, but Haruhi can't stand normal relationships! Her discontent begins to distort others' feelings, and now Yuki, Mikuru, Tsuraya, Emiri and... Itsuki are all after Kyon as well? Yipee. :Itsuki/Kyon, some Haruhi/Kyon:
1. 00: The Boredom of Haruhi Suzumiya

**It's a Romantic Conquest True Love Story, Haruhi-Chan!**

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Prologue:  
_The Boredom of Haruhi Suzumiya_

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"Urgh, I'm so bored!"

A sudden crunch split the inane babble of thirty students, and a sea of curious heads turned in perfect unison to the source of commotion.

Haruhi Suzumiya.

Then again, this wasn't really a surprise. Haruhi's head was on pretty good terms with that desk; it was the third time the two objects had collided that morning, although this noise was significantly louder and more painful than the previous two.

Within five seconds the classroom was filled with chatter once more, nobody even bothering to go "hey, are you okay?" Haruhi's eccentricities were pretty much known by now. Known, and ignored. It was less hassle that way.

The only person who showed even a smidge of concern was Haruhi's short time boyfriend/full time punch bag, Kyon.

"Hey, you shouldn't that. It'll dent the desk."

And he wasn't even concerned about _her_.

Haruhi sighed, not even bothering to lift her head. "But I _am _bored! I thought everything would be great once I made my own club, but it's been four months and we've barely done _anything_. Nobody comes to ask us for help, and I haven't heard any interesting stories. Why couldn't our school be built on some super-cool Indian burial ground, where restless spirits lurk the corridors turning people into zombies? Heh, that would be so cool…"

"Well, Haruhi," Kyon replied, voice filled with that deadpan well-_duhhh_-ism he mainly reversed for his sulky girlfriend, "I hate to tell you this, but we're in Japan. There are no Indian burial grounds here. If you want to fight the forces of evil why don't you buy one of those plotless shooting games like everyone else?"

"Because I don't wanna be like everyone else! I don't want to waste my life playing _video games_, Kyon."

"So you'd rather waste your life being bored, lamenting about said boredom and inflicting said laments about said boredom on the general student body?"

There was a long pause.

Kyon allowed himself a few scant seconds of inner peace, knowing he had momentarily outwitted Haruhi.

"You're stupid."

Needless to say, they passed very quickly.

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"Check."

"Darn, you're good," Kyon frowned, watching as Yuki Nagato (self proclaimed alien) expertly manoeuvred her queen into Kyon's shaky, falling-apart-at-the-seams defences. "Then I guess I'll move this castle…"

"Move it there," Itsuki Koizumi (self proclaimed esper boy and all round weirdo) suggested, making round-about motions with one hand above the board.

Foolishly, Kyon obliged.

"Checkmate."

The boy glared viciously at Koizumi, who didn't even have the decency to stop smiling.

"Oops. I guess I'm not as good at chess as I thought."

_Damn right you're not,_ thought Kyon. _If I'd gone with my gut instinct instead of your advice the score probably wouldn't be 6-0 by now._

On the other hand, the fact that Nagato had even allowed Kyon (and Koizumi) to lose against her six times was sort of incredible. The girl was usually inseparable from her sci-fi books, although she had been getting a few sneaky paragraphs read whilst Kyon spent several minutes debating his next turn, chewing his lower lip and attempting to ignore Koizumi.

Although…

The atmosphere in the SOS brigade club room was tense that afternoon, even though Mikuru Asahina (self proclaimed time traveller and delightfully resplendent in her mandatory maid outfit) was attempting to dispel the negative vibes with some heart-warming smiles and tea all round. Koizumi's smile seemed a tad forced, and all that chess was probably Nagato's way of controlling any restless energy she may have.

And the reason behind all of this – the plastic smiles, the games of chess and the overly-industrious Mikuru?

You have three guesses.

"ARRGHHH! What's the POINT in LIFE if it's always gonna be this BORING?!"

And two don't count.

"Um… Suzumiya-san?" Mikuru stuttered, wringing her hands against her apron. "Do you, um… Want some more tea? I have a new recipe-"

"No. It's okay, Mikuru," the brigade leader assured her 'subject' in a very un-okay voice, leaning against her chair, head titled ceiling-wards. "I don't want tea. I want someone to post a comment on our website – a UFO sighting, a sparkly vampire, a sudden disappearance, anything, I don't care! I'm just so bored!"

_Okay,_ thought Kyon, packing away the chess set with Koizumi, who seemed to be bumping their hands together in the most un-accidental and un-convincing way possible.

The apologies were obviously transparent, especially with that stupid smile.

_Okay, let's play a game. Let's count how many times Haruhi says any variant of the word 'boring' in the next five minutes…_

"But, Suzumiya-san, tea is good for… For relaxing nerves, and… and stress…"

"No. No tea," Haruhi said dully, sounding more of an android than Yuki, which was quite troubling. "I'm sure your tea doesn't cure boredom, and I've been sooooOoOooOOOoOo bored allllllll dayyy…" She didn't so much like an android now. Maybe something helium-filled on steroids?

A sigh, another irritable mutter of "so bored…" and Haruhi was up one more point on the 'boredom scale'.

"Hell, at this point I'd settle for a life like a romantic drama," the brunette continued, still leant back in her chair. "Sure, I hate watching those things, but it must be pretty interesting to have a steamy, sordid love affair with a few pairing triangles thrown in. Yeah, I want a life like that. A life of… A life of…"

"Sin?" Kyon inquired sweetly, mindful of the fact that he was meant to be her boyfriend. Maybe it was his job to take care of this… Emotional stuff?

Look, she was making Mikuru blush…

There was a long pause, much like the one from that morning. Silent, save for Mikuru's clink-clinking as she collected teacups and the dull sound of chessmen hitting the bottom of their box none too carefully.

Haruhi was trying not to smile.

"… I… I'm going home. It's boring here, anyways."

Kyon sighed.

Did his girlfriend really have to hide all her good points? Sure, they were sparse, but if she didn't try to choke them with loudness and bored-ness and bossy-ness all the time she'd be slightly more endearing.

Haruhi eccentricity number thirty-two, was it?

_I guess I'll add it to the list later._

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**a/n: hee x3 i'm uber-excited about this story, because it's a kyon/itsuki and not many people write them. yayyy~ oh, & haruhi & kyon are very fun to write atm.  
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**this prologue is kinda short, but i'm guessing all the chapters will be pretty short so i can get them out quicker xD I'm a lazy writer. gomen D: but i WILL get this done. i swear. -crosses heart-**

**& the title is sort of meant to be ridiculous and stupid xD it's how episodes of most Japanese anime look, especially hayate the combat butler xD**

**xoxox renahh chen**


	2. 01: Headaches & Handstands

**It's a Romantic Conquest True Love Story, Haruhi-Chan!**

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**Chapter One  
_Headaches & Handstands_

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"Hey, look! Kyon, look!"

An excited squeal, some scattered giggles.

"Kyon! Kyoonnn, look at me! Look at meeee!"

More squeals, giggles.

A sigh.

CRASH!

"Hey," Kyon frowned, the loud noise finally awakening him from a dull, homework-induced stupor.

He didn't have to look very hard to find the source of the commotion. There, lying on the floor in an awkward pile of limbs and pigtails, was his little sister. A pretty nasty bruise was flourishing on her right arm, and her lower lip was wobbling slightly.

"What were you doing?" asked Kyon, one eyebrow raised.

His sister was always loud and noisy, but she became nothing short of deafening when there was nothing on TV. Kyon supposed the Card Captor Sakura reruns had been hoisted from the programming menu to make room for more baseball or something.

"I was practising my handstands, duhhh," the little girl replied, rolling her eyes as if this were the most obvious thing in the world. "I told you to look at me, but you didn't, and you never got to see my handstand! My gym teacher said they were really good!"

"Look," Kyon said, acting the ever-concerned older brother, "I've got homework to do, and it's already difficult without the unnecessary distractions. Besides, I've seen your handstands before, and I thought they were amazing then."

His sister's lip immediately stopped wobbling, despite the ugly-looking bruise. "You really think so?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Yayyyy. I _am _amazing, huh?"

And, with those parting words, the young girl bounced to her feet as though made of durable elastic, and proceeded to race out of the room in order to do some more gymnastics.

Kyon shrugged, none to concerned with his sister's welfare. Little kids were like the energiser bunny – they just kept going and going and _going_, bruises or no. A child wasn't _healthy _unless it was annoying, loud, dirty and covered in various cuts that they could barely remember receiving.

Besides, there were more important things to worry about.

Like maths homework.

Silence enveloped Kyon's room once more, broken only by muffled shouts of his sister from across the hall, and the ticking of his clock.

_Tick, tick, tick._

_So, if x equals five multiplied by r squared then I'll have to do the inverse and boy, this is confusing, sort of like Haruhi's bizarre mood swings. I mean, can't that girl find __one__ personality and stick to it, like Nagato? You didn't see Nagato parading around like the Queen of Sheba one minute, then bemoaning that her life was boring another…_

The sound of Kyon's pencil tap, tap, tapping against his desk became added to the din, and thoughts gave birth to more thoughts, which only spawned more, until his brain was filled with Haruhi, Haruhi, Haruhi and there was no room for maths equations whatsoever.

Mikuru, Nagato, Koizumi – they'd been behaving differently today, as if they _knew_ something wasn't quite right. As if something bad was going to happen. But that was ridiculous, right? Kyon had carefully been keeping his distance from Mikuru, and he was Haruhi's boyfriend now – there was no competition at all.

So maybe _that _was the reason why…?

_Tick, tick, tick._

_Haruhi, Haruhi, Haruhi._

Haruhi was bored.

She had no competition and, therefore, her love life held no danger or uncertainty, as it once had during those perplexing months where Kyon's affections towards Haruhi had been unsure and tentative, ranging from pure irritation to amicable tolerance.

But that wasn't _fair_, Kyon thought, gritting his teeth (and, unknowingly, his pencil – the poor thing seemed ready to snap). She'd nearly ended the world because Kyon and Mikuru were getting too close, and_ now_ she was going to end the world because Kyon barely looked at the time-traveller twice?

Err, make that _thrice._

Hey, Mikuru was cute in her little maid outfit. Kyon was only _human_ (unlike several other people.

Ha, ha).

"Wow… Maths problems suddenly seem so insignificant…" the boy muttered, releasing his death-grip on the pencil.

Indeed, the whole 'end of the world' scenario tended to put things into perspective.

"Heeyyy, Kyon! Kyyoonnn!"

Now, the boy had been fully preparing to ignore his sister, as homework was very important and handstands hadn't been on Kyon's 'top ten most important things in the world list' since he turned seven.

"Kyyonn, youu lazy bum, there's somebody at the doooorr for youuu!"

But the last bit caught his attention.

Names began to run through his head; _Miss Asahina? Nagato? Koizumi? _It was possible, consodering Haruhi's recent spate of moodiness and melancholy. Who knew, maybe some more of those giant blue monsters were giving closed space a real pummelling?

_Haruhi herself? _He was getting warmer; the pair _were_ dating, and she'd said many a-time before that talking face-to-face was more important than talking phone-to-phone. Maybe she was going to dump him, to peruse some 'dangerous' new love interest with a tattoo and motorcycle?

_Taniguchi?_ Yeahh, that sounded more like it. Doubtless, he wanted to copy Kyon's homework.

The lazy bum.

"Geeez, Kyon, took ya long enough!"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm here now" Kyon sighed at his little sister's Haruhi-esque words, praying to God and all his deities (although, according to a certain esper friend, and the term 'friend' was used _very _loosely, God was Haruhi. Kyon swore life hadn't always been this complicated) that she would not end up like Haruhi. "Who is it?"

"Ah, hello, Kyon."

It was Koizumi.

_Yippee._

Out of all five possibilities, _this _was the one he'd been hoping to avoid; partly because it meant fifty feet tall monsters were ravaging parts of the city in closed space, and mostly because he'd never heard of personal space.

Weirdo.

"I apologise for coming over so late, but there is something urgent I must discus with you," Koizumi said, plastic smile firmly in place. He was sort of like a Barbie doll in those aspects, minus the blond hair and general female-ness. "Would you mind discussing matters with me outside? I am afraid it cannot wait."

"Well, my, uh, little sis needs someone to take care of her…"

Kyon felt a pair of small, yet forceful, hands push against his back.

Into Koizumi.

"Oh noo, don't worry, big bro! You leave me alone all the time, I'll be fine! I think Sailor Moon reruns are gonna come on after baseball, anyway! Enjoy yourself, Kyonnn!" chirruped his little sister angelically.

It was official; his sister hated him.

Probably because of that stupid handstand.

_Traitor._

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**a.n: this story is fun to write ^^ the chapters will all be pretty short, tho, cuz i srsly lack concentraction skillz xD if i try to write too long it sort of becomes messy. anywayy, i hope they're in character.**

**& i don't think i'm going to use things like 'chan' or 'kun' in this because i only watched the english dub of haruhi, so i'm not sure what they refer to each other as. & pseudo japanese doesn't sound too good if you don't know what you're doing xD**


	3. 02: A Little Competition

**It's a Romantic Conquest True Love Story, Haruhi-Chan!**

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**Chapter Two  
_A Little Competition_

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"So," Kyon began, arms folded and one eyebrow raised. He made no attempt to hide his obvious distaste for the other; Koizumi _knew _Kyon disliked him, and it'd never fazed him before.

In fact, quite the opposite.

Koizumi was still smiling his trademark smile, disconcerting as always. It made him look like a young child who'd just discovered a stack of dirty magazines under their elder brother's bed.

"Yes?" the aforementioned young child who'd just discovered a stack of dirty magazines look-a-likey inquired, all sweet and sunny like he _didn't _know how creepy his face was.

Itsuki Koizumi; not a person Kyon would ever want to meet in a dark alley. Or any sort of alley, for that matter.

_Why couldn't it be Mikuru's job to deliver this so-called 'urgent' information? I guess it's just my unlucky day._

"Well, just how urgent is this urgent information?" For example, was it end-of-the-world urgent or I-just-broke-a-nail urgent? Kyon needed to know (although, if it were the latter, Koizumi better be prepared to say goodbye to his handso… _err_, above-average looking face).

"It's pretty urgent," Koizumi smiled.

Kyon was unsure whether the esper was humouring him or not. Naturally, this was quite irritating.

"And this involves me?"

"Of course."

"And Haruhi?"

"That goes without saying."

Well, duhhh.

Stupid question to ask. When did anything not revolve around Haruhi? She had the whole _galaxy _under her thumb, for crying out loud.

Kyon sighed. He seemed to be doing a lot of that lately – being in such bizarre company (Gods, robots, aliens – _especially _you, _Koizumi_) twenty four seven was probably taking a tremendous toll on his health and personal wellbeing. It was a wonder he didn't just have a stress-induced heart attack.

"It's about romantic dramas, isn't it?" asked Kyon wearily, knowing full well what the other's answer would be.

"I'm impressed. You're pretty sharp."

"It wasn't that difficult to spot. I _am _her boyfriend, remember? And Haruhi's never been subtle with her feelings."

"True," Koizumi agreed, grin seeming a tad more genuine for a scant few seconds. "If Miss Suzumiya feels bored she takes great care in ensuring _everyone_ is aware of it. But she is more reluctant to express her views on other matters. Especially those concerning you."

_I guess that's also true. It took her two months to finally confess – and her trademark confidence seemed slightly lacking that day, too. I remember, because Tsuruya thought she was ill and offered to take her to the nurse's office._

"As you know," Koizumi continued, "Miss Suzumiya likes competition, but only when her victory is guaranteed. While you were somewhat interested in Miss Asahina, she felt threatened. There was a possibility that you preferred Miss Asahina over her, so Haruhi did not want to confide in you – not when you may reject her. In her eyes, this would be losing.

"However, when your affections for Miss Asahina seemed to wane, and Haruhi no longer had any competition, she felt safe in confessing her love. But you accepted too easily, and that took all the danger away Haruhi's endeavour. It made her victory feel empty; it was an anti-climatic ending to, what Haruhi surely thought, an exciting drama."

There was a pause; doubtless, Koizumi would resume his theory once Kyon had made a sign of acknowledgement.

"So…" Kyon frowned, processing Koizumi's words. "You're saying that, in Haruhi's eyes, it was the equivalent of ending a story with 'they woke up and it was all a dream'?"

"Exactly. It was a disappointing conclusion."

Another pause.

Koizumi's gaze seemed blanker than per norm, and his eyes held a far-away quality that suggested he was deep in thought. Doubtless, he was wondering how to phrase some complicated theory in a manner that Kyon would understand; rewording here and embellishing there, obliterating pointless detail that would hinder, not help.

Kyon began to feel uneasy, despite the fact Koizumi was adhering to common courtesy and keeping his distance for once.

These philosophical talks always gave him a headache.

At least it couldn't possibly be as bad as the Anthrophic Principle.

"Kyon, have you ever heard of existentialism?"

On the other hand, it was entirely possible.

Kyon groaned.

"It's difficult to explain," Koizumi continued, taking the boy's groan as a sign of incomprehension, "but existentialism revolves around the theory a man must think in order to exist, but it is what he thinks that defines who he is. For example, it can be said that a man who is cruel to others is, by his actions, a cruel man. However, because he _chose _to act cruel owing to his free will, he himself is responsible for _being _a cruel man. If he was only kind to others, then that would also be down to free will and, in turn, he would be responsible for being a kind man.

"I know this concept is a little perplexing, and if you don't understand something I'd be happy to explain – or at least, attempt to," the esper smiled, tilting his head inquiringly. "Any questions?"

"Not at the moment," Kyon frowned, bemused by the sincerity of Koizumi's smile. It was like Nagato and computer games; most people wouldn't be able to tell, but Nagato _enjoyed _playing them. In a similar way, Koizumi seemed to enjoy discussing philosophy. It made him look less plastic-fantastic, at any rate.

"So… This is all about free will and responsibility – everybody has the ability to choose what they want to do. Right?" said Kyon, waiting for clarification.

"Yes. Existentialism is largely about free will; the idea that humans decide for themselves what they are going to do."

"But how is this _relevant _to Haruhi?" Kyon asked, thoroughly perplexed by the esper's musings.

"It is relevant because Miss Suzumiya is bored, and wishes for a more exciting love life. She wants someone to compete with her for your affections. But, even though Miss Suzumiya can alter the world, she can _not _alter other people's feelings or actions. The two are directly linked; if you feel something, you wish to act on it, but it's all down to free will and responsibility. Not a kismet, fate, destiny or a divine being. She is unable to make anyone fall in love with her, or you, or anybody else. It's not possible"

_But…?_

Hell, Haruhi's favourite saying was 'where there's a will, there's a way'. Despite all these restrictions and limitations, Kyon was prepared to bet _both_ his kidneys that Haruhi would find a loophole somewhere, somehow.

And she wouldn't even know she was doing it.

Nagato, Koizumi and Miss Ashahina were right; if Haruhi ever became aware of her powers, it would be a complete disaster. It was complicated enough already.

"You see, Miss Suzumiya _can _affect people's judgement through changes in the environment. Another example; most people would never consider murder, but if they were in severe danger, isolated from help and had the right means … You see, in most cases an extreme circumstance can lead to extreme actions."

"So Haruhi has enough influence to affect people's decisions?"

"Yes."

_Wonderful._

Kyon's face deadpanned, and his following words sounded tired and hollow; "I guess that means _any _chance I once had of a normal life has gone straight out the window, huh?"

Not that an esper, a time traveller and an alien were positive indicators of a 'normal' life. But Kyon had allowed himself to hope.

Foolish, really, when Haruhi's slightest change in mood could potentially destroy the world.

"Kyon…" The word was spoken softly, almost tenderly, and it made the other boy look up in alarm.

_Since when did Koizumi get so close?_

"Is it _really _such a bad thing?" the esper's voice grew even quieter, if that were possible; his lips drew near to Kyon's ear, and an slow exhale sent cold breath ghosting across the other's skin. It was this action that made Kyon aware of just how cold it was – indeed, he had begun to shiver, although perhaps this was merely from the sudden proximity of Koizumi's face.

And Kyon just stood there, frozen. Still as a very still thing. Hell, the fruit bowls people sketched at art club after school were probably more animate than he was.

Maybe it was because Koizumi was breathing on him – and Kyon _hated_ to be breathed on.

Or maybe it was just the shock.

"Maybe Haruhi needs some competition…" Koizumi whispered, choosing to take Kyon's silence for consent. Their noses were almost bumping now…

And what about Koizumi's 'do-not-anger-the-Haruhi-or-we'll-all-die' policy? Wouldn't this – whatever 'this' was – just irritate the situation? And make it worse?

_If the world ends tomorrow, Koizumi, I am _so _blaming you…_

"It would be _interesting…_" And despite the fact they were so close, Koizumi's hands remained at his sides; even though he was invading Kyon's personal space, he did not seem ready to touch him.

Not yet.

There mere thought of Koizumi's touch made Kyon shudder. But it was not Kyon's hasty backpedalling that made Koizumi blink. Once, twice, his eyelids flickered like that of a doll's – Kyon's little sister had owned such a doll, and she had spent _hours _opening and closing her eyes, only to ham-fistedly punch one blue sphere into the back of her head. She was much too _Haruhi-ish _to handle precious objects with the care they deserved.

When Koizumi's eyelids had finally ceased their involuntary twitching, he seemed disoriented – the pupils were wider than before, and his face held an expression of shock, as though unsure of his previous actions.

Without that plastic smile he looked almost _defenceless_.

A jumpy Koizumi was almost as bizarre – no, perhaps even more so – than the one Kyon had witnessed a few seconds ago.

However, before a second had passed, the smile was back in place, leaving Kyon unsure as to whether the previous expression had been mere delusion on his part. This smile was firm and self-assured, more resplendent than before.

"Ah… I'm very sorry, Kyon, but I am afraid I will have to cut this meeting short. Some unexpected business sprung up than I simply _cannot _avoid."

"But you – I – uhh… Guhh?" Kyon replied intelligently.

"I knew you'd understand. Say goodbye to your sister for me," Koizumi all but _sparkled_. "Oh, and, thank you for your time."

And with those words, Koizumi walked away. Leisurely.

Like he had all the time in the world.

_Unexpected business, huh…?_

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**a.n: so i didn't make kyon all blushy and stuff cuz, idk, i don't think he'd act that way xD he'd be more like "get off, weirdo" methinks.**

**& existentialism is more about the universe and how human beings have the intelligence to comprehend it exists… but a lot of it revolves around humans and their thought process & crud. i'm not too big on philosophy because a lot is really depressing xD**

**anyywayyy. hope they're IC =3 reviews plz?**


	4. 03: Kyon's Dream! Haruhi is Upset?

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It's a Romantic Conquest True Love Story, Haruhi-Chan!

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Chapter Three:  
_Kyon's bizarre dream! Haruhi is depressed??!_

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"Kyon! Kyon!" squeaked a deliciously winsome, feminine voice.

Kyon smiled, knowing full well who it was, but the smile widened and became only more sincere when he turned and saw Miss Asahina. She was beautiful, as always, and quite resplendent in her maid's attire, curves accented by purple material and hair tied up in two cute pigtails.

"Yes?" inquired the boy, revelling in Mikuru's lush figure and fathomless brown eyes.

It was a blessing, really, the pair of them being alone in the deliciously quiet clubroom like this; peaceful, without Haruhi's constant moodswings and threatening demeanour. For once Kyon could talk to her without the looming fear of gross repercussions.

And yes, he was Haruhi's boyfriend – but there was no harm in looking at Mikuru, was there?

Mmmn…

He just didn't know where to look first.

"Well… ah… Would you like some tea?" Mikuru asked, hands clenched against the front of her dress. "I was just brewing some and... I think I made a little too much, because Miss Suzumiya and the others aren't here, and it's Darjeeling. Is that okay? I could make something else-"

"Mikuru, please don't trouble yourself," Kyon cut through her trivial worries like a knife through hot butter. "That sounds lovely."

Anything made by Miss Asahina's angelic fingers was bound to taste wonderful.

"Um… You don't mind?"

"Of course not."

"Oh! Okay. Thank you," Mikuru bowed, turning gracefully to retrieve the promised tea.

Not quite gracefully enough.

With a squeal of a surprise, the delicate girl tripped over something-or-other; probably thin air, because Mikuru could be so… So moe at times. Thankfully, her pretty face was in no danger; Kyon had been there to break her fall, and now the pair were lying on the floor, Mikuru in his lap.

"Ahhh! Kyon, I'm so sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Mikuru apologised frantically, yet she made no motion to get up. She seemed rather too shocked to move, frozen like a helpless lamb before a hungry lion.

And the expression flickering across Kyon's face, the way his eyes widened slightly and his fingers clenched, seemed to suggest nothing but desire.

"You don't have to apologise."

"Really?"

"Really," Kyon assured, voice husky as his arms encircled round Mikuru's waist. "I don't mind."

Mikuru began nibbling her full lower lip in agitation, chocolate orbs flickering from Kyon's face to the floor, as though embarrassed – and then, suddenly decisive, she opened her mouth… Closed it again… And, after subtle prompting ("go on… Say whatever you want…") she whispered;

"Kyon… I think I love you…"

(The sweetest words Kyon had ever heard…)

…but his face betrayed signs of shock, moth open (and Mikuru, I love you too…) but he couldn't say it – he couldn't...

"Please… Don't be angry," Mikuru said, voice hushed, head lolling like a broken doll's. "I'm sorry…"

(Don't be…)

"I…" Unsure.

Breathe…

"I..."

"Yes?"

"I…"

(This is the hardest thing I've ever had to say…)

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.

.

"I love you too, Mikuru."

Mikuru beamed, and suddenly Kyon felt cheerfullighterhappierovercomeawed? dizzy. Dizzy with joy and euphoria, as though summer had come several months early, and her beauty was astonishing – (breaktaking) - and her face was bathed in the dim evening night flooding through the windowpanes turning everything it touched pale pink. It was the prettiest Kyon had ever seen Mikuru, so pretty he began to tilt his head, completely powerless against fate because tides were turning, turning him with it and his feelings and his actions, getting nearer and nearer…

He could smell her breath…

Count the freckles on her nose…

"No.

"You do not love Kyon," said a dull voice, empty and robotic, completely blank.

Shocked, both Kyon and Mikuru turned their heads to the doorway.

There, in the threshold, ethereally pale, stood Nagato. Her silver hair blew about her face like waves of silk, intelligent eyes framed by the spectacles she had neglected long ago.

"You do not love Kyon," she continued, underlying currents of childish want now surfacing in her normally emotionless tone. "You do not love him, because I love him."

And, following that declaration, it did not seem quite so bizarre that Haruhi would appear, arms folded and a determined expression on her face; "No! You don't love Kyon! I love Kyon! And Mikuru, I'm gonna get you back for this – next time we go out you're going to pay for dinner! Or maybe I'll just blow you all up with my epic God-like powers! How'd you like them apples, huhh?"

(Readers should be noted that it was around this point Kyon realised he was having a dream, and the revelation caused him quite some disappointment.

But still, the purple prose continued.)

"Hahahahaha! You think you belong to Kyon? That's funny, Haruhi!" Tsuruya giggled, one hand on her stomach as though the sheer hilarity of the situation was painful. "That's sooooo funny, 'cause it's obvious Kyon loves me!"

"No, me!" retorted Ryōko Asakura, and Kyon only had five seconds to turn his head and go "um… Aren't you supposed to be dead?" before Taniguchi made his heart-felt confession, followed by Kunikida, followed by the computer club president who was on his knees, followed Emiri Kimidori, followed by his homeroom teacher, followed by that giant camel cricket, followed by the entire cast of Death Note, followed by his cat…

It was now getting much too bizarre for comfort.

Of course, it was only natural that the last person to confess was the one Kyon had most been dreading.

_And the stupid dream was all. His. Fault._

* * *

Kyon's face was flushed a pale pink, muscles aching and mouth parted in a silent mantra of "damnit, damnit, damnit." Or maybe he was just gasping for air, because his lungs were on fire.

If there was one sure-fire way to exhaust the boy, it was traipsing up and down that _stupid _hill every day. To many school students, the hill existed only to cause them as much pain, agony and extreme discomfort as possible.

Of course, Kyon knew this mad, early-morning rush was all his fault. Perhaps, if he'd gone to bed early yesterday instead of sitting in the kitchen, eating rice and musing over Koizumi's bizarre words and actions, he wouldn't have gotten up so late nor been quite so tired.

And eating rice late at night was never a good idea – it _always _gave him weird dreams; generally not of the pleasant variety.

Then again, if Koizumi hadn't come by yesterday, Kyon wouldn't have eaten all that rice at 2 a.m. and this wouldn't be happening right now. Like a chain of events. So, logically, it was all Koizumi's fault.

Damn pretty boy.

"Oi! Kyyoonnnn!"

"Gah!"

_Thump._

And, just like that, Kyon had been snapped out of his reverie.

Perhaps a little too efficiently.

"Kyon, you're such a klutz!" scolded Haruhi, dragging the hapless boy to his feet. "You jumped about a foot in the air! Didn't you _hear _me coming?"

"Hey, I only tripped a little," Kyon said, wincing at the newly-formed bruise on his shin. Haruhi's vice-like grip wasn't doing his limbs any good, either. "Would you mind letting go? You're cutting off the circulation to my arm."

Haruhi scowled, glaring at Kyon's purply-blue fingers as though he were doing it on purpose.

"Fine."

And, miraculously, Haruhi withdrew, though she looked a tad irritated. Was she annoyed because Kyon's weak human body wasn't up to par with Superman's? Did she think he was pathetic because his obstinately mortal hand couldn't function without blood?

Knowing Haruhi, it was pretty likely.

"So…" Kyon frowned, continuing his hike (though now his progress was slightly hindered, what with a leg that needed medical attention and a moody Haruhi in tow). "You're later than normal."

"Speak for yourself."

Unperturbed by Haruhi's rudeness, Kyon continued; "I mean, you're usually up quite early. I've never run into you on the way to school before."

"There's a first time for everything," said Haruhi in clipped tones.

Silence enveloped them.

"Actually…" the brunette continued, eyes carefully averted from Kyon's. "I was playing a dating sim."

"A dating sim? _You_?"

"Don't sound so shocked!" Haruhi growled, suddenly defensive. "I mean, I was _bored_, and I heard people at school saying it was good! So I thought I'd give it a try."

Kyon was tempted to ask when she'd starting accepting friendly advice, but thought better of it. Haruhi could be pretty scary when she wanted to. Instead, voice light, he said; "So… Was it good?"

A scowl.

Obviously not, then.

"It's just… I worked really hard on that game!" Haruhi frowned, kicking an empty can across the road. "I always work really hard at new things, 'cuz you get more enjoyment out of it. And there was this one character I wanted to get the main guy with, because loads of other guys were interested in her. I thought it would be harder."

"And it wasn't…?"

"Nope. I already got the main guy with three other girls in previous saves, and that was all way too easy – by the third time I was almost ready to throw my controller at the screen! But I started again, thinking_ this_ time it would be interesting, or different, or even a little bit _fun_. And it was fun at the beginning, because you never knew who the girl liked, or who she was going to choose. But the end was so _boring _and _predictable_."

"Well, what were you expecting?" Kyon asked, vaguely amused by Haruhi's dilemma. Of course, he knew admitting to this would equal a lot of pain and angry glares. "All those games are similar; when the guy's got the girl there's no point in continuing. It's over. The _end_."

"I know…" Haruhi sighed, her anger replaced by something more melancholic. "I just wish there was something that came _afterwards_, like a reward for working so hard. Something to make it worthwhile."

"Most people would think obtaining their goal is the best reward," said Kyon, glancing down at Haruhi.

She seemed deep in thought, eyes misty and unfocused. It was moments like those, when she revealed that sweet side of herself she tried so hard to conceal, that reminded Kyon why he began dating her in the first place.

Attempting to hide all your good qualities behind a façade of anger and over-excitement – to Kyon, it all seemed a bit bizarre.

"But I'm not like most people."

"And that's why I like you," Kyon smiled, lightly flicking the side of Haruhi's head. "It would be boring to be ordinary, wouldn't it?"

Finally, he seemed to have broken through her momentary depression. Smiling, Haruhi elevated herself onto her tiptoes and planted a quick kiss on the side of Kyon's cheek.

"Yeah. _Really_ boring."

Kyon blinked in surprise, marvelling at how a handful words could affect Haruhi's mood. Then again, he _had_ been 'chosen by Miss Suzumiya', as Nagato so eloquently put it. Maybe it was in the job description; 'human sucker wanted to chaperone source of evolution, must keep her emotions in check for fear of apocalypse'.

He had a pretty crappy deal, if you stopped to think about it.

"Come on, Kyon!" Haruhi giggled, and it was only then that Kyon realised she was sprinting away; however, she turned to stick out her tongue, one finger pressed underneath one eye. "I'm going to leave you in the dust, you _slowpoke_!"

* * *

**a.n: dream sequences are fun to write xDDD um, there isn't much kyon/itsuki, but it will come. there is liek a big story plot thing, too xD so you've gotta be patient ^^ besides, don't you hate it in romance stories where the couples get together straight off the bat?**

**reviews, plz?**


	5. 04: Mutant Onigiri! Koizumi is Jealous?

**It's a Romantic Conquest True Love Story, Haruhi-Chan!**

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* * *

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Chapter Four:  
_Mutant Onigiri! Koizumi is Jealous?!_

* * *

It was finally - _finally_ – lunchtime, the moment every student had been anticipating since they first entered the school. Even a very slow person would be unable to overlook this fact as, throughout the building, bento boxes were being opened and thick swells of chatter were enveloping the classrooms.

Some kids were talking in wild, excited tones, others attempting to see how many ohagi they could cram into their mouths without being sick, and a brave few were sampling some of Tsuruya's (appalling) cooking. The green-haired girl's laughter could be heard from miles around, loud and jarring as always.

No doubt she thought food poisoning was _funny_.

She was never, ever, going to get married like that.

Or maybe Kyon was just irritated because-

"Hey, tough break," Kunikida said, observing his friend's anguish with polite sympathy. "Want some of my chicken?"

He'd forgotten his lunch.

Probably because of that scary dream, and being really unorganised, and Koizumi's stupid warning, and having precisely two minutes to get ready for school, and Koizumi's stupid warning, and eating all that rice last night to soothe his nerves after receiving Koizumi's stupid warning.

Yeah.

If he starved it was all _Koizumi's_ fault.

It was easier than blaming himself, at any rate.

"No. It's okay," Kyon sighed, leaning back against his chair. At least he could count on his friends. Rain or shine, they would _always _be there, solid and dependable, kind and tactful.

"Ha, ha, sucks to be _you_, Kyon!" laughed Taniguchi, mouth open wide, assorted bits and bobs of homemade cooking stuck to his tonsils. It was a truly revolting sight, like a gaping precipice or endless black hole. "Whaddya do, oversleep? Ha, ha!"

Kyon's left eye twitched ever so slightly.

Since when had Taniguchi _ever _been kind or tactful, or even _remotely _helpful? Come to think of it, the only use he served was to remind others their lives could be so much worse.

Or perhaps he was the missing link between chimpanzees and humans?

"Mmmn, s'good foods, Kyon," said Taniguchi indistinctly, taking another bite of the mauled… Whatever-it-was on the end of his chopsticks. "I guess you should wake up earlier next time, ha!"

Oh yeah.

The newspaper would be all over _this_.

"You know…" Kyon frowned, no longer wishing to be in the same vicinity as someone who found it socially acceptable to chew with their mouth open, "I'm going to find a vending machine. And… I'm going to get something to drink."

It needed clarification.

Taniguchi probably didn't know what a vending machine _was_.

* * *

Away from Taniguchi's A-grade manners, Kyon was beginning to feel more like himself. The pangs of hunger were still there, chewing at his insides like so many hungry piranhas, but he no longer felt as irritable.

His improper desire to impale the lecherous boy with a piece of blackboard chalk had ebbed.

Thank God.

_But still… _Kyon mused, opening his bottle of coke, _I'd better not go back _just _yet. I might end up doing some I'll regret._

And Kyon didn't _really_ want to kill Taniguchi.

It would look terrible on his college applications.

Ha, ha-

"Argh!"

And, once again, Kyon had not been paying attention to where he was going.

The result?

A crumpled coke can on the floor, s l o w l y bleeding a trail of sticky, carbonated liquid on the floor tiles, and a rather bemused Emiri Kimidori, clutching her schoolbag protectively.

Yeah – Kyon knew Emiri.

The computer club guy's fake girlfriend.

She'd proclaimed her undying love to him last night.

_Bleh._

"Oh, I'm s-sorry. I wasn't paying attention... Um… I hope I didn't h-hurt you, um… What's your name?" Emiri Kimidori stuttered, schoolbag still clutched to her chest.

Waiting for his reply.

That cute, uneasy smile was beginning to make Kyon feel a little weak at the knees. Actually, she looked a bit like Mikuru, what with her wide eyes and innocent demeanour. This sudden realisation did nothing to help Kyon keep a cool face.

Then again, he knew full well this was a passing fancy, unlike his feelings for Haruhi. Those feelings were more sincere and complex, and defiantly not as trashy. Perhaps it was because Haruhi could look after herself and wasn't afraid to show it. When it came to shy girls like Emiri and Mikuru, it was hard _not _to find them completely adorable – not until you actually got to know them.

"Kyon," the boy supplied his name, aware the response was a little late. "And no, don't apologise. It was all my fault."

"B-but… I made you spill your drink," Emiri frowned, blinking up at Kyon from her greeny-blonde fringe (was her hair _really _green? It could've been the light. Then again, Nagato's hair was grey). "I have to repay you somehow… It wouldn't be right otherwise, and I'd just feel awful."

"No, no, it really doesn't matter."

"Ah… I know!" beamed Emiri, blatantly ignoring Kyon. The girl began to rummage through her pinky-purply schoolbag, and gave a squee of delight once her prize had been claimed. Triumphantly, she withdrew her hand and presented Kyon a box of onigiri.

_Cat-shaped_ onigiri, no less, each rice ball complete with a pair of triangular ears.

It was all so…

So _cute_.

"I s-shaped them myself, only I think I packed too many," explained Emiri. "You… Um… It's okay if you don't, but we could share. Do you mind…? I don't mind! Hehee."

Kyon was getting ready to refuse once more, but the delicate blush across her cheeks – not to mention his rumbling stomach – made it hard to resist.

"Sure, I wouldn't mind."

He was only _human._

"Wonderful! I'm so glad you accepted… We could go and eat by the… By the…"

Emiri's mouth was open, perhaps to say something intensely deep and profound, but words never came. Instead, her pretty face seemed overcome with surprise, blinking as though attempting to wake from a strange dream where Itskui Koizumi said he loved her.

"Oh, hello, Kyon. I've been looking for you; I want to tell you something important."

_Why, speak of the devil…_

"Um…" Emiri said hesitantly, fingers clenching and unclenching against her school skirt, "I was… I was going to eat l-lunch with K-K-Kyon…"

"I'm sorry, Miss, but I _need_ to talk to Kyon," said Koizumi breezily, eyes fixed on Emiri in manner akin to a tiger stalking a deer. Provided that tigers ate deer. Regardless, the look was obviously a warning – if you stay here 'Imma gunna eat chuu'.

Basically, 'get lost'.

And, sadly, Emiri did – not that Kyon blamed her. He wished _he _could lose Koizumi too, or vice versa. Sadly, the esper had other plans; his hands had found Kyon's shoulders with a surprising amount of force.

Needless to say, it was painful and annoying.

And a tad humiliating.

_Geez._

"Okay," Kyon hissed, eyes boring into Koizumi's. Attempting to stare him out. "What do you want?"

"I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about," Koizumi lied smoothly.

"Stop acting innocent. You know exactly what I'm referring to."

"Explain?"

"It's obvious," Kyon frowned, irritation with Koizumi already stacked precariously on top of his exhausted state of mind and empty stomach. Eventually Koizumi would do something to disturb that fragile balance, and Kyon would snap like a too-taught elastic band.

Lots of bloody, chaos and death would ensue.

"I don't think so."

Kyon's jaw tightened, arms clenched at his side. He was painfully aware of his empty stomach now. Emiri's mutant kitty onigiri were beginning to sound awfully tasty. Hell, he'd even settle for _Tsuruya's _cooking, which had every chance of growing legs and running off the plate.

"You were being _rude _to Miss Kimidori. Incredibly so," Kyon elaborated, eyes fixed steadily on Koizumi – or, to be more precise, a speck of dust on Koizumi's shoulder. The gaze between the pair had quickly become too intense. "I think you really upset her."

"I know."

Smile, smile, smile like a _freaking _Disney movie. Any second now Koizumi would burst into song, and then maybe all the kids from classroom 1-5, Haruhi included, would crowd the corridor and start to dance in unison.

It was a scary thought.

"_Why _were being so rude, though? You could at least have had the decency to pretend you were sorry – it's what most people would do."

Unless your last name was Suzumiya, of course.

"I didn't want to pretend. It's not polite to lie to people, and most women hate it," the esper explained, one hand making small, circular motions in midair. Maybe he was _literally _spelling it out; perhaps he thought Kyon too slow to understand. If so, it was a wasted effort.

Kyon would never understand Koizumi.

"Okay. Just tell me what you wanted to discuss and go away," he sighed in defeat, unable to deal with a Koizumi, a dire need for sleep and an empty stomach all at the same time. Any one would be annoying, but he had all three. Fate certainly smiled down upon him. Hopefully, if he got Koizumi to hurry up and talk, he could be free of one of those problems.

Then he could go hunt down Emiri and take her up on that offer.

Deformed onigiri… Yum…

"I'm sorry," Koizumi said. However, the perfect Disney-smile made the apology sound faker than any other Kyon had heard before. "But I don't have anything important to tell you."

Blink, blink.

"But…" Kyon frowned, attempting to understand. Koizumi could've been speaking in Engrish, for all the sense he was making. "You just said, a few minutes ago… You told Emiri you had something important to talk to me about. Right?"

The amused smile was confirmation enough.

"I lied."

* * *

**a.n: hmn. more story xP yeaa, i like plot. next chapter involves soul-eating zombies and some more of the sos brigade :3 yayy. and omg, thank you for all the reviews ^^ they make me happy. nyaa~**

**renahh~**


	6. 05: Attack of the Zombies!

**It's a Romantic Conquest True Love Story, Haruhi-Chan!**

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* * *

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Chapter Five:  
_Attack of the soul-sucking zombies? Oh, the inhumanity._

* * *

"Would you like a cup of tea, Nagato?"

"I'm fine."

"Ah – well, um… Koizumi?"

"Thank you, Miss Asahina, but I think I'll pass for today."

"Then, Kyon…?" Mikuru's voice trailed away slowly, beseeching brown orbs trained on the aforementioned boy, tray in both hands. And, _yes_, she was so attractive the common term 'eyes' did no justice to her great beauty. Or something like that, anyway.

Whatever.

Kyon was tired and hungry; he had a right to describe people in very… _flowery _terms… Maybe?

Bahh.

Kyon really, _really _needed to get some shut-eye. If he didn't, his over-tired brain might start coming up with more synonyms for Mikuru's body parts. It started off innocently enough – 'orbs' – but in a while it'd be spheres and globes, and Kyon's inner narrative would become too convoluted and indirect to follow.

In fact, he was beginning to give himself a headache.

"Kyon? Kyoonn? Are you alright?" inquired a truly angelic voice, porcelain hands clinging to his arm in attempt to shake him out of his reverie.

"Hmn? I'm sorry, Miss Asahina-ahh-arrghhhh!"

And shake him out of his reverie, it did indeed.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, as many-a boy might say) Mikuru had leant down whilst shaking Kyon, and her chest was inadvertently pressed against Kyon's arm. If it had been a sleazy manga, the 'squish' sound effect would've been in the corner of the panel in a large, bold font.

_Oh my God…_

_Total brain meltdown…_

"Um… Kyon?" inquired Mikuru sweetly, still seeming unaware of the problem. "You seem to have buried your face in the desk. Does this mean you don't want any tea either?"

She sounded so crestfallen it was almost heartbreaking.

_Almost._

Kyon didn't trust himself to look up anytime soon. Not when he was in such a 'fragile' state.

_Why did I even come here today? _

And, as if to cement his misgivings;

"Yoohoooo!" screamed a very Haruhi-esque voice, accompanied by a very Haruhi-esque body. Which happened to belong, strangely enough, to Haruhi – oh, and she'd brought along a friend. That green-haired freak Tsuraya. The one who liked trying to poison people with her awful cooking.

_Oh, today's going to be a right bundle of laughs. I think I can feel a headache coming on already._

"Hello Miss Suzumiya, Miss Tsuraya," Mikuru beamed, picking up her tray from the table-top. "Do you guys want some te-"

"Mi~ku~ruuu, don't be so hasty," Haruhi reprimanded the scantily-clad maid, tutting and waggling a finger. "We have something much better than your boring old tea!"

Mikuru's eyes widened at this crass comment, as though someone had just told her Santa didn't exist.

"Is my tea really that bad?" she whimpered, looking at the floor. "Nobody wants it…? Have I failed?"

"Yeah, yeah. But whatever – _who cares_?! We gots movies and popcorn!"

Well, Kyon had to frown a little at this.

"'We gots?' Are you _kidding _me?" he asked grumpily, voice muffled a tad by the surface he was leaning his head against.

"Yep. 'We gots'," Tsuraya confirmed, holding a brown paper bag aloft. "That's why we were so late! We had to stop by my house and pop it up in my microwave!"

"Couldn't you have just bought popcorn that was already popped?"

"That's such a cheat, and anyway, it's nooooo _fun_!" Haruhi cried, slapping Kyon forcefully on the back. "We wanted to do this the proper way. That means _properly _popped popcorn, not popcorn that's been popped already!"

"There's really no difference between the two, you know."

"Sure there is! There's a heart-warming honesty that only perfect, properly popped popcorn can produce-"

"Stop starting all your words with 'P's already!"

Haruhi raised an eyebrow, arms folded.

"Oh? Someone sounds a little tetchy today. You could say that you're feeling _pissed _off?"

"Yes. I mean-" Kyon corrected hurriedly, gritting his teeth at the sound of Haruhi and Tsuraya's giggles. He lifted his head of the table (it was easier to argue that way), and said, with as much maturity as possible, "stop laughing at me! It's not even _funny_."

Which, of course, made him sound like a whiney two-year-old.

At least he wasn't a stupid schoolgirl.

"Ahaha! Sorry, Kyon," Haruhi apologised insincerely, "but you look so **p**recious when you get all **p**erturbed like that."

Kyon's left eye twitched.

"_Anyway_," Tsuraya interrupted, carelessly wiping tears away from her flushed cheeks, "do you guys wanna put the movie on now?"

"Sure thing," said Haruhi, rolling up her sleeves. "Let's do this!"

"Sounds fine," Yuki agreed, closing her book.

"I don't have any objections," Koizumi smiled.

"It's not too scary, is it?" asked Mikuru, beginning to tremble slightly. "I d-don't like scary films… They make me go all shivery down my spine, you – you know what I mean?"

Now, Kyon had spotted a huge flaw in Haruhi's master plan – yet he couldn't, for the life of him, figure out why nobody else had. Maybe it was that 'nobody looks for the most obvious flaws' thing, but damn. This was just _silly_.

"Yeah. Guys," said Kyon, leaning back in his chair. "One problem. No TV."

"Ohhh, don't be silly. That's not a _problem_!"

"Haruhi. I think it definitely is a problem – and a pretty big one, at that."

"Lighten up, Kyoonnn," replied the brunette mischievously, ruffling Kyon's hair. "I have it _all _sorted out. We're going to raid the anime club and steal their TV!"

Silence followed.

"I mean," Haruhi continued, idly beginning to gather Kyon's too-short hair up into a ponytail. At least, until he irritably slapped her hands away, "the anime club are all weak nerds and stuff, right? They never leave their houses or go work out or anything. So it should be easy! I watched a kick boxing video once, y'know."

_Okay. I think that explanation made everything seem a whole lot_ worse.

"…Because resulting to thievery is such a good idea?"

"I thought so too!"

_And the sad thing is, she's so proud of herself._

* * *

_Crunch, crunch._

_Footsteps._

_Rustling._

_Moans – eerie noises._

_Crunch._

_Cracking twigs, laboured breathing, erratic heartbeat._

_A sigh._

_A scream._

Haruhi continued to stare at the screen, popcorn moving from the bag, to her hand, into her mouth as though on autopilot. The loud, incessant munching noises were rather obnoxious, but at least it helped drown out the cheap, cheesy noises from the TV.

The TV Haruhi'd stolen from the anime club only thirty minutes ago.

Seriously.

A lot of blackmail had been involved – not that Kyon expected anything less of Haruhi. Apparently, there was a rumour the anime club president had a thing for silent, bookish girls like Nagato. Haruhi, being Haruhi, had come up with a masterful scheme. Basically, she shoved Yuki at the poor guy and took a load of pictures. Kind of like how she got that computer, to be honest. A few compromising poses, some quick snapshots and a highly embarrassed/flustered/suicidal anime club president later, Haruhi had walked away triumphantly with a brand new TV in tow.

At least it wasn't Mikuru who'd been abused. Besides, it wasn't like Nagato _cared. _Instead, she appeared to be vaguely interested by the whole situation, in a detached, stoic sort of manner.

When asked what she thought of the experience later, Nagato merely shrugged and said "interesting", so that was okay.

Sort of.

Too bad the film was absolutely terrible, and totally not worth the half hour the group had spent steali- ahh, _acquiring _the TV in order to watch it. Not to mention plugging the damned thing in, which had been a Herculean task worthy of Greek myth.

Not even _Haruhi _liked the movie, and her philosophy on films was 'the bloodier the better!'

"This is so boring," said brunette sighed, "you can tell it's all _fake_ – especially that blonde girl's boobs! I mean, _look at those things! _No Japanese woman has screwed up proportions like that! That's probably why the zombies are picking her off first; because she can't run more than two steps with 'em!"

"Hahaha! Take a look at that guy!" Tsuraya-san chimed in, chewing obnoxiously. "He just sort of… Sorta…"

"Crumpled up? Kinda like a can?"

"Exactly! Hahahahaha!"

"Okayyy," Haruhi snorted, folding her arms. "You guys are saying that blond chick's a virgin now? How old is she – twenty three? NO. FRIGGIN. WAY. Not a snowball's chance in hell!"

"Totally, Harunyan."

Yuki, meanwhile, was sat in the corner observing the flashing screen with large, unblinking eyes. She looked more robot than human under the dim lights; ethereally pale skin, slate grey hair, pursed lips. Perhaps she was processing the film's data and downloading it to some sort of built-in database?

_God. What a waste of megabytes, _thought Kyon idly, gaze now directed at Mikuru.

The time traveller was doing a fantastic job at keeping composed, though the copious amounts of tomato ketchup blood splattering across the screen were making her wince a little. She didn't seem _too_ bothered by the badly mastered violence, however, and for that Kyon was little surprised. However, the film was really, **really **bad.

And so – glace past Tsuraya and Haruhi – that left the one and only Koizumi Itsuki, sat a little to Kyon's left, not too close to be intrusive.

It was Koizumi's reaction that startled Kyon the most. Not that, he thought later, he had any reason to be. After all, there was a lot about the esper Kyon didn't know – and what he did know was far more significant than the piece of information he gleaned just then.

"Hahahahaha! Oh my _God, _what the _hell _were thinking when they did this?!"

"Mmn. I'd give it NOTHING out of five," Haruhi nodded, looking as though she was ready to throw her popcorn at the screen – and it was here that Kyon made a mental note to never, ever go to the cinema with Haruhi. Not unless he wanted to be kicked out by a multitude of security guards. "What do you think, Koizumi? Eh? Ehhh?"

Koizumi blinked in surprise, caught completely off guard, which was a rare occurrence. His skin appeared to have gone a sickly white hue, as though all the colour had been drained from his cheeks. His eyes were wide, almost fearful, pupils two tiny pinpricks in a sea of white. His fists were clenched, shaking slightly, and his nails seemed to be digging painfully into his palms.

In short, Koizumi looked a nervous wreck.

It was a far cry from his normal character, and it made Kyon wonder…

But, a few seconds after Haruhi asked her question, Koizumi's previous mien disintegrated into his usual smile – and if it was a bit more forced than usual, Haruhi didn't notice. "Yes… Yes, I agree with you, Miss Suzumiya. The craftsmanship of this movie is quite appalling."

"Yeaahh. And the plot totally sucks. Not to mention the actors and the dialogue!"

"Indeed."

And Haruhi smiled, pleased with Koizumi's response, and turned her eyes back to the screen. She never noticed, throughout the duration of the (thankfully) short-lived spectacle, that Koizumi wasn't acting exactly like he normally did. Rather, he seemed distracted, unnerved, unhappy.

Frightened.

_Koizumi was frightened?_

But that made no sense – and when Kyon looked back at the esper, he thought perhaps he was being a tad paranoid, or maybe his eyes had been playing tricks on him. The smile was back, the fists were no longer clenched, the esper's eyes were half-lidded, suggesting tiredness and/or boredom.

Even so…

Kyon forgot about the movie completely. Instead, his attention was captured by the boy beside him, determined to uncover some small part of Koizumi's personality – a part that he always kept hidden.

A part that made him seem less like a two-dimensional stock character and a real, living, thinking, feeling human being.

And it was perhaps this curiosity that changed everything.

* * *

**a.n: nyaaa. another chapter – finally xD but writing this story is fun, so i will keep going~ besides, there's not nearly enough yaoi in this fandom xD um, i think everything's set up now for the actual PLOT to happen. yay xD so, yea. expect plot in following chapters xD**


	7. 06: That's Classified Information

**It's a Romantic Conquest True Love Story, Haruhi-Chan!**

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* * *

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Chapter Six:  
_That's Classified Information_

* * *

It was roughly half seven when Haruhi _finally _allowed the SOS Brigade (plus Tsuraya-san) to go home. Kyon had a distinct feeling the green-haired freak was disappointed. However, Tsuraya was weird, and he did not value her opinion on such matters. Hell, she was even weirder than Suzumiya Haruhi herself, who was regarded by many as the Second Coming of Christ.

Kyon, more than eager to vacate the club room, had the television off and his jacket on within five seconds of Haruhi's dismissal.

His fingers were on the door handle, he could taste freedom on the tip of his tongue – _finally_! A weekend free of Haruhi and her bizarre antics (just because he was going out with her, didn't mean he had to _like _her all the time)-

-and then Haruhi had to stomp on his dreams, as she was so apt at doing.

The brunette had one more announcement.

"_Hey_."

A powerful force was suddenly exerted on Kyon's collar, and he was dragged backwards in such a harsh manner his back collided with the floor. Tears immediately sprang in his eyes, and it was with little composure he turned and countered Haruhi's 'hey' with one of his own.

"**Hey!** What was _that _for?" he winced, hastily dragging his sleeve across both eyes. Kyon could feel bruises beginning to form, and his spine seemed to have snapped out of place. Of course, that was a gross exaggeration, but _damn _did it hurt!

"I was just getting your attention, tehe~" Haruhi giggled, face devoid of any emotion vaguely resembling guilt.

"Well, I got the message," Kyon replied sourly.

_Honestly._

_If you want to instigate conversation, do it like a _normal _human being._

_Oh, but hey, I forgot. You're _not _normal, are you, Haruhi? Possible source of evolution and all. My bad._

_But just because Nagato and rest think you're some holy deity, doesn't mean I do! I'm concerned with my own health and safety here, okay? If you keep hurting me like this, I'm going to end up black and blue!_

_She's so self-centered sometimes._

Haruhi grinned once more, seeming proud of her accomplishment – though _what _she had accomplished, Kyon did not know.

Perhaps she was a masochist.

In fact, that would make a lot of sense.

"Nobody bails out on me, you hear! Next time it'll be the death penalty, you hear?!"

_And she doesn't even care._

_Oh well._

_I guess Haruhi wouldn't be _Haruhi _otherwise._

_Why is my life always at risk because of her irresponsibility, though?_

"So what's wrong?" asked Kyon, gladly taking Mikuru's proffered hand, using it to get back into a standing position. And then, under his breath, added, "This better be important…"

Haruhi stood in the centre of the room, face deadly serious, an impressive figure in a sailor suit uniform. With eyes of steel, she turned to observe each occupant of the room in turn – Kyon, Mikuru, Tsuraya, Yuki and Koizumi. She then proceeded to take a deep breath, during which the assembled quintet speculated, Kyon giving his two immediate neighbours – Mikuru and Koizumi – uneasy glances…

And then Haruhi declared, oh-so-proudly;

"We're going to track down vampires, zombies and other such monsters and hang out with them!"

Dead silence.

You could have heard a pin drop.

Kyon couldn't help but feel let down.

_All that build-up, the tension, the emotion…_

_And then she goes and says something like _that_?_

_She'd break my spinal column over something like that?_

_Typical Haruhi._

"Yeah, guys!" Haruhi continued, blissfully ignorant of their ill feelings. "This is going to be so much _fun_! I thought, 'cause the film was so awful, that we'll go find some **real** scary creatures ourselves, haha! We'll meet at ten tomorrow, outside Kitaguchi Station! Last person there gets the death penalty!"

…_And _again _with the death threats._

_Please, God, I'm too young to die!_

_Yeah, try telling_ that_ to Haruhi._

* * *

The street was all but deserted, save for a pair of solitary figures making their way up a steep hill. The figure on the right was none other our story's protagonist, Kyon. The one on the left was Asahina Mikuru, hands clasped at her front in a very ladylike fashion.

They had been engaged in conversation for some ten minutes. Ever since Haruhi had allowed her loyal subordinates to leave, in fact.

At that moment in time, Mikuru and Kyon were talking about Haruhi's parting words. The pair had been wondering how Haruhi planned to track down the aforementioned vampires, zombies and other such monsters.

Of course, if Kyon knew Haruhi, there was no plan.

That would be far too logical.

"I bet she'll be going to up to random strangers, chasing them round town with a clove of garlic or a stake or something," Kyon shrugged, vaguely amused by the mental image. It was something he could easily imagine Haruhi doing, perhaps chanting "evil begone!" as she did so.

Yeah, that was totally Haruhi.

It would be worth hauling his bike over to the station at ten a.m. just to watch the crazed brunette assault random shoppers.

Just so long as Kyon remained ten metres away from her at all times.

He wouldn't want people to know they were friends.

"B-But, u-um," Mikuru stuttered, "w-wouldn't that be d-dangerous?"

"Like danger stops Haruhi from doing _exactly _what she wants, whenever she wants to."

Mikuru giggled a little at this, nodding.

So they'd both agreed.

Haruhi was insane.

That was nice.

"Or maybe," Kyon continued, "she won't do that. Maybe she'll have us observing random pedestrians, seeing whether they sparkle or… or _explode _in the sunlight, or whatever."

"I don't suppose a real vampire would be so foolish to stray out into the sunlight, though…"

"You saying vampires _do _exist, Asahina-san?"

"I wouldn't know."

Kyon sighed, stretching his arms. "'Cause the way my life is, I wouldn't be surprised. First I get aliens, then time travellers – Asahina-san – and then espers, Gods, sources of evolution…" A grin. "Vampires would be the next logical step, right?"

_Ha._

_Like the word 'logic' can even be applied to Haruhi._

_The two words don't even belong in the same sentence._

_She's more random than those 'modern art' paintings, all blobs and splatters – but its okay, because they're meant to represent 'life' and 'suffering' and 'beauty'. Not that they look like anything other than a load of vomiting rainbows to me._

_My, I'm so poetic._

"I believe the notion is not impossible, but unlikely," shrugged Mikuru. "B-Besides, if we _did _meet any zombies or v-vampires, I'd totally f-freeze up, y-y-you know? Haha, I'm not strong like N-Nagato-san or Koizumi-kun."

A light blush had spread across the girl's cheeks, making her seem very adorable. Asahina Mikuru was so cute it should have been illegal – it probably _was_, in numerous countries. Everything about her, from the way her hair blew in the wind, to the way her large almond eyes filled with distress, was so sugary sweet it was enough to give a grown man heart failure.

However, the throwaway comment about Koizumi had Kyon thinking; thinking about the esper's peculiar behaviour, which had been even more peculiar than was per norm.

And, the more Kyon thought, the more he realised something – something so shocking and horrifying, he almost scared himself.

He'd rather be walking home with Koizumi.

_Koizumi Itsuki._

Some girls thought he was 'handsome'. Kyon, on the other hand, thought he was a bad actor and a slightly obsessive freak.

But he still wanted to talk to him.

Kyon had hoped to ask Koizumi about his reaction to the cheap slasher flick as the pair walked home together, as they so often did – not because Kyon wanted to, but because their houses were in a similar sort of direction.

In general, Koizumi would rather gouge his own eyeballs out with a plastic spoon than miss an opportunity to bug Kyon – perhaps by paying no heed to personal space, or attempting to link their hands during casual conversation. They were all things Koizumi did, and Kyon was unsure whether such actions contained a hidden message, or were mere attempts to piss him off.

Possibly both.

As such, Kyon had assumed the esper would accompany him during their long treks home, and had been more than prepared to ask a series of searching questions.

And now, the one time Kyon _wanted _to talk to Koizumi, he decided to run away. Sure, the esper _said _he had 'work to do', but the excuse had been so transparent Kyon did not even register it as a valid statement.

It was peculiar.

More than that, it was downright suspicious.

Almost as if Koizumi was attempting to hide something – something worse than his secret esper identity. Something he attempted to mask every day behind that forced smile.

His real personality.

Could it be that, behind the charade, Koizumi harboured a secret phobia towards horror movies?

If so, why would he try so hard to conceal it?

It wasn't like it was _shameful_, or anything. Kyon knew of worse character traits; characters traits that others were willing to discus quite comfortably. Taniguchi had a perverted mind and a maid fetish; Haruhi was more-than-likely bi with a maid fetish; he himself fantasised a tad too much about pretty girls (and probably had a maid fetish).

Such things were far more embarrassing than finding slasher flicks scary.

Kyon was intrigued by this personality Koizumi had kept so well hidden, and he would have liked to say he didn't give a damn – would have liked to ignore it, pass it off as over-thinking on his part, go back to treating the esper with indifference and detachment.

But he couldn't.

Like a spoilt child, he _wanted to know._

The creepy smiles, the empty expressions, the two-dimensional persona; surely there was something underneath all that?

Kyon had proof.

And he wanted more.

He wanted to figure out Koizumi Itsuki's big secret.

_Maybe that way he'll annoy me less. I mean, _any _upgrade on his current personality can only be a good thing, right?_

_It's not like he can get any creepier._

"Kyon-kun? Kyon~kuuu~nnn. Earth to Kyon-kun!"

The boy blinked, feeling a tad disoriented. Mikuru's hand was moving back and forth before his face, attempting to… What? Halt his errant daydreams?

Whatever she meant to do, it worked.

"I'm sorry, Asahina-san," apologised Kyon, bowing his head formally. "I was thinking."

"That's okay!" chirruped Mikuru. "I space out sometimes, too."

"Ha. I guess."

"Look, it's getting dark already… You were thinking for a while there, Kyon-kun," sighed Mikuru, looking up at the sky.

Kyon, too, looked up. True to Mikuru's words, the sun was beginning to set, large and orange, behind the horizon. It was quite beautiful, really – a sight reserved for lovers and romantic couples.

_Not that Haruhi's really into this kind of thing. Knowing her, she'd sigh and go, "Woah, this is boring! Whatever, you loser!"_

_Yeah._

_Speaking of Haruhi, she let us out later than normal today._

_I hope my little sis is okay, damn brat that she is._

"Say, Asahina-san," Kyon frowned, a thought suddenly occurring to him. "I just realised something."

"What?"

"Your house is in the other direction."

"I guess it is, huh?" Mikuru beamed, hands still clasped, eyes bright as a summers' morning. She did not seem fazed by this revelation in the slightest, almost as though she had accompanied Kyon for a reason…

_Was there a reason?_

_Or am I just over-thinking things again?_

"If you don't mind my asking, why are you walking with me?" persevered Kyon.

However, had Kyon being expecting Mikuru to blush and stutter some feeble excuse, he was disappointed. Instead, she walked ahead a little, then turned sharply. Her hair fanned across her face, head raised high, eyes wide. Then she proceeded to bring one perfectly manicured fingertip to her lower lip, a playful smile encompassing her lips, and she said, voice light and airy, "That's classified information. Goodnight, Kyon-kun!"

And, smile still vibrant across her face, Mikuru began to walk away.

Leaving Kyon completely bewildered.

* * *

**a.n: more like /now/ everything's set up the plot can progress? XD don't hold your breath, though, the plot isn't going to be /that/ awesome. but there is one, nyanya~ and itsuki/kyon-ness, la la~ just… not yet xD**


	8. 07: Facing Consequences&Punishment Games

**It's a Romantic Conquest True Love Story, Haruhi-Chan!**

**

* * *

**

Chapter Seven:  
_Facing the Consequences/Punishment Game_

* * *

The sun was a bright, circular disc in the middle of the sky. It shone brightly, despite it being early in the morning. Kyon irritably wiped his hands on the denim material of his pants, wishing – not for the first time as he made his slow, sluggish way to the station – that he had a bike.

_God. It's like being in a giant sauna_, the boy thought irritably. _Can't the sun go and shine somewhere else? It's giving me a headache._

_This'll be nothing compared to the headache I get from Haruhi when she realises I'm…_

Kyon paused, lowering his head to check his watch. As soon as his inquisitive eyes met the digital numbers, flashing merrily as though they had not a care in the world, he gulped.

_Damndamn__**damn**__ – I'm ten minutes late already!_

_I'm going to get the death penalty!_

However, despite this vaguely worrisome thought, Kyon could not bring himself to run; nor did he regret hitting the snooze button little more than seven times that morning.

Sleep was precious for a junior high student such as himself. It cleansed the skin, helped concentration and ensured that Kyon did not look like a ravaged zombie from a low-budget movie (much like the one had had the misfortune of viewing last night) early in the morning.

_Like those excuses are gonna hold up around Haruhi, though. She'll be all, 'hey, jerk! You should've stumbled over here looking all cool and undead! We'd attract more _vampires _that way!_'

Or maybe Kyon was being too lenient?

Would she perhaps smite him on the spot?

Hey, it was Haruhi Suzumiya.

_Anything _was possible.

It wasn't like she'd take any pity on Kyon over a mere trifle like him **being her boyfriend**. Most girls would find the fact important, and would be mindful of their true love's feelings in order to ensure a blissful and happy relationship.

However, to mention such facts around Haruhi would be foolishness akin to sticking your head in the mouth of a hungry lion. As it was, Kyon kept quiet.

He had long since discovered letting Haruhi Suzumiya do precisely what Haruhi Suzumiya _wanted _to do was the best – and, quite possibly, only – way of dealing with the tempestuous girl.

It left fewer bruises, anyhow.

Kyon idly began to scan the crowds; large groups of friends, clusters of gossiping women, happy families and the not-so-happy families, toddlers in pushchairs and children on roller-skates. There was noise and chatter absolutely _everywhere_, yet the boy was unable to detect a single word above the din that related to aliens, ghosts, monsters or the paranormal.

_Maybe I'm at the wrong place? I misheard her?_

_But no, she distinctly said 'the station'._

_Whereabouts at the station, though? I mean, it's a big place – look at all the people. Haruhi could be hiding anywhere amidst all this chaos._

But it wasn't like Haruhi Suzumiya to hide.

A powerful force snared Kyon's arm, a grip strong enough to grind bones into bread. The movement was accompanied by a voice, loud and self-confident and so distinctly Haruhi Kyon felt a tad relieved. At least it wasn't some random stranger.

"You're **late**!" Haruhi declared, causing numerous busybodies to turn and gawk. "I deduct _twenty _points!"

Kyon had enough sense not to bother asking '_twenty points from what?!_'

It was more than likely that Haruhi did not know herself.

"Man, me and Mi~ku~ruuu and Yuki and Koizumi have been waiting here for _hours-_"

_Ten minutes._

"'-getting pushed about by all these people-"

_If anybody here has the nerve push around _Haruhi_ they're a braver soul than I._

"-practically dying of heat with no water or nutrients-"

_So what's with that bottle of Sprite you're whacking me over the head with?_

"-and I. Am. **Not. ****Happy**."

_Well no, duhhhh._

Of course, Kyon did not say any of the above. Instead he opted for a safe, simple, though slightly sarcastic, "I'm sorry, _your highness_."

"Yeah. You should be," the brunette pursed her lips, choosing to ignore the 'your highness' comment. She frowned, folding her arms, and began to tap her foot on the ground, as though deep in thought. "I wonder how to punish you… I wonder… I wonder…"

Kyon took Haruhi's pensive moments to survey the group assembled before him.

There was Mikuru, seeming worried for Kyon's immediate safety, clutching a bulky, plastic bag to her well-endowed chest. To the left stood Nagato, clad in her school uniform (as always), and seeming uninterested in the current conversation. Her deadpan expression suggested an asteroid could crash into the Earth's surface and she wouldn't bat an eyelid. And then, next to Nagato, was Koizumi – lips raised in a perpetual smile, dressed quite simply in black. This Itsuki Koizumi seemed worlds apart from the one Kyon had observed last night, and the transformation was so huge Kyon could not help but wonder whether he had made up Koizumi's previous reaction to the bad movie, perhaps due to hunger or lack of sleep.

It wasn't impossible.

"Hey," Kyon frowned, directing this thought at Mikuru. He had only just noticed they were a head down on the head count – a green head, to be more precise. "Where's Tsuraya?"

"She said she had to work – she has a part time job," Mikuru explained, clutching the plastic bag a little tighter.

Kyon raised a brow at this, wondering what employee in their right mind (even one in their _wrong _mind) would think, even for a second, that the loud, obnoxious, irresponsible _Tsuraya _was in any way compatible for any sort of job.

Maybe she did the canned laughter for those cheap comedies?

Kyon's thoughts were suddenly, with no warning, captivated by the interesting-looking bag in Mikuru's hands. His mouth was half-way open, about to ask what was inside when he was interrupted.

"Okay!" the brigade leader said enthusiastically, pushing the empty Sprite bottle towards Mikuru. With both hands free, the girl then placed them upon Kyon's shoulders, pulling the boy closer towards her bright, beaming face. "I've decided on your punishment!"

_Okay, okay, don't spit on me…_

"I want…" Haruhi's voice trailed away mysteriously, eyes glowing like coals. The silence surrounding the pair was so thick one could have cut it with a knife.

"I want a display of public affection!"

Well.

Kyon had been expecting many things – many strange, bizarre, humiliating things. That one hadn't been on the list, though.

Either way, he more than happy to oblige. Kissing Haruhi was a much more pleasant prospect than staking people who were waiting for the bus. It was a lot less illegal, too.

Both Kyon _and _Haruhi were smiling now, though perhaps Kyon's quirk of the lips indicated relief more than anything else. It didn't matter, either way. Not when Haruhi had her arms round Kyon's middle, mouth pressed against his.

"Kyon goes up twenty-five points!" exclaimed Haruhi brightly, once the pair had drawn apart for breath. Her fingers were now pressed against her lower lip, smirking deviously. "I was hoping you'd turn up late so I could do that. Oh, look-" Here Haruhi paused, turning to glance at the ensemble behind her. "Mi~ku~runnn's blushing! How adorable! Don't you think she's adorable?!"

And, with that, Haruhi proceeded to tackle the auburn-haired girl, prompting the blush on her cheeks to spread and darken.

"Don't be shy, Mikurruuu!" cooed Haruhi, hugging the unwilling time traveller from behind. Apparently, she had forgotten she was in the middle of busy train station – or if she hadn't, she didn't care.

Strangely enough, it was not Mikuru's reaction Kyon found the most interesting, as such innocence and embarrassment was common for the cute time traveller – and, needless to say, Nagato's face remained stoic and emotionless, as always.

So, using the simple process of elimination, there was only one person left who fit the criteria for 'an interesting reaction'.

It was Koizumi.

His eyes were a tad wider than was per norm, and though his cheeks were devoid of any detectable flush, they did seem a little pink. His fingers were clenched so hard the knuckles had turned white.

And he most certainly _wasn't _smiling.

* * *

**a.n: eheh. a shorter chapter this time. it just seemed /right/ to end it there, i guess. hehe x3 a lot of focus on haruhi… hmn~ it shall be rectified later!  
ehh, i noticed on the last two chapters i used honourifics, but i wasn't before! i'm gonna go fix that xD  
guess what's in the bag. go on xD it's really unimportant~**


	9. 08: Someone's Never Heard of

**It's a Romantic Conquest True Love Story, Haruhi-Chan!**

* * *

Chapter Eight:  
_Someone's Never Heard of Common Courtesy_

* * *

"So. What's the plan?" asked Kyon, the quintet strolling through the busy streets at a leisurely pace.

The sun was hot, but not overbearingly so, and any person looking at the group would have assumed they were a bunch of friends enjoying the hot weather. Certainly, they would not have suspected them to be the SOS Brigade, who's main function was to uncover all the mysterious of the world and, well…

Well, Kyon didn't know what they were meant to do after that.

Eat cake?

"Well!" Haruhi began, spinning round gracefully with both hands planted firmly upon her hips. "_Well. _First things first, me and Mikuru and Yuki need to go get changed!"

Kyon blinked slowly, eyes running up and down Haruhi; plain shirt, yellow cardigan, miniskirt, socks and shoes. She certainly _looked _as though she was wearing clothes...

"I **am **wearing clothes, you dolt!" Haruhi reprimanded, bashing into Kyon with her shoulder. "But I'm not wearing the _right _clothes. I got outfits for me an' Mikuru an' Yuki, so we need to go put them on!"

"Oh. Okay," Kyon agreed, wondering what sort of delightful attire Mikuru would be forced into this time. A sexy vampire girl, perhaps? Gothic Lolita? What did one normally wear when hunting down the forces of evil? And since when could hunting down the forces of evil be considered _normal_?

Then again, Kyon's life was far from normal.

Something felt _distinctly _non-normal about **this** situation, though, yet Kyon could not quite put his finger on it.

_Let's see, let's see…_

_What did Haruhi say?_

_Hmn…_

'_I got outfits for me an' Mikuru __**an' Yuki**_.'

_Ahhh._

_So that's it._

The stony-haired alien rarely participated in Haruhi and Mikuru's 'dressing up' games, preferring to sit and read heavy, indecipherable tomes about space travel and philosophical theorems.

_Nagato's pretty cute, though. I wonder what she'll look like in a corset dress, perhaps with some tasteful lace and-_

Unluckily, the boy was brought out of his musings via a sharp flick on his nose. By a pair of pointed, butter-yellow fingernails.

And it _really _hurt.

"Oh, quit whining! Love is war and all that crap," said Haruhi wisely, about to give Kyon another flick. At least, until the boy caught her hand and, after a moment's deliberation, pushed it to the brigade leader's side and let go. "Humph. Don't you _dare_ space out like that again unless you've contacted an alien race and they're transmitting telepathic messages through your skull or something! I'll only be interested if your head explodes, you got me?"

"Clear as crystal," sighed Kyon, making a mental note to ask Nagato, their friendly neighbourhood alien, whether her species was capable of such things. After all, Ryoko Asakura had been able to manipulate large amounts of data. Was transmitting telepathic messages and, subsequently, blowing up craniums such a farfetched idea?

It was better to be safe than sorry.

"Good," grinned Haruhi.

The quintet continued their stroll for several minutes more, Haruhi babbling nineteen-to-the-dozen the whole way, Kyon and Mikuru occasionally offering opinions – though the latter only joined the conversation when Haruhi pushed her lightly on the shoulder.

Nagato, as always, remained mute.

Perhaps it was due to Haruhi's excitable chatter, but nobody seemed to realise Koizumi wasn't offering much to the conversation, either.

Nobody except Kyon.

The esper looked slightly out of place, eyes fixated on random points; the sky, the pavement, the back of Haruhi's head. Occasionally his eyes would find Kyon's inquisitive gaze, and then the esper would dip his head in an almost guilty manner – strangely reminiscent of a little child caught stealing their younger sibling's ice-cream.

Kyon knew that look all to well. After all, he did have a younger sister, and when he had been seven or eight stealing her ice-cream had been like a religious ritual.

_Why would Koizumi look so… So embarrassed, though?_

_I doubt he wants to steal _my_ ice-cream._

_I don't have any, for a start._

"Kyon!"

_**Flick!**_

"Hey! What the_ hell_, Haruhi?!"

"You were spacing out again," the brunette whined, irritably swiping a hand through her chocolate locks. "I was getting really excited, thinking aliens actually **had **contacted you! That would be so cool!"

Kyon couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at this, repeating one of Haruhi's words in a questioning manner; "Excited…?"

"Excited; to be stirred emotionally; agitated. Example; Haruhi was excited when the mother ship finally contacted Kyon, causing his head to explode."

"I know what the word means," said Kyon tiredly, secretly impressed that she remembered the exact dictionary definition – and also a little bemused. _Why does she memorise pointless information like that? I'll never get her. _"I was just thinking maybe you had the wrong word. Like, upset, maybe, if my head blew off?"

"Upset? Why would I be upset? Who are you mistaking me for?"

"…My girlfriend?"

There was a pause, during which Haruhi seemed unsure whether to laugh or scowl. In the end, she settled for neither, and countered Kyon's words with a mere, "Whatever."

"_Anyway_," the brigade leader continued, "if you _had _been paying attention, you'd realise we've reached our destination!"

_There was no destination. We were just walking round blindly until you got bored…_

Instead of voicing his (incredibly valid) opinion, Kyon turned to see where Haruhi was pointing.

It was the café the SOS Brigade usually frequented, located near the station, yet not so near as to suffer from the noise pollution of trains and heavy traffic. It was the very one, in fact, that the Brigade had visited the very first time they went on one of their random walks about town – or, as Haruhi liked to call them, 'enlightening searches.'

Kyon could still remember that outing, primarily because it when Mikuru revealed herself to be a time traveller, and partially because he arrived late and had to pay for everyone's drinks.

When he returned home, his wallet had been a good deal lighter.

_Trust Haruhi to choose the most expensive thing on the menu._

Then again, she had probably done it to teach Kyon a lesson – 'don't be late again, or else.'

It had not been a lesson well learnt, obviously.

"You know, Haruhi," frowned Kyon, catching the impulsive girl's arm before she could cross the road, "I don't think you're allowed to just march into those small cafés and take advantage of the restrooms. It's common courtesy to buy something beforehand, right?"

"Then you and Koizumi should get some tea or whatever," replied Haruhi flippantly, shrugging. "It's none of my business."

_She's so self-centered! Hasn't she ever heard of common courtesy?!_

_Then again, we __are__ talking about Haruhi._

_It'd be weird if she _did _stop to think about other people._

* * *

"Okay!" cried Haruhi brightly, sounding like a foghorn. Instantaneously, ever pair of eyes in the café turned to rest on the scary girl and her lackeys. "Me and the girls are gonna commandeer the restroom now. If anyone else wants to go, tough – just hold it in! Okay, thank, coming through, shift a little that way – yea, yea, thank you, _get out my way_…"

It was with a dazed sort of amazement/respect that Kyon watched Haruhi manoeuvre round the tables and chairs, dragging Mikuru with one hand and Yuki with the other. It was astonishing, really, how one skinny girl could bark out commands to a group of perfect strangers.

Even more astonishing that they actually _listened._

Kyon had a funny feeling that, if he ever tried such a trick, he'd been thrown out of the café quicker than you could say 'completely inappropriate.'

_Heh._

_I guess she's just the sort of person that exudes an air of 'godliness'?_

_That, or an air of 'if you don't get out my fucking way this fucking instant I'm going to make you wish you were never fucking born!'_

_Something like that, anyway._

"Heeyyy, 'scuse me," came a lazy voice, and Kyon turned, before realising the person addressing him was a full two heads shorter than himself (and that was pretty damn short.)

A girl was glancing up at him, arms folded, hair a shocking blue. It just brushed the back of her knees in a manner akin to Tsuraya's, so freakishly long it should not have been feasible (or, indeed, possible) to wash and brush every morning. Kyon would have assumed she was a little kid, had she not been wearing the standard maid outfit of the other employees.

"You know only paying customers can use the restrooms, right?" the blue-haired girl stated simply, bouncing on her heels. "You're not with that loud girl, are you?"

"Yeah, we're her… 'friends'," Kyon nodded, motioning towards both him and Koizumi. "But we only want something to drink."

"You'll need to order something for the other three as well," insisted blue-haired girl, eyes half lidded and sleepy. "Otherwise it'd be breaking store policy."

Kyon sighed, massaging the bridge of his nose; perhaps to alleviate a Haruhi-induced headache. He had known, of course, something like this was bound to happen – but that didn't make him feel any better.

_Buying three extra drinks for people who don't even _want _them?_

_Oh, my poor wallet…_

"It sucks, I know," blue-haired girl said, smiling brightly, "but them's the managers' rules and all! Wouldn't want to get on her bad side. She's a _real _scary person – like, Final Boss in Final Fantasy scary! Omega Weapon scary! Haha~"

"Okay," Kyon nodded, having absolutely no idea what the strange otaku girl was referring to. It seemed safer to agree with her, at any rate; just assign himself to his miserable destiny already. "Thanks anyway. I guess we'll go take seats and…" Another sigh. "Go order drinks."

"A wise decision~ You guys go decide then, I've got all day!" And then, whispering to herself, she added, "_But that big manga clearout sale finishes at two…_"

* * *

Kyon glared irritably at the menu and the long list of expensive drinks listed within. Surely 300 yen was a little too extravagant for a simple cup of tea? And when that was multiplied by five…

1,500 yen.

_Urgh._

_I'm gonna end up begging on the streets after all this reckless spending._

"Couldn't you pay for some of this?" Kyon asked Koizumi, staring at the other from across the tabletop.

"Ah. I'm sorry, Kyon," Koizumi smiled, "but I appear to have forgotten my wallet."

"_Jerk_," murmered Kyon, though the words were loud enough for the esper to hear. Instead of being offended, however, Koizumi grinned – though this time, the smile seemed a little more sincere than normal.

_Sincerity, huh…?_

Only occasionally did any semblance of the word shine through Koizumi's well-constructed mask.

_Just like last night._

"Hey, Koizumi," Kyon said, leaning his elbows on the table, "what did you think of that movie yesterday?"

"I thought it was awful," Kozumi replied, not missing a beat. The fixed smile remained, charming and natural. Indeed, several girls at a nearby table were craning their heads to get a better look at the 'attractive stranger.' "I told Miss Suzumiya that, remember?"

"Yeah. I remember," Kyon sighed, knowing he'd get more information about last night from a brick wall in coma. Koizumi was a pretty good actor, he'd hand him that. "I wonder when somebody'll come and take our order already…"

And then, right on cue;

"Oh, I-I'm s-sorry I kept you waiting! I'm honestly, truly s-sorry! P-please forgive me!"

Kyon frowned at this voice, knowing he had heard it before, yet unsure where. The speaker's polite mannerisms and slight stutter sounded an awful lot like Mikuru's, but the time traveller was still locked in the restroom, being accosted by a hyperactive Haruhi.

Interestingly enough, Koizumi was also frowning, though his eyes were devoid of confusion. Instead, he looked annoyed.

Like, _pissed off._

_Sort of like how he looked when I was with Haruhi… Not to mention when I was with Miss Kimidori at school. And…_

_And is he developing a nervous twitch?_

_Well, I'll never find out who it is if I don't turn around._

_And why didn't I do that from the start?_

"Oh-ah… um… K-Kyon…" muttered the girl, hiding her head, kicking the floor nervously with one heeled shoe. A delicate blush was forming across her cheeks, a natural peach colour that looked nothing less than _completely _adorable.

Adorable, huh?

Kyon blinked, surveying the pretty maid from head to toe, then back up again. Frilly socks, a tasteful black dress, apron, flushed cheeks – the eyes were hidden, but that didn't matter; hidden behind...

Light green hair.

It could have been a trick of the light, but Kyon knew otherwise.

"Miss Kimidori," Kyon said, not as a greeting, but as a statement – one which was confirmed when the maid lifted her head and said, obviously embarrassed, "Y-Y-Yes!"

"I-I didn't r-recognise you at first, K-Kyon," said Emiri, smoothing down her dress (a ploy, Kyon noted, so she did not have to look at him directly in the face. However, Kyon also realised just how well the outfit suited her – unlike the blue-haired girl. Her dress had been a tad too baggy, and fell way past her knees). "I m-mean, I only saw the b-back of your head, hehehe."

Nervous giggles.

Oh, but she was so _cute_.

Kyon could easily imagine Haruhi attacking the slight, slender girl, perhaps abusing her the way she did to Mikuru, all the while squealing, "Moe, moe, KYUNN!~"

It was something the demented brunette would do.

Like she needed any more people to molest, what with Mikuru and Yuki.

"So, um… I guess it's a small world after all, huh?" giggled Emiri.

"Yeah. I guess so."

"Y-You know, my shift ends in a few minutes, a-and I was just thinking… Um…" Emiri tailed off, seeming caught by a sudden burst of confidence. Her eyes narrowed, her fingers clenched, and she set her jaw in the manner of one about to do something very challenging. However, she could not give up – she would not allow herself to. "I was thinking last time we didn't get to eat together, so we could go somewhere together, j-just the two of us. Um, no, I didn't mean-" _Blush, blush. _"D-Don't think I'm being pushy! I m-mean, you don't have to i-if you d-don't want-"

"_**No.**_"

The word was so forceful, so _angry_, that both Emiri and Kyon turned to look at Koizumi with twin shocked expressions. The esper, who had been silent up until that point, looked livid. Murderous, even.

Koizumi's grimace was the total opposite to his normal, Prince Charming-esque smile – completely inverse, as night was to day.

Kyon couldn't help but find it disturbing.

"No," the esper continued, his words losing some of their previous malice, yet the animosity remained, hidden under a transparent layer of forced manners and forced smiles. "Kyon couldn't possibly – he's on a _**date**_. It would look incredibly rude on his part to ditch the other, would it not?"

"O-Oh, u-um… I… I'm so sorry!" Emiri winced, bowing deeply. Head still inclined, the poor girl could only stutter; "I-I-I… I didn't k-know… I d-don't want to c-cause a f-fuss!"

"You're causing one," said Koizumi simply, leaning across the table to take Kyon's hands in his own – a selfish action, which made Emiri's face contort, as though in pain. "Kyon and I would prefer to be left alone. You're interrupting. Please leave, Miss Kimidori."

"I-I-I… I… I'm so sorry! P-please forgive my actions!" the girl apologised frantically, over and over, bowing a few more times, before turning – mortified – and making a mad dash for the front entrance.

Now, perhaps Kyon was mistaken, but...

But it looked as though she was crying.

Almost at once, Kyon let his hands fall away from the esper's slackened grip, who made no move to connect them once more. Perhaps Koizumi realised how harsh his words had been, for he looked quite as flustered as Emiri, breathing heavily, fingers twitching slightly.

He looked, for wont of a better word, a wreck.

_Not like I feel sorry for him, though._

"Okay," Kyon hissed, words so bitter they seemed to be above 13 on the pH scale. "What the _hell _is wrong with you? You're acting very… Very _odd. _Why were you so rude to Miss Kimidori? You were last time, too, but it was… It was **cold**."

"I…" Koizumi frowned, wet his lips, seeming unsure how to answer, explain himself.

And Kyon wanted an explanation.

However, all the esper could manage was a weak, distinctly un-Itsuki-esque, "I don't know…"

_But he does._

_He just won't tell me._

And Kyon knew he was right.

"Alright," said the brunet darkly, aware that several pairs of curious eyes were trained on his back – though the various other customers diverted their attention back towards their drinks once Kyon turned round. "I'm going to find Miss Kimidori and-"

"You _can't_," Koizumi protested, grabbing hold of Kyon's arm. "You _can't _go after her, not by yourself."

"I can," said Kyon, "and I will. But, strictly speaking, it should be _you _apologising, not me."

"No. It's not my place," Koizumi shook his head, though his grip did not slacken. "Kyon, listen to me. You _can't _follow her. She's… She's d..." A nervous pause.

A pause broken by an enthusatic cry.

"Yooohooo! Hey, guys! Sorry we took so long~! What did I miss?!"

And Kyon did not know where to begin.

So he didn't begin at all.

* * *

**a.n: a long chapter O: there is plot here now, though you might not be able to tell xD guess who the blue haired girl was xD**


	10. 09: Common Sense, Meet Haruhi!

**It's a Romantic Conquest True Love Story, Haruhi-Chan!**

* * *

Chapter Nine:  
_Common Sense, This is Haruhi: I Don't Think You've Been Introduced!_

* * *

After Koizumi's inexplicable outburst at the café, the esper remained silent.

Not that anybody noticed.

Haruhi was far too preoccupied with more important matters; such as molesting Mikuru in broad daylight.

"N-no! Get off! I-it tickles! Eeek!"

Kyon sighed.

_I guess it's just another normal day, then._

"Hold still!" Haruhi barked at the trembling, tomato-red mess of teary eyes, frilly skirts and cute pigtails.

Oh yes, Mikuru in her 'gothic' attire was every man's peverted dream.

Then again, Mikuru in _any _attire was rather attractive, be it gothic or not.

Strangely enough, though, Kyon's mind was only half-focused on the ever-appealing Miss Asahina. Dimly, at the back of his brain, the image of Koizumi remained. Kyon went over it again and again, as though it were stuck on a looped tape; how Koizumi had acted so irrationally at the café; how he been so rude to Emiri; almost as if he had been...

Jealous?

_Really?_

It didn't make any sense.

And it was frustrating as all hell to be thinking of that annoying esper when any _normal guy _would have been transfixed at the way Haruhi was attempting to feel Mikuru up in the middle of a busy road.

Quite a crowd had begun to gather around the pair- mostly guys, all, seemingly, 'normal guys' who were transfixed at the sight, as they should have been.

Some were even filming the event on their cell phones.

Kyon was one hundred percent sure none of _them _were thinking about one Itsuki Koizumi, and how utterly bamboozling he was. Kyon was so sure, he'd bet his little sister on it.

_And if I'm wrong, it'd be no big loss._

_Maybe I'll be able to watch what I want on TV for a change; and _maybe_ I'll be able to have a shower in the morning before somebody uses up all the hot water._

Hey, it was just a thought- Kyon would never _really _trade his sister.

...Probably.

"Come on, Mikuru! Just keep still!~"

Haruhi's voice dredged Kyon out of his hazy, confusing mess of thoughts; as effective as a pinch in bringing somebody back into reality. Although, juding by how loud Haruhi was shouting (_maybe you should speak up a little, Haruhi- I'm sure there are some people on the Andromeda Galaxy who didn't quite catch that)_, her tones were more akin to a slap across the face than a gentle pinch.

But when had Haruhi Suzumiya ever been subtle?

"Kyahhh! Get off, please!"

Those teary-eyes and high-pitched screams were enough to further drive any thoughts of Koizumi out of Kyon's sponge-like brain.

"Haruhi."

Kyon strode forward, and prised Haruhi's hands away from the trembling Lolita wreck that was Mikuru.

"Hey!" Haruhi whined in protest, and continued to flail her arms, making little 'grabby' motions at the mentally scarred Mikuru. "No fair! Go find your own toy to play with!"

Kyon narrowed his eyes at Haruhi.

Sometimes, she could go too far.

Hell- Haruhi always went too far. Rules and regulations were things for lesser mortals, not Haruhi Suzumiya; whereas most people toed the line, she took great, leaping bounds right across it.

And assaulting Mikuru was certainly 'going over the line'.

"Miss Asahina is not a toy," Kyon said sternly. He had half a mind to shake her by the shoulders- see if that knocked some sense into her. But Kyon knew he would be seen as 'evil' or 'abusive' to do such a terrible thing to a girl- which was pretty freaking ironic, considering Haruhi could publically molest Mikuru and nobody would bat an eye because they both had boobs. "You shouldn't keep doing that, it's indecent."

"What?" Haruhi blinked up at Kyon, feigning innocence.

Kyon had to resist the temptation to slap himself in the face.

_Urgh..._

_Either you're really dense, or you're just doing this on purpose to be annoying._

"What do you mean, 'what'? I mean, what you were just doing! You were attacking her!"

"No I wasn't!" Haruhi looked affronted by the accusation. "It's just, her pigtails were all uneven, and I needed to sort them!"

"So why, pray tell, were you _groping her chest_?" Kyon hissed under his breath.

He didn't want Mikuru to know he and Haruhi were now discussing her ample bosom; she'd probabaly have a heart attack.

That, or declare she had been 'spoilt', and no person would ever want to marry her.

Which was a pretty unrealistic claim, considering her looks and all.

Some guys might take the fact that Mikuru came with her own faux-lesbian stalker as a plus- it might spice up the marriage, or at least make for a pretty interesting sitcom...

"They weren't sitting evenly, either," said Haruhi blankly.

"..."

"One was higher than the other," she offered, for clarification.

Well.

There really was nothing to say to that, really.

"Geez." Kyon couldn't resist; he brought his palm up to meet his face with a smack!, hoping he hadn't murdered too many innocent braincells upon contact. "That excuse won't hold up in court, you know."

"Nah. I thought, if that ever happened, I'd use my feminine wiles to charm the judge and jury into believing everything I say!" Haruhi beamed, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

_What feminine charms?_

_I have personal experience of just how painful your right hook is- you're even manlier than **me**!_

Haruhi Suzumiya: about as womanly as the Incredible Hulk.

"...Yeah, good luck with that." Kyon sighed. He let his hands drop from Haruhi's arm. He figured she didn't need restraining anymore; hopefully, by now, Mikuru's ponytails (and... um... chest) were both nice and level.

"Anyway," Kyon continued, glancing around. "Maybe we should go now."

"Why?"

"Becuase we're in the middle of the road."

"Ah..."

"Yeah. Those drivers look kind of pissed."

"Good point."

"You want to thank me?"

"Oh, I wouldn't bother." Haruhi clapped Kyon on the shoulder, displaying her 'feminine charms' once more. The fist hit Kyon like a freight train; he'd probabaly be crippled for life, now. "You'll just say something stupid again in about five seconds that will completely negate any goodwill I might feel towards you right now."

"Gee, thanks. I feel so loved."

"Well, you're not."

"Thank you for clarifying that for me."

"No problem."

* * *

"Okay!~" Haruhi declared, once the SOS Brigade had (finally) managed to cross the road- thankfully, sans any gruesome injuries or missing body parts. "This is what I've decided! We'll go take a look around the shrines in the area, 'cause they're meant to have super-aweosme mystic creepy powers, right?"

"As stunned as I am that you have actually planned something," Kyon remarked dryly, "I don't think you should get your hopes up."

Haruhi glowered at Kyon, arms folded, a sour expression on her face. "Oh. Why not?"

"Because ghosts don't exist?"

"That's such a close-minded thing to say. How do you know?"

"Because."

It only occured to Kyon, after he had said these things, that Haruhi was right.

Sort of.

He _was_ pretty close-minded for somebody who was 'best friends' (and he used the term very, very loosely) with a time traveller, an alien and an esper.

"Another thing," Kyon continued, counting down points on his fingers. "It's the middle of the day. They'll be lots of people wandering around. In horror movies, ghosts only come out during the night- and vampires are burnt by the sun."

"Shut up, Kyon!" Haruhi barked.

Her voice was loud enough to scatter a couple of pidgeons, which had been, up until that moment, happily pecking around at the floor.

"You think it's a good plan, right, Koizumi~?" Haruhi wheedled, turning to her 'number one most faithful sidekick'.

Not that Haruhi _had_ equals, or sidekicks.

Kyon knew all too well what Haruhi thought of her fellow SOS Brigade members.

She had play-things.

"Huh? Oh, um..." Koizumi blinked up at Haruhi. He looked a little disoriented, as though his mind had been somewhere else altogether. Perhaps on Planet 'I'm-a-Touchy-Feely-Weirdo', which was where Koizumi seemed to have been concieved. "Yes?"

Haruhi seemed displeased at this reply.

It was very unlike Koizumi to ignore Haruhi...

Ignoring Haruhi was generally considered to be a 'Very Bad Idea', as it could - and would - result in your immediate death (or, at the very least, a drop kick into next week and a headache the size of a small country).

Koizumi was pretty smart. He never seemed remotely suicidal.

So why wasn't he listening to Haruhi?

Could it have something to do with Emiri?

Or Kyon?

Kyon shook his head, trying to drive these annoying thoughts out of his brain. They buzzed around incessantly, like flies.

So aggravating...

"Well, I don't care what you think. We're doing it anyway."

Kyon couldn't help but sigh (internally, of course) at Haruhi's flawed logic.

_Then why bother asking us what we want to do in the first place?_

_Why give the faint, shining illusion of hope that our opinions might actually mean something to you, for a change?_

"Okie dokie!" Haruhi beamed, smiling as sunnily as the theridion grallator. "Because there are a few shrines around the area, I thought we'd split up to get more covered. So we'll draw lots!" Triumphantly, she drew five pieces of paper out of her pocket. "People with the red tips in one group, blue tips in the other, alright?"

Haruhi held out the fistful of paper and, one by one, the members of the SOS Brigade drew.

Kyon did so with a world-weary sigh.

This scene was far too familiar.

Last time, he had gotten lucky, with partners such as Mikuru and Yuki, who were both quite cute, and not likely to inflict grievous bodily harm upon him.

He didn't suppose it would be too inconcievably awful to draw Haruhi this time round, either- despite being violent and dangerous, she _could _like a decent human being a good two percent of the time.

Besides, she was his girlfriend.

But Koizumi...

The silent esper was completely different.

He'd been acting so strangely, and during his bizarre personality transplant, Kyon had begun to feel strange, too.

It was confusing.

Even moreso than one of Nagato's complex books on space and science and stardust and the like.

"Hmn... I got red." Haruhi's voice filtered through Kyon's thoughts, like sunlight through a canopy of trees.

"Blue." The monosyllabic reply could only be Yuki.

"Same here." That was Koizumi, holding out the blue-tipped piece of paper for Haruhi's scrutiny.

"U-um... Oh... I got red..." said the stuttering Mikuru.

"Oh reallyy?" Haruhi held out her hand. "Show me."

Almost as if she didn't believe Mikuru.

_Oh, come **on**. Why on Earth would anybody **lie** in order to be in Haruhi's group? Especially Mikuru, who gets savaged by you twice daily._

_Or are you flattering yourself, Haruhi, into thinking everyone loves you so much they'd fight tooth and nail for the pleasure of being in your company?_

Kyon sighed.

Haruhi's logic- or lack of it- was, at times, warped and downright confounding.

If Kyon was Mikuru, he'd be running fast as he could in the opposite direction once he'd drawn that red-tipped piece of paper.

Then again, Haruhi was freakishly fast, in addition to being freakishly strong (and generally freakish all round)- Mikuru wouldn't stand a chance against her in a running race.

"I guess you're right," Haruhi all but pouted, handing Mikuru her lot back. She turned to Kyon, affixing him with a deadly gaze. "So what did you get? Blue?"

"Yeah." Kyon looked at Haruhi in surprise. "How did you-"

"I made these, duh." Haruhi rolled her eyes. "I know I made three blue and two red. It's simple math, Kyon. Wake up."

"O-of course..."

That made sense.

Kyon felt disappointed in himself for that lapse of intelligence.

"Hey, I don't get why you're so upset to be paired with Miss Asahina, though," said Kyon, brows furrowed as he attempted to understand. Then again, attempting to understand Haruhi Suzumiya was a bit like attempting to solve a Rubiks Cube. Blindfolded. With both your arms tied behind your back. That is- extremely difficult, and foolhardy to attempt. "I thought you'd like having someone to play 'dress up' with as you look around?"

It must've been about as much fun dressing up the unresponsive Nagato as it was poking a dead corpse with a stick; and neither Kyon or Itsuki were female enough to warrant Haruhi's attention when it came to fashion matters.

So, for the life of him, Kyon couldn't figure out what Haruhi's problem was.

(Not that Haruhi only had _one_ problem- there were many.)

The brunette in question sighed a little at Kyon's inquiries, and gave him a withering look.

"You should know."

"Then..." Kyon was struggling to understand. "If you wanted to be paired with a certain person, why not just decide the teams yourself?"

"Because it's no fun that way."

"But then you'll just make yourself miserable when you don't get what you want."

"Don't tell me what to do, I'm your leader! To question my rule is treason!" Haruhi snapped at Kyon. Her eyes narrowed.

Really, it was such a waste.

Haruhi looked so pretty when she stopped frowning.

So why did she insist on looking so darn unhappy all the time?

"I should execute you for your impertinence," Haruhi continued, jabbing a finger at Kyon. It came worringly close to his right eye- if Haruhi had been standing any closer to him, Kyon would've had to kiss half of his vision goodbye.

"Let's not go that far, shall we?" Kyon asked, taking a step back.

Kyon didn't bother pointing out murder was illegal. Haruhi's outburst seemed even more violent than normal, and he didn't want to provoke her.

Instead- like always- Kyon would quietly think his bitter thoughts from within the safety of his own skull, where Haruhi couldn't hear them.

"Alright then." Haruhi gave Kyon another dark look, before (finally) withdrawing her intrusive finger.

"Okay, everyone!" The schizophrenic brunette's face lit up into a bright smile. It was instantaneous, like a candle being lit inside a Halloween pumpkin.

_Geez... I think your violent moodswings are going to give me whiplash._

_You should give some warning before your emotions change so drastically- then I might be able to keep up with you..._

But Haruhi did look a lot nicer when she smiled.

Like she was actually happy.

"There are only about three shrines in the immediate area. Two are real close by, so me and Mikuru will deal with those, and you three-" she pointed in turn at Kyon, Koizumi and, finally, Nagato (who was reading a book. Where had she_ got_ that from, anyway? She hadn't had it when they first met up...) -"are going to go explore the last shrine. You'll need to get a train there, it's about half an hour away, in Nishinomiya. You got that? We'll meet back at the café by four, understand?"

Kyon didn't have a chance to reply, before Haruhi said, forcefully; "Good."

And what Haruhi said went.

There was no arguing with her.

_So this will be a nice, relaxing day with Nagato the mute alien, Koizumi the mute-and-possibly-insane esper, and little old me._

_...I wonder if Haruhi wouldn't mind swapping places with me._

* * *

**a.n:** I can't believe I updated this o:

can you believe I updated this? XD

Well, um, I decided I should carry on with this story because I noticed people were still favouriting it and reviewing it even now after it has been dead-ish for about a year- and that thought made me feel happy, so I decided to keep on writing ^_^ Although, I had forgotten my original plot, so I had to read back through what I'd written to jog my memory XD

This chapter may seem kind of filler, but it's not. Really.

Actually, I don't even have that much of this story left to write- if it follows my original plan (I HAVE PLANS! HUZZAH!) it's about five to six chapters away from the end.

But I can /never/ make accurate promises on how long my fics get 'cause they always spiral out of my control in the end XD

ho hum~

Stick around for the next update, ne? maybe it will take less time than a year XDD

renahhchen xxx


	11. 10: A Surprise! We're Similar!

**It's a Romantic Conquest True Love Story, Haruhi-Chan!**

* * *

Chapter Ten:  
_Kyon's Surprise! We Have Something in Common?_

* * *

Kyon stared blankly at the dull cityscape before him; houses, roads, cars, people, more houses, roads, cars, people, yet _more_ houses- it went on and on in a never-ending loop, like the Penrose Stairs.

It wasn't exactly mentally stimulating.

Nearby, a middle-aged man coughed, at the exact same time a young Genki-girl type burst into a fit of raucous laughter at something her friend had just said (at a volume far too high to be considered decent whilst on public transportation).

_Pop!_

And that little child stood facing the window would not quit popping his gum.

He must've been chewing the same piece for about ten minutes- it was a wonder the flavor hadn't vanished. Or maybe it had, and the child kept popping, not out of personal satisfation, but to irritate everybody else.

Not that the coughing man or the Genki girl seemed to care- they were far too wrapped up in their own attempts to piss every off within a fifty foot radius.

...Or, maybe it was just Kyon.

Nobody else seemed annoyed by their behaviour.

Mainly because Yuki had her nose burried in a book (like always), and Koizumi was staring off out of the window, a pensive look upon his face (and by 'pensive', Kyon meant 'glassy-eyed and unresponsive'. Seriously. The esper was so still- even despite the uncomfortable lurches of the train- you could've mistaken him for a corpse. Apart from the fact he was still blinking. And breathing. And not dead.)

_I'm probabaly getting worked up over nothing, _Kyon reasoned with himself.

It was most likely true- Kyon had been feeling snappy and irritabe ever since Haruhi went pyscho on him when they drew the lots.

Being saddled with Itsuki Koizumi as a team member had done little to improve Kyon's mood- and it wasn't like Nagato would make the awkward atmosphere any less so, considering she averaged about five words per week (once Yuki had reached the five-word quota, she then began responding by nodding or shaking her head- or just plain ignoring you altogether). Honestly; when it came to that girl, it was as though each syllable she dared utter cost a fortune, so she had to compensate by being as economical with her words as possible.

Not to mention, Kyon then had to suffer the indignaty of paying for Koizumi's train ticket, because the freeloading bastard had only gone and left his wallet at home. Previously, Kyon assumed Koizumi had been lying about his lost wallet back at the café, because the esper was simply too cheap to pay for any of the drinks. Besides, forgetting anything seemed like a very un-Koizumi-ish thing to do, considering he seemed so 'together' and responsible at school.

But, apparently not.

_So, to recap why this day sucks:_

_1) Koizumi has a personality transplant and acts incredibly rude to Miss Kimidori for no adequately explored reason.  
__2) Haruhi goes postal (more so than usual, and for something so small and stupid I can't even figure it out. God- Haruhi should just come with a handbook that explains all her moodswings and stuff so poor souls like me don't get completly lost).  
3) I get stuck in a group with Nagato and Koizumi- the two best conversationalists in the world.  
4) What's more, I have to _pay _for the privilge of Koizumi's 'scintillating' company, even though he's been acting like a complete tool. I mean, yeah, he's a tool most of the time- but at least he attempts to be a vaguely charming tool.  
5) That. Stupid. Child. Won't. Stop. Popping. Gum. And. I. Think. My. Ears. Are. Bleeding. Stop. It._

_Pop!_

Kyon's left eye twitched. He grit his teeth, and tried to compose himself.

_Take deep, calming breaths, Kyon._

_Count to ten very slowly._

_Don't murder anybody on the train- that's something Haruhi would do..._

_And because you're not a semi-attractive girl with boobs, you're _not_ going to get away with genocide like Haruhi would._

Sometimes, the advantages of being girl seemed to far outweigh those of being a guy. It seemed rather unfair to Kyon.

"So... Nagato..." Kyon turned to the mute alien sat next to him, heavy book in her lap. She was dressed, as per Haruhi's instructions, in typical Gothic Lolita garb; a black ruffled dress, complete with matching corest top, puff-cap sleeves and an array of lace and ribbons. She didn't seem to care, though (and, funnily enough, neither did anyone else. Probabaly because she was being so quiet, nobody had even noticed her; they were uch too busy coughing/laughing/blowing bubbles of gum).

The silence (punctuated, of course, with coughing, laughter and popping) was begining to get to Kyon; he needed to talk about something with someone (absolutely anyone!) before he went insane and tried to strangulate the chewing gum kid with his own intestines. "Where did you get that book? You didn't have it this morning."

Nagato looked up. She blinked once. Very slowly.

Kyon doubted she was even going to reply, before-

"I found it."

"Really?" Kyon tried to feign interest. "Where?"

"In a trash can."

At this, Kyon's eyes widened in surprise. "In a _trash can? _Why?"

"I don't know. I didn't think to ask it."

Kyon was even more surprised by this comment. Not only had Yuki reeled off two full sentences of her own accord, but there also seemed to be a touch of sarcasm to those words. Was that a hint of humor?

"No, I didn't mean 'why was the book in the trash can'," Kyon clarified. "I meant, why did you pick it up?"

"It looked interesting."

"But you don't take things out of the trash."

"Why not?" Yuki was staring at Kyon intently now. She tilted her head slightly, looking just a tad confused; as though this had not occured to her before. Who knew, maybe on her planet, everyone dug, possom-like, through other people's garbage?

...Kyon doubted that somehow.

"Becuase," he tried to explain, "you don't know where it's been. It could have... germs... or something?"

Really, Yuki knew so little of Earth, it was almost scary; and it made Kyon want to protect her. Yuki did not seem like the sort of girl who needed protecting- she was pretty stoic and emotionless, and Kyon knew she could defend herself (her fight against Asakura had proved that).

But Yuki seemed vulnerable in that she knew almost nothing about the planet she lived on.

She hadn't even known what a 'glasses fetish' was.

Of course, despite her lapse in general knowledge as far as Earth terms and customs were concerned, she could still hold her own in a fight against anybody- so perhaps Kyon was being silly to think he could help her in any way.

She obviously didn't need help.

But that was just his brotherly instinct kicking in.

"I scanned the book before retrieving it- it has been deemed harmless," Yuki said, in her usual monotone.

"Oh... okay... You can do that?"

Yuki nodded.

"Haha..." Kyon laughed sheepishly, and rubbed the back of his head. "I guess you didn't need my concern then...?"

"No."

Yuki glanced back down at her book. She clutched hold of the spine (perhaps a little harder than necessary?)

Kyon didn't think she was going to say anything else, and was all set to embrace the silence once more, when-

"But... I appreciate it."

"Hngh?"

Kyon turned back to look at Yuki.

Her back was bent, head bowed. Her face was obscured with short strands of choppy silver hair. He couldn't tell what her expression was.

"I appreciate your concern," Yuki reiterated. Her voice remained cool and distant; but maybe there was a hint of something else in there?

Or maybe Kyon was just being fanciful.

At any rate, it still felt nice.

"Thanks, I guess?"

"No problem."

"Haha..."

Silence enveloped the compartment once more.

At least, until an exicted clamour began;

"Oh my gosh, I know, isn't that awesome? I thought he, like, didn't even like me- he likes that girl with the brown hair, you know, she has those mad MIDRIFF POWERS that she, like, shows off every chance she gets- but then he sent me this text message and he said he always liked **me**! Isn't that amazing?"

"Wow, Mii-chan! That's amazing!"

"Yeah, especially since he always looked so friendly with Mei-chan, too..."

"Yeah, but her wild midriff powers are no match for my adorable face! Right, right?~"

"Of course!"

"So, you wanna see the text message he sent?"

"Yeah! Show us, show us!~"

"Of course we do!"

"Okay~ Hehe~ But don't tell anyone else, right? It's a secret!~ Hehe!~"

Kyon stared blankly at the huddle of girls on the seats opposite. They were jostling the middle girl (it was the Genki girl before; she seemed to be the leader. Kyon deduced this after realising she was talking louder than everyone else), trying to get a good look at her cell phone.

For some weird reason, there were a couple of leek phone straps, and one of an ice-cream cone, dangling from the shiny piece of technology.

"Look, Kai-chan got me this one!~" The Genki girl jabbed at the ice-cream cone strap. "Isn't it, like, adorable?"

"Eee! So cute!"

"Super cute!"

"You're so lucky, Mii-chan, having such a good boyfriend!"

"I know, right? Hahahaha!"

Their laughter was nothing short of painful.

The topic of conversation (of the boyfriend and girlfriend variety), however, struck a chord with Kyon.

Once again, he was reminded of Haruhi's outburst. He knew Haruhi got angry all the time (usually about stupid things, like why did the vending machines only serve _boring _drinks ((Kyon was quick to point out that, whilst milk tea was hardly daring, at least it wouldn't give anyone food poisoning, like some of Haruhi's more experimental concotions)), and why were there good shows on TV ((Kyon's reply was that there _were_ good shows, but you actually had to watch them first- and by watch them, that meant more than the opening credits and first five seconds- before deciding that, because it contained no aliens, it was mind-numbingly boring))).

But last time had felt different.

She had seemed properly angry; not just peturbed, or annoyed, or disgruntled.

Angry.

And Kyon felt he should know the reasoning behind it, but he didn't.

It was... worrying.

"Don't you think Haruhi was acting strangely earlier?" Kyon asked Koizumi; partially because he was tired of listening to these loud girls loudly discussing their love lives in a very loud manner and needed to distract himself from their loudness before he went insane, and also because he honestly wanted to understand why Haruhi had been so hacked off. And if anyone was good at unravelling Haruhi's mysterious moodswings, it seemed to be Koizumi.

Stupid esper.

Damn him to hell for being so (very irritatingly) perceptive.

Kyon woudn't have talked to him at all otherwise; giving Koizumi the opportunity to talk usually resulted in a load of complex psychobabble and a headache.

"Hmn?" The esper, distracted from his window-gazing, turned about to face Kyon. He seemed quite surprised Kyon had deigned to talk to him- but his moment of wide-eyed shock was so quickly replaced by one of Koizumi's many, Itsuki-brand fake smiles Kyon was left doubting if the previous expression had ever existed at all. "Would you care to define 'strange' for me?"

"I mean..." Kyon frowned. "She acted so _angrily _when I drew my lot... You noticed, right?"

_Only you were kind of zoning out for a while, esper-boy._

_Like when you forgot your wallet._

_And when you were doing a really, really good impression of the dead person on the train up till a few seconds ago._

"Ah... Yes, I did notice," said Koizumi. "I'm surprised you did, though."

Kyon couldn't help but feel a bit annoyed at that comment. "Of course I did; I'm her _boyfriend_. Haruhi's emotional stability rests on my shoulders, right?"

"I guess you could say that."

"I just did. So, since you're so good at reading other people's emotions, could you tell me why she blew up like that?"

"I would've thought it was simple. She wanted to be with you, of course. Just you. Me, Miss Asahina, Nagato... She didn't much care where we went. Such is the burden of being a side character, unlike you two." Koizumi sighed, though his smile didn't falter.

"I figured that out on my own," said Kyon shortly. "But what I don't understand, is why she didn't just fix the lots, then? Or outright say 'Kyon, you're with me- if you don't comply, I'll break all the bones in your fingers'?"

"My... You've grown quite good at impersonating Miss Suzumiya." Koizumi grinned.

Kyon deadpanned. "You know, I'm _not _going to take that as a compliment."

"Suit yourself." Koizumi shrugged. And smiled. Smile, smile. "Anyway, back to the subject at hand. I believe that Miss Suzumiya purposely didn't do as you said because she was testing you."

"Testing me?"

"Yes." Koizumi nodded. "She waiting to see that, even if you didn't pick the same colored lot as she did, you would ask to go with her regardless."

"...What?" Kyon frowned at this particular nugget of information. "But nobody in their right mind would go against Haruhi. I didn't want to complain in case she tried to execute me!"

"I'm not saying what she did was reasonable, but it's understandable."

Kyon scoffed. "Really?"

"Yes. She wanted to know if you cared about her enough to ignore her rules- that was the test."

"So I failed?"

"It looks like it."

"God." Kyon sighed. The boy had no idea how many times he had done this after meeting Haruhi, but for what had to be bordering on the thousandth time, he brought his head and hand together with a dull thud. A few more braincells were vaporised, surely lamenting, as they died, over the nice, normal, pre-Haruhi days, when their existance had not been jeopardized by constant face-palming. "Why can't she ever do things simply? How does she expect me to know what she wants all the time? I'm not a mind reader!"

"Miss Suzumiya isn't simple, though. She's very complicated. And so are her thought-patterns. Although..." Koizumi's pensive face returned; though the faint smile remained. "What she did was not so uncommon when it comes to girls."

"What?"

"She wanted to know how much you liked her, but she did it in a subtle manner." Koizumi smiled. "Lots of girls do it. Some girls don't like being upfront about their emotions."

"Hey..." Kyon let his hand fall away from his face. "If you're so good at understanding Haruhi, why don't _you_ just go out with her?"

Koizumi- as always- smiled. Though, once more, it seemed a little more sincere than the usual plastic perfect Barbie expressions Koizumi displayed.

"Becuase she doesn't like me. She likes you."

"Yeah, but you'd piss her off less."

"That may be... But it wouldn't work," said Koizumi. "I like Miss Suzumiya, but I don't think I could cope with being anything more than her friend. I imagine it would be very mentally draining."

"Yeah, no kidding." He leant back in his seat- though, as he did so, a thought occured to him. "Hey, Koizumi..."

"Mn?"

"You don't have to go out with Haruhi- I'll spare you that."

"Thank you for being so considerate."

"Plus, I don't want to share. It'd be weird..."

"That is the general concencus when it comes to threesomes, yes."

Kyon raised a brow at this comment, but chose not to remark.

"But I've been wondering," Kyon continued, "why don't you have a girlfriend? I mean... You know a whole load about 'feelings' and stuff, and you always seem pretty popular with them."

It was true, too (unfortunately). For some bizarre reason, girls seemed drawn to him. He was always smiling, which probabaly made him look approachable and friendly, and his manners were above-par. And (there was no denying it), he _was _rather good-looking. Definitely not the sort of person Kyon would introduce his girlfriend to (expect, of course, he had. Haruhi. Ha ha. Not that Koizumi had any interest in Haruhi at all; which was quite sensible, really. All the boys foolhardy enough to have crushes on Haruhi were all left crushed and disappointed, and occasionally with a few broken limbs). Kyon remembered last Valentine's Day, when a crowd of girls had ambushed Koizumi on his way to the SOS Brigade meeting after school, and forced practically a whole confectionary store upon him. Not to mention all the chocolates Koizumi found in his locker...

It had been insane, like a scene from a girls' manga.

Kyon hadn't even known such things could _happen _in real life.

(Then again, Kyon hadn't believed in time travellers, aliens or espers, either. It seemed life was out to prove Kyon wrong over everything.)

But no matter how many girls asked Koizumi out (and there had been a lot), Koizumi still remained curiously single.

It seemed so foolish to throw away so many girlfriend opportunites; a guy like Taniguchi would've been over the moon if the female students showed him one eigth of the amount of attention they showed Koizumi.

"Well..." Koizumi shifted a little in his seat. Although his smile was still there (just barely), Kyon couldn't help but think he looked a little... embarassed? Maybe even flustered? How very odd.

And exceedingly un-Koizumi-like.

Just like the forgetting his wallet, and being cruel to Emiri, and ignoring Haruhi...

Hmn.

"I just... Um... Never really paid girls that much attention before," said Koizumi, after a short pause. His words sounded awkward and fragmented and- was he blushing?

Was Itsuki Koizumi blushing?

No- he couldn't be!

It had to be a trick of the light.

_What next? _Kyon thought dazedly. _Mikuru becoming the leader of the yakuza? Yuki becoming a cheerful Genki girl like those ones over there? Haruhi being - God forbid - _normal?

"I don't get how you can't pay attention to girls when they're practically throwing themselves at you," said Kyon. "Like Valentine's Day...?"

"Yes." Koizumi gave a small laugh. "Everyone got a bit carried away, didn't they? It was quite surreal."

_Oh yeah._

_The esper boy said something was surreal._

_Isn't that a bit ironic?_

"If you're worried about what the girls think of you or something, you're really shouldn't. I mean, it's not like you're bad looking or anything..."

"Oh, really?" Koizumi's sincere smile was now in place; a lot more asthetically pleasing than the plastic one. That smile was beginning Kyon feel quite insecure over his own looks now... "Thank you for the compliment."

"Haha..." Kyon was now feeling rather inadequate. Not to mention stupid, for adding to Koizumi's ego. Like he needed it.

_Well, at least _I'm _the one with the grilfriend._

"Well, you're not hideous- that's all I said," said Kyon. "And I only brought the subject up anyway because I thought, maybe if you had a girlfriend you'd stop poking your nose into my relationship."

"But I didn't, not this time," Koizumi grinned. "You asked for my help all by yourself."

"Yeah, and I'm regretting it now."

"Your regret is a lie," Koizumi said smoothly. There was a slight teasing edge to his voice. "Moreover, even when I do- ah, 'poke my nose' into your relationship with Miss Suzumiya, it is only for the greater good. People didn't call it 'interfering' when Sailor Moon went to go and save civillians from monsters and the like, now did they?"

The first thing that came to Kyon's mind was: "Are you calling Haruhi a monster?"

And then the second was: "...Wait a minute, why do you watch Sailor Moon?"

"You've seen it too, I assume?" asked Koizumi.

"Well, yeah! I have a little sister- I have an excuse. But you..." Kyon stared suspciously at Koizumi. "You don't _have _any brothers or sisters, do you?"

"You don't know that."

"I'm asking you right now: do you?"

"No."

"So what have you been watching kids' cartoons for?" The twitch in Kyon's eye was begining to come back. "T-this isn't why you haven't dated any girls, is it?"

_He's not a pervert, right?_

_Although..._

_That would make so much sense..._

Koizumi, however, seemed geniunely amused by this. He began to laugh.

Kyon glared at him.

"No!" Koizumi said, trying to stifle his laughter. "My old part-time job used to babysitting. It's a lot less exciting than my current one, but, y'know."

Oh.

Kyon knew.

Koizumi hadn't said anything about the blue giants and the general destruction that took place in closed space, but he didn't have to; Kyon would never forget that. Even now, he could remember the sky cracking open like a melon, as sunlight filtered through into real world...

It had been so cold in there.

So lonely.

Kyon shuddered.

"There was this one girl who absolutely loved Sailor Moon; she made me watch it with her. It was pretty dire." Koizumi smiled. "Alright, no- I lie. It was awful."

Okay.

That explanation was an awful lot better than believing Koizumi was some kind of creepy peadophile. Now, Kyon wouldn't have to fear for his sister's safety whenever the esper came over to his house- not, of course, that Kyon was planning to invite him over.

"My sister had that wand thing- I remember her begging mom for it for weeks and weeks," Kyon said. "And then, when she got it, she kept hitting me with it, so I buried it in the garden... I think I was about eight."

"I feel sorry for everyone forced to watch it," Koizumi agreed. "There should have been a law against it."

"Definitely. Then I wouldn't be so emotionally scarred."

Koizumi began to laugh again at this, and - to his surprise - Kyon found himself joining in.

He'd never dreamed he would ever bond with Koizumi, especially not over a children's cartoon they both despised.

But they had.

Now, _there _was a surprise.

* * *

**a.n: **you can has character bonding time, yes?  
hopefully vaguely in-character character bonding time as well nyaa XP  
i was gunna put more conversation between itsuki and kyon in here but i decided to save some of it for the next chapter ^.^  
lol this update is really really quick because, um...  
i felt motivated?  
it's a very strange feeling, i don't get it a lot XDD

also, there were a couple of cameo appearances in here, i hope i didn't make it totally obvious who they are XD

and now, to finish my author's notes, a poem:

I don't like jellyfish  
They're not a fish, they're just a blob.  
They don't have eyes, fins or scales like a cod.  
They swim around blind stinging people in the seas  
And no one eats jellyfish with chips and mushy peas.  
Get rid of them!

if you know where this poem is from you're officially very nifty XD

renahhchen xxx


	12. 11: No! I Really Don't Want to Talk!

**It's a Romantic Conquest True Love Story, Haruhi-Chan!**

* * *

Chapter Eleven:  
_No! I Really Don't Want to Know More About You!_

* * *

"Well this is... about as pointless as I thought it would be."

Not that Hirota Shrine was ugly; far from it.

The shrine was removed from the urban bustle of Nishinomiya. Instead of busy cars and businessmen on cell phones, there were trees, greenery, and a few lone birds pecking about on the ground. The birds, however, left shortly after the arrival of Yuki, Kyon and Koizumi; probably because they unused to people. The shrine was completely empty, save for the three members of the SOS Brigade.

It was quiet and peaceful.

Kyon had to bask in the moment a little. Whenever Haruhi was around, both peace and quiet would simultaneously explode, and everything became a lot more tiresome.

Kyon couldn't even remember the last time everything had been so tranquil.

...Apart from the days prior to his fatal encounter with Haruhi Suzumiya, of course.

They seemed so very far away, all of a sudden.

_Urgh. Now's not the time to be nostalgic._

_Haruhi'll be pretty annoyed if I don't even _try _to look for a ghost or two._

_Even if it is a waste of time._

"Nagato, you don't sense anything 'unusual', do you?" Kyon asked. It was a pretty feeble effort, but at least nobody could say he hadn't tried.

The alien blinked at Kyon slowly, her face blank as usual. Her expression was as unreadable as one of her scientific books.

"No," she replied, after a while. The word was accompanied by a single shake of her head.

Kyon sighed. "I thought as much."

_Geez. And all those TV shows make it look so _easy_ to hunt the supernatural._

_I should write a formal complaint to those TV stations about misleading content in their programmes. If they stopped broadcasting that stuff, Haruhi'd stop getting such crazy/stupid ideas, and I wouldn't get caught up in them all them time._

"Koizumi, you haven't 'sensed' anything, have you?" Kyon turned for Koizumi's help- although he didn't expect much. Koizumi could be exceptionally useless if he wanted to. And over the past few days had been more so than usual.

"I'm sorry," said Koizumi, with his usual smile, "but my powers are limited to closed space, and I can't 'sense' anything. You would be much better off asking Nagato to monitor the area for you- she detect subtle shifts of data in our surroundings that are impossible for me and you."

"Data, huh?"

Everyone sure loved throwing that word around; doubly so when Nagato was involved.

"Everything in the world is made of data," Nagato explained. "I can monitor the data and see if anything unusual appears."

Kyon hadn't been expecting her to talk, and it made him jump a little.

"So..." Kyon tried to shake off his shock that Nagato had spoken unprompted, for the second time in one day. Who cared about ghosts? This was much more incredible and unbelievable than any wraith or spectre they might encounter! "If we wait here a while, would you do your 'monitoring' thing and tell us if anything changes?"

Nagato nodded.

"Well, at least we've got that sorted out." With a sigh (Kyon seemed to do little else but sigh and face-palm lately. If he kept doing it, those two things were in danger of becoming his 'trademark', such as muteness was Yuki's, smiling fakely and agreeing with Haruhi was Koizumi's, eating smoked cheese was Tsuraya's, being irresponsible and shaving years off Kyon's lifespan with every stupid scheme and ridiculous plan was Haruhi's, etc, etc...), the brunet flopped down onto the nearest bench, and began absent-mindedly picking at the loose thread of his jeans.

Following suit, Koizumi took a seat on Kyon's right, and Nagato sat to his left.

As soon as her thighs met the bench, Nagato folded her book out on her lap, and began to read.

Out of interest, Kyon took a quick glance at the open page- and then promptly averted his gaze, as though he'd been stung.

Complicated, scientific-sounding words such as 'quark', 'photon', 'electromagnetism' and 'pion' jumped off the page and gave Kyon a headache.

Kyon wasn't bad at science, not really, but that particular book seemed a little too 'intense' for him.

_Well, now I know why this book was found in the trash._

_The real question is, though, who'd buy it in the first place?_

"Did you like it?"

"What?"

Yuki had spoken unexpectedly again and, like before, it made Kyon start with shock.

_I've really got to stop doing that._

_You'd think, after going out with Haruhi, I'd be impervious to all these bizarre events and they'd just roll right off me. But aparently not._

"Did you like the book?" Nagato clarified.

"Haha..." Kyon laughed sheepishly. So, she'd noticed him reading over her shoulder. Wasn't that one of those things some people really hated? Not that Kyon could see the level-headed Nagato getting annoyed or something so petty- or, anything, really. "It looked a little too 'in-depth' for me." Kyon had chosen his words carefully. Saying something like 'no, it looked awful- I'd rather pull out my fingernails with tweezers than struggle through a page of that boring book' would've been downright rude, even if it was closer to how he really felt.

"Oh."

Kyon looked at Nagato. She had her head bent again, face partially hidden by hair.

It may have been a trick of the light, or some kind of hallucination, but did she look... disappointed?

A thought suddenly struck Kyon.

What if Nagato was lonely?

Her intelligence far outstripped everyone else's in the SOS Brigade, which could've left her feeling isolated. Haruhi didn't even regard her as a person. To her, Nagato was little more than a cool accessory that had come as a free gift with the club room. Nagato and Koizumi never spoke at all, and- for whatever reason- Mikuru always seemed to act skittish around her. Kyon was the only person Yuki ever really spoke to- and what she said could hardly be classed as 'flowing conversation'.

Everyone else had someone to talk to- even Haruhi and Mikuru's relationship was not so bad, when Haruhi was not trying to force Mikuru into/out of various outfits.

But who did Nagato have to talk to?

Who did she have to identify with?

Nobody shared her interests.

Ryoko Asakura may have been the last person Yuki could identify with, but she was gone now (and quite rightly too- Asakura had been completely _insane_. And not insane in a ((mostly)) harmless way, like Haruhi).

For whatever reason, Kyon suddenly felt a crushing guilt settle upon him.

"Maybe I will take a look at that book when you're finished with it after all," Kyon found himself suddenly saying- even though the mere _thought_ of reading it was giving him a headache.

"That's not necessary."

"Why not?"

"It's not very good."

Any feelings of guilt over potentially upsetting Nagato had vanished. Kyon felt quite relieved.

"I'll take your word for it," he said. He grinned. "You do read more than all of us- if anyone knows what book's good and what book's bad, it's you."

"Thank you."

Nagato flipped a page of her book.

Kyon watched her read. Her eyes flickered quickly across one page, then the next, before turning it again at a record-breaking pace. Her reading speed was easily three times faster than the average human's. It was quite the incredible sight.

"Hey, Nagato..." Kyon began, after a minute or so of silence (punctuated only by Nagato turning the page once more). "Have you read any other books besides those physics ones?"

"Other books?" Nagato paused in her reading to look up at Kyon. She seemed genuinely interested- more so than she had been in the book.

"Yeah, like manga or light novels."

"I haven't."

"Oh, well- they're a bit different from the books you normally read, but you might like them," Kyon explained. "They usually tell fictional stories, not facts, and manga does it through pictures. They're good. Well, not all of them..." Kyon remembered some of the creepier manga he had found Haruhi reading once, with various boys (although most of them looked like girls) in various... positions.

Kyon shuddered.

"Why are you reading that?" Kyon had asked, wishing he hadn't been so curious as to flip through the first novel in the series, which had been lying innocuously enough on the desk.

"I got bored. So I went to look at the manga club, and found this." By 'found', of course, Haruhi meant 'stole'. "It's pretty good, right?"

"No!"

_Urgh._

_Now that's one memory I didn't want to bring up..._

Thankfully, Nagato was unaware of Kyon's mental anguish.

"Those books sound interesting." Was her final verdict on the topic of manga.

"Yeah, they are," Kyon agreed. "I know- after we've waited round here long enough, why don't we go to the library and check out some books for you?"

"Yes. That sounds good." Nagato's normally expressionless face seemed slightly different- as though she were happy? Or, at least, not as completely blank and uninterested as usual. But, with Nagato, it was hard to tell. The Nagato-brand Mr. Potato Head would've been so easy to make; it only needed one face for any situation. "Thank you."

"No problem. That's what friends are for, right?"

"Friend..." Nagato said the word slowly, almost experimentally. She looked a little bemused.

Kyon couldn't help but smile, as Nagato shook her head, and turned back to her book.

_She's actually pretty cute._

_And maybe it's good she doesn't talk all the time- it helps to counteract some of Haruhi's annoying nature._

Kyon watched disinterestedly as a couple of birds circled the shrine, before coming to a land on a nearby tree.

There really was nothing to do but sit and wait.

Idly, Kyon wondered what Haruhi was doing.

"I bet Haruhi'll be angry when we come back without any supernatural sightings," said Kyon, more to himself than anything else.

Koizumi shifted slightly beside Kyon, causing the brunet to turn his head. He looked at the esper inquisitively.

"What?"

"Well..." Koizumi shifted a little more. Despite his smile, he seemed a little... apprehensive, maybe? Kyon couldn't tell. "I think I'd prefer it if we _didn't _run into any ghosts or the like."

"Oh?" That comment certainly piqued Kyon's interest. "I thought your aim in life was to make sure everything goes ases 'Miss Suzumiya wishes'?" These ending words with accompanied with 'quotey' hand gestures. "That's why you always agree with her on everything."

"Yes, but, even so..."

"What? You don't _believe_ in ghosts, do you?" Kyon snorted.

"I didn't believe in espers either, and look how things stand now."

"But ghosts are completely different. That's just..." Kyon struggled to come up with the right word. "That's just completely illogical. My little sister doesn't even believe in ghosts."

"I realise it's illogical. I can't help it."

Koizumi's words made Kyon recall the events of yesterday. Haruhi's movie-watching night. Whilst Kyon had thought the movie was pretty dire (the copious amounts of tomato-red 'blood' didn't induce anything more from Kyon than a pondering of just how small the movie's budget had been, anyway), Koizumi had looked... distinctly un-Koizumi-like.

He couldn't have been scared, could he?

Not _seriously_?

"Wait a minute." Kyon stared at Koizumi, eyes narrowed, scrutinising. "You're not scared of ghosts, are you, Koizumi?"

Koizumi bit his lip and looked away. His face was distinctly paler- but there were two spots of light pink on his cheeks.

It was all the answer Kyon needed.

"You mean, you're actually scared of this stuff?"

Koizumi didn't even try to deny it. Instead, he gave a meek nod. The movement was so quick, Kyon wouldn't have noticed it if he hadn't have been looking; he would have just mistaken it for some kind of twitch.

Kyon blinked at Koizumi with obvious surprise.

He just wasn't sure what to say.

Now _there _was a revelation.

"But," Kyon was struggling to make sense of this situation, "how can you be scared of stuff like that? You fought against those weird blue monster things-"

"Shinjin," Koizumi corrected.

"Whatever." Kyon crossed his arms. "You fought against these Shinjin... things... and you weren't phased by those at all! So how can you be frightened of something most _children _don't even believe in? I just... Wow."

There was a short pause.

"It just doesn't seem like you."

"Well, you don't really know me all too well- if I'm being honest," said Koizumi. Those pink spots were there; he was still acting strangely flushed. Most likely, he was embarrassed. He still wasn't looking Kyon in the eye, which was strange. Normally, he was far too comfortable and familiar with Kyon for the brunet's liking. This reaction was something Kyon had never seen before- something that nobody else had been before, either, he'd wager. "You only know how I act at school."

"Yeah, but still. _Ghosts_?"

"Humans often fear irrational things. It is part of their nature," said Nagato, in her toneless voice. It was devoid of emotion and emphasis, like a machine.

Kyon turned to Nagato, surprised at her sudden interjection (really, Nagato seemed to be doing that a lot today. Kyon felt disappointed with himself; he should be more prepared). She was still bent over her book, eyes scanning over the page. Soundlessly, she turned over to the next page.

"I didn't know you were listening, Nagato."

"I am quite perceptive," was Nagato's deadpan reply.

"You don't believe in ghosts, do you, Nagato?" Kyon asked- though he wasn't sure why. He knew what her answer would be.

"There is no data to suggest they exist."

_Bingo._

_I knew it._

"But the fear of such creatures is quite common," Nagato continued. Even though she was talking, her eyes continued to scan the page of her book, before turning it over. "Some people believe ghosts are an omen of death. A fear of ghosts could relate to a fear of dying." At this, Nagato looked up at Kyon and Koizumi. "But it does not worry me." And she looked back down to her book again.

Kyon couldn't help but whistle at Nagato's display of general knowledge.

"You know a lot about this stuff, Nagato."

She shrugged.

"I read."

_Yeah..._

_Funny how you know about phobias down to every last detail, but you still don't understand what a 'glasses fetish' is._

_You really should prioritise when it comes to looking up information, Nagato._

Nagato's word quota seemed well and truly full up for the rest of that day (and, probably, the rest of the month); she had returned to reading, mouth tightly closed. Kyon doubted he'd be able to get any more out of her- trying to have a conversation with Yuki Nagato was a bit like trying to squeeze blood out of a stone.

"So, Koizumi."

"Yes?" Koizumi turned to look at Kyon. Even though the pink spots had faded from his cheeks, and his skin color was slightly less ashen than before, he still looked a little unsure. Definitely less teasing and touchy-feeling than normal.

Kyon wasn't sure if this timid Koizumi was an improvement or not.

Something about it didn't feel quite right.

Not that Kyon was going to lose sleep trying to figure out why.

"Is there any particular reason you're, um... scared of this stuff?" Kyon was trying to be tactful, but the idea of Koizumi being afraid of anything so childish was still a novel idea. He couldn't help but be intrigued.

"Well." Koizumi sighed- it looked like he'd taken on Kyon's job for now. "It's like the philosopher Thomas Morris said: 'I know the fear of ghosts contradicts science and reason. But I can't stop myself from being afraid.' And I can't..." Koizumi straightened a little in his seat. "I wasn't always afraid, though. It's my cousins' fault."

"You have cousins?"

"Yeah. I've got a pretty big family, actually. And a whole load of cousins- but most of them are older than me." Koizumi smiled.

Although the smile was only a shadow of his usual smile, at least he didn't look upset/embarrassed anymore- which made Kyon feel reassured, for some strange reason. He quickly tried to quash the thought, before it developed into something even stranger- like leftovers found at the back of the fridge. If you left something long enough, it grew pretty twisted and ugly quite quickly; best to kill it before it got out of control.

"I was about five... or maybe I was six... I don't remember exactly, but it doesn't matter. A few of my cousins came over, and, well, it's not very nice being the youngest; and I was pretty short for my age, too. I got pushed around a lot."

"I'm, um... sorry?" Kyon was feeling distinctly awkward, now Koizumi had begun to reminisce on his 'tragic' childhood.

Kyon had never thought Koizumi would open up to him about this stuff- it was a surprise.

Almost as surprising as Nagato employing the power of speech more than twice in a day.

At Kyon's words, however, Koizumi began to laugh- a real laugh.

He looked a lot better when he was actually happy, Kyon noted.

It was certainly nicer than when he was worried.

"No, don't be sorry," Koizumi reassured Kyon. He grinned. "I probabaly desevred it- I was probably a pretty obnoxious kid."

"What? _You_?" Kyon feigned shock. "I never would've guessed."

"Now, I wonder why people tell me that," said Koizumi, in teasing tones. "I'm not _that _bad, am I?"

"...I don't want to dignify that with an answer."

"Tch. How cruel." Koizumi looked affronted- but it was only an act. "Anyway. My cousins came over, and they were pushing me around, like always. And then the oldest one, Rin, has a really great idea. She says 'I know, Itsuki-san! Why don't we play a game? You have to go hide out in the local graveyard at night and-'"

"I can kind of see where this is going now," Kyon interrupted.

Koizumi nodded. "Indeed."

"So why did you do what they said? That's pretty guillible."

"Yeah, I know," Koizumi nodded in earnest. "But you don't know Rin. She's terrifying- really."

"I'm getting a vision of Haruhi in my head here."

Koizumi smiled. "Oh no- Rin is _far _worse. You really have to do what she says."

"So, how was the graveyard experience, then?" Kyon asked- although he knew the reply was hardly going to be positive. However, he was still curious.

"It was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life," Koizumi replied cheerfully. "I think I lasted about three minutes before I ran back into the house, screaming. Just... it was really windy, and I could barely see a foot in front of my face, and it was just- well... I think it scarred me for life. I'm not going to go into detail, but it was pretty horrifying."

"I can imagine."

"It didn't help that Rin was really into all these horror movies, and she kept making me watch them with her. Like, this one, 'Fear Garden'? I don't know if you've seen it, but I can remember it. Every single detail." Koizumi shuddered. "When you're a child, images of a young girl chopping off arms and planting them in her back yard can really warp you... That movie has stayed with me for the rest of my life. Rin only liked it so much because she said the main character looked like her."

"So, that's why you don't like horror movies? Or ghosts? Or anything like that?"

"Yes. Exactly. I've had some bad experiences with those things in the past. Although, haha," Koizumi began to chuckle, "after having Rin for a cousin, defeating those Shinjin didn't seem like such a big deal. Every cloud has a silver lining."

"Yeah- righhtt. And this 'cloud' only left you completely petrified of anything related to the supernatural."

"I know. It's a bit embarrassing."

"Hey, Koizumi..." Kyon's voice trailed away.

He had begun to think.

If Koizumi was being so open to him at the moment, maybe he should ask why he had been so snappy with Emiri, too? His previous actions had been weighing on Kyon's mind, and he wanted to know the reasoning behind it.

"Oh dear- that sounds like a pretty ominous 'hey, Koizumi'," said Koizumi, leaning in closer to Kyon. "What's wrong?"

"I was just wondering..."

Kyon wondered how best to phrase his question.

He didn't want to sound tactless.

_But then again, since when have I cared about Koizumi's feelings anyway?_

_Urgh- this is so confusing._

_No wonder Nagato doesn't talk to people. It's because they mess with your head!_

"What were you wondering?"

"I was just wondering why you were so rude to Miss Kimidori," Kyon blurted out.

"..."

_Ah, hello, awkward silence._

_Oh how I've missed you._

"Well..." Once more, Koizumi had begun to look embarrassed. "It's because-"

Nagato's voice cut through Koizumi's words, blank and calm;

"I've detected something."

* * *

**a.n: **whyy do I keep writing? XD  
this chapter was going to have more stuff in it, but it ended up kind of long, so what I originally planned as one chapter will get spliced into two.  
um, at least more chapters means more kyon/itsuki bonding time? XP  
lelele so anyway.

for all of you people who don't know fear garden:  
http :/ www . youtube . com / watch?v=ZVFfeTIWWco  
i actually really like this song XD

everyone knows who rin is amrite? XD


	13. 12: Insanity is Catching!

**It's a Romantic Conquest True Love Story, Haruhi-Chan!**

* * *

Chapter Twelve:  
_Insanity is Catching! We Must Attempt to Survive!_

* * *

At Nagato's out-of-the-blue announcement, Koizumi's expression instantly morphed from one of relative cheeriness, to something much more serious.

"How strong is it, Nagato?" he asked, scanning the area alertly.

"It's powerful."

It was strange, really.

If you compared Koizumi and Nagato's faces at that moment, you never would have guessed they were talking about the same thing. Whereas Koizumi looked distinctly agitated- he had even gotten to his feet at some point- Nagato remained sat down, mouth drawn into a line, expressionless and (apparently) unfeeling as ever. But the sudden explosion of data had, at least, made Nagato put her book down. She, too, was scanning the area; so Kyon could only assume something very serious had happened, or was about to happen.

_It can't _really _be ghosts, right?_

_I'm not like Haruhi- I don't believe in illogical things because they're_ illogical- _they're not possible, or scientifically proven. I like to think I have more common sense than that!_

_Although, some people do say these shrines have ancient connections with old gods..._

**_Hey! Stop disagreeing with yourself! _**an infinitely more intelligent part of Kyon's brain argued. **_You know this stuff is ridiculous- don't turn into Haruhi. You've managed to resist so far; don't let her weird thinking patterns infect you!_**

_But what if it actually is-_

**_Shut up._**

_Oh, great. Now I have schizophrenia now._

_If this is what happens when you date Haruhi, I don't think the experience is really worth it._

_I like being sane._

_It sets me apart from the rest of the people I know._

"Hey, guys! What're you doing here?~"

A familiar voice distracted Kyon from the difficult, arduous task of slowly turning himself insane- something he was quite thankful for. Kyon had no idea how many other multiple personalities he would've spawned if he hadn't been interrupted, and he didn't really want to wait and find out.

None other than the green-haired, smoked-cheese-obsessed schoolgirl, Tsuraya, was running up them to, waving enthusiastically as she did so. Her arms, pinwheeling like twin windmills as she waved, looked an awful lot like health and safety hazards to Kyon. He wisely moved out of the hyperactive girl's way before she hit him upside the head.

Bounding alongside Tsuraya, with even more energy than her (if such a thing was possible), was a large, white dog with floppy ears and a wagging tail.

Kyon remembered what people said, about dogs beginning to look like their owners. That was certainly true in this dog's case; it's lively nature was exactly the same as Tsuraya's. It even had one small, fanged tooth, which was made apparent when he/she opened his/her mouth to bark at a few birds foolish enough to roost on the lower tree branches near the shrine.

"Woah, Itsuki~ You don't look very happy," said Tsuraya, slowing to a halt by the three SOS Brigade members. With a pout, she bent down, and blinked winsomely up at Koizumi's too-serious face. "What's wrong? Tell me, tell me!"

Koizumi's plastic smile pinged back into place at Tsuraya's questioning, and he gave a sheepish laugh.

"Sorry. You just startled me. I wasn't expecting to see you here."

"I see~" Tsuraya chirruped. "Well, don't worry! I don't bite!"

_It's not your bite I'm worried about- although that fang _does _look a bit like a health hazard waiting to happen._

_Maybe you should talk to your dentist, Tsuraya, 'cause he/she is doing a pretty crappy job keeping all your teeth inside your mouth._

_But- no._

_I'm actually more worried about your mentality._

_I hope insanity's not catching..._

At Tsuraya's words, Koizumi gave a small laugh- though to Kyon, it sounded rather forced. Not at all like how he had been laughing before.

_Urgh._

_Why am I even thinking about this?_

Tsuraya didn't notice Koizumi's discomfort, though. Instead, she had made her way over to her next helpless victim.

"Yuki! Hi!" Tsuraya squealed.

"Hello." Nagato's reply was emotionless and monosyllabic, at always.

Tsuraya was not deterred by Nagato's impassive face, as many, many others were. Hardly anyone spoke to Nagato at school- probably because they'd realised there wasn't much point. They'd be better off talking to a cardboard box in a coma, for all the response and recognition they'd get. Or maybe it was because they didn't really _see _Nagato? She was always so quiet, sat there reading... Perhaps they simply looked right through her. Or maybe it was a bit of both, Kyon didn't know.

"Ooh, Yuki! Yuki, your dress is so cute! Where did you get it?" Tsuraya continued to assault Kyon's voice with her loud voice. That was the trouble with Tsuraya- she was friendly enough (in a deranged sort of way), but she only had two volumes. Loud, and louder. Kyon would like her a lot more if she came with an on/off switch, or a mute button. Any kind of volume control would be nice.

"...Miss Suzumiya." Nagato's voice was almost non-existant in comparison to Tsuraya's.

"Did Haruhi make that? That's so cool!" exclaimed Tsuraya. Her voice scattered a few birds foolish enough to land near the shrine on that particular day. "I want one! D'you think she'd make me one?"

Nagato shrugged.

"So, what's the occasion for the awesome outfit, huh? Huh?"

At that moment, Tsuraya's dog gave a loud bark; unhappy that Tsuraya had been ignoring him in favour of Yuki's gothic lolita dress.

Nagato glanced down at the dog with some curiosity, as if she had never seen one before at such close proximity.

"What's it name?" she asked.

"You mean my dog?"

_No, don't be silly._

_Nagato obviously means the _other, invisible _dog._

Nagato nodded. The motion lasted a split-second. Her movements could barely even be classed as 'movements' at all, whereas Tsuraya seemed unable to talk without waving her arms around like a drowning person.

"Well, it's a funny coincidence, actaully." Tsuraya's million-watt beam almost blinded Kyon. "My dog is called..."

_What's with the ominous pause?_

_I'm sure the dog's name can't be _that _amazing, unless it's something like Adolf._

_..._

_I can't believe I just thought that._

_I'm a terrible person._

_Why am I in such a bad mood anyway?_

"He's called Yuki!" Tsuraya squealed, once the 'suspenseful' silence had reached its climax.

It's _anti-climax_, more like.

Although, Nagato did look a little interested at this particular nugget of information- which was quite spectacular, if you knew Nagato. Unless you were made out of trees, sliced into pages, covered in incomprehensible scientific babble and bound together, it was very rare Nagato would spare you more than a passing glance- the bibliophile that she was.

"Yuki?" she asked.

"Yeah. Like, after the snow, 'cause she's white." Tsuraya smiled. "Nifty, huh?"

_Wow._

_I am overwhelmed at your creative flair when it comes to naming pets._

_Adolf was much more interesting._

_...I really need to stop this._

_I'm offending **myself**_.

Tsuraya's dog barked again, and blinked his large eyes up at the human-shaped Yuki.

Yuki blinked at the dog in confusion, her head tilted to one side.

"What do I do?" she asked, surveying the dog cautiously as though it were an unexploded bomb, and not something cute and fluffy with a wagging tail.

Tsuraya laughed at Yuki's question. "You can pet him! He won't hurt you!"

"...?" Yuki turned her questioning gaze to Tsuraya.

"Look, it's easy," said Tsuraya. She took hold of the alien-yet-distinctly-human-shaped Yuki's hand, and guided it towards the dog-shaped Yuki. "See, you just have to pet him a little."

"He's soft..." Nagato's eyes widened slightly, before settling back to their normal size almost instantenously. Kyon was sure he was the only one who'd caught that brief flicker of emotion, from the habitually emotion_less_ Yuki.

It was quite cute, really.

"Of course he is. You weren't expecting his fur to be all tangled or somethin', were you, 'cause if you were I find that quite offensive." Tsuraya pouted. "_I _can take care of my pets, you know!"

_Well, I'm sorry for my disbelief, Tsuraya, but you're not exactly the poster girl for 'responsible' and 'mature'._

_My little sister's more mature than you, and she still sleeps in Little Mermaid pajamas._

"He's nice," said Yuki. Her voice was quiet, and icy as always- but Kyon could detect some leftover strains of shock in there, alongside something that sounded like... Warmth? For such a cold voice to display warmth was quite the oxymoron, indeed.

Kyon didn't know Yuki liked animals.

Then again, there was a lot Kyon didn't know.

He'd be the first to admit it.

After all, who knew what other weird creatures, asides from espers/aliens/time travellers, were lurking out there across the expanse of the globe, all because Haruhi willed them into being?

Kyon didn't like to think about that.

Ignorance was bliss.

Yuki-the-humanoid seemed completely focused on Yuki-the-canine, and continued to pet the dog, though her movements were still somewhat stilted- as though she was not sure exactly what to do.

It was quite endearing.

"Ok!~" Tsuraya shouted very loudly, for no reason whatsoever. She turned towards Kyon (who was frowning) and Koizumi (who was looking at the floor). "So, you guys. What're you doing here? Spill, spill!"

"Ah... It's a little complicated." Koizumi gave a small laugh, but it was forced-sounding and unnatural.

It sounded doubly hollow when Kyon compared it to the laughter he'd heard from the esper only a few minutes ago- but then Kyon hit himself mentally upside the head, and wondered why he cared so much anyway. Which he didn't, of course. Care, that is.

_Arrghhhh._

"You can tell me! I like complicated," said Tsuraya. "It makes things more interesting, right?"

"Haha. I guess so." Koizumi was smiling. "Okay, okay, I'll confess."

"Confess?" Tsuraya raised a brow. "You _murdered_ someone or something? So where'd you hide the body?" She made a show of looking about the shrine, as if expecting to find an open grave somewhere, perhaps with a few pieces of half-decomposed body scattered about it for artistic effect.

But nay, it was not so.

Kyon had to admit, he found the idea of Koizumi, who couldn't even watch a crappy B movie horror flick without turning into a squealing girl, could ever commit such a crime. It'd scar _him_ more than the potential victim.

Koizumi continued to smile, in that fake way girls found so attractive, but Kyon found disconcerting.

"No, it's nothing like that," he said, shaking his head. "Miss Suzumiya actually wanted us here to look for, well, ghosts."

"Ghosts?"

"And any other horror movie regulars we might find along the way, yes. I don't think she's too picky, really."

Tsuraya's eyes widened. With every word Koizumi spoke, she leant in just a little closer to his face.

"Ooh. That sounds super-fun and amazing!" Tsuraya reached forwards, and ensnared Koizumi's hand with both of her own. "Can I come too? Can I come, can I come, please, please, please?"

"Um..." Koizumi's smile faltered for a few moments, but he quickly recovered from Tsuraya's forwardness. "I don't see the harm. I'm sure Miss Suzumiya wouldn't mind."

"Yay! Thank you thank you thank you! This'll be uber nifty!~ Hehee~"

Kyon couldn't help but note Tsuraya still had hold of Koizumi.

...Not that it bothered him.

Koizumi always invaded _his _personal space; he needed to learn just how arkward it could be.

Then again, most other boys would've welcomed Tsuraya getting up close and personal. Despite the fact she'd been dropped on the head at birth, and she was a few fries short of a Happy Meal, she _was _quite pretty. Not as pretty as Mikuru, or even Haruhi, but she was always smiling, and always seemed plenty friendly. Perhaps a little _too _friendly.

"Soooo~" Tsuraya all-but sang, plopping down on the bench in between the two boys. "Have you seen anything yet? Anything creepy? Tell me!"

"Nothing," said Kyon flatly.

_Haruhi's the scariest thing I've ever witnessed; I don't think I'll ever see anything that can top that._

_I bet all those ghosts and zombies would wish they could die all over again just to escape her._

"And I wouldn't get your hopes up," Kyon continued, "because we've been sat here for about an hour and you're the first person we've seen, alive _or_ dead."

"Hmn..." Tsuraya glanced around the shrine once more, in a very thoughtful manner. After a few seconds, she seemed to come to a conclusion, for her eyes lit up, and she slapped her knee. Very loudly (as was Tsuraya's M.O.- she was unable to control the volume of her voice) she announced; "This place lacks spiritual energy! The draw for ghosts is much too low!"

"...Eh?" Kyon frowned.

"I mean, this is the wrong atmosphere for hateful spirits! It's too quiet and peaceful."

"Where do you suggest we look for ghosts then, Tsuraya? In the middle of a Morning Musume concert?"

"I love Morning Musume~" beamed Tsuraya, waving aside Kyon's sarcasm. Perhaps she hadn't picked up on it. "But that atmosphere is not quite right, either. Hey!" She snapped her fingers. "You don't know if anyone's died in some terrible accident around here lately, do you?"

Kyon shook his head.

Tsuraya look a little upset at this. She sighed.

"Aha!" And she snapped her fingers again. "I know, I know! I have an awesome plan!"

"I'm listening, with a due sense of cynicism and dread."

"Well! If there aren't any dead bodies hanging around at the moment, we could always _create_-"

"No."

"Yeah but-"

"No." Kyon's voice was very cold and final. "We are not murdering anyone."

"But-"

"I said no."

"Awww~" Tsuraya pouted, and poked Kyon on the nose. "You're no fun!"

Kyon batted her intrusive fingers away. "The idea of 'fun' is pretty subjective, you know."

"This area is a shrine, though. It doesn't make sense. There should be at least some spectral activity," she said thoughtfully, as though she were pondering over a complicated maths puzzle. She was content to disregard everything Kyon had said.

Kyon sighed.

Sadly, he was used to that.

"Aha!" Tsuraya exclaimed, for the second time that day. "I know what it is! The problem is-"

And she pointed right at Yuki.

Kyon and Koizumi both turned, to see what exactly was so 'problematic' about Yuki.

The usually-stoic android/data entity/girl-shaped whatever was crouched on the floor, on her knees, patting the canine Yuki. She held a stick in her right hand, and seemed to be the in the middle of a game of catch. Even though her face was blank as always, there was something else in there that was so distinctly un-Yuki-like Kyon had to blink a few times to make sure he was seeing right.

Yuki looked _happy_.

He could tell, in the way her eyes had softened, and the line of her mouth was quirked, even so subtly, up into a teeny, tiny, almost-invisible smile.

It was amazing, really.

Koizumi seemed to have noticed the transformation, too.

"Hey, Kyon," said the esper conversationally, as though they were not witnessing the Ninth Wonder of the World.

"Yu-huhh?"

"Pinch me."

"What?"

"Pinch me." Koizumi was smiling. It was far more natural than his normal expressions; it looked as he might had been trying to laugh. "This has to be a dream, right?"

"Ahaha," Kyon gave a weak laugh. "I've never seen Nagato look so... so..."

Human.

That was the right word.

"She looks happy, right?" Tsuraya beamed. "That's so cute! But..." At this ominous-sounding 'but', her eyes narrowed. "The cuteness is far too great! It's over nine thousand! The aura of adorable-ness is much too much for the living dead to handle! We need to go somewhere more gloomy!"

"...Over nine thousand?"

_We're going for popular internet references now, then?_

_Do you want to start spewing 'desu's from every orifice and doing the Carmelldansen too, Tsuraya?_

_Who even _says _those things in real life, anyway?_

"Well, Miss Tsuraya," said Koizumi, trying to tear his eyes away from Yuki (trying being the optimum word. She was just so gosh-darn adorable, patting that dog like that and doing her one-sixth of a half-smile that it was hard not to look). "We were only going to stay here for an hour or so. We promised Nagato we'd go to the library, and then we need to meet up with Miss Suzumiya again."

"D'you think we could make a stop at a few old buildings or a cemetery along the way?" Tsuraya asked. "I want to talk to some ghosts!"

At the mention of the word 'cemetery', Kyon saw Koizumi wince.

_I guess he's even more screwed up about his childhood than I thought._

_That might explain why he evolved into such a weird guy._

_And maybe he likes to invade my personal space because his parents didn't love him enough and wouldn't let him watch cartoons as a kid or something._

_But if Koizumi's messed up over that, then what the hell would have to be so traumatic in Haruhi's childhood that she feels the need to continuously molest Mikuru?_

_And I swear to God (if God truly exists, and is not Haruhi-shaped), Tsuraya's obsession with smoked cheese is not normal. I'm sure there's a tragic childhood tale behind _that_, too._

And so it was, with a sinking heart, that Kyon realised all the people he associated with were mentally unstable/not technically humans, and were probably all on the verge of mental breakdowns and the like.

It was a very precarious position to be in for Kyon.

He was the only normal person in a sea of insanity.

Kind of like Alice in Wonderland, except he wasn't blonde or English, and he didn't wear dresses.

"I think we should hold off on the graveyard idea for now, Tsuraya," said Kyon.

This was less for Koizumi's sake, and more due to the fact that Kyon had no idea where the nearest cemetery even _was- _and he didn't think Tsuraya knew, either.

Besides, even if they did find a cemetery, chances were Tsuraya's dog would begin to scrabble around in the dirt, accidentally unearth someone's long-dead grandmother, and use her thigh bone as a Frisbee.

But libraries were nice, quiet places, without dead people, where dogs weren't allowed.

That sounded much nicer.

"But I want to go to a graveyard!"

"I don't think it'll do you much good anyway. Don't ghosts only come out during the night?"

"Oh... Ah!" Tsuraya's eyes lit up at the 'logic' in Kyon's words (it was quite hard being 'logical' about something that most likely did not exist; kind of like trying to apply the laws of physics to anime haircuts). "I see what you mean!"

"Good. Now, if you'll get your st-" Kyon managed to swallow the 'stupid' before it had the chance to offend anyone, "-I-I mean, get your dog, and let's go."

"Exactly!"

"Yes?" Kyon sighed.

There was a limit to how many crazy people he could deal with one day.

Honestly; between Haruhi's sudden whims, Koizumi's out-of-character mood swings, and Tsuraya's boundless energy, Kyon was beginning to feel very tired and exasperated.

Was it too much to wish for a little normality?

Really?

"We can go to the library now, and go the graveyard when it gets dark! Woohoo! Tsuraya's a genius!" She pumped her fist into the air for further enunciation.

_Urgh._

Apparently, it was too much to ask for some normality.

_Thanks, fate._

_Thanks a whole lot._

* * *

"Argh! It's not fair! I miss Yuki!"

"Shh."

"But I-"

"Tsuraya, we're in a library," Kyon hissed at Tsuraya.

Tsuraya was sprawled across a two-seater sofa, her hair messy splayed on her front, coiling onto the patterned floor. There were a stack of fashion magazines in her lap, which she'd been flicking through previously without too much interest. She was wearing a pout, and doing a pretty good impression of a spoilt kid who hadn't got a certain expensive (probabaly dangerous) toy for Christmas.

Various other people in the library had paused in their activities to glare at the noisy girl, and the boy with her, even though Kyon wasn't doing anything at all apart from trying to make her stop. He guessed he was guilty by association, or some such thing.

_Seriously. What a pain._

_I should've known it was a bad idea to take Tsuraya out into public._

A particularly pretty blonde-haired girl glanced up from her cell phone to give Kyon a particularly dirty look.

"Hey, can't you control your girlfriend? Cause if you can't, I totally could, with my fists," she said coldly. The look in her eyes was quite scary. Thankfully, Kyon was going out with the Master of Disparaging Looks, the one and only Haruhi, and had ample practise when dealing with cute, yet difficult, girls. The glare had almost no effect on him. "Some of us are trying to concentrate! It's so unfair."

"She's not my girlfriend," said Kyon automatically. The idea was so disturbing he couldn't help but protest, even before his brain had kicked into action and gone; _what's the point in arguing with people like this? It's just like arguing on the internet- you can't win. So why bother?_

"Whatever," cell phone girl said. "If you can't shut her up..." She drew one of her fingers across her neck in a threatening manner. "Then _I _will."

_Oh my God._

_Why are _all _the girls I meet complete psychopaths?_

_She's like an even unfriendly version of Ryoko Asakura!_

_I wonder where she's hiding her machete?_

"Ah, Tsuraya." Kyon turned back to the green-haired girl, who was still taking up both seats of the sofa, and wailing. "You might want to quiet down a little."

"But I'm in the throes of despair! Yuki had to stay outside!"

"Probably because he'd try to eat the encyclopaedias or something." Kyon sighed. He could feel the eyes of irritable Miss Cell Phone boring into the back of his neck. "Come on, Tsuraya, get real."

"Don't you think it's so totally unfair pets aren't allowed in?"

"...Did you just listen to what I said?"

"I mean..." Tsuraya stabbed her finger in the air, and began to swirl it around as she spoke. "We're meant to live in a free age, right? So why can't I bring my dog in! It's just so unjust! The system in corrupt!"

"Ha. Of _course_ you didn't listen to what I said. How stupid of me."

"Yeah, it's stupid. Hey!" Tsuraya sat up suddenly, dislodging the magazines that had been lying on her lap. They tumbled to the floor in a way that made the librarian tut, and Kyon wonder if he'd have to buy any replacements. "Listen, Kyon! Do you think I should I get a job at the government, and then expose just how corrupt our society is? I could work from within, like a mole! I'd be a super hero!"

Kyon blinked.

He knew what Tsuraya had said was just babble, but he really couldn't imagine Tsuraya working for the government. Or any kind of organised society, really. She was just too loud and... well...

Weird.

"What kind of job with the government would you get?"

"A governing one!"

"Oh how clever why didn't I think of that."

"I know, right?" Tsuraya remained impervious to Kyon's sarcasm. With her, it was like water rolling off a duck's back.

Kyon couldn't help but wonder if she was really _that _oblivious, or if this was some subtle attempt to irritate him.

"Argh!" Tsuraya began to scratch at her head in an insane manner, strands of hair flying everywhere. "I can't take it anymore! I need to check up on Yuki!"

And with that, she jumped to her feet, and ran out of the library- much to the relief of everyone else.

Kyon didn't know how he'd have shut her up otherwise.

Tranquiliser darts?

"Thank God," said the cell phone girl, rolling her eyes. "I don't know how much of that I could've put up with. Some people... Man. It pisses me off." And with that, she turned back to the expensive-looking cell in her hands, irritably tapping buttons. Kyon didn't know it was even possibly to text irritably, but this girl managed it.

It was quite strange to watch.

"Did Tsuraya ditch you then?"

Kyon turned around.

It was Koizumi.

That would not have been so bad, except he was so creepily close to Kyon you'd think personal space had never even been invented. Honestly- Kyon was sure, if he wanted to, he'd have been able to count Koizumi's individual eyelashes.

Which was not particularly high on his to-do list.

Instinctively, Kyon took a few steps back.

"She didn't ditch me." Kyon tried to keep any trace of surprise off his face, and out of his voice. "She just wanted to check on Yuki."

"And, speaking of Yukis... The one we all know and love seems to have accumulated three fifths of the library about he person."

The humanoid-android girl was sat on one of the chairs, surrounded by precarious, teetering columns of books upon books. Most of them were about astrophysics, interstellar relationships, black holes and the like, but a few of these books looked impossibly out of place when compared with the others. There were a few light novels thrown in there, and a few volumes of assorted manga. The brightly colored spines and huge-eyed magical girls on the front covers did not fit with the bland, boring, brick-like tomes on space.

Kyon was quite taken aback.

Nagato had listened to him.

The silver-haired girl was currently holding a volume of some girl's romance manga, and was looking at it with some interest.

"Her reading habits seem to have changed somewhat," said Koizumi, taking a seat next to Nagato. He had to move carefully, so as not to knock over any of her stacked books.

Kyon took the seat next to him, glad he was well away from that creepy cell phone girl.

"What do you think of it, Nagato?" Kyon asked. He got a good look at the spine of the manga.

"Hmn..." Nagato blinked up at Kyon over the top of her book. She seemed to be thinking over her choice of words carefully, because there was a brief pause before she said; "It's interesting."

"In a good way, or a bad way?"

"There were no positive or negative connotations."

And with that clipped response, Yuki's attention was redirected towards her book.

Silence was restored to the library. All was as it should have been. The only sound Kyon could hear was the droning _beep beep beep _of the blonde-haired girl tapping keys on her cell phone.

_And she told Tsuraya to be quiet._

_That kind of monotonous noise is even more annoying. _

Of course, Kyon didn't tell cell phone girl that.

He valued his life.

"Hey, do you think Haruhi'll be annoyed if we haven't found any dead people?" Kyon found himself asking for Koizumi. He wasn't sure why. He didn't want to incur Cell Phone's wrath, and he didn't particularly enjoy talking to Koizumi either. Not really. So why was he instigating conversation?

And was he questioning his motives so much?

_...Wait, I have motives now?_

_I wasn't aware of this._

"Miss Suzumiya is a very complicated person," Koizumi replied, with a smile. "But... I think that would be a fairly good assumption, yes."

"Oh, that's just great."

"Don't worry, Miss Suzumiya likes you. She won't hurt you."

"Haha. Sometimes I wonder if Haruhi has the ability to 'like' anyone."

"It's obvious she doesn't mind your company, or she'd ignore you like she does everyone else," said Koizumi, with his usual smile. "And she hasn't inflicted too much bodily harm upon you, right? You have to look at the positives in these situations."

Kyon sighed.

He wasn't feeling very positive at the moment.

His life had changed completely from the moment he met Haruhi, and was forcefully dragged into her craziness. He'd only ever wanted a normal life, and instead he got an insane girlfriend and a few odd people he could barely consider friends.

Kyon wasn't sure giving in his regular life had been worth it.

"You shouldn't pull faces like that, you know," said Koizumi, prodding Kyon in the side of the head. He beamed. "The wind will change, and your expression will be stuck like that!"

Kyon balked at the sudden contact, and tried to push Koizumi away.

"G-get off!"

"Hey!"

A loud exclamation ripped through the dusty air. It was accompanied by Cell Phone slamming her palms into the table she was sat at, and getting to her feet.

"You guys are pissing me off!" she continued, jabbing an accusatory finger at Kyon, Koizumi and- most unfairly- Nagato, who hadn't even done anything save working through eight volumes of Sailor Moon and amassing half the library about her chair. "I can't concentrate!"

"You're only sending text messages, it's hardly important," Kyon retorted, without thinking.

He'd been on edge lately- that must be it.

Normally, he would never have answered back to such an irrational person; dealing with Haruhi had taught him arguing was useless.

"You don't even know who I'm texting and what, so I'd advise you to shut up!"

"You shouldn't even be on your cell phone in the library, anyway."

And then, at that exact moment-

_Beep beep beep!_

_-_Kyon's cell phone began to beep.

_Well, this is excellent timing._

_Thank you, cell phone._

_Thanks a lot._

Cell Phone smirked a little at this.

"Stupid hypocrite."

Kyon flipped open his cell, and saw the name 'Haruhi' flashing on the display.

Kyon barely had time to say 'hello' (actually, he was going to say 'what do you want?', but whatever) before Haruhi's angry voice had cascaded upon him. She was shouting so loudly, Kyon had to jerk the cell away from his ear before he was deafened for life.

"What are you doing, you moron? Tsuraya just called me, and she said she was going to tag along- which is fine with me- but she was bored because you're at the library! Why are you at the LIBRARY?"

"U-um..."

But it was a pointless question. Haruhi soldiered on, before Kyon even had a chance to blurt out some excuse.

_Damn Tsuraya._

_That traitor._

"Anyway, I don't even care. Get the next train back, you don't have enough time to mess about anymore. Meet me at the cafe. Oh- and don't expect you'll get away with this! I'm going to punish you very, very severely!"

"Yeah, but-"

_Click._

Haruhi had hung up on him.

"Hehe~"

Kyon turned around, to find blonde-haired Cell Phone girl grinning evilly at him. Despite her pretty face, that smile was terrifying; it looked more like it belonged on a death mask than a teenagery-shaped girl.

"I think you better piss off now. Or I might have to punish you as well." She cracked her knuckles.

_Urgh._

_Why do so many girls hate me?_

Kyon couldn't help but face-palm.

* * *

**a.n: **I was writing this chapter in parts, over about two weeks. On some days I only wrote like a sentence XD But it's done!~ It actually turned out pretty long, although nothing really happened XD I need Tsuraya in this tho, so it was her introduction? XD Yus~  
The blonde girl is a character from something.  
If you know who she is, you're awesome XD  
I really love her XDD She should appear everywhere in every fandom to spread her amazingness XDD

okay then.  
ja ne!~

xx renahhchen xx


	14. 13: Haruhi's HalfThought Out Plan!

**It's a Romantic Conquest True Love Story, Haruhi-Chan!**

* * *

Chapter Thirteen:  
_Disaster! Haruhi's Half Thought-Out Plan?_

* * *

"So where the hell were you, Kyon? Me and Mikuru have been waiting ages!"

_It's nice to see you too, Haruhi._

_I especially like how she only gets angry at me. Does this mean I'm special?_

Sadly, this was exactly the kind of welcome Kyon excepted to receive when he, Yuki, Koizumi and Tsuraya walked into the café half an hour late.

And the reason they were late?

Nagato had tried to take half the library home with her. She would've done, as well, if such a thing were allowed. However, strict library rule stated only ten books could be borrowed at a time; cue Nagato trying to choose between her books, which for her, was an almost life-altering decision. It was the same as asking a normal person which ten internal organs they wanted to keep.

In the end, Nagato was unable to make a decision, so both Kyon and Koizumi offered to borrow books in Nagato's place.

But before any borrowing of any kind could take place, they all had to get library cards- which took an awful lot longer than expected, considering the woman behind the counter was devoted to being as unhelpful as humanely possible.

Kyon had the inkling of a suspicion that the librarian was only so useless because Tsuraya's complaining had annoyed her, and she was in mood to aid anyone related to her in any way, shape or form. Kyon's argument with the Cell Phone girl might have had something to do with it, as well... (Not that Kyon wanted to admit this). This was because the old librarian suddenly became mysteriously polite, friendly and not-deaf when helping the next customer.

Who just-so-happened to be Cell Phone.

Life just wasn't fair.

But Kyon knew it would be useless trying to explain this to Haruhi; not when she was in such a foul mood. Besides, when did Haruhi even listen to Kyon, anyway?

At least Nagato was happy.

A Nagato with a book with a happy Nagato. It was one of the few things Kyon knew about the stoic girl.

"Anyway, sit down. Don't stand there looking stupid in the doorway," Haruhi said to Kyon, gesturing him over to her table.

Kyon did as he was told, lest Haruhi would break his legs, even though every sensible braincell in his skull was shouting 'run away while you still have the chance!'

"You'll be paying for our drinks as well."

"Again!" Kyon couldn't help but feel stung a the injustice of it all.

"Maybe, when you learn to be reliable, I'll stop having to punish you!" Haruhi retorted, reaching out for the menu.

Kyon had a horrible feeling she was searching for the most expensive drink, whether she liked it or not.

"Ooh, maybe I'll have some cake," Haruhi muttered to herself. She turned to Mikuru (who was wide-eyed with fear. Kyon's heart went out to the lovely Miss Asahina; she'd been stuck with the Wrath of Haruhi all day. Kyon had only just met up with her, and already he was wishing he was somewhere else). "Hey, Mikuru? Do you want some cake? Kyon's paying."

And Kyon's horrible feelings always had a habit of coming true.

He sighed.

"Ooh!~ Cake sounds good!" said Tsuraya happily, leaning over Haruhi's shoulder to get a better look at the menu. Unlike all normal people, she was completely impervious to Haruhi's anger- it was as though she didn't even notice the storm clouds hanging over her beribboned head. "Can I get some cake, Kyon? It's so nice you're treating us! Hahaha!"

_I hate my life._

Kyon had to resist the urge to bang his head against the table.

Even if it made him feel better, his credibility and a few more IQ points would slip down the drain.

"Hi, Tsuraya!~" Haruhi beamed at the green-haired girl. "It's nice to see you."

"I know! It's, like, omega awesome, Haru-nyan!~"

_Haru-nyan...?_

_If I called her that, she'd disembowel me._

_Why does Haruhi have such double standards?_

"Hello! Have you decided what you want to eat yet?"

Kyon looked up, to find their chipper waitress of the day was none other than-

"Oh, Kyon! And Koizumi. I didn't expect to see you here again. Welcome back!"

Emiri Kimidori.

_Of course_.

Kyon's innards began to clench painfully at the sight of Emiri, smiling happily as though Koizumi hadn't been incredibly rude to her a few hours ago. Geez. If Kyon were Emiri, he'd have punched Koizumi in the face, not smile beautifully like a rose in bloom or some other terrible and nonsensical metaphor, welcome him back, and ask him what he wanted to eat.

But Emiri was too polite to punch anyone in the face- something Koizumi should've been damn thankful for, because without his handsome-ish appearance he really had nothing going for him.

His personality was nothing short of irritating.

If any of his fangirls heard him talking about psychology and space and the like, they'd soon reconsider giving him chocolate on Valentine's Day- Kyon knew that for sure.

"You've been here a while, haven't you?" Kyon asked Emiri curiously.

"Not at all! I like working here," Emiri smiled back. "Besides, my shift is nearly over, anyway. I'll be free after this. Not that I have anything much to do... Hmn..."

_Wait, what?_

_That wasn't a proposition, was it?_

_...Was it?_

_Or maybe I'm just over thinking things._

Kyon glanced at Koizumi. His 'Prince Charming' facade had well and truly slipped. There wasn't even the slightest trace of a smile on his face. Instead, he looked about as emotionless as Nagato. His mouth was a thin line, and his fists were clenched.

It wasn't a good expression on anyone, but, somehow, it looked worse on Koizumi, who smiled so often you almost forget he could look unhappy.

Actually, it was kind of scary...

However, Emiri seemed not to have noticed; or else, she was ignoring it.

"So," she said cheerily, "what do you guys want?"

"Jasmine tea," said Nagato, in her normal monotone. She was still reading her new book. Her eyes had been practically super glued to the page for the whole train ride home- even when Tsuraya's stupid dog started barking and tried to fling himself out of the window.

"Oh." Haruhi pouted. She looked a little perturbed at Nagato's plain choice of beverage. "You can have something more expensive, you know."

_Urgh._

_I see what you're doing there, Haruhi, even though you're trying to look all innocent._

_You're trying to bankrupt me!_

Luckily for Kyon's wallet, Nagato shook her head.

"Jasmine tea. That's all."

"How boring." Haruhi frowned. "What about you, Mikuru?"

"W-well, u-um, I..." Mikuru began to fidget around in her seat. She was twisting a napkin around in her lap, like other people would use a stress ball. Her eyes flickered around, like a deer caught in the headlights.

Kyon wondered whether she was trying to be considerate.

"It's okay," he smiled at her, "I don't mind. You can get what you want."

"U-um... o-okay. Um... Green tea, please?"

"Another boring order! Fine then. I'll have a chocolate milkshake and a piece of your most expensive cake!"

"Same here, nya!~" Tsuraya exclaimed. "But I want my drink to have two straws!"

_Do the straws really even matter...?_

"I guess I'm gong to have to live on water and bread crusts to pay for this," Kyon grumbled.

"You don't have any right to complain!" Haruhi shot back.

"Objection!" Tsuraya added, striking a bizarre, over-the-top anime pose, very nearly decapitating a passing waitress as she did so.

"Geez, alright, alright." Kyon held his hands up in mock defeat. "Whatever. I guess I'll have green tea as well."

"But green tea is so blahhh." Tsuraya pulled a face.

"Exactly! Go on, Kyon, treat yourself. My meal was all free, you know~ Ihihi~" Haruhi smirked.

"...I hate you sometimes."

"Hate is the base of love!"

"That's not true!"

"Aww, you guys are so cute." That was Emiri. She was giggling. Her laughing face truly was something beautiful to behold; like sunshine and candy floss and metaphors. Haruhi never looked that innocent when she laughed; usually, she looked evil. Haruhi's laugh was more of a maniacal 'exactly as planned!' affair. Certainly, nobody would compare Haruhi to sunshine. More like a hurricane, or a thunderstorm. "You always look like you have so much fun." Emiri was still smiling. "I'm a little jealous."

_Jealous? Of me and Haruhi?_

_That's like saying you're jealous of someone who's being ravaged by a tiger._

That's _what our relationship's like._

"And what would you like, Koizumi?" Emiri asked sweetly, turning to the esper.

There was a short pause.

Kyon wondered if Koizumi was ignoring Emiri, but, after a few seconds-

"Ah, sorry. I was spacing out." Koizumi gave Emiri a disarming smile, whilst managing to look somewhat embarrassed. He gave a small laugh. "Aha. I'll have green tea as well, thank you, Miss Kimidori."

Kyon stared at Koizumi in confusion.

It was almost like the sour expression of two minutes ago had never existed at all.

Had he imagined it, then?

But...

Koizumi's smile didn't quite reach his eyes. They were just as dark as they had been before. And his fingers were still clenched into fists.

* * *

"So, did you find anything at the shrines you visited, Miss Suzumiya?" Koizumi asked.

Emiri had arrived with their orders in a surprisingly short amount of time. Whilst they'd been waiting, Kyon told Haruhi about what they'd seen (precisely nothing) and Tsuraya lamented over the fate of her poor dog, who'd been tied outside again. Kyon was not sorry in the least about the canine-shaped Yuki, though- the stupid dog had barked so loudly on the train it'd given Kyon tinnitus.

"No. Nothing. Not a thing!" Haruhi heaved a huge, disappointed sigh.

_I thought as much._

"A few anime nerds asked me and Mikuru if we were cosplaying, and they tried to take our picture. It was so annoying. I mean, do I look like I would cosplay? Idiots... The world is full of idiots."

_If don't want to draw unnecessary attention to yourself, don't wear weird outfits then._

"What a waste of time! I hate it! Why does everything have to be so ordinary?"

Haruhi let her elbows fall onto the tabletop with a thud, making the glasses and plates rattle, and rested her head atop of her hands.

Kyon would have berated her for bad table manners, but the gloomy look on Haruhi's face stopped her. She just looked so miserable. Haruhi didn't usually look sad; angry, scheming and mischievous, sure, but not sad.

"Life is so boring. I wish something interesting would happen. Like, a UFO falling out of the sky, or a zombie apocalypse, or anything!"

_You say that, when you have an alien, time traveller and esper all sitting right under your nose._

_How's that for irony._

"What's wrong with life at the moment? I'd rather have a life where nothing much happens, than get eaten by zombies," said Kyon, trying to reason with the maudlin Haruhi. "Maybe you should try being optimistic?"

"Shut up, Kyon. You're not helping."

"But I'm trying to," Kyon pressed. Haruhi was beginning to annoy him. Why couldn't she appreciate what she already had? Why did she have to be so difficult, like a stubborn child? She had to learn she couldn't always get what she wanted. "Can't you be happy with what you have?"

"I said shut up." Haruhi's eyes narrowed. "Dumbass."

"You know what!" Tsuraya suddenly exclaimed, cutting through Kyon's retort- which was probably a god thing. Angering Haruhi was tantamount to the end of the world. "I think ghosts and zombies do exist, but they wouldn't be so quick to reveal themselves to us!"

"Ah?" Haruhi looked over to Tsuraya. "I thought so too."

"Yeah! So, like, don't be depressed, Haru-nyan! I say we should go looking for them some more! Don't give up!"

"But where would they...? Oh..."

Kyon didn't like that 'oh'.

He especially didn't like it when Haruhi's eyes began to glitter.

That glitter surely meant disaster.

"The graveyard!" Haruhi exclaimed, slamming her fist on the table. Once more, the plates and cups did a synchronised jump about three feet into the air. Kyon had to hold onto his own mug to stop it falling onto the floor.

"Exactly!" Tsuraya nodded. "Let's go there!"

The two shouting girls were beginning to cause a bit of a commotion. Several other customers were giving them funny looks- and one woman, who just entered the café, took one look at Haruhi, turned about 180 degrees and walked straight out again.

_It's like the library all over again._

Kyon took a quick look around, just in case the creepy blonde-haired cell phone girl was back. Her sudden reappearance was very, very unlikely, but Kyon was spectacularly unlucky, and it was just the sort of thing that fate would throw at him, for a laugh.

Thank God she wasn't there, or Kyon's chance of survival would've plummeted.

"But we can't go to the graveyard right now, it's too light," said Haruhi thoughtfully. "We should go later."

"At midnight!"

"Alright!"

"U-u-um..." Throughout the course of Haruhi and Tsuraya's conversation, Mikuru had grown paler and paler, until finally she resembled a sheet of paper. Her eyes were wide with aparent distress, and her fingers were trembling. She'd begun to twist the napkin around again, but she was shaking so much it tore in two.

"What is, Mikuru?"

"W-well... It's just, um, the graveyard... At night... T-that sounds really scary!"

"Don't worry, Mikuru!~ It'll be okay!" Tsuraya beamed.

_Oh yeah, like _you _can promise that._

Like Kyon, Mikuru seemed less than reassured.

"B-b-but..." she stammered.

"Don't get so upset," said Haruhi. "We'll split up into two groups. You won't be alone."

"B-but what if... W-what if..."

"Your Brigade Chief doesn't want to hear any complaints! It'll be fine."

It wasn't ghosts or the dark that Kyon was worried about, though.

"But wait, Haruhi," said Kyon. "Isn't it-"

"If you're going to say something stupid, then I'd rather you not say it at all," said Haruhi coolly, flipping her hair over one shoulder. "I already decided it, and my word is final. If you go against my command, I might have to throw you out of the S.O.S Brigade. Tsuraya can take your place."

_Like I even wanted to join! This was all _your _idea!_

_Everything I do is because of _you_._

_You drag me around everywhere, tell me what to do, and then you get angry when I protest against your stupid schemes or make valid points against them!_

_Why can't you even listen to me for once?_

"Haruhi, listen," said Kyon. His voice was glacial- his forced attempt at calm only made him sound detached, aloof. Haruhi wouldn't like that tone- but he didn't care. Haruhi didn't like anything much. In fact, Kyon was one hundred percent sure Haruhi would like him more if he was green and came from Mars, or- to follow today's latest trend- dead. "We can't wander around aimlessly in the dark. For a start, it would look suspicious anyway. And besides, it's dangerous. Somebody could get hurt!"

"It won't be in the dark, stupid," said Haruhi. Her voice was wintry- just as cold as Kyon's. "We'll have flash lights."

"Even so, it isn't safe. And I have to look after my little sister."

"Take her with you."

"I can't take her with me! Are you stupid?"

"No!" Haruhi had gotten to her feet, and was staring down at Kyon with something akin to disgust. She pointed at Kyon over the table, jabbing her finger into his face. "You're stupid! You don't let me do what I want to do! You don't realise how I'm feeling! I don't understand why I let you be in the S.O.S Brigade, you're so boring!"

"I'm not being 'boring', I'm being sensible!"

"Same thing!"

"I just don't want you to get hurt!"

"H-huh?" Haruhi looked taken aback at this. Kyon swore that, for a split second, she may have been blushing. But the moment of weakness was soon put aside. Haruhi rolled her eyes, and folded her arms. "Gosh, you really an idiot. I can look after myself."

"Why do you have to be so stubborn? Why can't you let people care about you?"

_And why can't you notice that they do?_

_You think your life is so 'boring' and 'dull', but can't you focus on what you have, rather than what you don't have?_

_But you're not that sort of person, are you?_

_You don't think like everyone else._

Kyon knew people were watching them, but he didn't care.

He had to make Haruhi see.

He wanted to take her shoulders and shake some sense into her- maybe open her eyes a little. Force seemed to be the only way to get through.

_Why does she have to be so selfish?_

"I don't need people to take care of me, I can take care of myself! I don't need you!"

"P-please! D-don't fight!" Mikuru squeaked.

"Huh? Mikuru?" Haruhi turned to look at the older girl, shocked at her outburst. It wasn't like Mikuru to intervene- she was normally so quiet and shy.

She looked positively distraught. She was still trembling, and her eyes were wide, and it looked suspiciously as though she might be beginning to cry.

Kyon suddenly felt very guilty.

He wouldn't have been able to forgive himself if he made Mikuru cry.

"I-I don't mind going to the graveyard with you... I-I'll be okay."

That caused Kyon even more surprise.

He hadn't expected Mikuru to agree- more like, Haruhi would've forced her into it, by dragging her down the street by her hair.

"Are you sure, Mikuru?" Kyon asked.

"Y-yes..." said Mikuru, though she looked unsure. She tried to give a small smile. "I-it won't be too bad, i-if I'm with Tsuraya..."

"Right on!" Tsuraya smiled again- a smile that could rival Koizumi's. "I'll protect you, Mikuru." She turned back to Kyon, and winked. "See? You don't to have to worry about anything."

"Uh..."

"It'll be cool. I watched a kickboxing video once."

_...A kickboxing video._

_Once._

_Somehow, this isn't reassuring me._

"I don't have any objections," said Yuki tonelessly, still reading her book. She hadn't put it down, even through Kyon and Haruhi's argument.

"Murder, rape and mugging are not that common during the night," said Koizumi, with his plastic smile. Almost as if he wasn't talking about rape. "There are fewer people around during the night, so it is statically safer. And if we're all together, I don't see what harm we could come to."

_Koizumi, you too?_

"I..."

"Then it's settled!" said Haruhi. She looked triumphant- far less upset and angry than she had before. "Majority rules. Meet outside the local graveyard at half eleven. Bring flash lights and spare batteries, okay? This is going to be soooo cool."

"B-but my sister-"

"I don't care!"

* * *

After the incident in the café, Kyon found himself walking home, in the worst mood he'd been in for a long time.

He was far away from the busy shopping district now, and the traffic had grown less frequent, while the greenery dotted about by the side walk and in people's front gardens had grown more and more numerous. The sun was not shining as brightly as it had before, and now it was beginning to grow darker and colder.

The picturesque scenery did little to calm his fraught nerves or bad temper.

Why did Haruhi have to be like that?

Couldn't she see that Kyon was being responsible- unlike everyone else?

And why did they all have to give in to Haruhi so easily?

If she didn't get her own way all the time, maybe she wouldn't be so selfish. She just expected to get what she wanted- which was exactly why she could be such a horrible person.

_I don't want her to be like that, though._

_I don't want everyone to hate her._

_I don't want to end up hating her myself..._

"Why is Haruhi like that?" Kyon couldn't help but verbalise his feelings, they were so confusing and numerous. He felt if he kept them all inside, he'd explode.

"Like what?" Koizumi asked curiously.

The boys - one normal, one creepy esper- were walking together, even though Kyon was sure Koizumi's home wasn't that close to his. But when Kyon questioned it, Koizumi only smiled his fake smile and said "Don't worry about it."

So Kyon had a stalker now.

Great.

At least it gave him someone to complain to.

"You saw how she was," said Kyon. "She got so angry. Couldn't she see I wasn't trying to upset her, I only wanted her to... I don't know... Think about things a little more? Mikuru obviously didn't want to go, and I doubt you did, either, and I certainly didn't. And besides, she shouldn't be going out in the dark in the first place, she could get hurt- and don't give me any stupid statistics to refute that claim either, Koizumi, or I'll hurt you."

"Well, Mark Twain did say 'there are only three kinds of lies; lies, damned lies and statistics'," said Koizumi, with his usual smile. "I'm not sure how true my words were, either." He gave a small laugh.

"Then why did you agree with her?" Kyon snapped. "Didn't you know that I was worried about her?"

They had stopped walking now; stood by the side of an empty road, as the air became harsher and colder.

Kyon shivered.

"I... did know that," said Koizumi, after a short pause. He cast his eyes skywards, as though searching for the right words. Huh. It wasn't usual to see Koizumi tongue-tied. "I realise you were only looking out for her best interests, but I did not want Miss Suzumiya to become any angrier."

"You can't always give her what she wants."

"I agree. But it is best to keep her happy, when what she wants can be achieved. You see..." Koizumi looked perturbed. "As Miss Suzumiya argued with you, a closed space appeared, and it began to get bigger. It would have become bigger, still, if you continued to argue- of that, I'm sure."

"Oh man. Not this again." Kyon sighed.

"I'm afraid so."

"Is it still there?"

"Yes."

"And it's around here?"

Koizumi nodded. "That is part of the reason why I decided to walk with you tonight- but there were also other reasons." The esper gave a small smile. "There are social aspects to this, too."

Kyon blinked at Koizumi warily.

He didn't like where this conversation was going.

"I wanted to talk to you about Miss Suzumiya."

Kyon's momentary feelings of unease were brushed aside by curiosity. He wanted to know what was wrong with Haruhi. Ashamed as he was to admit it, a good ninety percent of his thoughts had been focused on that ribbon-wearing idiot for the past ten minutes.

"So you _do _know why she went postal on me back there?"

"I don't think 'postal' is quite the right word," Koizumi smiled. "Instead, I think she was upset."

"Huh. Really." Kyon snorted. "I don't know, she looked pretty angry to me."

"Don't you get angriest with the people you like most, though?"

"So you're saying that was an example of her 'liking me'?"

_If that's true, I hope I never, ever piss her off, then._

_I'd be lucky to survive!_

Koizumi's voice was pensive when he said; "In a way... I suppose so. As Miss Suzumiya likes you- perhaps more than she likes anyone else- she would obviously want your support on her plans and the like. And when you went against her, you upset her. If she had not cared about your opinion so much, I don't think she would have become so angry."

"But I can't blindly agree on everything she says!" Kyon was becoming exasperated. It seemed like a no-win situation. "If she insists on acting like a child, somebody has to assume the role of an adult."

"Your relationship isn't that of a child and a parent, though. Next time you disagree with her, try to compromise. Think of her feelings too."

"So you're saying this is my fault?"

"You could have handled it better."

"At least I don't give in to her every wish and whim like you," said Kyon bitterly. He wished he'd never asked; being berated by _Kozumi_, Haruhi's personal yes-man, was nothing short of insulting. Kyon was already feeling bad- now Koizumi had to come along and rub salt into the wounds. "What about you and Miss Kimidori, anyway? You've been acting like you hate her, and she never did anything to you!"

"I don't hate Miss Kimidori," said Koizumi. His voice was calm, as always- but Kyon noted he looked distinctly uncomfortable at the mention of Emiri's name. "I have no reason to."

"But you were so rude to her this morning. Why was that? Why do you dislike her so much?"

"I don't dislike her, either. I'm just... wary of her. That's all." There was no trace of Koizumi's smile- fake or otherwise. Instead, he looked distressed- though he was trying to hide it. "I felt very sorry for being so rude to her this morning; I had no intention of acting that way."

"'Wary?'" Kyon repeated the word sceptically. He folded his arms. "How can you be 'wary' of her? She's not a bad person."

"Well, perhaps not wary, more concerned."

"And what exactly are you so concerned about, Koizumi?"

"A situation with her in it come become dangerous."

"What do you mean?"

These cryptic warnings were beginning to get annoying. Why couldn't Koizumi say what he meant? Was that really so difficult?

"What I mean to say is, don't get too close to Miss Kimidori. You could upset Miss Suzumiya."

_Haruhi again?_

_Why does she have to rule my life?_

_It's not like I'm in love with Emiri... I just think she's a nice person, that's all._

_Is that really such a heinous thing?_

_And does that really warrant Koizumi being so rude to her?_

"Okay. I have to go." Koizumi smiled at Kyon. "Please think over what I said. I hope my words didn't offend you."

"Huh? Yeah, bye." Kyon gave Koizumi a half-hearted attempt at a wave. His mind was still focused on Haruhi. "Don't be late," he felt the need to warn Koizumi- not that the esper _would _be late. He was always irritatingly early- he'd certainly never paid for everyone's drinks and cake before.

"Of course I won't. Don't worry."

"I wasn't worrying."

"If you say so." Koizumi grinned irritatingly. "Don't worry. I can sort out this closed space, no problem."

_Oh geez._

_Does he think he's some superhero now or something?_

Truth be told, though, Kyon couldn't help but think Koizumi sounded oddly cool when he spoke like that.

"What about the graveyard? Can you handle that, though?" Kyon couldn't help but ask. He'd been wondering about how Koizumi could cope with that ordeal, when he'd already admitted he didn't like ghosts.

"I can try." Koizumi smiled. "I have a favor to ask you, actually."

"What?"

"If I get scared, can I hold your hand?"

"W-what?"

Kyon wouldn't mind holding the hand of a trembling Mikuru, but _Koizumi?_ Wasn't that just a little weird? More than a little!

Urgh, the mental picture that request created was so weird...

It was only then, after Kyon had managed to cause himself some severe mental anguish, that he noticed Koizumi was laughing.

"What's so funny?" Kyon shot at the other.

"I was joking," Koizumi grinned. "Honestly. It was a joke."

"It_ better_ have been."

* * *

**a.n:** oh em gee, i'm so close to writing the chapter that i've been wanting to write from the moment i started this fic ^o^ this is so cool! XD i'm nearly there! heheh c: also, the chapters seem to be getting pretty long. i'm quite happy about that. it means more stuff happens, yeahh XD  
um, i know there's still this one chapter in here where everyone uses honorifics, and in the rest of the fic they don't.  
i should so sort that out.

butit'snousei'msolazy;A;

i'll do it later XDD

renahhchen xx


	15. 14: It's All OK Until the Lights Go Off

**It's a Romantic Conquest True Love Story, Haruhi-Chan!**

* * *

Chapter Fourteen:  
_It's All Okay Until the Lights Go Off_

* * *

"Ah, Kyon. You're not late, for a change. I see you're finally beginning to learn," said Haruhi smugly. With her arms folded, lips parted into a wicked smile, set against the dark backdrop of newly risen stars, there was something quite menacing about her.

Kyon had been a fool to worry about them being attacked.

Nobody in their right mind would attack Haruhi.

Kyon couldn't help but smile in return- a mere quirk of his lips, but enough to display his poorly masked happiness.

No, he wasn't happy Haruhi got her own way (how would she learn to function as a decent human being if people let her be so selfish), but he was somewhat relieved Haruhi seemed to have forgiven him.

Seeing Haruhi angry was never a pleasant experience.

This smiling Haruhi was making him feel much more at ease.

"Even if I _was_ late, I don't see what you could do. There aren't cafés around here for you to get cake- and even if there were, I'm totally broke."

"I can break more than your wallet, Kyon~" said Haruhi, laughing evilly to herself, and flipping her hair over one shoulder. The wind caught the brown strands and they began to fan out gently in the air.

"I don't doubt that, somehow," Kyon replied dryly.

Haruhi had already made his day miserable.

Kyon could at least thank his lucky stars he'd managed to dump his little sister at one of her friend's houses for the night; that was one less thing to worry about.

"Yo, Kyon! We've been waiting here a few minutes, like, freezing our asses off!~" said Tsuraya cheerfully, slapping Kyon on the back. She possessed the same freakish strength Haruhi did. Kyon winced when her palm made contact with him- it felt like he'd just been thrown down three flights of stairs, only to land in an arkward position and shatter his collarbone.

Kyon winced, and began to massage said collarbone.

What was it with these brutal girls, anyway?

It might've made an amusing plotline for some kind of yandere manga, but in real life it only served to make Kyon feel rather insecure and on edge.

Maybe there was something in the water?

A chemical that only reacted with oestrogen in women's bodies, turning them monstrously strong a la the Incredible Hulk?

Yes… That sounded plausible.

Asakura and Yuki were definitely overpowered for your typical skinny high school girls, too (although, they weren't really 'typical', were they? Maybe in sailor uniforms didn't count under the 'human girl' category…)

Kyon then turned to look at Mikuru.

Small, slight, trembling Mikuru, who was hugging herself and jumping at every slight noise and change in the wind.

A twig cracked behind her, and Mikuru gave a small squeak.

…There seemed to be a definite flaw in Kyon's oestrogen plus water equals monster theory.

Yuki, as always, remained cold and impartial to her surroundings, disturbing though they were. She just stared straight ahead, unblinking, arms held stiffly at her side like a robot.

As Kyon's gaze swept about the group, he noticed, almost at once, that somebody was missing.

"Where's Koizumi?"

The relief Kyon had felt at seeing a happy Haruhi (a rare sight nowadays; perhaps about to become an endangered expression?) quickly dissolved. He wasn't sure why; Koizumi could handle himself (Kyon had first-hand proof of that), and Kyon had never worried about his well being in such a manner before.

Normally, Kyon would worry about Mikuru.

And he could justify that by saying she was small and frail-looking and really, really adorable. It would be a tragic loss if the world were to lose a girl like her.

But Koizumi was different.

_Why are you getting so nervous?_

_This is stupid._

_He'll be fine._

_I'm not so sure your brain will ever recover, though._

_Have you tried any prescription drugs?_

_They might de-crazy you._

Despite these scathing thoughts, Kyon could still remember the last time he'd seen Koizumi; sounding like a cheesy superhero - "don't worry! I'll be fine!" – as he entered closed space.

Closed space.

What if he'd gotten hurt?

He'd never been hurt before, right?

Luckily for Kyon, Haruhi's matter-of-fact voice managed to rend through his thoughts as effectively as a kebab stick skewers meat.

"Oh yeah, Koizumi texted me a while ago. He'd said he'd be a little late- something to do with his part job or something, I duno." She shrugged.

_Oh._

_If Koizumi texted her only a few minutes ago, surely that means he's alright?_

_You were fretting over nothing, you idiot._

Kyon mentally hit himself over the head. He did that a lot lately- sometimes, he wondered if physically hitting himself would procure a better effect. But then he'd look almost as crazy as Haruhi, talking to his brain and trying to claw it out of his skull.

Maybe he'd do that later, in private.

Despite this second wave of relief, though, Kyon still had misgivings.

_Does that mean Koizumi's been fighting those blue giant things for a few hours, then?_

_Does it normally take that long?_

"Hey, hey~ What're you looking so grumpy about, hmm?" asked Tsuraya, leaning into Kyon's personal space, eyes wide.

To Kyon, it felt an awful lot like he was being inspected under the microscope.

He took a few steps back.

_Why does nobody care about personal distance anymore?_

_Is it old fashioned or something?_

_Why did you have to die such a cruel death, common etiquette? Why?_

"I'm not grumpy," said Kyon, turning his head.

"Well, you actually shouldn't be," said Haruhi, beaming. "I thought of a way to pass the time!"

"…What?" asked Kyon. With a due sense of exhaustion and dread.

Really, Haruhi's 'great idea' could range from anything to covering each other in Duct tape, drinking tea, or trying to summon the ancient city of Ry'lyeh up out of the dirty, almost-dried up lake to their left.

Kyon had taken one look at that depressing excuse for a body of water, and wrinkled his nose.

It smelt funny, was filled with green tendrils of unidentifiable plant life, and was (probably) filled with dead fish and (even more probable) a cut up dead body. Maybe from that humorous yandere game with the poisoned water Kyon had been dreaming up a few minutes before.

_Oh, I should definitely become a game designer._

_It's not like any of the current video games are any less ridiculous._

_Like that one where you have to fight gift boxes and lawn gnomes by launching beehives at them and covering yourself in cooking oil._

"Hehe," Haruhi grinned. She placed on hand on her hip, and pointed the finger of her free hand rather dramatically at Kyon, for no fathomable reason whatsoever. Even if you were a lawyer, that pose was pretty over the top. "We're going to decide on the groups!"

…And the pose didn't even suit what she said.

At all.

"Okay, I thought we could split up into three groups of two," said Haruhi, all business. Her serious, 'object and feel my fist' face was firmly in place. "Or maybe…" she smiled wickedly. "We should all split up and go by ourselves…"

At this suggestion, Mikuru gave a small squeak.

"N-no," said Mikuru, nervously tugging at the bottom of her shirt. Kyon couldn't help but note, her distress really was adorable. "I-I don't want to… U-um…"

"Don't sweat it, Mi~ku~ru!~" sang Tsuraya, throwing her arm round her shorter friend. "I'll, like, totes go with you! You'll be perfectly safe!~"

"R-really?"

"Of course! I'm amazing! Hahaha!"

_I really don't see what's so funny._

_Then again, with you, I _never _do._

"And now. Kyon." Haruhi stared at Kyon, resting her chin between her thumb a forefinger. "Kyon, Kyon, Kyon. Who to put you with."

_What are you stalling for?_

_You've obviously already decided._

Uncomfortably, Kyon suddenly remembered Koizumi's previous confession on the train- the one which had shocked him so much.

Koizumi hated dark places like this.

Kyon was the only one that knew.

Of course, if Haruhi did choose to be Kyon's partner (which seemed inevitable, considering the fuss she'd made last time), Yuki would be a better partner for Koizumi, considering her strange and magical time-altering, dimension-shifting, cosmiverse-granted superpowers.

Kyon couldn't redirect knives with telekinesis or tap into wells of data that made up the fabric of time and space.

Hell, Kyon didn't even like physics.

His special party trick was balancing a spoon on the tip of his nose, for God's sake!

That wasn't exactly a talent that would come in handy when defeating hoards of the undead.

Koizumi would, undoubtedly, fare better alongside Nagato.

…So why was Kyon giving it so much thought?

Why?

_Oh no, it's finally happened._

_I've been hanging out with Haruhi for too long, and now _my _rationality has been shot to hell, too._

_It's the only viable explanation._

_…I hope I don't start having weird mood swings, destroying portions of Japan with my mind power and molesting Mikuru as well._

_…Not that I'd have any objections to the Mikuru bit, but at least I have to decency to know what's appropriate or not!_

"Kyon, you can go with Koizumi."

And then, like that, all of Kyon's preconceptions were destroyed.

He stared at Haruhi, dumbstruck.

Did he hear that right?

"Okay, Yuki, you're with me!"

Apparently so.

"Don't let me down, okay?" said Haruhi, striking a fighting pose. "Let's go hunt down those evil zombie-like decomposing monsters and show 'em who's the Brigade Chief, right?"

"Understood," said Yuki emotionlessly.

"Z-z-zombies?" Mikuru stuttered, beginning to shake on the spot- and Kyon suspected it was from more than just cold.

Kyon, too, was feeling distinctly shaken and out of sorts- although the zombies (or lack of thereof) had nothing to do with it.

It was over Haruhi's decision.

_Why didn't she want to be with me?_

_I thought that was the source of one of her emotional explosions earlier on?_

_Unless that was never the case…?_

_Or maybe, deep down, she's still angry at me from before?_

_Or, maybe…_

_Maybe this is a test, like last time?_

_She wants me to say 'no, sorry, I'd rather be with you'?_

_Could that be it?_

_But she's smiling…_

_And why am I overanalysing everything like this lately?_

_I don't need to narrate my life like this, in painstaking detail- it's not like I'm thinking this for an audience or anything._

"Ah, hello everyone. I'm sorry I was so late- I know it's inexcusable."

At those smooth, good natured tones, Kyon turned his head.

As he'd suspected, he found Koizumi stood near him (perhaps a little _too _near him- but Koizumi's presence was nowhere near as unsettling as Tsuraya's and her 'all knowing, all seeing' wide-eyed gaze). The esper was smiling a little ruefully, in an attractive manner which would've made all other women melt, and forget he'd ever been late to begin with. His hair and clothes looked windswept- maybe he'd ran there?- but he didn't seem out of breath.

Funny, that.

Kyon had never seen Koizumi participating in any extra curricular sports.

But, then again, fighting those blue giants must've given him enough of a work out.

Without really realising he was doing it, Kyon found himself surreptitiously sweeping his gaze around Koizumi, looking for any signs the battle had taken place- any scars or bruising, or something not quite right.

However, the search proved useless- Koizumi was wearing a coat, it was impossible to tell.

"Koizumi. My second in command." Haruhi smirked her dangerous smirk. "Being late is very uncharacteristic of you! Your Brigade Chief is very disappointed! Because of you, Kyon had to stop being the SOS Brigade's woobie for a while."

_Aha!_

_So she _does _know what she's doing when she punishes me all the time!_

_Really though, she actually calls me that?_

_That's pretty demeaning._

_Then again, it _is _Haruhi…_

"As I said, I'm very sorry, Miss Suzumiya." Koizumi gave a polite bow, accompanied by that smile. "If there's anything I can do-"

Haruhi waved Koizumi's concerns away. "No, don't worry! You're my second in command."

_So Koizumi arrives late and doesn't get punished, but _I _do?_

_Talk about double standards._

But Kyon didn't complain.

For one, he'd always known, deep down, that's how things stood with him and Haruhi. If Haruhi was ever suddenly nice to him, the natural order would've broken down- it would, literally, be a symbol of the apocalypse.

And, secondly, Kyon was just glad- although he did not quite realise it himself- to see Koizumi there, in one piece, unlike those other poor people buried in the land right next to them.

"Anyway, you're with Kyon," said Haruhi, flipping strands of hair over her shoulders again.

The wind had begun to pick up now, and Kyon felt the cold air knifing his face and hands, which he quickly jammed into his pockets.

Why were they outside, anyway?

This wasn't fun.

You'd have to be a very warped individual to find it entertaining in the slightest.

"So, Kyon. Looks like I'm your partner again," Koizumi smiled genially. From that expression, one would think he'd never been trapped in a graveyard when he was kid by his evil cousin, and then been scared witless of all things paranormal ever since. "This will be fun, right?"

Urgh.

Kyon rolled his eyes in response.

"Alright, everyone, listen up!" Haruhi cried, hands on hips. "Your Brigade Chief is speaking! You all got your flashlights, right?"

"Yes!" Tsuraya shouted eagerly, above the drone of absent minded agreement.

"Okay then! Me an' Yuki'll take the left side, Tsuraya and Mikuru will look around the general middle area, and Itsuki and Kyon'll explore the right side. We'll explore for an hour, and then regroup back here to discus our findings!"

"Yay!" Tsuraya squealed again.

"Okay, everyone, let's move out!"

Oh, goodie.

Kyon could hardly wait.

* * *

"Man, this is such a waste of time," sighed Kyon, more to himself than anything else.

He and Koizumi had only been exploring their portion of allocated cemetery for a few minutes or so. Kyon could still see the entrance behind him (your typical wrought iron gates; if it were a real horror film, they would've closed and locked themselves by now- as it was, they stood ajar) and could still hear Tsuraya and Haruhi's excited tones, drifting to them from across an expanse of stone work and corpses.

Koizumi hadn't shown any outward signs of being distressed, but- to Kyon's irritation- he found he keep looking back at the boy to see if he was alright.

_What am I now, his mother?_

_If he falls over, am I going to kiss any of his scrapes better?_

_…_

_No._

_Some things in this world are just too disturbing to contemplate._

Urgh.

Kyon just made himself shudder.

"If this activity keeps Miss Suzumiya happy, though, you could hardly call it a waste of time," said Koizumi, with his usual charming smile.

"Huh. I guess." Kyon sighed. "Do whatever Haruhi says, or the world will be cast into oblivion. Right?"

"You may be oversimplifying things, but yes, something like that." Koizumi gave a small laugh.

"So…" Kyon let the 'so' trail off in the cold air, before Koizumi turned to him with a questioning glance. Kyon finished- "Why were you so late, anyway? It's not like you."

It was the question Kyon had wanted to ask for some time.

_I'm only curious, that's all._

_It's nothing else._

But even with that firm reasoning stuck in his mind, it didn't do Kyon much good.

He wasn't sure what the real reason was, but he felt it bordered somewhere between concern, and something else he wasn't quite able to place.

"Haruhi was feeling more melancholy than usual after her argument with you," said Koizumi. Any traces of a smile had worn from his face. He looked tired- more so than Kyon had ever seen him. "As such, the closed space was bigger. And the shinjin more violent. But-" Koizumi smiled again. The change in expression was quick enough to give one whiplash- to make them wonder if that fatigued face had ever even existed, _could _ever even exist, on someone so cheerful "-everything sorted itself out in the end. There's nothing to worry about."

"I wasn't worrying," Kyon snapped back quickly; perhaps a little too quickly.

"Of course."

If Koizumi had noticed Kyon's lie (which he surely had done), he seemed content to ignore it. However, Kyon couldn't help but notice Koizumi's lips twitched slightly- his smile looked more genuine than per norm.

"I know you can take care of yourself," Kyon continued, looking at the floor.

"Thank you for the vote of confidence," said Koizumi, with a teasing grin.

Kyon continued to look at the floor, and jammed his hands into his coat pockets.

It was cold.

In fact, cold was an understatement.

_Stupid idea._

_Stupid Haruhi._

_If everyone gets frostbite, at least I can laugh and say 'ha, I told you so', before all my fingers and toes fall off. I don't care if it's childish- it'll make me feel better._

A chill gust of wind swept through the cemetery, making the grass at their feet sway, in an almost ominous manner. A low whistle passed through the scraggy tree branches, making them groan.

Out of the corner of his eye, Kyon saw Koizumi flinch slightly.

"Hey, are you okay?" Kyon asked.

Koizumi turned to meet Kyon's gaze once more, and there was that smile again- brighter than the light emitting from Kyon's torch.

"I'll be fine. They say you have to master your fears before they master you, correct?"

"Don't force yourself, or anything, though."

"Ah. Are you still worried about me, Kyon?" Koizumi grinned. "I'm flattered."

"I'm not worried about you. Don't fool yourself," said Kyon, in tones almost as monotone as Nagato's. She had the 'disdainful disinterest' expression down to an art- maybe Kyon should've taken lessons from her. It would be useful when dealing with Koizumi…

"Next time I won't be so hasty with my judgements, then. I apologise."

"Yes. You do that."

The pair walked along, a companionable silence settling upon them.

_Maybe this won't be so bad, _thought Kyon, attempting optimism. Even if all his optimistic thoughts did get crushed about five seconds after their creation, proving cynicism really was the way to go in life. You should expect less, not more- that way, you'd never be disappointed.

In the distance, Kyon could still hear Tsuraya shouting, though he couldn't make out the exact words.

He sighed.

Screaming incoherently in the middle of the night, in a graveyard, no less, wasn't exactly a smart thing to do. What if somebody in a nearby house overheard, and thought she was being murdered?

Then again, if someone was trying to murder Tsuraya, Kyon couldn't say he blamed them.

Not that an assassination attempt would work.

Tsuraya was crazy-strong.

"Hey, Koizumi," said Kyon, after a while.

"Hmn?"

Koizumi didn't say anything, but Kyon suspected the esper was glad for a topic of conversation, whatever it was; the silence had begun to grow oppressive. That, coupled with the twigs snapping underfoot and the whistling of the wind, had managed to create a rather disturbing atmosphere.

Kyon couldn't even hear Tsuraya anymore.

"You don't think ghosts and the like could exist, do you?" asked Kyon.

The torch light skimmed over a nearby headstone. It had turned a sickly green from age, and the inscription was impossible to read. Several chunks of stone had broken away, and were scattered on the floor.

The further back into the cemetery, the older the headstones seemed to become.

_You'd think somebody would clear up around here once in a while._

"Kyon," Koizumi feigned surprise, "I thought you were the last person who'd believe in such things. Didn't you say it was a childish fear?"

"I didn't believe in espers or time travellers before, either."

"Not many people do. I have trouble believing it myself, sometimes. I find my own existence to be quite illogical," Koizumi smiled in his usual charming way.

"Exactly." Kyon frowned. "You remember when we were making that movie?"

"How could I forget?"

"All that weird stuff started happening because of Haruhi…"

"Ah. I understand what you mean," said Koizumi. He nodded. "You think Miss Suzumiya would will these supernatural creatures into existence?"

"Something like that."

"That is a possibility Nagato, Miss Asahina and myself have discussed," said Koizumi. "It is not entirely unlikely it could happen…"

"You can _discuss_ things with Nagato?" Kyon asked incredulously. Talking to her was like trying to get blood out of a stone- exhausting, time consuming, and, ultimately, pointless.

And then, as Kyon let this shock absorb into him, the second- and more important- part of Koizumi's statement finally hit him.

Kyon blinked at Koizumi with something akin to alarm on his face.

"You mean zombies could actually _exist _here?"

"With Miss Suzumiya, many things are possible."

Kyon wrinkled his nose in disdain.

Was Koizumi paid by his esper organization to be deliberately cryptic and annoying, or did he just do that for fun?

More than that, though, was the rather disturbing thought wriggling into Kyon's brain; what if the dead people underneath them were not quite as dead as they were meant to be…?

A vision came to Kyon; a withered hand, half relieved of flesh, clawing and scrabbling at the earth he was walking on, desperate to get out.

It made him shudder.

Such sights were fine in movies, because they weren't real.

The fear of the living dead was a baseless one, because it wasn't possible outside the world of imagination and make believe.

But, if Haruhi willed for it strongly enough…

Of course, if Haruhi's warped mind _did _manage to summon evil spirits from beyond the grave, it wouldn't be her that dealt with the ramifications- of course not.

It would be Kyon.

It was _always _Kyon.

_Damn Haruhi._

"Is the chance of this supposed zombie apocalypse very high?" asked Kyon, trying to push the mangled limbs and decomposed bodies out of his head. They were already under the ground- they didn't need to be in his mind as well.

"Nagato estimated the likelihood of it at little more than ten percent."

So, not that high.

But not low enough, either.

No wonder Mikuru had looked so scared outside the gates; positively petrified, in fact, eyes large as saucers.

Once more, Kyon had to push the sickly, lurching carcasses from his head.

If such a thing did happen, Kyon could deal.

He'd played Left 4 Dead before.

It'd be fine.

What about Mikuru, though?

If she'd already known about this possible resurrection of the dead and gone, why had she agreed to Haruhi's requests?

But Kyon already knew the answer.

_To stop the closed space._

_The one you caused._

"We believe that Miss Suzumiya, as much as she wishes the monsters from these horror movies were real, does not really believe in them," Koizumi explained, voice calm and neutral as always. Underneath the self-assured words, however, Kyon detected something else… Perhaps fear. Koizumi's hands were shaking. "Moreover, I doubt she- like any other person- would not really want to come face to face with a zombie."

"Yeah, but Haruhi's not 'any other person', she's a freaking psychopath," said Kyon darkly, kicking a few twigs out of his way in frustration. "She's the girl who wanted the world to end because it bored her."

Koizumi gave a small laugh.

It was almost completely devoid of humour.

Maybe, behind that front of good natured smiles and polite manners, Koizumi was more scared than he was letting on.

"If we do encounter any eldritch horrors, Kyon, I'm sure you'll be fine. Haruhi wouldn't want you to die."

"What about you and Mikuru?"

In horror films, didn't they always pick off the cute, weak, small girl first?

Koizumi shrugged. "Let's just hope Miss Suzumiya isn't as bored of this planet as she so frequently professes."

If that was meant to sound comforting, it failed.

By a long shot.

"But Kyon, don't worry." Koizumi had turned to Kyon, and was smiling again- that fake, plastic smile. It was forced. "If anything untoward does happen, remember that Nagato will know, and she's more than a match for most things."

An owl hooted overhead. The natural sound made Kyon jump a little- and then he chastised himself for being so stupid.

"I've also been thinking…" Kyon tried to keep talking. It took his mind off other things- and he was sure Koizumi felt the same way. "What if Tsuraya turns out to be... Different to what we thought?"

"So you've been thinking it too. I see." Koizumi grinned. "You really are very astute, Kyon."

"What, is this something else you and Nagato and Mikuru have been 'debating' over?"

"Briefly, yes. Of course, when it comes to people close to Miss Suzumiya, you can never tell if they are who they pretend to be." Koizumi looked thoughtful. "What would you say if I told you Taniguchi had hidden powers?"

"_Taniguchi_?" Kyon stared at Koizumi in shock. The mere notion that him, of _all _people, was actually a suberb actor hired by some agency to follow Haruhi, was simply laughable. "You don't mean the Taniguchi I know, right?"

The loud, obnoxious one that eats with his mouth open and doesn't think before he opens his mouth.

_That _Taniguchi?

"Of course." Koizumi was beginning to look and sound more like the normal Koizumi- the smile was more sincere, and he seemed rather amused at Kyon's reaction.

"But Taniguchi's an idiot," said Kyon bemusedly. "He's not-"

"I admit, it's unlikely," said Koizumi. "After all, he is not that close to Haruhi. But someone like Tsuraya is. Of course, Mikuru feels the same about Tsuraya as you feel about Taniguchi."

"She doesn't think it's a possibility?"

Koizumi shook his head. "She knows Tsuraya better than Nagato and I, so maybe she would be the better judge. But that may have clouded Mikuru's judgement. Nagato and I are unsure of Tsuraya's true role, but there is a chance there could be more than what meets the eye."

"You don't think Tsuraya is actually a vampire, do you?"

At this, Koizumi began to chuckle again.

"Well, I wouldn't say it's completely improbable, but I doubt it. She hasn't shown any preferences for human blood as of yet."

"Maybe you should stake her and find out."

"That was rather cruel, Kyon."

He shrugged. "If she doesn't turn into dust, we'll know she was just a human after all."

"She may be human, but there is something distinctly different about her." Koizumi's tones were pensive, speculative. "Earlier, when we were at the shrine, Nagato noted a sudden shift in data when Tsuraya arrived. And this shift happens every time Tsuraya is nearby."

Kyon stared at Koizumi.

Could it be true?

Was Tsuraya really something more than your regular high school girl?

It was too impossible to believe; Kyon already knew there was something wrong with her brain. She got along with Haruhi, which was indication enough that girl was a few fries short of a happy meal. Only crazy people could remain unaffected by Haruhi's antics- even thinking of them 'fun'.

Why was it that all the girls Kyon knew were insane?

The only ones who seemed at least halfway normal were his sister, and Emiri.

Unless his sister turned out to be a shape shifter or something…

"Are you sure?" Kyon asked.

He didn't know why he bothered.

He'd always known there was something strange about that girl…

"At first, we weren't sure. As Tsuraya is usually with Mikuru or Haruhi, it was hard to tell; the data readings are unnatural surrounding anyone with our unique powers. Even with me, apparently," Koizumi smiled. "But the sudden shift in data when we met Tsuraya today confirmed something. There is something strange about her."

"Well, I could have told you that much."

"Naturally. I think her unique personality is rather charming though, don't you?"

Kyon sighed, and run his hands through his hair. The free hand still held the flash light. He was moving the comforting spot of orange light around, skimming over the head stones, trying to drive any remaining zombie-related fears from his mind.

"Seriously. You find both Haruhi _and _Tsuraya 'charming'? The normal person description of that would be 'certifiable'," said Kyon. His words were rather scathing, but it only made Koizumi smile more.

"I like interesting people."

"No," said Kyon, "you just like crazy girls."

_Bet you would've hit off real well with Ryoko, too._

_Ha._

_Maybe that's why he doesn't accept any chocolate from the girls on Valentine's Day; because all his admirers have one too many brain cells._

_Not that they have a staggering amount, considering they're attracted to _Koizumi, _of all people._

"Hmn. Maybe." Koizumi shrugged.

Kyon noted he didn't seem too interested about talking in girls.

Taniguchi talked about nothing else; it was a little strange having a conversation with another male that didn't go like- "Oh my God, I love this school, all their skirts are so short! Did you see Mikuru today? Man, she's _so _cute… Just like an angel!" (Truth be told, Kyon had wondered about the short skirts himself. Maybe the headmaster's feelings mirrored that of Taniguchi's…)

Not that it mattered.

Kyon stared up at the sky.

It was black. Most of the stars were obscured by cloud, and moon was little more than a thin, pale sliver, barely illumating the tips of the trees.

He shivered, as another gust of wind blew past him, and dug his free hand into his pocket, trying to warm it before it fell off.

"Would you like me to take that?" asked Koizumi, gesturing towards the torch.

"No, it's-" Kyon, began to reassure the other.

But he never managed to finish.

A loud crack rent the air, followed by a high pitched scream.

A girl's scream.

And after that scream, the silence in the cemetery was broken.

Thereafter, there was a loud thump, as though someone (or something?) had fallen to the floor; there was a scrabbling, twigs snapping, leaves rustling; a few more cries of pain (distinctly female).

Mikuru?

It sounded like Mikuru.

An owl hooted overhead.

At this noise, Koizumi's skin turned chalky white, like a ghost's- like the ones Haruhi wanted to see. He grabbed hold of Kyon's arm, fingers trembling- and for once, Kyon didn't tell him to get off, because he was shaking just as much as Koizumi.

"A-ah, Kyon, look…" Koizumi's voice was trembling, shaking almost as badly as his body. Kyon rarely saw Koizumi so shaken.

His good natured, smiling façade was gone.

_So much for all the reassurance he offered me earlier._

"What?" Kyon asked.

Then he noticed.

The orange pool of light- the light which had been their only means of seeing through the darkness- had begun to flicker eerily. The surroundings flashed, as everything swam into and out into sight, in accordance to the flickering of the light.

And then it stopped.

The light gutted out.

And their surroundings were plunged into darkness.

* * *

**a/n: **the next chapter is the one i have been waiting to write since I started this story o:  
i hope you look forward to it as much as i am XD  
hehe :3

this is going to be fun…

renahhchen xxox


	16. 15: In the Darkness, the Enemy Emerges!

**It's a Romantic Conquest True Love Story, Haruhi-Chan!**

* * *

Chapter Fifteen:  
_And Through the Darkness, the Enemy Emerges?_

* * *

Koizumi's fingers were gripped so tightly round Kyon's arm it was starting to numb.

If the esper had been a cute girl, wide-eyed and petrified, clinging to Kyon for help, then the experience would've been less weird and creepy.

In fact, it would've been rather enjoyable.

_Why wasn't I paired up with Mikuru?_

_Why?_

_I can imagine it now- her soft, trembling body pressed against my side, the smell of her shampoo, her fingers entwined with mine…_

But Mikuru was with Nagato. What a waste - almost like presenting a vegetarian with a plate of fois gras. Nagato definitely _wouldn't_ appreciate Mikuru's company in the same way Kyon would. Not when her closest companions were of the leather bound, page filled, non-sentient variety.

_Why must the world be so cruel?_

"Do you have any spare batteries?" Koizumi asked. His calm tones were forced. He was trying to keep his voice under control, but failing. Kyon could tell. Running underneath his words was a slight tremble of fear. And, the cherry on the icing on the metaphorical cake, Kyon could feel his fingers shaking, even though his grip was firm enough to cut the circulation off to Kyon's fingers.

"Y-yeah, wait a sec..."

Sadly, Kyon's response wasn't much better.

He stumbled over his words, as though they were obstacles- it was suddenly much too hard to think straight. Human speech lost all meaning; sentences sounded wrong and awkward.

Fear did that to you.

_Ha._

_That's probably why most of the dialogue in low budget slasher flicks inevitably descends into inarticulate screams and cries of pain._

_And I always thought it was because the writers were lazy._

Kyon began to dig around in his pocket for the batteries, but they were proving to be more elusive than the situation allowed them to be.

It was so dark; Kyon could barely see an inch in front of his face. The entirety of the moon- which had been weak before- was now blotted from view by thick clouds. Even the stars had faded from view. The sky was empty- deserted. It seemed almost stupid to think the stars and the moon had ever existed at all.

The air was too cold.

Frosty.

It bit at Kyon's cheeks, tugged at his clothes, pulled at his hair.

The wind was enough strong enough to stir the trees into erratic movement. It caught the gnarled, spindly boughs and sent them into an ethereal dance- extending across the night sky like beckoning fingers, creaking and wailing as they did so.

Kyon could feel Koizumi's breath ghosting over his cheek.

He wondered just how close the other was standing- though he had a pretty good idea.

Too close.

Much too close.

And then, Kyon heard it.

That noise again.

Leaves rustling, twigs crunching.

Footsteps.

They were getting closer.

Carried on the winds, a new sound came to Kyon; a low, ghostly sound, that was enough to make the blood in his veins freeze.

It was a female moan.

Was it of pain?

Or something else?

Kyon's breath caught in his throat.

All at once, the image of decomposing, maggot-ridden, bloated corpses surfaced into Kyon's head- staggering closer and closer, arms held out, flesh melting off the skeleton, skin cold, searching. Pulled into this world by Haruhi's own boredom. Bursting out of their graves, skeletal fingers outstretched, scrabbling around in the dirt, trying to drag themselves back into the world again.

Thousands of them.

A less than ten percent chance.

Unlikely.

But not impossible.

And becoming more and more believable every second.

"W-what do you think...?" Kyon began. But he couldn't finish. The words died on his tongue- turned to ash- tasted bitter.

He shuddered.

He didn't need to ask that question.

He had a disturbingly clear picture of what creatures were stumbling around in the dark.

Maybe surrounding them already.

_Oh my God._

_OhmyGodohmyGodohmyGod._

_Haruhi, if you _are_ God, and _you _have brought zombies into this earth for the sole reason to make your life more interesting, I am going to kill you._

_I will kill you before the zombies do, and I will enjoy it._

_I will _personall_y see to it that you become an honorary member of the exclusive flesh-eating un dead club. After all, isn't that what you want? I'm sure they'll make you feel welcome._

_Fuck._

_I wish I hadn't seen 28 Days Later now._

"K-kyon..." Koizumi's voice was trembling badly; almost as badly as his fingers. He wasn't trying to hide it anymore. It was pointless.

And Koizumi's sudden candid nature made everything seem much, much worse.

Wasn't Koizumi meant to be the impassive, sensible, collected one?

The footsteps were growing closer.

And closer.

And-

"Oh my gosh! Kyon! I'm so glad I found you!"

-that was _not _what Kyon had expected.

_Do zombies usually sound like teenage girls?_

_Or maybe this is a special 'Haruhi Suzumiya' type evil demon from beyond the grave, complete with long hair, wide eyes, large assets, a high school uniform and a half based in skull?_

_Everyone knows Haruhi like moe._

_When you think of it this way, it sounds kind of logical._

_Would it make _me_ look bad, though, fighting off a band of demonic possessed cute girl characters?_

_Even if they want to eat my brain, it still doesn't sound fair…_

A circle of orange light, bright and oppressive after the thick darkness, burst into view. The surroundings were immediately lit up, like lights on a Christmas tree. Kyon had to blink furiously to dispel the sudden surge of white spots that blinked around his peripheral vision.

Once he'd finally regained his eyesight, he looked down to find Koizumi still clinging to his arm (yes. He was definitely much, _much_ too close). Luckily, Kyon had the sense of mind to push the esper away, before their rescuer had enough time to form any... 'strange' ideas about their closeness.

"Oh, and Koizumi, too? I thought you were going with Miss Suzumiya and the others..."

_Wait._

_That's not just any old cute high school girl type voice._

_And it certainly isn't a zombie girl, either._

It was Emiri Kimidori.

The slight girl was stood a few feet away, holding her own torch. A purplish bruise was forming on her knee, and she a few scraps and cuts on her legs, and a tiny one on her cheek. Her hair was messy. Kyon could make out a few stray twigs and leaves embedded in the light green curls.

But she was obstinately alive.

She wasn't slathering at the mouth or calling desperately for brains.

She even had the polite courtesy to leave all her internal organs in the right place (i.e. on the inside).

_Well._

_I feel stupid now._

"Em- I mean, Miss Kimidori," Kyon corrected himself, tripping over his words in shock. He would've been less surprised if it _was _a zombie. The encounter with Emiri seemed rather anti climatic- she was definitely not dead, nor maggot-ridden (Kyon checked), and besides, she was much too pretty to be a horror movie monster. "What are you doing here? And how did you know I was here with Haruhi?"

"I overheard you talking about in the café, as I was getting ready to leave. I-I couldn't help but overhear..." Emiri looked at the floor, and scuffed her shoes. A faint blush spread across her cheeks. "I-I'm sorry. I was just worried about you, i-it's pretty dangerous in the dark, you know? So I went to find you..." She continued to look at the floor, kicking at a few stray twigs. Kyon couldn't tell, but it sounded an awful lot like she was blushing.

_Jeez._

_How could I _ever _have mistaken Emiri for a zombie? The most frightening thing about her is her pretty face. It could be used as a deadly weapon!_

_She's so cute, she's making my head hurt!_

Maybe Emiri wasn't as attractive as Mikuru (who was?), but she _had _looked very nice in her maid outfit.

_Arghhh._

_Stop this, Kyon!_

_There are more important things to worry about!_

"I know what I did was stupid, I wasn't thinking properly..." Here, Emiri looked up. Her eyes were large, like an anime heroine's. Her cheeks were (as Kyon suspected) light pink. "B-but I'm so glad you're okay, Kyon."

_W-what is this?_

_Is this a confession...?_

"U-um..." Kyon wondered if his own face was going red.

Honestly, he'd never been confessed to like this before. Emiri was so adorable, and (in Taniguchi's words) completely out of his league.

Well.

There had been that one time when Kyon thought Ryoko was going to confess her love- but instead she ended up confessing her desire to impale Kyon with multiple pointed objects (and very nearly got away with it).

"M-miss Kimidori…" Kyon tried again.

_God, you must sound so pathetic._

But it was hard arranging his thoughts. It would've been difficult dealing with a blushing girl and a love confession(?) on any normal day. However, this day was _far_ from normal, and this confession(?) was coming from someone who, two minutes ago, Kyon had suspected of being a reanimated carcass. 'Complicated' couldn't even _hope _to begin to sum up the situation.

Maybe 'demented'.

That was a nice word.

_Fuck._

_This situation is even more weird than the zombie apocalypse._

"I know what I did was reckless," said Emiri. "I'd never normally do something like that. I fell over a couple of times, and hit my hit. I-I think you heard... H-how embarasssing..." said Emiri, looking abashed. She smiled softly, sweetly. Her smile was like sunshine, bringing light even the darkest of places. That smile was bringing up so many clichés in Kyon's head all at once he felt rather disgusted with himself. "B-but when I'm around you, I just can't think straight... Hehe..." She gave a small laugh. "I-I wonder what you'd call that."

"Um..." was Kyon's intelligent reply.

He looked back at Koizumi, feeling utterly lost.

And then he saw Koizumi's face.

It was even worse than the fear before.

His eyes, which had been wide in surprise, were now narrowed with dislike, distrust. Hated, even. His lips were pursed.

He'd never seen Koizumi look so angry.

Not even when he'd been so rude to Emiri in the café earlier that day.

It was almost frightening; especially when compared to his usual, good-natured smiles.

Now, Kyon could see why Koizumi put on that charming facade so often; and it wasn't just to placate Haruhi. If his normal expressions were even one fifth as terrifying as that one, no girls would ever, ever give him chocolate on Valentine's Day.

They'd never even go near him.

Hell, Kyon didn't even want to be near Koizumi.

Unwittingl_y_, he took a few steps away from him.

Emiri, however, somehow (miraculously) didn't seem to have noticed.

Her eyes were focused solely on Kyon.

"Miss Kimidori." It was Koizumi. His words were cold. "You should leave. It isn't safe for you to be here in the dark."

"B-but Kyon's with me. I'll be okay... Really." Emiri smiled sweetly. "Don't worry about me."

Kyon wanted to grab Emiri by the shoulders and shake her.

_Emiri, are you _deaf _as well as blind?_

_That's wasn't 'worry'!_

_That was hatred!_

"Besides, I came here to see Kyon..." Her blush became even more profuse. "I-I just wanted to tell him how I feel... To show him why I came..."

Emiri took a step forward.

"P-please, let me show you what I wanted to do… B-before I get too scared again…"

"U-um…"

The young girl looked up, her eyes impossibly large, girlish lashes fluttering. Her hair caught on the breeze, and began to dance in the air, like the spasmodically jerking tree branches behind her.

"K-kyon, I've wanted to tell you this for so long-"

Another step forwards.

"I…" Emiri's voice faltered. She looked at the floor. Looked up again. "I… I… I…"

It happened so quickly, Kyon wasn't sure if he was dreaming or not.

A nightmare.

It had to be a nightmare.

The noise of Koizumi's fist colliding with Emiri's jaw filled the air.

There was a sickening crunch- a snapping, something breaking- and Emiri's 'oh' of surprise as she fell to the floor, crumpled, like a ragdoll, or else a marionette with cut strings. She fell so quickly, so easily, surely she must've been feather-light, delicate, almost weightless. Certainly no match for Koizumi. As Emiri fell, she let go of her flash light. It hit the ground with a thud- a louder noise than Emiri's petite frame had made- and began to spin, casting orange circles of light about the cemetery. Emiri's fingers splayed across her jaw- the pale, lily white skin underneath was blossoming purple- and her eyes grew large.

Emiri began to scream in pain.

Crying.

And then- "Come on!"- Kyon felt fingers close around his arm, and- just like that- he was dragged away.

* * *

The cemetery was dark.

Of course it was. Emiri had the only working torch.

Emiri…

Kyon saw her again- falling to the floor, body twisted up, jaw purple and broken, screaming in surprise, pain, fear. All alone.

A small, delicate girl like that.

No match for Koizumi.

_Koizumi…_

_That bastard!_

Kyon had never hated somebody as much as he hated the esper right now; the one who was holding onto Kyon's arm, tugging him after him as they ran. Running away from the only source of light.

Away from Emiri.

It was impossible running in the dark, especially with so many obstacles littered around; tumbling over upturned tree roots, headstones, sometimes nothing at all, just air.

Nothing.

Emiri hadn't done anything wrong- certainly nothing that warranted being hurt like that.

Kyon stumbled, nearly falling over, but Koizumi pulled him to his feet, with a strength Kyon didn't know the other possessed.

Emiri's jaw was purple now.

Because of Koizumi.

_Why?_

Kyon wasn't even aware he'd spoken it out loud.

He pulled his arm out of Koizumi's vice like grip, and stood there, breathing heavily. It was dark. Almost impossible to see.

Koizumi stopped running.

Turned around.

"Kyon?"

And Kyon slammed his own fist into Koizumi's face.

He felt some sick satisfaction from hearing bones crack, and Koizumi's own whimpers of pain- but he could not have hit the other hard enough (certainly not as hard as Koizumi struck Emiri) because he was still standing.

"I… I probably deserved that…" said Koizumi. His voice was hollow.

"Of course you did!" Kyon was enraged- he'd never been that mad with anyone before. Not even with Haruhi, when she forced Mikuru into degrading outfits, pushed her around and turned her into a literal doll; not even then. What Koizumi had done was worse. "What… Why the fuck did you do that to Miss Kimidori? Why…"

"It's…" A pause. Koizumi was trying to find the right things to say- but was there anything he could say that would rectify the situation? Probably not.

_Of course not._

_How could anyone justify harming a girl like Emiri?_

"It's difficult to explain." Koizumi's breathing was ragged. His words were shaken; probably with pain.

"I'll bet."

"We need to get out of here." Koizumi sounded frantic; he tried to reach for Kyon's arm again, but he was shoved away.

"Kyon…" Koizumi's voice was pleading.

"No. I don't want to listen. What you did to Miss Kimidori-"

"It was inexcusable, I know, but listen- I had no other choice. I needed to-"

"What, you hate her _that_ much? What did she do to you? She's harmless!"

"She's not nearly as harmless as you may think."

"That doesn't even make any sense!" Kyon's voice was getting louder, angrier. He was happy for that moment that he couldn't see Koizumi's face, because it would only prompt him into violence again.

"Kyon, please. We need to find Nagato-" Koizumi was begging. Kyon had… never heard that before. It was strange. Out of character. Just like when Koizumi had hit Emiri.

Broken her jaw.

He made her cry.

Kyon clenched his fingers into fists.

"I'm not going anywhere! You- there's something wrong with you- it's not right. How could… How could you hurt somebody who's so small and defenceless? There was no reason, it's… It's disgusting! You've been so rude to Emiri, but, but-"

But Koizumi wasn't listening to Kyon.

His attention was fixed elsewhere.

Leaves were crunching, twigs snapping.

Footsteps.

Kyon grabbed hold of Koizumi's shoulder, and pulled at him- why wasn't he listening?- willing him to listen, to pay attention, and maybe he would've hit him again to knock some sense into his empty head but Kyon never managed to because at that moment he heard something, a noise, ominous- and then Koizumi was shouting-

"Kyon, get out of the way!"

-and Kyon was pushed backwards- he stumbled, but didn't fall- he noted the light was back (Emiri was the only one with a working flash light), a round orange circle, he was blinking away those white spots and he managed to catch his balance, he turned his head and stared.

"Oh dear," said Emiri. She sighed, pouted. Her voice was just the same as usual- girlish, cute, winsome, but there was something distinctly off about it- something Kyon couldn't quite place. "It looks like I hit the wrong one."

Kyon didn't fall, but Koizumi did.

He hit the ground in a crumpled heap.

The front of his shirt was red.

* * *

**a.n/** yes.  
this chapter is a pretty big one- as is the following one- so i re-read and rewrote this a few times to make it sound good.  
i'm not sure if it worked... o:  
i don't like this chapter very much...

i don't know why.

anyway, don't you want to know what happens next? XD  
^o^


	17. 16: Showdown in the Graveyard! Secrets?

**It's a Romantic Conquest True Love Story, Haruhi-Chan!**

* * *

Chapter Sixteen:  
_Showdown in the Graveyard! Tsuraya's Secret!_

* * *

"K-Koizumi?"

Kyon could only stare at the esper in horror.

He was virtually unrecognisable from the smiling, charming yes man he so often pretended to be.

There was nothing handsome about his pale face. The skin was so white, it was almost sickly; like a ghost, or a geisha who had neglected to put on any other make up save powder.

Koizumi's whole body shook erratically, fingers clenching and unclenching with violent spasms.

His eyes were tightly closed in pain- though they cracked open slightly when a particularly violent, hacking cough dislodged blood and saliva from the back of his throat. It dribbled down his chin in a garish streak of red against white, and dripped slowly to the floor.

His chest was bleeding, too.

Too much.

Kyon couldn't help but gasp when he saw the source of the wound- though it was not hard to ignore.

There was a large spear stuck out of Koizumi's back.

Just like the ones Ryoko Asakura had used.

The very same.

Kyon had a sudden flash back to that blockaded classroom; Nagato, stood in front of him, lanced through multiple times with those spears- just like the one lodged in Koizumi's flesh.

But Nagato had been able to rewrite her own body's data to withstand such an assault- she could survive with wounds that would kill a normal person.

Because Nagato _wasn't _a normal person.

But Koizumi _was_.

And, as more blood leaked from Koizumi's mouth and chest, Kyon was forced to come to the horrible conclusion that Koizumi wasn't quite as powerful as he'd always believed.

"Don't worry, he won't die from that. At least, not yet."

Kyon stared at Emiri.

She was smiling like sunflowers- but it did little to calm Kyon's mood.

Instead, it intensified it.

He noted, the light purple bruise was still prominent on her jaw- though it was quickly fading.

"Even though I wasn't aiming for him, he deserved it," Emiri continued. Her tones were friendly, genial, as though she and Kyon were talking about the weather. "He actually hurt me. Men should treat fragile women with more care and respect- ouch."

There was a small click, as Emiri's jaw- which Kyon presumed to have been broken- slid back into place.

The noise made Kyon shudder.

He opened his mouth. He struggled for words.

They wouldn't come.

How could you make sense out of a nonsensical situation?

To use simple computing terms, it did not compute.

At all.

There was no way, in any sane universe, that Emiri Kimidori- the shy, blushing high school girl- could be capable of murder (and _enjoying _said murder as well, judging by the sunshine smile on her pretty face).

But then again.

This _wasn't _a sane universe.

This was a universe where time travellers, aliens and espers ran free, and- apparently- their God was none other than Japan's most disillusioned (not to mention certifiably insane) high school girl, Haruhi Suzumiya.

_You've already been attacked by one cute girl so far._

_You should be used to this by now._

_Argh, who am I kidding?_

_This is so unreal!_

_Life shouldn't work like this. It __shouldn't__._

_There should be laws in place to prevent this kind of thing from happening!_

"Y-you… You're the same as Nagato and Asakura, aren't you?" Kyon finally managed to spit the words out.

Emiri giggled, and gave Kyon a polite round of applause. It wasn't mocking either. She looked genuinely cheerful.

"Ooh, very good! Well done," she congratulated. "Yes. Like those two, I am also a humanoid interface, created to observe Miss Suzumiya by the Data Integration Thought Entity. That's a bit of a mouthful, though, so for the remainder of your life you may call me 'Emiri'. I don't mind!"

Kyon could only stare.

There were no words.

"Hmn? Are you okay?" She laughed softly. "Of course not. That's a silly question. It's a lot to take in."

_Yeah, no shit._

"Even though you've met Yuki and Ryoko before, I suppose encountering the extraordinary never ceases to amaze humans! It's that kind of curiosity I find so charming about you."

Kyon tried to organise his thoughts. It was a task easier said than done, considering Koizumi was _dying _behind him.

"B-but you… _Why_?"

_If you're going to murder me, I'd at least like to know your reasons._

…_Not that most serial killers give_ _reasons._

"I'm sorry to shock you so suddenly. Certainly, I will explain further," said Emiri pleasantly. "Who knows? Your friend die before the end of my explanation, and then I won't have to waste any more spears on him." At this, Emiri suddenly became pensive and blinked thoughtfully. "I could always create more, though... So it doesn't matter. A-anyway..." She shook her head, and beamed.

"I was placed on this Earth three years ago to observe Miss Suzumiya. I'm sure you know this much."

Kyon managed to nod.

"Very good," said Emiri. She sounded like a kindergarten teacher, praising a young child for a particularly good finger painting. "Well, the data readings around Miss Suzumiya fluctuate depending upon her emotions. It was very interesting! But then…"

Emiri sighed.

"Recently, the data surrounding Miss Suzumiya became more stable- more _ordinary_. And do you know why?"

Kyon didn't say anything- he was finding it hard to _breathe_, let alone talk- but Emiri didn't wait for his response.

"It's because of you, Kyon."

_Of course it is._

_Perhaps I should feel _flattered _that all these strange creatures from beyond the stars are taking time out of their busy schedule to murder me._

_It makes me feel so popular._

"During my observations of Miss Suzumiya, I noticed she is happiest when she's around you. And when you started dating, her violent mood swings ceased almost completely."

"B-but that can't be right!"

The inaccuracy of Emiri's words had finally prompted Kyon into speech. The words were out of his mouth before they'd even passed through his brain.

"Haruhi isn't happy with me! She's the same as always! Exactly the same! She still complains, and moans, and-"

"Oh my. How strange!" Emiri began to giggle. "Are you really so oblivious to a woman's true feelings? Silly Kyon~" Her voice had adopted a sing-song lilt. "Even though Miss Suzumiya attempted to mask her emotions, I could see it all too plainly. Whenever she's with you, she's happy."

Emiri's face darkened.

"And happy people are so _boring_ to observe.

She sighed. The smile was back, though it was rueful; maybe a little sad? "So you see, I have no choice. I have to kill you."

_You're talking so calmly, but what you're saying doesn't make sense at all!_

"If you die, Miss Suzumiya's emotions will surely change! It would be so interesting to watch. Think of all the valuable data I could collect! I can't miss this chance. It's nothing personal. I hope you understand."

_Understand _what_?_

_This isn't a science experiment- it's my __life__!_

_You expect me to be _okay _with this?_

"I'm… a little sad at this turn of events. After all, I really did like you. You're a nice person. You don't deserve this. I'm sorry. Truly sorry."

Emiri's eyes were large- maybe tearful? Or perhaps that was a trick of the light.

It didn't matter.

_Emiri, I don't think you quite understand._

_Even if you apologise, that doesn't make murder socially acceptable- or a viable way to solve a situation!_

"I didn't want to make such an elaborate show of this," said the green-haired girl. She looked so small, so innocent. It was hard to believe she posed any threat at all. "It would have been so much easier to poison your food… Asphyxiate you in an empty classroom… A knife to the throat on the way home from school… Of course, I wouldn't be so carless as to leave any evidence.

"But people _kept getting in my way_."

Kyon could only stare in horror, as another spear materialised in Emiri's hands.

He took a step back- or at least, tried to, because he found he couldn't.

His path was barred by trees.

_They weren't there before…_

Kyon turned round, scanning the area with growing desperation, but his search was to no avail. There was nowhere to run. The immediate area had been completely fenced off by trees; twisted, gnarled, trees which had seemingly sprung up from nowhere.

"The trees are merely a physical boundary. I also took care to implement a… I suppose humans would call it a 'force field', of some sorts, around the area." It sounded like Emiri was reading aloud from a science fiction novel. Hell, this whole _setting _was like a science fiction novel.

"Even highly intelligent specimens like Yuki Nagato will be unable to infiltrate this space. Sorry."

So that was it.

He was trapped.

And, meanwhile, Koizumi was dying…

He was struggling for breath, choking as though his throat was filled with broken glass, eyes screwed shut in pain.

_All because of me._

_If Koizumi hadn't pushed me out of the way, I would be dead by now._

Kyon suddenly felt like the biggest asshole in the world for not letting Koizumi win Othello at least _once_.

Kyon watched as Emiri lifted the spear.

He couldn't move. His whole body felt as though it was made from concrete- whether paralysed by fear, or another one of Emiri's data altering abilities, he didn't know. His legs felt rooted to the spot. He couldn't even move a finger.

_Hey, haven't you even heard of a fair fight?_

Kyon to close his eyes- maybe that would somehow make a difference to his fate?

But he couldn't.

His eyelids were frozen.

Time seemed to crawl by; simple motions were taking eons. Kyon could see, all too clearly, the way Emiri's lips pursed, her eyes narrowed, her fingers clenched, arm drew back, further, and then, after a brief pause which felt like a millennia-

She suddenly turned.

And let go.

A choking, _dying _scream filled the air.

Not Kyon's.

Koizumi's.

The esper's body jerked horribly, as the second spear struck him in the back. The force of the collision was enough to toss his body backwards, like a limp doll- just like Emiri's had been when she fell to the floor.

Koizumi gasped, coughed, an ooze of spittle and blood coating his lips, chin, dribbling to the floor.

"You know, I never _did _like him. He was always so mean to me," said Emiri. She sounded like a young child who's favourite toy had been stolen. She sniffed. "He punched me in the face. I hope you regret it now, It~su~ki~"

Another spear embedded itself in Koizumi's side.

More coughing, more blood.

"I wasn't going to hurt you- not from the beginning." Emiri toyed with another spear, passing it from hand to the other. "But when you kept getting in my way… It made my job more difficult than it should have been. And you were so _rude_. So I suppose… Although I didn't want to be unnecessarily cruel…"

Her eyes hardened.

Her voice grew frosty. Almost subzero.

"You _deserve _this, Itsuki. Think of it as payback."

Kyon winced as the fourth spear joined the other three, and Koizumi's limp body was again sent into spasms of shock. He watched, as Koizumi's twitching became less erratic- his eyes didn't open- he looked so pale- how could he still be alive after all this?

"Don't worry, Kyon. When I kill you, I'll make sure it's painless. I always liked you, you know…"

_For all your reassurances, somehow I'm _not _feeling any better._

_Huh, I wonder why that is._

_Maybe because you're trying to _murder Itsuki_?_

"Ah, I wonder… How many times would I have to hit you before you really died? I'm taking great care not to hit any vital points, you know. That way, you wouldn't learn your lesson," said Emiri thoughtfully.

She smiled.

"I don't suppose it would be too many. Humans are so weak. Oh well."

With a sigh, she readied yet another spear.

Kyon was forced to believe that this one, surely, was the final one.

How could anyone withstand being beaten around like _that_ for so song?

…But the fatal blow never came.

Because, at that moment, something _truly _bizarre happened.

During Emiri's words, the surroundings began to almost distort. Like looking at the bottom of a swimming pool, everything became hazy and shook- Emiri, the trees, even the moon in the sky. So perhaps it was not like an image underwater, but more like jelly? As though the entire environment was gelatinous, it trembled and quaked. There was a ripple in empty space and then, appearing, as if from nowhere, she appeared in a flash of green and a smile far too cheerful for the occasion.

It was Tsuraya.

_And at this point, I've just about lost all faith in normality._

_Seriously._

_What the fuck is going on?_

"Hey, Emiri! Fancy running into a girl like you in a place like this? Isn't that how the saying goes? Hahaha~" Tsuraya began to laugh.

_Yeup._

_There's nothing funnier than homicide._

Emiri eyes narrowed, her lips pursed. She pinched the bridge of her nose as though she had a headache. Kyon didn't blame her, really. Being in Tsuraya's company for more than five seconds was generally enough to make his own head pound, too.

"An intruder, huh?" she said. "I thought the barriers I installed were stronger than that."

"They were. You did a good job," said Tsuraya. "Yuki's still trying to get through them."

"Yuki Nagato? She's with you?" Emiri didn't look surprised. "Well, it was only to be expected. I rewrote so much of the organic data surrounding this area, of _course _she'd notice. But how did _you _get in?"

"I have a special talent~"

"Can you do that thing where you balance a spoon on your nose?" asked Emiri, genuinely interested. "I always wanted to try that."

"Of course!"

"Ooh, that's pretty cool."

"I know, right? But that's not all!" Here, Tsuraya flipped her hair over her shoulder, and struck one of her 'Obligatory Over the Top Anime Hero!' poses, pointing one of her fingers right in Emiri's face, between her eyes. "Three years ago, blah blah blah, and now, I found I can slide between several different parallel universes! Even areas that have been data encoded, like this one, are no match for me!"

"A 'slider', hmn…" said Emiri. She toyed with her spear as she spoke, as though it were nothing more dangerous than a plastic toy. "That's interesting."

"Oh, is that its name? I didn't know the technical term!" Tsuraya began to laugh. "It sounds pretty awesome, though! Right, Kyon?"

_You're addressing me?_

_You expect me to reply after an outrageous statement like _that_?_

_Well, I always knew there was something strange about you._

_This doesn't shock me nearly as much as it should._

_Does this mean I'm getting used to these things?_

"Although this complicates my plans, it does not change them. The only difference is, there will be one more dead body." Emiri sighed. "It's a shame. I didn't want to hurt any other people. I'm not unnecessarily cruel- in fact, I think I'm quite reasonable. But you people do insist on being so _annoying_.

"So. Please, die for me."

The grey spear went flying through the air, at such an immense speed Kyon could only see it as a vague blur.

When it hit the floor, it exploded on impact into large pieces of rubble.

No, not rubble…

The spears had been formed from the headstones.

_I'm sure that's slightly disrespectful to the dead somehow…_

"Y-you…" Emiri turned, seemingly disoriented, to glare at Tsuraya. "How did you avoid my attack? Being a slider shouldn't give you any other strengths…"

"It doesn't. I just watched a kickboxing video once~"

At this, Emiri's body seemed to visibly slump- perhaps crushed by the waves of idiocy Tsuraya was unknowingly creating.

"That is the _stupidest _thing I've ever heard."

"Hehe~ I do my best."

"You know what? Go die."

In the next instant, the universe seemed to ripple again, and- in less than a millisecond- hundreds upon hundreds of blurred objects began to shoot through the air.

Something Kyon couldn't see flew past his head, and exploded into shards of headstone behind him.

He barely had time to process just how close he'd come to being decapitated, when-

"Kyon, get back, you idiot! You've got to protect Itsuki!"

He felt Tsuraya push him back behind her, as she (somehow) managed to fend off the barrage of projectiles.

"There's no way you got _that_ good watching a kickboxing video once," said Emiri, hurling yet another few dozen spears in Tsuraya's direction.

"You're right! I also took gymnastics when I was a kid!"

The projectiles crashed into the ground, some just inches away from Tsuraya. As soon as they brushed the earth, they reverted back into their original forms, until Tsuraya's feet were half buried in rubble.

"You're not doing that," said Emiri. She had ceased her assault for now, and stood, hands clenched into fists at her sides. "Somebody's interfering with my data from the outside."

"Oh yeah. Yuki can do some omega awesome stuff, can't she? I like to think my own unique abilities came into play a little, though, haha!"

Emiri began to crack her knuckles. The sound seemed to echo; trapped within the circle of trees.

When she next spoke, her voice was deadly calm.

"Well then. Let's see if Yuki Nagato can help you avoid _this_."

A low, soft tremor came from underground- though with every passing second, it grew stronger, and louder, until it was an ominous thrum that filled the air.

The ground was shaking.

Pieces of broken headstone were dislodged from the pile at Tsuraya's feet.

They began to vibrate softly on the floor; only their movements became more violent with every passing second.

The ground was breaking.

It was _splitting in two._

The soil was cracking as something- some rotten, putrid _thing- _clawed desperately at the earth, tried to free itself from the darkness.

Kyon's eyes dilated, but his pupils became smaller, until they were a mere pinprick of black in a sea of milky white.

_No way._

_No _fucking _way._

_This __can't__ be happening._

But it was.

Despite all of Kyon's deniable, it was staunchly undeniable that a pair of hands- skeletal, putrid hands with reaching, scrabbling fingers- was pushing itself up out of the dirt, like saplings, like sunflowers.

Tsuraya herself seemed frozen in shock; but her inability to move became far more than confusion, as those hands (those rotting, decayed hands) with their skeletal fingers grabbed hold of her legs.

Rooting her to the spot.

And, as Kyon watched, he noticed there were _more _of them.

More hands.

Struggling to get free.

_W-what the fuck is this?_

And Kyon knew it was bad, because he was even stuttering with his thoughts.

_Did I wander into the ending scene of Carrie by mistake?_

_I could _deal _with Emiri trying to kill me, and Tsuraya being a 'slider', but then you have to bring out the fucking _zombies?

_How do you expect me to deal with this?_

"Organic life forms, even those which are deceased, are so easily to manipulate," said Emiri simply. "It required little effort on my part to reanimate them. Although… I wonder why you humans fear the dead so much? Doesn't it seem irrational? After all, they can't hurt you."

A smile.

A smile like sunflowers.

"Under _most_ circumstances."

"Ahaha…" Tsuraya gave a nervous laugh, as the bony fingers continued to root her in place. "Yuki, now would be a pre~_tty_ good time for you step in."

"You're wasting your breath. My defences are too strong."

There was a shower of soil and debris, as one of the cadavers finally managed to claw itself out of the soil.

Its face was half-rotted- it looked melted, like a burn victim, and its mouth was open, though no sound came out.

"Y-you know, don't you think all this is kind of unnecessary? Let's talk it over! I'm sure you're a lovely person really! Hahaha!"

"I'm afraid I have no choice. Yuki has somehow managed to override the homing mode on my projectiles. So now I'm improvising." Emiri smiled, and tilted her head. "Either way, you all die, right?"

More and more corpses were beginning to surface; some into further stages of decomposition than others. Their sickly foetor was enough to turn the stomach- to make you actually, literally sick.

Kyon to clap his hands over his mouth and look away.

But looking down at Koizumi didn't help matters.

Blood had crusted on his lips and clothes. Those spears were still lodged into his back. His skin was deathly pale and just as cold, and he wasn't moving.

_Is he…?_

Nervously, with shaking fingers, Kyon tried to feel for a pulse- any sign that he was still alive.

The smell was growing worse.

The half-decomposed bodies of dozens were stumbling towards Tsuraya, with the awkward, limping gaits of those who had been dead for a very, very long time.

Some were missing limbs.

Others were ridden with maggots, worms; white insects crawling about their half-dissolved skin and burrowing into the empty cavities of black, staring eye sockets.

They were noiseless.

Even as they stumbled over the uneven ground, they made no sound.

_This _has _to be a nightmare._

_This can't be real._

_Denial makes everything better, damn it!_

"Ah… T-this doesn't look too good…"

_Yeah, no shit._

Kyon's shoulders began to shake, his eyes watered. The smell was sickening; and without any wind to disperse it, it was only growing stronger and stronger.

It was like rotten meat.

Exactly like that.

Maybe because it _was_ just rotten meat.

"I didn't mean for you to die in such a terrible way, Kyon," said Emiri apologetically. Her hands were linked at her front, and she looked down at the floor. "Please forgive me. I'm just making do with the materials I have. That's all."

Once again, she repeated the phrase; "It's nothing personal."

They were getting closer.

Too smell.

That smell- that awful, putrid smell- became so thick and heavy, it was almost tangible.

Kyon felt sick.

He was going to throw up, and then he was going to get torn apart by a hoard of zombies- freaking zombies.

All because of Haruhi.

"Yuki, I'd really like some help right now! I'm, like, literally _seeing dead people_!"

_Of course._

_Of course _somebody _had to use that joke._

And then the sea of rotten flesh was upon them- surrounding them in every direction, fingers outstretched, clawing.

But that wasn't it.

That wasn't all.

Kyon looked away- looked up.

And then he saw _it_.

There was something wrong with the sky.

It was shaking, pulsating, distorting, and, and-

There was a loud cracking noise.

Zigzag shapes had begun to run across the star-strewn sky, breaking it apart it so many sections like a jigsaw puzzle. The rifts and distortions kept spreading, like a spider web, almost like a disease…

And then it literally split down the middle.

Two seconds later, there was no sky.

Only a vague, swirling backdrop of geometric shapes; a swirl of patterns and colors the likes of which Kyon had never seen before. It made his eyes hurt. It was painful to look at.

"What the-?"

It was Emiri.

But she was unable to finish.

Because, at that moment, an invisible force whirred through the air- so fast Kyon couldn't even see what it was- and collided with the young girl. She was tossed backwards as though she were weightless, and collided with one of the trees she had created to impede Kyon's escape.

When she finally got shakily to her feet, Kyon saw something was protruding out of her chest.

It was a spear.

The same kind she had used on Koizumi.

"The special lockdown of this area was difficult even for me to gain access to. But I was able to observe Tsuraya infiltrating this space, and was able to access the entry point she used. The weak area of your data blockade was in the sky."

"Oh. It's you." Emiri stared at Nagato. She sighed. "And I really thought I had the upper hand."

Almost thoughtlessly, Emiri grabbed hold of the spear in her chest, and pulled it out. The tip was drenched with blood. As soon as it hit the floor, it became nothing more than crumbling pieces of grey headstone.

"No matter. I can still win."

"I have already requested permission to nullify your data link."

"You have no right, Yuki. I'm _your _superior, remember? You have to do what I say!"

"You were sent here to gather information. Combat has not been authorised." Nagato's voice remained monotone as always. "I have permission from the Data Integration Thought Entity to terminate your data links and physical body."

"But I suppose that wouldn't work if I killed you first?"

Emiri smiled.

"Let's find out, shall we?"

In an instant, the hands clenched round Tsuraya's legs immediately released their captive and recoiled, as if pain.

"Hey! Thanks, Yuki!~" beamed Tsuraya, flashing her a peace sign. "Good job!"

The zombies began to swarm Tsuraya again, but the green haired girl seemed unconcerned by their advances. She narrowed her eyes, clenched her hands into fists, and smiled.

"Do your worst."

As the creatures descended upon her, Tsuraya (somehow) managed to duck under their skeletal fingers, and spun about, to kick one of them in the head. It recoiled- but even as it fell, another creature trampled over its fallen body; with another neatly placed kick, it was sent to the ground.

Kyon couldn't help but wince in disgust.

Tsuraya was actually touching those things.

_Then again, I guess death isn't contagious._

"Just like in video games!" Tsuraya announced, turning to elbow another in the throat. "It's all about head shots! Haha!"

Kyon watched in horror, as the decomposing horrors were sent tumbling to the ground like dominoes.

It was different from the spears.

When they hit the ground, they dissolved back into their original matter.

The corpses didn't do this.

But Kyon knew why.

It was because they weren't imitations.

They were real.

Real cadavers.

Meanwhile, Nagato was fending off more of Emiri's projectiles- they skimmed past her effortlessly, as though Emiri had been aiming at a spot just beyond her rival.

"I rewrote the homing data of your weapons. They're useless," Nagato explained.

The atmosphere flickered again, as more stakes were conjured into existence. They were formed from the rubble on the floor.

Gracefully, Nagato turned, and shot more of her own projectiles into the throng of zombies.

Heads, legs, grasping arms were skewered expertly; some fell back, clawed at their injuries, tried to pull them out.

All the while, they didn't make any noise.

Not a sound.

That, more than anything, made it worse.

"You know, I really _hate _cheaters," said Emiri coldly.

Nagato wordlessly send another stake in her direction, but she avoided it easily. She moved so quickly, Kyon could only see the after images.

Emiri's middle was still bleeding.

There was a large, gaping hole in her stomach.

It seemed she had exhausted so much data already she could no longer repair her own wounds? Or maybe she was too caught up avoiding Nagato to pay much attention to it.

"Kyon! Keep checking on Itsuki! Make sure he's okay!" commanded Tsuraya. She ducked under the arms of another zombie, and turned to deliver a punch to its face. Grey, brittle bones crunched and shattered on impact.

Kyon didn't _want _to look at Koizumi.

It just felt wrong, seeing him so hurt- barely even able to keep breathing.

_He got hurt because of me._

_He saved my life._

_And I punched him in the face._

Kyon felt for Koizumi's pulse, but his fingers were shaking so much it made the simple task extremely difficult.

"Don't worry."

It was Nagato. Even though her voice was in its usual monotone, it was comforting.

It was normal.

_You can always rely on Nagato to remain her stoic self, no matter what the situation is._

"The data of organic life forms is simple to alter." Here, she began to mutter under her breath, as though chanting a prayer; "Rewriting physical data; requested by subject='Yuki Nagato' for type [human] subject, personal name='Itsuki Koizumi'. Commencing back up of data."

Or something along those lines.

Almost instantaneously, the spears lodged into Koizumi's back began to flicker and distort. It was like looking at static on the TV. Then, with one final shudder, they exploded into small shards of headstone, and- as they fell to the floor- seemed to become very brittle, very delicate, until they had broken apart and there was nothing left but a fine layer of powder on the floor. It lay there, motionless, for there was no wind to scatter it.

At the same time, Koizumi's body gave a twitch.

His fingers clenched.

And, with a deep, rattling breath, he rolled over and coughed up yet more blood onto the floor.

He looked absolutely terrible.

Even worse than before.

His skin was so pale, his breathing so ragged; he looked like some horrible dead thing that had been cruelly shocked back into life.

_Then again, that's more or less what happened._

But Kyon didn't care.

Because Koizumi was alive.

He'd never been happier to see the esper- to hear his voice, as he muttered "K-kyon?" shakily, like someone who was speaking for the first time in years.

"Koizumi…"

But nobody seemed more delighted at the turn of events than Emiri.

"Tsk, tsk~" she berated, wagging a finger at Nagato. "That was your fatal mistake, Yuki. And you were doing _so well_." She smiled. "You can't access your offensive mode whilst healing. I didn't know you cared so much about these _people_."

Emiri raised one hand.

"Now kindly stop breathing for me."

As she brought her hand down, the universe shifted once more- and everything was suddenly thrown off balance.

The ground was shaking.

Twisting.

Moving.

Almost as if it were alive.

Nagato's alarmed expression was the last thing Kyon saw, before the earth broke away from around her- they were simmering, almost crystalline, as they formed yet more spears, thousands of them- and slammed into her from all angles.

Nagato couldn't dodge that.

Not so many.

Holes began to erupt in Nagato's sides, thrown about, pushed to the ground on buckling knees- flesh was torn away from her in great handfuls like a child tearing apart putty- until there almost _was_ no Nagato anymore, just empty space and spears and-

"Hey! That floor thing was a totally cheap trick! How dare you?"

Tsuraya.

She ducked under a lumbering zombie, trampling those which had already fallen, and dived at Emiri in a flurry of too much hair and anger.

She wasn't laughing now.

Emiri barely had enough to blink, when Tsuraya's fist collided with her face.

As she staggered back in surprise, Tsuraya turned, hair flying, and sunk her foot into the small girl's stomach.

And, as Emiri flew backwards, her own spears- the one she created from the soil- began to quiver and shake.

Then, they were thrust forwards by some unseen force.

Straight into Emiri.

When Emiri's back collided with one of her trees, her own spears followed not long after- and as soon as they skewered into her, pinning her some two feet from the ground, the ring of trees seemed to contract in on themselves. They became grey and dry and brittle, as though they were falling apart on themselves from within.

The ground shook.

Time seemed to stand still.

And then the trees, the corpses, the earth, the sky- _everything_- erupted, right before Kyon's eyes.

The remnants of Emiri's own closed space dissolved in on itself into a fine, grey powder, which was then scattered in the cold winds.

But it was the air of the real world that hit Kyon harder than the shockwaves did.

He'd never been so glad to see the moon before.

Emiri's body lay sprawled on the ground. The spears had crystallised and vanished, but she was still bleeding heavily.

She gave a weak moan, and tried to lift her head.

"This ends now, Emiri Kimidori."

"Y-yuki?" Emiri hissed, through a mouthful of blood, broken teeth, and pain.

_Nagato?_

Kyon turned to stare at the slender, pale girl, who was stood in front of the dying Emiri. Her hair blew gently in the breeze. Her hands were held at her sides.

But that wasn't right.

Kyon had _seen _Nagato impaled on all those stakes.

Thousands of them.

There hadn't been anything left of her.

Nothing, but a fine, grey dust.

_Two Nagatos…?_

Emiri seemed to be wondering the same thing.

"H-how did you…?"

"I created a back up copy of my own data, and shared my techniques between the copy and I. Its primary function was repairing faulty data. I sent my backup into your personal closed space, whilst I controlled the battle from outside."

_She made a copy?_

_She can clone herself…?_

_Well, why the hell not?_

_It seems like she can do just about_ everything_ else._

"Ah… A backup. How clever," said Emiri. She sighed. "I thought the 'you' I was fighting was too weak."

Shakily, Emiri managed to clamber to her feet. The large blood loss, which would have killed an ordinary person, didn't seem to hinder her- though Kyon noted that from her shoes, spreading up to her legs, was the same grey, brittle demise that had seized her own 'closed space'.

She was melting away.

Just like Ryoko Asakura.

"I gave it my best shot, and I still lost," said Emiri. "That's so discouraging."

Now, her torso was becoming grey. The infection was spreading.

"I suppose you get to live just a little longer, Kyon. Although, I'm not unhappy." Emiri smiled sadly. "Maybe it's better this way."

Her arms were crumbling into sand.

Emiri's eyes fell to the floor- or was it her own disintegrating body?

Her final words:

"I really did like you, Kyon."

And then Emiri Kimidori was no more.

In her place, was a small pile of greyish sand.

It was quickly dispersed by the wind.

* * *

**a.n:** o:  
THAT is the chapter i wanted to write for so long!  
the one I had planned right from the start!

From the moment I started writing this story, it was always building up towards this one point :3 I think I gave a few subtle hints throughout that Emiri was actually evil, but maybe they were /too/ subtle… o_o

I wanted there to be a load of action and Emiri's defeat to not seem anti-climatic, but I was also worried about leaving Itsuki bleeding for so long XD I was thinking 'I don't want him to die before Yuki arrives. Otherwise, that'd be a pretty lame ending' XDD

Anyway.  
Yes.  
I also referred to the fight scene between Yuki and Ryoko when writing, for some halp on what to do because I failll at action scenes XDD I don't generally write them.

I hope it was okay… o:

omg long a/n is long gomen gomen D:

okay! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I tried hard to get it just right!~

_**renahhchen xoxo**_


	18. 17: What? This Doesn't Bode Well!

**It's a Romantic Conquest True Love Story, Haruhi-Chan!**

* * *

Chapter Seventeen:  
_What? This Doesn't Bode Well…_

* * *

"Koizumi? Koizumi, are you alright?"

Kyon knelt on the floor, leaning over the other's limp body.

Even though Koizumi was breathing (the steady rise and fall of his chest was reassurance enough), his eyes were closed, and his skin was still horribly pale. Contrasting sharply against the chalky pallor of his face were violent streaks of red, splashed across his lips and chin.

For whatever reason- it was almost subconscious- Kyon felt himself reaching forwards. He couldn't explain why. But he felt drawn to Koizumi…

He had to make sure he was okay.

_It's my fault he's like this in the first place._

Kyon noted, with a wince, the dark purple bruise on Koizumi's cheek, from where Kyon had punched him not half an hour ago.

_Urgh._

_Guilt is _such_ a bitch._

With trembling fingers, heart in his mouth, Kyon pressed a feather light touch to Koizumi's cheek.

The esper stirred slightly, muttered something unintelligible- it could've been anything, speculation was pointless- and turned his head slightly towards the touch.

Somehow, the small motion was quite… endearing?

And with that thought, Kyon felt his sanity splintering into teeny-tiny pieces.

_I can't believe I just thought that about _Koizumi.

_What is _wrong _with you?_

_I'm going to blame the fucking zombies._

_Near death experiences have a way of messing with your head._

Kyon's heart beat faster and faster.

He wondered why the noise hadn't wakened Koizumi; it was the only sound he could hear. He could hear the blood gushing through his head- he felt strangely light headed.

As Kyon trailed his fingers gently up the side of Koizumi's face, his brain provided a constant narration. It went a little like this:

_What the hell are you doing? This is _Koizumi _you're dealing with, remember! Complete lack of logic noted… Brain will proceed with meltdown process in three… two…_

Not for the first time, Kyon wished his brain would just shut up and leave him alone.

Heart pounding, brain half-melted and gooey like cheese fondue, Kyon was just a mess of quaking nerves and conflicting thoughts.

It was, therefore, a surprise when Kyon managed, so carefully, so gently, to brush those few stray bangs out of Koizumi's face.

And an even bigger surprise when Koizumi finally opened his eyes.

Kyon felt frozen in place.

Rooted to the spot.

It was painfully reminiscent of when Emiri disabled his ability to move. Like before, he couldn't open his mouth, couldn't blink, couldn't even move his little finger.

His breath caught in his throat.

"K-kyon…?"

The mention of his name was what did it.

That, and the small, barely visible but definitely _there_ smile that brushed Koizumi's lips.

It jolted Kyon back into his correct state of mind more efficiently than being struck by thunder would've.

Quickly- as if it would somehow erase the previous five seconds of madness- Kyon jerked his hand back, and held it in his lap.

He looked down at the floor.

It was… safer that way.

"I'm glad you're okay," Kyon muttered.

Koizumi gave a soft laugh. "I see. So you _do_ care. That's interesting."

This comment made Kyon turn back to Koizumi, eyes wide.

_What does he think I am, anyway?_

_You'd have to be a heartless bastard to act so coldly to someone who nearly _died _for you._

_Good grief._

_That's not how he really sees me, is it?_

"Ah~" Koizumi reached up, and prodded Kyon gently in the cheek. "Just jo~king~"

Another weak smile.

"S-shut up." Kyon glanced back to the floor, hiding behind his bangs.

He was unable to stay behind the safety of his hair forever, though. For whatever reason (she probably didn't know it herself), Tsuraya plonked herself down gracelessly beside Kyon, and began to ruffle his hair.

"Ahaha! You two are looking pre~tty cosy over there, if you know what I mean!"

Ruffle, ruffle.

She may have been trying to show some kind of twisted affection, but her actions were more _brutal _than compassionate. It felt like Kyon's scalp was been rubbed with sandpaper. It was a wonder Tsuraya hadn't grated the top part of his head clean off.

"Get off!" Kyon protested, pushing Tsuraya's hands away.

"Hmph. Meanie." Tsuraya pouted, her lips forming a small, upside-down 'v' shape.

Absent-mindedly, she began tracing symbols in the dirt with her fingers.

_Maybe she's writing the characters of some alien race._

_Trying to contact the mother ship, Tsuraya?_

"Mmnope. I'm all human."

Kyon's left eye twitched.

_Did I just say that out loud?_

_What other things have I been announcing to the general public without my own knowledge of it?_

"I would tell you my own story," Tsuraya said, still tracing symbols, "but I'm sure you've heard it before. 'Three years ago, magical powers, Haruhi Suzumiya, blah, blah, blah'… And so on and so forth, right?"

Kyon nodded.

"Hehe, yeah. I bet Mikuru and Yuki and Itsuki bored you silly with that explanation stuff already. Ahh~ But it's so sad! Sooo many people would find my powers cool and omega awesome, but you're, like, the only person I can tell, and you've seen it all before! It's not fair! I want to be special! Uwahhh!"

And then, Tsuraya's face lit up. All of a sudden. Like she hadn't been fake-crying before.

"Oh! Itsuki! You're alive! Yay! Are you okay?"

"It feels like my internal organs have been replaced with rocks but, other than that, I've never been better. Thank you for asking," said Koizumi cordially, with his usual smile.

Kyon couldn't help but grin at this unusually snarky attitude.

Weren't comments that like usually left to him?

Tsuraya must've been thinking the same thing too, because she said, "Blehh. You've been hanging out with Kyon too much, Itsuki! He's contaminated you!"

"Really? Maybe you have a point," said Koizumi.

"Of course I do! Don't go all cynical and 'hmph! I am better than thou!' on me _too_. One Kyon is enough for anyone!"

_Geez._

_Is it possible for this girl to speak in a volume other than loud?_

_People like this should come with remote controls._

"I'll try not to, Tsuraya. If it makes you feel better."

"Yay!~"

_And does she really have to shout everything?_

_If somebody took the time to write her speech down, I sense it would crawling- no, _infested_- with exclamation marks._

_It seems that etiquette and manners just passed her by._

"Koizumi, can you sit up?" Kyon asked, turning his back to Tsuraya (in the background, Kyon could hear Tsuraya shouting, "Hey, don't change the subject! Let's talk about me more!"

How annoying).

"Yeah…" Koizumi bit his lower lip. "I think so."

Wincing, Koizumi tried to push himself into a sitting position. However, the moment he moved, a horrible expression crossed his face. His eyes narrowed, fingers trembled. A small, pained hiss escaped between his parted lips. What little color that had returned to his face suddenly left it.

He looked like someone who'd just seen a ghost.

Quickly- again, without thinking (which was unusual in itself, considering Kyon's tendency to over-think _everything_ ((even Tsuraya's penchant for exclamation mark abuse)))- Kyon moved forwards, and caught Koizumi in his arms.

_I only did it because I owe him._

_I owe him for saving my life._

But that didn't explain why his insides had suddenly been reduced to jelly.

_Now I feel like a girl in a stupid shojo anime._

_This isn't Clannad, Kyon._

Koizumi head lay against Kyon's chest. His skin was still milky white (save for that ugly bruise), and his eyes were shut. The dark lashes provided stark contrast against his white skin.

_And when do you usually think of people in such poetic terms?_

_This is the sort of stuff you'd save for English literature essays._

"Mn… Kyon?"

When Koizumi finally opened his eyes, Kyon felt his heart constrict.

Like before, that small, sincere smile tugged gently at Koizumi's lips, despite the pain he must've been going through.

"Ow…" Another small hiss of pain.

And then; "T-thank you…"

"I'm not helping you because I _want_ to. I feel I have to," Kyon explained, trying to keep his voice steady, indifferent.

_Darn._

_Nagato makes it look so easy._

"Why is that?" asked Koizumi curiously.

"I punched you in the face."

"Ah. That. Well, don't worry. I probably deserved it."

"_And_ you kind of saved my life."

Koizumi grinned. It was fairly miraculous he had the energy to create those usual disarming smiles, after he'd just been stabbed multiple times in the stomach.

"Don't mention it."

_Yeah._

_Good advice._

_Hell, the zombies made more sense than _this.

_Whatever 'this' is._

"Hehe…" Tsuraya began to snigger evilly to herself. "How cute."

_Okay, this calls for a sudden change of topic conversation._

_I don't like that look on Tsuraya's face._

"So, how did you two find us so quickly?" Kyon asked, hastily distracting Tsuraya from his and Koizumi's… closeness.

"It was simple."

Nagato's monotone voice made Kyon start in surprise. He'd just about forgotten she was even there.

Suddenly, Kyon felt quite jealous of Nagato's stealth.

It was a special power that Kyon would've liked to posses. It would make dealing with Haruhi so much easier.

"I detected Emiri's presence when she first arrived. When she began manipulating data, I was able to tell exactly where she was."

"Yeah~ But a while before that, me'an Mikuru ran into Yuki and Haru-nyan, and Haru-nyan was all 'this is terrible, I haven't found _anything_!' so we switched groups. Which was pretty lucky, right, Yuki?" said Tsuraya,

Nagato nodded stiffly. Once up, once down.

But Kyon wasn't entirely convinced.

_Lucky, huh?_

It seemed far more likely that, somehow, Nagato had arranged it so she and Tsuraya- the people best equipped for fighting Emiri- became partners at the end.

_I have no idea if Nagato can do that, but then again, why the hell not?_

_It seems she can do just about everything else._

"Thank you, Nagato. And…" Kyon sighed. "And even Tsuraya, too."

"Yeah! I was awesome, wasn't I? Haha!" Tsuraya laughed, slinging her arm round Kyon's shoulder.

"That wasn't an invitation to invade my personal space!" Kyon snapped back. He grabbed hold of the back of Tsuraya's head, and pushed her away, with such force she nearly toppled over.

"Ehh? Why? What's the big deal?" Tsuraya complained. "You let Itsuki do it all the time. He's doing it right now!"

"That's a completely different matter! Just because one person does it, doesn't mean _everyone_ can!"

"Favouritism isn't nice! It tears our bonds apart!"

"What bonds do I have with you?"

"Haha! That's exactly the kind of response I'd expect from Kyon! Hahaha!"

"Stop talking like you know me!"

"Why can't I? Let's be friends."

"Huh? Are you being serious?"

"Why not?" Tsuraya smiled, and held out her hand. "Hehe. I always wanted to be friends with Kyon~ It always looked like a challenge to get on your good side."

"Well…"

"If you say no, I'm totally going to take back that awesome time I defeated all those evil zombie things to save your life. I have power over you! You have to do what I say! Bow down to me!"

"Don't push your luck," Kyon snapped irritably. "I'm not doing any of those things."

He ran his hands through his hair, scowling.

Then, he reached forwards, and, quickly- as though it would burn him- he took hold of Tsuraya's hand, and shook it once.

"But… I'm glad you came to help us. All the same," he said quickly.

_Argh._

_I never thought I'd owe _Tsuraya _anything._

_This is painful._

"You mean it? You really truly mean it?" asked Tsuraya.

"I won't mean anything if you don't get out of my face!"

"Yay! Kyon's my friend! I have friends! That's so cool! Omega awesome! Hahaha!"

"I never said that! And stop _shouting _at me, I'm right here."

Tsuraya opened her mouth (probably to say something else stupid), but she was cut off by Koizumi's laughter.

"Ooh? What's so funny, Itsuki?" she asked, pulling her knees under her chin and tilting her head.

"Nothing really," he said, that small grin still in place. "You two just seem to have a very interesting relationship."

Tsuraya began to laugh again, in her maniacal way that instantly made one think she locked people up in her basement and tortured them nightly for kicks.

"Yeah! 'Relationship!' Me and Kyon are in a 'relationship'!"

"No we're not!"

* * *

Kyon had learnt many things that day. For instance;

Emiri Kimidori was a psychopath who wanted to kill him.

Punching Koizumi in the face was never a solution to your problems.

Tsuraya had weird magical powers.

Nagato could clone herself, and was pretty freaking badass about it as well.

If you're an artificial human created by the Data Integrated Thought Entity, or if you happen to be an acquaintance of an artificial human created by the Data Integrated Thought Entity, zombies do exist, and your life can and will fall into Uncanny Valley territory whether you like it or not.

And, finally, Koizumi was heavier than he looked.

It was extremely difficult walking in the dark, balancing a half-conscious teenage boy on your back, whilst trying to hold onto a flash light.

Koizumi's arms were wrapped round Kyon's neck, held in place by Kyon's own hands as he supported him. Koizumi's head was buried in the hollow between Kyon's shoulders and head.

Kyon could feel Koizumi's breaths ghost across his neck.

It was making his skin prickle uncomfortably.

Koizumi was _definitely _too close.

But it wasn't like Kyon could just leave him.

_Not even I'm that much of a bastard._

Besides, Kyon had a vague feeling that hurting an already injured Koizumi would be about as enjoyable as kicking kittens- that is to say, not very (Kyon didn't subscribe to the Ryoko Asakura/Emiri Kimidori school of shady morals, where it was okay to kill and maim whenever, wherever and whatever you pleased).

Kyon and Tsuraya had tried to help Koizumi to his feet back in the cemetery, but it had proved harder said than done. Koizumi's legs had buckled, and he doubled over, clutching his stomach.

Kyon had been worried he'd begin bleeding from the mouth again (it wasn't a sight he ever wanted to see. Ever), but, this time, Koizumi had been able to keep all his blood where it belonged- on the _inside_ of his body.

Despite this, it had still been painfully obvious Koizumi couldn't walk home himself.

Thus, Kyon, being the kind soul that he was (actually forced into kindness by his own feelings of guilt, and some vague idea that he didn't want to see Koizumi hurt again… This thought worried him slightly, though, and he managed to push it to the back of his head), offered to help the injured esper.

"If Haru-nyan asks where you went, I'll say Itsuki got sick, kay?" Tsuraya had smiled.

They could hardly tell Haruhi the real reason.

It wasn't like she'd believe them, anyway.

For somebody who claimed to love the paranormal and supernatural so much, she was fairly cynical when presented with these insane stories.

Kyon knew Haruhi would get angry when she found out they left early.

Somehow, she'd twist the situation about so Koizumi's illness was all Kyon's fault.

Then, she'd force Kyon into buying everyone cake.

That was how it always worked.

But it couldn't be helped.

Koizumi obviously couldn't continue to search the cemetery with Haruhi now.

"You're kind of heavy, you know," said Kyon, just for the purpose of saying something, and getting a reply.

He wanted to hear Koizumi's voice.

Just to prove he hadn't died, or anything.

"I'm sorry for being a burden on you," murmured Koizumi. "If you get hurt next time, I'll carry you."

"No thanks. I think I'll manage."

"That's pretty confident."

"Yeah, well. I'm not stupid enough to intercept pointy objects with my stomach."

"I know. You're very practical in that way." Even though Kyon couldn't see him, he could tell Koizumi was smiling.

A sigh.

"I couldn't let Miss Kimidori hurt you, though. I couldn't."

Koizumi's words had now taken on a rather melancholy edge. As always, Kyon felt discomforted by this tone of voice- Koizumi just didn't sound right when he wasn't smiling inanely.

"Do you really think Haruhi'd be _that_ upset if I died?" Kyon asked. "She doesn't seem to care too much. At least, not enough to end the world, or anything."

"Ha." A short, humourless laugh. "Miss Kimidori may have been right about a few things. You really _are_ dense, Kyon. Anyone can see how much Miss Suzumiya likes you. Apart from yourself, apparently."

His voice was still morose; perhaps even more so than before.

_Why does this bother me so much?_

_His plastic smiles are infuriating._

_So why do I feel upset when he is?_

_It doesn't make any sense._

"That…" Koizumi paused. He seemed to be searching for words that would not come easily, because when he spoke again, it was with numerous other pauses, and the occasional stutter. "I did save you… for Miss Suzumiya. It is crucial that she remains happy, no matter what the cost. But… but that… It wasn't the only reason I, um… Acted so irrationally. Personally, I… I-I also didn't want to… to see you get hurt."

Kyon could feel his heart pounding in his chest, so hard it hurt.

He'd never heard Koizumi sounding so _vulnerable _before.

Usually, he was cool, level headed, calm.

But not now.

It was so rare for Koizumi to display any of his emotions. He was maybe a little like Nagato in that respect, Kyon mused; he only ever smiled around Haruhi, and that was the only side of Koizumi Kyon really knew, too, apart from the times when his anger or sadness filtered through the mask.

But this time, it was like the smiling façade had completely disappeared.

"Ah..." Koizumi seemed to have realised this, because, suddenly, he was talking again. "Ignore that. It's not important. If I say any strange things, just chalk it up to a near death experience. Things like that can be quite deconstructive to your sanity."

Kyon had no problem with that.

He_ wanted_ to forget it.

Maybe then, his heart would stop painfully constricting, his face would feel less flushed, and he'd regain his ability to _think _again.

"You didn't have to do that, though," said Kyon. His voice became softer, but he wasn't sure why. "Thank you." A small silence, and then, "…you idiot."

It was tacked on as an afterthought.

A cheap insult to maybe make everything normal again.

Koizumi smiled.

"That's an interesting form of endearment."

Kyon rolled his eyes. The effect was rather lost on Koizumi, who couldn't see his face. As Kyon couldn't rotate his head 360 degrees a la the Exorcist, he had to translate his expression into a verbal format.

"It's not."

"I know, I know. I can but hope."

"K-koizumi?"

"I'm just teasing. Don't take it too seriously." Koizumi smiled, though, again, it was with the slightest traces of melancholy. "Though…" His voice was faltering, hesitant.

"What?" asked Kyon, a little sharply.

Koizumi seemed to be deliberating something. He mumbled, "Well…"

And just left it hanging.

_Just hurry up and say whatever it is you want to say._

_You're making me feel anxious._

"Even though I saved your life…" Koizumi's voice broke away. Then, he began talking again, very quickly, "Are you _still_ going to address me by my last name?"

"I-it's just force of habit."

Kyon was disgusted to find that his voice was trembling slightly.

He supposed, since Koizumi saved his life, they should- technically- have been close enough to use first names.

But there was something about it which felt far too intimate.

It wasn't like with Haruhi. Kyon honestly couldn't remember calling her anything else.

With Koizumi, it was different.

When the esper next spoke, he sounded rather… dejected? Was that the right word?

Certainly nothing like his usual cheery self.

"It's okay." Sigh. "You don't have to. Maybe I'm being presumptuous. I apologise-"

_That tone of voice._

_I hate it._

_It sounds half-dead; like Nagato, but even _more _hollow, because at least she's never manically depressed._

_It just doesn't suit Koizumi._

_At all._

And, with that train of thought, Kyon was presented with a rather alarming conclusion.

He didn't like it when Koizumi was unhappy.

And, for whatever the reason, he wanted to make him smile again.

Properly.

"N-no, it's okay. I don't mind," Kyon reassured him.

And it _would _be okay, if only Koizumi would stop being so maudlin.

"Are you okay… Itsuki?"

Koizumi's eyes widened at this.

Shock registered in his face for a full five seconds.

Then, what Kyon said sunk in.

And he smiled.

Kyon couldn't see his expression, but that smile was made indisputably clear by his speech. It was the most sincere Kyon had ever heard Koizumi be, and those three words made his innards clench once more (though not in an entirely unpleasant way).

"Thank you… Kyon."

_It's true._

_A happy Koizumi is far preferable to the depressed one._

…_And I have no idea why I feel so relieved._

…

_This can't be good._

* * *

**a/n: **c:  
you know, these notes are completely pointless XD

as always, i hope everyone's vaguely ic. characterisation troubles me. it's hard to get right ;A; fff.

review or i'll cut you XD  
kthnx c:

renahhchen xoxoxodesu


	19. 18: An Awkward Situation Arises?

**It's a Romantic Conquest True Love Story, Haruhi-Chan!**

* * *

Chapter Eighteen:  
_The Many Faces of Itsuki Koizumi! An Awkward Situation Arises?_

* * *

On the outside, Koizumi's house looked exactly the same as the other simple, square houses that surrounded it. Kyon would've walked past it without a backwards glance, had Koizumi not told him that was where he lived.

It wasn't too different from Kyon's own house.

_Then again, what were you expecting?_

_Just because Koi… Itsuki (it feels weird _thinking _that, let alone _saying _it) is a weirdo with magical esper powers and no regards for personal space, it doesn't mean his whole family is._

_His family could be quite normal._

…_Apart from that cousin he mentioned. Rin? The who likes bullying young children and leaving them in cemeteries at night, until it warps them so completely they can't even watch crappy B movies without getting freaked out._

Kyon always wondered where his fellow SOS Brigade members lived.

Nagato lived in that apartment by herself. Would Mikuru, the time-travelling girl, do the same? And what about Haruhi? What kind of parents would let their daughter become so obsessed with aliens and the like? Maybe they _encouraged_ her… Maybe her house was painted bright green and the roof was covered in strange alien characters?

But Koizumi's house was completely normal.

Until you went inside.

Then, you realised just how eerily quiet it was.

Even though Kyon's own parents were rarely home, his house was always filled with noise and activity, what with his little sister running around, singing to herself, trying (and failing) to use the rice cooker, breaking said rice cooker more times than Kyon could afford to repair it, and generally making a (rather adorable) nuisance out of herself.

But Koizumi's house looked barely lived in.

Like a show home.

No, it was even worse than that.

It was the same as Nagato's apartment. Almost bare, no personal belongings, and impossibly tidy, as though it had never been lived in at all.

The whole place was so cold and bereft of life, bereft of any human contact at all.

It was almost unnatural.

And it was making Kyon feel uncomfortable.

At least Koizumi's room was slightly less impersonal and clinically clean, with a few personal possessions scattered around. Mostly, the shelves were filled with books- a reasonable collection that would've made Nagato jealous (if she could even feel jealousy).

When Kyon pointed this out, Koizumi smiled.

"I don't know if Nagato's that interested in philosophy, though. Physics and maths seem more her forte, and I'm afraid I'm not quite as well read in those subjects."

"What? Those are _all _on philosophy?" asked Kyon incredulously.

_Does anyone really need _that _many depressing books on old dead guys theorising the world is just a dream and the existence of humanity is, essentially, useless?_

_That's just depressing._

_How the hell does Itsuki look so _happy _all the time when he reads about stuff like __that__?_

"Some of them. It's a topic I've been interested in for a while- like, a hobby." Koizumi explained.

_I had no idea he even liked it._

_I thought he just talked to me about it all the time to be annoying._

"Contrary to what you may think, Kyon," said Koizumi, still with that teasing smile, "I don't talk to you about these ideas and theories for the sole purpose of being irritating."

…_Did he just read my mind?_

"I-I never thought you did," Kyon lied. An obvious, transparent lie. The slight stutter gave it away.

"I can tell that's not true," said Koizumi, pleasant as always.

_Shit._

_Maybe he really _can_ read minds?_

_Doesn't that put me at a bit of a disadvantage?._

_Then, all the times I was thinking about Mikuru, he…_

"You're not making eye contact," Koizumi explained. "And besides, whenever I begin one of my philosophical monologues, you always look really bored."

"So you noticed?" asked Kyon, feeling vaguely relieved.

_At least he's not telepathic._

…_But what about Nagato?_

_Not that she'd _act_ on any potential black mail material uncovered._

"I'm a very perceptive person," said Koizumi, smiling that smile Kyon preferred much, _much_ more than his frown.

_Ha, yeah._

_And if you're not too busy waxing poetic on his _smile_, maybe you'll be able to find the time to compose an orchestra score on his eyes or something._

_God, Kyon, stop being such a woman._

They were sat on the bed- or, rather, Koizumi was leaning against Kyon, because apparently he just felt that exhausted.

He looked it, too.

Despite his usual smile, his skin was still ashen, and his eyes were closed. Some of his hair, which was now fairly messy and dishevelled, was poking Kyon in the cheek.

Koizumi was definitely too close.

But Kyon hadn't the heart (or any real desire) to make him move.

Not when he looked so tired, his expression so unguarded.

"Hey, Ko- um, Itsuki." Kyon had to correct himself.

"Mn?"

At the sound of his first name, spoken without any prompt this time, Koizumi's smile seemed to become that much more sincere.

_If he showed expressions like that at school more often, instead of the fake, plastic mask Haruhi (apparently) expects him to wear, then the remaining girls who don't like him now would surely be converted to the Itsuki Koizumi fan club._

_Not that I'm a girl, or anything._

_At least, not in this universe._

_If zombies exist, different dimensions filled with gender-warped Harukis and Kyonkos doesn't seem _too_ out of the ordinary._

_And the worst thing is, I wouldn't be surprised if that was actually true._

_It'd be just another day in the life of Kyon/ko, I guess._

"Where's your family?" Kyon asked.

It was a question he'd wanted to know the answer to for some time. The silent, distinctly _**un**_homely nature of Koizumi's house was beginning to get under his skin. The whole building felt so _empty_ it was a little depressing.

Kyon knew _he'd _be pretty depressed if his sister wasn't there to answer 'welcome back!' to his 'I'm home', no matter how cheesy that sounded.

Who did Koizumi have?

There was a small pause. The esper looked pensive; he was most likely toying with the idea of letting Kyon know, or leaving him in the dark.

Kyon didn't hold out much for an answer.

Koizumi didn't speak about his personal life very much. Kyon supposed it would mar his image as the 'mysterious transfer student'- Haruhi must already have made wild speculations as to Koizumi's arrival at their school, and knowing the truth would only have disappointed her.

The only thing Kyon really knew was that he had a large family, and an insane cousin who looked like the main character from that movie where people's hands got cut off and planted in her back garden.

Kyon was, therefore, quite surprised when Koizumi finally said;

"My parents…" Pause. "They don't live here. They're back with the rest of my family."

"Huh? Why?" Kyon looked at Koizumi in confusion. "Why don't they live with you."

Koizumi sighed.

When he next spoke, his voice was wistful- maybe a little sad?

"You know I was a transfer student a few weeks into the first semester, correct?"

"Yeah, of course."

_Mainly because Haruhi wouldn't shut up about it for ages. She was dead-set convinced you were a delinquent or a thug or something._

_She gave up on that notion pretty fast, though, after she noticed you were always smiling, and looked about as harmful as a pair of safety scissors._

"Well. _I_ was the only one who transferred. Just me."

And, with those words, came concrete proof that Kyon had been right. Koizumi had been upset before- but it was even more obvious now.

There was nothing but melancholy in those words.

All of a sudden, Koizumi looked an awful lot like the old, depressed Haruhi- the Haruhi Kyon had known for a few weeks, before she started the SOS Brigade. Kyon could remember how she would always sit by herself, mouth twisted in the shape of a small v, eyes downcast, always waiting for something interesting to happen.

And it never did.

Koizumi's unhappy expression was exactly the same as Haruhi's.

Identical.

And it suited Koizumi about as well as it had suited Haruhi.

"But, if it's just you…" Kyon searched for words, tried to understand. "_Why_ is it just you?"

"The Agency sent me here to observe Miss Suzumiya's actions at North High. Some agents had already been dispatched three years prior. I was transferred for the sole purpose of attending the same school as Miss Suzumiya, so I could gather information on her school life. The Agency pays for my living expenses, my food and clothes and so on."

_Oh._

_So you live alone, like Nagato.._

_Except Nagato never _had _any parents or siblings or cousins to miss._

_But you…_

"What about your family?"

"The Agency thought they would distract me from my mission."

"They know you're here though, right?"

"Naturally. The Agency told them I was accepted here on a scholarship." A pause. "North High _is _better than most of the schools in the area I used to live. I don't suppose my parents were too upset. Surprised, maybe but… I assume they're happy for me. I don't talk to them very much."

_All of this for Haruhi, huh…?_

_Man, Haruhi, you really _are_ popular. It seems all the weird creatures that populate this planet want at least two dozen agents following your every move._

_I wonder how many other people at our school are only here to observe you. How many other people, that look boring and ordinary on the outside, actually have powers like Nagato, or Mikuru, or Tsuraya, or Itsuki?_

_And, the sad thing is, you don't even know._

_Your Tanabata wish was for the whole world to revolve around you._

_But Orihime and Hikiboshi didn't need to grant it for you, because it's already true._

_It's truer than you could possibly know._

_Ha._

_And you think your life's _boring_?_

"Do you miss them?" Kyon asked, trying- and failing- to be somewhat tactful. Even to Kyon's own ears, his words sounded a lot more like morbid curiosity. He may as well have been dissecting something in biology, looking down at it with a microscope.

He wanted to comfort Koizumi, but had no idea how to go about it.

He'd never wanted to comfort Koizumi before.

Mainly because he never looked like he _needed_ comforting.

"I wouldn't be human if I didn't. And, unlike Nagato, I _am _human." Koizumi gave a small, wry smile. "Although, I think, even she must get lonely sometimes."

_Lonely, huh._

_You say this is about Nagato, but really, you're referring to yourself._

_Aren't you, Itsuki?_

"Mainly, it's my cousins I miss. We were childhood friends. Miki and Luna and me. I wonder how they're doing… When Miki and me were little, she made me promise I'd marry her one day. Haha…"

There was a definite hint of nostalgia in Koizumi's voice. The humourless laugh only made it worse.

Kyon, meanwhile, was feeling overwhelmed.

_He's never spoken about his past before- I didn't even think he'd tell me a quarter of what he said just now. What about his 'mysterious transfer student' image?_

_But, I guess it must be tiring, putting on that front all the time for Haruhi._

_It's… nice that he trusts me enough to talk about it._

_When I ask Mikuru personal questions, she always tilts her head, smiles apologetically, and says 'that's classified'._

_Nagato doesn't even seem to _have _a past. She was sat in her empty apartment wearing her school uniform in standby mode for three years, waiting. Not really much to converse about there._

_And I don't even _want _to know what scarred Haruhi so badly when she was young, that it turned her into the _thing _she is now_.

_Some things you're just better off not knowing._

"It's strange," Koizumi smiled. "But sometimes, I even miss Rin a bit. On occasions. She wasn't _too _bad, when she wasn't bossing everyone around and acting like a princess figure."

"A bit like Haruhi, you mean?"

Koizumi laughed softly. "Yes. I suppose so. They're both 'interesting' people."

"You have a strange definition of the word 'interesting'."

"Well, how else would you describe Miss Suzumiya?"

"Don't get me started," said Kyon, voice deadpan.

_Where would I even begin?_

_Insane, selfish, self-centred, arrogant, irritating, eccentric, bizarre, ruthless, competitive, over-confident, unkind, intelligent, resourceful, energetic, beautiful, and somehow kind of amazing- despite her innate ability to make everyone want to murder her._

_Yeah._

_If I had to pick one word, maybe 'interesting' would be best, after all._

As Koizumi looked about the room, his eyes caught on the clock on his bedside table. It was late. Or very early, depending on your viewpoint.

"Oh- please, don't feel obliged to stay here," said Koizumi apologetically. "I didn't mean to bore you with all this talking about myself. I'm sorry."

Before Kyon could reply, Koizumi gave another smile, and said, "I'll be fine by myself."

It wasn't real.

Behind that smile- a little sad, one hundred percent forced- Kyon knew there was no real happiness.

Once more, Kyon was struck with that worrisome thought;

_He looks so much better when he's actually happy._

"I don't want to leave until I know you're okay," said Kyon calmly. "You think I'd just leave you? I'm not _that_ cruel, you know."

Koizumi looked down at his lap, face half-hidden.

"I would hate to be a bother."

"It's not. I just said it wasn't." Kyon was beginning to grow irritated. "Stop the self-pitying crap already, it doesn't suit you."

"I'm not trying to be irritating."

"I know. For you, it just comes naturally."

"My, how charming. You truly are a master in the arts of flattery, Kyon," said Koizumi, sarcasm clinging to his words. He rolled his eyes in the selfsame way as Kyon.

"Tch. You idiot," said Kyon. "I wasn't being serious."

The merest ghost of a smile brushed Koizumi's lips. "I realised."

"Although, you _are_ very annoying- I wasn't joking about that."

"Thank you. I'm touched."

"Now, since I've expressed my concerns about you..." Kyon turned to face Koizumi. "Would you mind letting me see your injuries?"

"Nagato healed them for me. I have faith in her skills. She is, after all, much more powerful than me."

"I still want to look," Kyon persisted. "To give me some peace of mind."

"I don't know." Koizumi bit his lower lip, looked away. He was being evasive- Kyon would've said 'unusually' evasive, but he was like that pretty much _all_ the time; the plastic smiles were all a part of that.

"It'll take about five seconds."

No response.

"You know, I once saw a program about liposuction," said Kyon suddenly.

"Really?" Koizumi looked a little surprised at this sudden subject change; just a few seconds ago, Kyon had been so dead-set on seeing the damage left behind by Emiri.

"Yeah. Even when the woman was sewn back together, the scars didn't heal properly. A few weeks later, they burst open. Her insides were literally falling out- it was disgusting."

Koizumi's face had taken on an ashen color. He looked even more disgusted at this anecdote than he had over Haruhi's crappy horror movie.

_Ha._

_I know you don't like gory things like that, Itsuki._

"You see," Kyon continued, heedless of the other's obvious discomfort, "if your skin starts to split apart at school, I imagine that would be quite a turn-off for your numerous fan girls."

By this time, Koizumi now looked quite ill.

"Think- then, half the female students won't be giving you chocolates on next Valentine's Day. It would be quite shocking," said Kyon.

Even though he still looked visibly ill, Koizumi managed to say, with dry humor, "I imagine that would make White Day easier, though."

"Yeah, like being fawned over by your adoring fan club is _such _a hardship. Taniguchi would kill to be as popular as you."

"I don't have a fan club, do I?"

"Of course you do. Are you stupid?" Kyon gently flicked Koizumi in the forehead. "I think your fan club is nearly as big as the Mikuru Asahina one."

Koizumi looked interested at this information. Tilting his head, he said curiously, "So… Would you consider yourself a fan of Miss Asahina?"

Kyon gave a derisive snort.

"Like I'd stalk somebody I plainly have no chance with. I'm not _Taniguchi_. And even if Mikuru _did_ like me, I don't think Haruhi would be too happy. And… I don't want to upset her. Really."

"Ah… I thought so." Koizumi smiled- though it wasn't a happy smile.

Kyon regarded him suspiciously. "Is that a bad thing?"

"No. It's the right thing. I think you and Miss Suzumiya are fairly well matched."

_But I don't want to talk about Haruhi right now._

_She doesn't take precedence over _everything.

_I don't care if you'd call it blasphemy, Itsuki, but there are things more important than Haruhi Suzumiya in this world._

"Itsuki." Kyon's voice had taken on a rather commanding tone. It was the same way he spoke to Haruhi whenever she brought up one of her more stupid schemes, or tried to bully Mikuru. "Are you going to let me look at your wounds or not?"

Koizumi looked tired, resigned; he knew he'd lost the argument- though, why he was arguing about it in the first place, Kyon didn't know.

_I swear, being the most frustrating human being in the universe is his _special talent_- this esper stuff pales in comparison._

"You're not giving up on this, are you?" asked Koizumi.

Kyon shook his head.

"Maybe I should be happy you care about my health so much."

"You can think what you like."

"Mn."

A few seconds ticked by, too insignificant to be marked on the flashing LED letters of Koizumi's alarm clock- but to Kyon, they seemed to stretch out for an eternity.

"Are you going to lift your shirt up then?" said Kyon, after the silence began to grate on his nerves. "I can't see through your clothes, idiot."

"O-oh yes. Of course…"

Kyon wasn't sure, but he swore the faintest tinge of a blush was spreading across Koizumi's cheeks.

"If it'll set your mind at ease. Ha." Koizumi gave a humourless laugh and added, under his breath, "Although it may have the opposite effect…"

But Kyon heard.

He had a feeling he was meant to.

With shaking fingers, Koizumi took the bottom of his shirt, and pulled it up.

And Kyon soon realised the damage Emiri had inflicted upon him was the _least_ of Koizumi's worries.

Instead of gaping wounds, there were four relatively small scars, where the spears had pierced skin. Nagato had healed those would-be fatal injuries with ease, as though they were mere scrapes gained from general clumsiness or falling over.

It wasn't the scars that caught Kyon's attention.

It was the bruises.

They dotted Koizumi's skin with alarming frequency. Too many of them. _Far _too many of them. Some looked fairly old; light and faded, barely visible. But others- _most of them_- were disturbingly new, harsh blue and purple and an ugly black, as though they'd only been formed a few days ago.

Maybe even only a few hours ago.

"W-what…?"

Kyon tried to speak, but the words died on his tongue.

He could only stare, transfixed with some sense of horror, at the smattering of bluey-black on the other's pale skin.

Amidst a jumble of half-formed sentences, worries and doubts, one very clear thought stood out at the forefront of Kyon's brain;

_My God, no wonder he didn't want to show me._

_He looks like he just walked off the set for Battle Royale!_

Koizumi pulled his shirt back down, and turned to face Kyon. His face was impassive, expressionless.

"So? Is that all?" he asked.

His voice was pleasant.

But it was only superficial.

"How… How did _that_ happen?" Kyon asked. It was a wonder he managed to formulate the words, shoehorn them into the correct order to pose a question.

Koizumi didn't say anything.

But Kyon already knew.

"It was them, wasn't it?" he said. "Those closed space _things._ The ones I saw you fighting before."

"Shinjin."

"But last time I saw you, you didn't get hurt at all!" Kyon exclaimed. "I didn't know it was so _dangerous_, I mean-"

"Miss Suzumiya's moods have been fairly stable as of late- there have been fewer closed spaces appearing. I suppose I'm getting careless. If I pay attention, generally I can avoid being hurt," said Koizumi listlessly. He pulled his knees up under his chin, and circled his arms round them- perhaps as some form of protection. From what, Kyon didn't know. "If anyone gets injured too badly when fighting the Shinjin, the Agency can help."

"And if they _can't_?"

"I suppose I could die."

It was said in such a matter-of-fact way, Kyon wasn't sure he'd heard correctly.

"Well, I always knew that. And it's rare they're able to hurt me," said Koizumi. "But I've been distracted lately."

"Distracted?" Kyon echoed.

_So, he lives by himself, and _now_, on top of all that, he has the risk of dying every time he fights those blue giants?_

_Then again, I should have known that._

_I should have realised the first time I saw them- of course they could kill a human. They're colossal. They can _tear down buildings_._

_And Itsuki _isn't_ Nagato._

_She could survive a blow like that._

_A normal person couldn't._

_And Itsuki, despite these weird powers, is still human._

_The bruises make that all painfully clear._

_But he always smiles and acts like it's nothing._

_Ha._

_And I think I've got a tough life when I leave my cup noodles boiling too long._

"I was worrying about you, Kyon," said Koizumi softly. He bit his lower lip. Hugged his knees closer. When he next spoke, his voice was quieter, still, "I knew Miss Kimidori meant to harm you. I could tell. And when I wasn't with you, I thought… I thought she might hurt you."

Koizumi gave a rather derisive laugh.

"However my presence wasn't enough to stop her in the end. If Nagato hadn't been there, you would-"

Koizumi's voice trailed away. It seemed he couldn't finish his sentence- or maybe he didn't want to. His skin was pale, face pained, eyes narrowed.

He obviously didn't want to think about it.

Neither did Kyon.

But he couldn't help it.

Like the loathsome, spindly forms of spiders, guilt was beginning to crawl and scuttle and skitter through Kyon's subconscious.

"What? So _this _is my fault, too?" Kyon asked.

"It's not like that." Koizumi shook his head. "It was owing to my own stupidity and carelessness that I allowed myself to be hurt. It wasn't your fault. Please don't feel responsible for my actions."

_What do you _want _me to feel, then?_

"But you were still worrying about my safety. It doesn't matter how to try and twist it, I'm still to blame, right?" said Kyon bluntly, bitterly. It was more of a statement than a question.

"Personally, I'd place more of the blame on Miss Kimidori."

"I guess. You said you already knew about her?"

Koizumi nodded. "It wasn't just me, though. Miss Asahina and Nagato were also aware she was… something more than what she was pretending to be. Of course, Nagato knew of Miss Kimidori's true identity for some time. But she doesn't share information unless prompted, and even then…" He smiled wanly, another ghostly reminder of his true smiles. "She isn't the most talkative person in the world."

"I noticed."

"Who hasn't? Although, some would say that adds to her appeal. But I digress.

"At first, we didn't know if Miss Kimidori had hostile intentions," said Koizumi. It sounded like he was reading from a script- his voice was flat, without emphasis. Hollow. "She was observing Miss Suzumiya from a distance, not unlike many other people, some of which belong to the same Agency I do. There was nothing suspicious about her actions then."

"Of course. I should have known." Kyon sighed.

Now, every time he saw someone in the street, he'd wonder if they were secretly following Haruhi for some undefined, mysterious (and rather ominous-sounding) 'Agency' or 'Organisation' or 'Data Integrated Thought Entity', too.

Stalking Haruhi seemed like a popular thing to do at the moment.

_Am I the _only _normal person in this universe? _Thought Kyon glumly- not for the first time, either. _Does that make me 'special'? To Nagato and the others, am _I _the abnormal one?_

_Haruhi has so many fans, she might as well have her own religion._

_I would dub it 'Haruhiism' and, like the bubonic plague, it would spread to the far-flung corners of the globe._

_Urgh._

_Now _that's_ a scary thought._

"However, when Miss Kimidori began to approach you, it appeared as if she had grown tired of observing from a safe distance," continued Koizumi. His voice was still empty, emotionless- reading from a script. "It began to look like she was targeting you."

"They why didn't you tell me?" asked Kyon, incredulous.

_All those times I thought Itsuki was being rude to Emiri for whatever reason, and it was actually because he was trying- in some strange way- to protect me?_

_If I'd known from the start, I wouldn't have got nearly so angry with him…_

"We didn't want to prompt Miss Kimidori into acting violently," Koizumi explained- though now, he was beginning to look uncomfortable. This did not stop him from staring intently at Kyon, though, as he spoke, "Miss Asahina and I both thought if Miss Kimidori knew we were all aware of her true identity, she would only be more driven to harm you. We were hoping she would abandon her plans if she was unable to get you all alone."

"But it didn't work like that, did it?"

"No, not entirely. But, 'the best laid plans of mice and men often go astray'. Or so literature leads to me to believe.

"Nevertheless… I can't help but think this was my fault." Koizumi sounded troubled. He bit down on his bottom lip, looked at his lap. "My irrational behaviour towards her would have made it fairly obvious that I knew what her true identity was… If I'd been more careful, she may not have-"

"How was it your fault?" Kyon interjected, waving aside Koizumi's maudlin words. "You didn't _make _Emiri be a psychopath. That's a pretty big mental problem that builds up over time."

Koizumi didn't look convinced.

"You must be really self-cantered if you think you can convert a seemingly pleasant girl into some trigger happy maniac, you know," said Kyon.

"Hn?"

"I mean, you annoy _me _all the time, and I've never wanted to kill you." Kyon paused, and was then forced to amend his previous statement, with a heavy dose of sarcasm. "At least, not very often."

The storm clouds, which hovered about Koizumi's usually-cheery demeanour, cleared almost instantaneously at that comment. He began to laugh softly.

"I don't know if I should thank you, or be mildly offended."

"Half the boys at our school want to kill you anyway. You steal all the girls. Death threats shouldn't be anything new to you."

"I'll have to watch my back from now on, then."

As Kyon watched Koizumi smile, he felt something warm spread through him. It was the same feeling he got when his little sister proclaimed she loved him after he helped her with fractions homework, or when he defended Mikuru against Haruhi's tyranny.

It was the same emotion- _exactly the same_- that was procured when he managed to coax Haruhi out of one of her depressions, and was then rewarded with her usual energy and smiling face.

_I guess I like being needed by these people._

_Doesn't everyone feel like this from time to time?_

_But it's not like I can tell anyone about this; it'd completely ruin my reputation as a cold, detached, deadpan realist._

"Despite what you say, however, I still feel I'm the one to blame for Miss Kimidori's final actions," said Koizumi, more sombre and serious than before. "If I hadn't been so rude to her, I'm sure she wouldn't have reacted so violently in the end."

"Yeah, but she was clearly a few fries short of a Happy Meal. Even if you weren't rude to her, she would've blown up by herself a while later. And she seemed pretty dead set on killing_ everyone_ back there, not just you or me."

"I suppose so…"

Kyon raised a brow, and gave Koizumi another light flick in the forehead.

"Hey. Stop feeling guilty."

"I'm not," Koizumi protested weakly.

"You definitely are," Kyon argued, scoffing. "I thought you were meant to be a good liar."

"I am. With everyone _else_, it seems." Another half happy, half sad smile, and Jesus Christ, Koizumi's moods were changing so rapidly they may as well have been a set of traffic lights.

"Yeah, well, I'm not stupid. And I forbid you to feel guilty, okay? You can't. Not when you got yourself skewered for me. And those bruises look horrible, too. I don't understand how you can do that."

"It's in the esper job description. You get battered around a lot for humanity's sake, but nobody must ever find out about your sacrifice. Or something along those lines. It's one of the drawbacks of having superpowers." Koizumi smiled.

"Do your powers have any practical uses anyway? Asides from bashing around Haruhi's subconscious mind-monsters?"

"Not that I know of."

"Man, that sucks. You can't even warm up a cup of coffee, and _Nagato _can manipulate the whole cosmos. She can clone herself- I mean, come on, that's pretty amazing. Did all you supernatural beings just pull your powers out randomly out of a hat or something, because they're so disproportionate it's not even funny."

"I know," Koizumi agreed, laughing. "I think I should write a formal complaint."

_Ah… It's funny._

_When he's not talking about weird theories and existentialism and the possible end of the world if we don't all bow down to Haruhi Suzumiya, Princess of the Universe, he's… actually nice… to have a conversation with. _

"You _should_ complain," Kyon agreed. "See if you can get any insurance for Emiri beating the shit out of you, too."

"Yeah…" Koizumi winced at the memory. His voice was soft, barely audible, "I must have looked so pathetic."

_You know what?._

_I think I preferred it when he kept his ever-smiling mask on._

_Can't you just pick __one__ emotion and _stay with it_, esper boy? I'm starting to get a serious case of mood whiplash over here!_

"Itsuki…?"

And then Kyon noticed the light pink blush on Koizumi's cheeks.

Like a jigsaw puzzle, the whole, confusing situation slid into place.

"Itsuki, you aren't _embarrassed_, are you?"

Koizumi didn't say anything.

He didn't have to.

_So much for being cool and composed._

"This is because you got your ass handed to you by Emiri Kimidori, right?" said Kyon bluntly.

As he'd suspected, these words jolted Koizumi out of his self-pitying stupor.

"Y-yeah, maybe. I guess so," said Koizumi. "But did you have to phrase it like that?"

"Being a heartless bastard gets people's attention." said Kyon.

"Ah, fair point."

"You shouldn't worry yourself about things like that, though," Kyon continued. "Emiri wasn't right in the head, _and _she could warp the fabric of reality to her every whim. You'd have had more luck going against an Elder God."

_Hell, if we're going to take it that far, she might have even _been _an elder God herself._

_Cthulu in a sailor suit with a cute smile._

"I didn't realise you were so stupid," said Kyon derisively. "I think what you did was pretty cool."

"Really?"

"I'd rather you were injured than me. Now stop being a baby and get over yourself."

"Kyon… Thank you."

And there was that smile Kyon had been hoping to see; that bright, cheerful expression that put all of Koizumi's plastic smiles to shame.

_I shouldn't feel so happy._

_I really shouldn't._

_But I can't help it..._

Koizumi yawned, and then turned to check the green numbers flashing on the digital clock.

Three in the morning.

"Kyon, I'm sorry," the esper apologised. "I honestly didn't mean to keep you here this long. You should go home."

_What, and leave you all alone again?_

"Honestly, I'll be fine," said Koizumi. "I've been injured before, and I always manage to deal with it by myself. This time will be no different." A smile.

Kyon's left eye twitched.

_Argh._

_Quit it with the self-sacrificing attitude, you're making me feel _worse!

"Itsuki, are you doing this on _purpose_?" Kyon asked.

"Doing what?"

"Trying to make me feel bad."

Koizumi's eyes widened; he looked genuinely surprised. Then again, Kyon knew the esper was a fairly accomplished liar… At least, around people that weren't him. Those had been his exact words.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," said Koizumi, affronted. "I already feel like I've been a burden to you-"

"You're doing it again."

"Hn?"

"Is this reverse psychology or something?" Kyon asked, folding his arms. "You say you don't want me to stay, but it's the opposite, right? You say you'll be fine by yourself, that you've been hurt before, but you're only saying those things to make me worry about you- feel sympathy for you. You may think you're pretty perceptive, but _I_ can be, too, and I'm not an idiot. Stop trying to manipulate my feelings."

Koizumi blinked at Kyon slowly for a few moments, stunned, his mouth a small 'o' of surprise.

Then, he smiled, a real smile- not like the one before- and clapped slowly.

"That was clever reasoning."

Koizumi let his hands fall to his sides. When he next spoke, his words were pensive, thoughtful- self-deprecating, maybe.

"It really is pointless trying to fool you, Kyon. Of all people, you really are the only one who can see through me so easily. Ha…" A weak laugh. "When it matters the most, my mask won't work. It's such a pain."

"So it was a lie. You _do_ want me to stay," said Kyon, blunt as always.

_When it comes to someone like Itsuki, who's in love with the sound of his own voice, you _have _to be curt to get your point across._

"I don't know," said Koizumi. "Obviously, nobody likes to be alone. But maybe it's because it's you…"

"What was that?"

Koizumi laughed, and shook his head. "Nothing, nothing. I nearly died an hour ago- remember, I can't be held accountable for what I say."

"You're using that as an excuse."

"Maybe. It's easier that way."

_Urgh._

_He's being even more evasive and irritating than normal._

_What's his problem, anyway?_

_I mean, yeah, he nearly got himself spliced into dog food for me, but apart from _that_._

"When you said you were embarrassed about Miss Kimidori beating you up… Was that a lie, too?" Kyon asked, genuinely curious.

It took Koizumi a long while to reply.

When he finally spoke, the answer was less than satisfying;

"I don't know."

"How can you not know?"

"I mean…" Koizumi paused again- he seemed to be doing that a lot lately. A sigh. He was doing that a lot, too. Wasn't he meant to be good with words? Or maybe this was something very difficult for him to phrase- something he didn't want to say. "I was. I felt bad- awful- for not being able to help you more than I did. But maybe it was because you were watching… That made it matter more. Because it was you.

"And… and I wanted you to feel sorry for me. I suppose. I'm not sure. Heh." Another small laugh. "Don't ask me to explain anymore- I don't know if I could."

Something about that explanation sounded horribly like a confession.

A confession of what, though, Kyon couldn't for the life of him figure out.

_This is so confusing._

_Serial Experiments Lain was less mind-melting than __this_.

"But," said Kyon, "you _do_ want to me stay, don't you?"

Koizumi looked pained. With his paper-white skin, half-closed eyes and the ugly bruise on his jaw, he looked just as he had done in the graveyard.

"I shouldn't be selfish," was all he said.

"You're not being."

"Deep down, all humans are selfish creatures, though. I'm really no different. Even if I do try and hide it."

"Yeah. Most of the time, you do a pretty shitty job. No offense."

"None taken."

"Look, I don't care what you say. Its pitch black outside, and I don't really want to walk home like that- if I get stabbed on my way home, which would make your heroic sacrifice completely pointless. So I'll stay here. And make sure you're okay."

"Well…" Koizumi still looked uncomfortable; stuck between making two equally difficult decisions (although Kyon couldn't see the problem- it really shouldn't have been).

"Shut up. It's decided. I decided."

Another wry smile flitted across Koizumi's lips.

"Don't I get a say in the matter?"

"No."

"Then I guess I have no choice. But if it's going to be this way…" Koizumi smiled another half-smile- the kind Kyon had grown to dislike. Fake. "May I ask you a favour?"

At the mention of the word 'favour', Kyon felt his blood run cold. Which was funny, considering his heart began to beat faster.

_He's not going to make me do anything weird, is he?_

_Hell, this _is _Itsuki Koizumi we're talking about here- the very poster boy for 'weird'._

_What was I _thinking _when I went on about how attractive he was?_

_The guy's a weirdo!_

"I'm staying here to make sure you're okay. Isn't that a favour enough?" Kyon asked, trying to keep his voice calm, emotionless.

Koizumi shook his head, that small smile still in place.

"No. It's not. That was your idea- I protested, but you wouldn't listen. You're only staying here to make yourself feel better- feel less guilty that I got hurt for you."

Koizumi's words stung like nettles, each one piercing Kyon's skin.

It hurt.

"H-hey, that's not fair!" protested Kyon weakly.

It wasn't the _only _reason Kyon wanted to stay with Koizumi.

He did feel sorry for the esper; he had to live alone, he had to leave his friends and family behind, he had to deal with being hurt every single time he went into closed space, and he had to put up some kind of mask all for Haruhi's own entertainment, and nobody could see through it save Kyon (and, to an extent, Mikuru and Nagato).

And, in some strange way, Kyon did consider Koizumi a real friend.

But Koizumi was right.

Deep down, the real reason keeping Kyon by Koizumi's side was guilt.

Kyon knew.

"I'm sorry to offend you. I was only stating my perception of things," said Koizumi evenly. "Nevertheless. I believe I have the right to ask a favour from you."

"Eh…"

"You're under no obligation to accept."

"Uh. Then. That's okay. I… I guess," Kyon said slowly. "What is it?"

He waited for the answer with a due sense of trepidation and dread.

The colored digits on Koizumi's clock glowed dimly. They remained unchanging as the seconds ticked by.

"I was wondering if you wouldn't mind, and please don't think this is strange… But, would you let me rest against you when I sleep?"

Kyon's eyes widened, his head tilted to one side. He looked like his sister, when she'd accidentally stumbled across some 'adult' show on late night TV (oh boy, _that_ had been a fun night- "Kyon, what are they doing? Why is that lady screaming? Is she in pain?")

"You mean like _sleeping together_?" Kyon asked.

Koizumi gave a small 'heh' of non-existent humour.

"Not 'sleeping together' exactly. More like, sleeping in the same bed."

At once, Kyon's mind went to the gutter.

_Of course I'd think that was strange!_

_Who wouldn't?_

_Apart from the members of your fan club, of course- they'd _die _to be used as human pillows by Itsuki Koizumi._

"Kyon? Are you alright?"

_No!_

"Y-yeah," Kyon lied. "It's just, isn't there a spare futon or something I could sleep on instead?"

"There is. But the bruises on my side ache quite badly- and I don't think being impaled by Miss Kimidori helped matters. I just wanted something to lean against. And that wouldn't work if you were lying on the floor." Koizumi looked down at his lap, that half-smile, more… disappointed? than anything else playing about his lips. "I'm sorry if my request was too weird."

_Urgh._

_Jesus Christ, you really _are_ good at making me feel like an asshole._

Kyon winced.

_I can't believe this._

_I can't believe I'm actually going to go through with this._

_Guilt does weird things to people._

"O-okay," he said quickly, quietly, trying to get it over with.

Koizumi looked up at him in apparent disbelief. He obviously hadn't expected a positive reply.

"What did you say?" he asked.

"I said _fine_, I'll do it. W-whatever." Kyon fought to sound cool and in control. It didn't really work. He stuttered over his words before he could stop himself- and visibly cringed because of it. "Just don't tell anyone else about this, okay?"

Koizumi didn't reply.

"Okay?" Kyon repeated, with more force than necessary.

The esper looked up.

At first, his expression was very much the same as before- wide-eyed shock. But then, as he processed Kyon's words, it melted, like snow, into a happy (truly _happy_) smile.

"Thank you."

With just two words, Kyon felt his heartbeat speed up. His cheeks felt hot.

Angrily, he glanced down at the floor, away from Koizumi's face.

_Shit._

* * *

**a/n: **one of the few chapters where I read over everything a couple of times before posting, plus rewriting stuff I didn't like, taking bits out, adding more stuff in, changes characters' reactions, trying (and failing) to make it more IC… XDD such a struggle!  
Ahaha it's like a whole chapter of Kyon and Itsuki interacting c: Yay? And hopefully sorting some things out between them ^o^  
It seems they have a very complicated relationship XD Trying to make it realistic and believable hnghhh.

There is another itsukyon oneshot on that deals with Itsuki being injured & Kyon having to comfort him, with scenes pretty similar to this chapter –sweatdrop- It wasn't intentional! I wasn't trying to rip off that fic! I had this chapter planned a while, it just… ended up similar to it… somehow… -sweat drop-  
Oh well ;A; I suppose these things happen… T_T

ff and i included brief mentions of other characters from other fandoms in here.  
LIKE SFA2-MIKI YEAH.  
jeez I love her XDD  
EVERYONE SHOULD LOVE HER.  
you should all search mikicayks on youtube, where you'll find a whole spiffy account devoted to her awesomeness :3 I listen to her songs a lot when writing XDD  
LOL plugging much XD

okay LONG AN IS LONG.  
sorry ;A;

ff also long freaking chapter is long XD

_**~renahhchen xoxoxo**_


	20. 19: It's Unexpected! Haruhi's Soft Side?

**It's a Romantic Conquest True Love Story, Haruhi-Chan!**

* * *

Chapter Nineteen:  
_Something Unexpected… Haruhi's Softer Side?_

* * *

_Urgh…_

_I feel like death._

_Oh God._

_I might as well be dead._

_Try opening my eyes, just a little and- oww, too bright, too bright! My vision!_

_Why didn't I close the curtains?_

_I _always _close the curtains._

_God damn it._

_Even when I shut my eyes and try to ignore it, I'm going to _know _that the curtains are semi-open, and I'm going to _know _that there's a chink of retina-scarring light splicing the room in two, and it's going to piss me off even if I can't see it._

_Fuck this._

_I'm not going to be able to get to sleep now._

This newfound revelation did not stop Kyon from trying, though.

He turned over, away from the offending light source, and squeezed his eyes shut.

_I know the curtains are still open, though._

Nestled his head into the pillow.

_There's a load of blinding light dancing about the room, you know._

Tried to ignore his brain.

_You really _should_ go and close the curtains, Kyon._

But his brain didn't want to be ignored.

_**Why don't you go and complain to someone who cares? I don't want to shut the fucking curtains, I want to sleep! **_the second part of Kyon's brain (the part that felt exhausted and tired and melted like paste-like and dead) argued.

_But you obviously _do_ care, or you wouldn't be thinking about it so much, _said the first part of Kyon's brain (the borderline OCD part which wouldn't shut the hell up about the curtains).

_**Ah. And now I'm arguing with myself.**_

_Schizophrenia is fun like that, isn't it?_

_**Fuck you.**_

Kyon swore his own head was his worst enemy sometimes, for its inability to shut the hell up for five seconds.

Who needed Haruhi, when Kyon could have endless hours of fun needlessly tormenting himself?

_God, I hate mornings._

_Going back to sleep…_

Kyon turned again.

Settled himself down under the duvet.

Tried to ignore the curtains, the light, his head- _everything_.

He focused on breathing; inhale and exhale, inhale and exhale, inhale and exhale...

At long last, tranquillity began to settle itself upon Kyon.

He felt relaxed.

Serene.

His thoughts were no longer jabbing at the inside of his skull, shouting 'pay attention to me! Listen, listen!' Instead, they had become airy, half-formed, and unintelligible; a vague haze, like fog.

For a few blissful, happy moments, Kyon hovered on the verge between sleep and wakefulness.

And then, Kyon heard it.

The sounds of breathing that wasn't his.

At first, the coldly rational part of his brain tried to brush it off;

_Huh. It must be my little sister. Did she creep into my bed at night or something? I wonder if she had a nightmare…_

_Whatever._

Kyon squeezed his eyelids shut even tighter, and tried to blot out all other distractions; the curtain, the light, everything.

It didn't matter.

Everything was okay-

"Mn… Kyon…"

_Huh?_

Until Kyon heard _that_.

That definitely didn't sound like his little sister. Even though the voice was muffled, unclear, punctuated with a small yawn/sigh, it certainly wasn't young, or female.

This was not the voice that pestered Kyon for homework help, implored Kyon to 'watch me do a hand stand! Look how amazing I am!' and irked Kyon by refusing, point-blank, to address him as 'big brother' because 'Kyon is Kyon, and that's your name! Hehehe!~'

Even though Kyon's brain (ha, in this state of mind, _what _brain?) was gooey and half-melted and spongy and pudding-like, even he could tell he most certainly wasn't sharing a bed with his sister.

If Kyon's mind was fully functional at the time, and not just an over-sized marshmallow, he would've panicked.

It was the standard reaction for waking up in a bed with a stranger.

But Kyon did not panic.

He was physically incapable of registering any emotion other than vague surprise.

Instead, he mumbled "huh…?" and cracked his eyes open- _oww, not _too _open. The sunlight, it burnsss_. Closed them again. Opened them once more, slowly, this time. Very slowly.

Everything was blurry at first, like an out of focus photograph, until, with a click only audible in Kyon's head, everything slid into place.

Instantly, Kyon didn't feel quite so sleepy anymore.

In fact, he felt quite awake.

Shock and horror were the only logical responses left available to Kyon, when faced with the sleeping form of Itsuki Koizumi.

He was disturbed to note Koizumi was just as attractive sleeping when awake; perhaps even more so, because the ever-smiling mask wasn't there. Instead, Koizumi looked vulnerable… defenceless… peaceful.

If Kyon had been a girl, he would've have died for that moment- would've given anything to see Koizumi so at ease, without his usual façade.

As it was, Kyon was not Kyonko, and he was freaking the hell out.

And not unreasonably, too.

As was per norm for Koizumi (even though, given their current position, it seemed a lot- Kyon felt he had to reiterate A LOT, with capital letters and underlining to boot- more pronounced), he was far, _far_ too close for Kyon's comfort. It was, with increasing dread, that Kyon noted he could (if he'd wanted to, which he certainly _didn't_) count Koizumi's separate eyelashes, as they brushed softly against the esper's skin, like butterflies, like the wings of birds, like unnecessary imagery and strange similes!

This wasn't normal.

Kyon didn't wax poetry on _guys_; least of all Itsuki Koizumi!

He didn't wax poetry on _anyone_, unless they were a) female and b) attractive.

Not that Koizumi wasn't attractive (not even Kyon could deny that); he just failed at the first criteria.

Koizumi's proximity was made all the more uncomfortable as, every time he exhaled, his breath ghosted gently across Kyon's face. Kyon's skin prickled at contact, as though his flesh were been lanceted thousands of times over by tiny acupuncture needles.

It didn't come as a great surprise that, even in sleep, Koizumi was smiling. However, this was a different breed of smile from the ones he wore around Haruhi. It was sleepy, relaxed, barely even there- just a soft upturning of his lips.

Hardly even noticeable.

But Kyon noticed.

He couldn't help but notice.

Kyon didn't think he'd ever seen Koizumi look more sincere.

The situation was downright weird and creepy, but the sight was… rewarding? Soothing?

Maybe even a little heart-warming…?

And that was a _very _dangerous train of thought.

A small sigh from Koizumi's parted lips, and another light breeze prodded gently at Kyon's skin- more precise, stinging needles pricked at his skin.

And then, quietly, Koizumi murmured (and he spoke it so softly it was hard to hear; however, this did not present a great problem to Kyon. Kyon was so close, he could hear him breathe; discerning intelligible words from semi-unintelligible sleep babble was not so difficult after all), "Mn… _K-kyon_…"

At once, Kyon felt a rush of blood explode behind his cheeks.

His face was burning.

Like the inside of a Halloween pumpkin, all lit up for October 31st, he was on fire.

It was a strange contrast, then, that his body went cold, frosty, icy with shock. Rendered immobile, he couldn't even move his fingers. It was eerily similar to when Emiri had locked him in place with her strange data distorting powers.

The only things Kyon could actively control were his eyes, which were growing larger and larger, to anime-esque proportions.

Even his heart seemed to have stopped beating, for just a few seconds.

_J-just what is Koizumi dreaming about?_

_And do I really want to know?_

Fuck.

_I'm not going to be able to go back to sleep __**now**__!_

But Kyon did not have long to dwell on his misfortunes.

With a breathy yawn/sigh from Koizumi (Kyon shuddered, as another exhale of air brushed his skin), the esper nuzzled his head into Kyon's shoulder.

And, as Koizumi drew his arms round Kyon's middle, he managed to trap the statuesque, frozen form of Kyon in a tight embrace.

Though, of course, Kyon would deny it was an embrace if you asked him- 'more like an invasion of privacy!' He would also deny that the sudden physical contact made his heart jump up into his mouth, and would instead argue something _did _jump up into his mouth at their moment of contact, but it was nausea and bile.

Kyon was also a liar.

All of a sudden, Kyon's heart was beating all _too _fast, and everything about him sped up, like a movie on fast forward.

Kyon would've _liked _to say he dealt with the situation in a mature, manly way.

However, that would have been another lie.

At once, Kyon's glacial, immobile body defrosted.

With sudden functional use of all his limbs, he did what came naturally.

He struggled.

However, he struggled just a tad too hard, and (somehow) managed to punch Koizumi in the mouth (not that he didn't deserve it, what with that surprise hug earlier on), knee him in the stomach and- in a tangle of limbs and confusion- fell out of bed, dragging both a pillow, the duvet and the newly awoken, reasonably surprised and rather pained Itsuki Koizumi down with him.

Kyon's back hit the floor with a dull thump. His spine gave a click.

_Well, at least it woke me up._

_What greater motivator is there than pain?_

_It's better than caffeine, anyway, _Kyon thought glumly- not that he had much time to think because, seconds later, Koizumi fell on top of him, forcing all the air out of his lungs and winding him so badly he felt like he was going to die.

In a mess of pain and disorientation, Kyon could only choke for air, whilst a dazed Koizumi shifted about on top of him.

The whole scene- Kyon on the bottom, flushed and dazed, Koizumi on top, equally red and confused- could so easily have been misinterpreted, if both parties weren't in a considerable amount of pain.

It was that thought, more than anything, which registered in Kyon's brain.

A scramble, a mutter of "huh…?" from Koizumi, and then-

"Argh! Shit! Koizumi, get off me!"

Stars exploded behind Kyon's eyes, as pain erupted through his body.

Koizumi had just managed to elbow Kyon in the middle.

Flailing his arms out, half-blinded with agony, Kyon managed to grab hold of Koizumi's shoulders, and shoved the other boy off his chest.

Finally- air!

He could breathe again.

Oxygen had never tasted so good.

Panting, face red, wincing in discomfort, Kyon managed to heave himself into a sitting position. It was more effort than it should have been.

_This is __not__ how I want to be woken up in the mornings!_

_What did I do in a past life to deserve this?_

_Ow… Fuck…_

_I think Koizumi just __broke__ me._

_Smug smiley bastard._

_Not that he's smiling now._

_Fucking hell._

Inside his head, Kyon was screaming in agony.

Physically, he couldn't even open his moth- the facial muscles had gone taught, rigid, frozen in ice-cold shock.

"A-ah… K-kyon…?" Koizumi's voice was stuttering, disoriented. He'd never sounded so confused before. In any other situation, it would've been amusing to watch, but Kyon was too preoccupied with his own pain to pay any heed to Koizumi.

Somehow, without his noticing, the esper had managed to sit himself up. When Kyon finally recovered, and was able to meet Koizumi in the eye once more, he was met with the too-close face and blinking eyes of Itsuki Koizumi, staring at him with concern.

The scene was far too reminiscent of five seconds ago.

Hurriedly, Kyon shuffled back on the floor, fully aware of how ridiculous he looked, but past caring.

His mind was screaming at Koizumi, but he couldn't form the right words;

_Get away._

_Now_.

"H-hey! _Way _too close there!" Kyon managed to choke out, babbling, cheeks flooding red. "I-I have a personal bubble, you know?"

Frantically, his mind yelled at his brain to stop directing his entire body's blood supply to his face before he passed out.

_Shit._

_I feel all weak and aeneamic, I can't even feel my fingers!_

_I'm g_oing to die.

I am actually_ going to be embarrassed to death!_

_Now I know how Mikuru feels when Haruhi makes her wear all those stupid outfits!_

_Mikuru, I promise, I will never look at you in an impure way again when you wear that bunny costume!_

Unfortunately, his brain ignored him, as it was so wont to doing.

It was then, despite his own please-kill-me-now humiliation and pain (which was, thankfully, beginning to ebb a little), that Kyon noticed red on Koizumi's own face, streaked across chalky skin, almost alarming for the contrast of sanguine on white.

His nose was bleeding.

_Huh._

_I guess I hit him harder than I thought._

"Are you okay?" Kyon asked. His own embarrassment was momentarily put on hold; worry for Koizumi took precedence over his own pain and discomfort.

Koizumi was wincing, eyes squeezed half-shut in apparent agony. He was doubled up on himself like a collapsible telescope that hadn't been set up properly. His breathing was strangely laboured, inhaling too shallowly, irregularly, as though taking in air was straining his lungs.

When Kyon asked this question, Koizumi looked up, face partially obscured by flyaway bangs.

"I've been better," he said, managing a polite smile, which came out more like a grimace. Despite this, however, he was still able to sound charming.

_Damn. He _must _practise in front of a mirror every morning._

_There's no way in hell anyone could sound so cool naturally!_

Koizumi beamed, and tilted his head. "Thank you for asking."

"I'm… I-I'm sorry for, um… waking you up like that," said Kyon, picking loose thread on the carpet, not wanting to look Koizumi in the eye.

_Once again, he got hurt, and it was _my_ fault._

_I always thought Koizumi existed to make my life miserable, but maybe it's the other way around… This is the third time in two days I've inflicted- indirectly or not- some kind of bodily harm on him._

_Or maybe this is karma- some sort of divine retribution- for all the times he pissed me off in the past by invading my personal bubble, smiling blithely at everything, boring me to death with long-winded monologues, always agreeing with Haruhi, etc, etc, ad infinitum._

_The list of reasons why Koizumi irritates me really goes on forever._

_And when I think of it like that, I don't feel __quite__ so bad for causing him harm._

_Ooh, I just figured out how to hurt someone with no guilty conscience. Just think 'they probably deserved/are going to do something in the future to deserve it', and poof!- all feelings of remorse eradicated._

_I am so going to do that if I ever punch Taniguchi._

"Uh… How are your bruises?" Kyon asked, still picking at the carpet.

"Healing. Or at least, they were, until you punched me in the face and dragged me onto the floor," said Koizumi, with a wry smile. "Despite my cordial tone of voice, I assure you its rather painful."

"Ha. Yeeahh. I kind of figured."

"I'll live. I-it was certainly an, uh… _interesting _way to be woken up," said Koizumi shakily, pressing a few shaky fingertips to his face. When he took the fingers away, they were stained with blood.

"Did you really _have _to punch me in the face, though, Kyon?" Koizumi asked, a faint tremor- the aftershocks of surprise- still audible in his voice. "I commend your enthusiasm on the matter, but it seems a little excessive, haha... Ow…"

At Koizumi's words, Kyon felt his cheeks become, if possible, even hotter.

Scowling, he turned away, staring resolutely at the floor.

"Idiot. This is all _your_ fault," said Kyon.

"Huh? What?" Koizumi asked, tilting his head to one side. The bemused, innocent expression was spoilt somewhat by the blood smeared across his face.

"D-don't pretend like you don't know," said Kyon, folding his arms, trying to sound like his usual aloof, sarcastic self. "You were trying to use me as a human pillow!"

At this, a small grin tugged at Koizumi's lips.

It looked like he was trying not to laugh.

Kyon noted, with mounting frustration, that he was still unreasonably handsome, even with the messy hair and bloody nose.

_That is so unfair._

_Why did someone with a personality like _his _get such a mismatched appearance to go with it?_

_It's deceptive!_

_You might as well call it fraud!_

"Oh?" Koizumi asked, still trying to suppress his laughter, hand over his mouth (ever the gentleman), but it was doing little good. "Is that so?"

"It's not _funny_."

"I'm sorry, really. I didn't mean to- I was asleep." A smile. "Mostly asleep, anyway."

"So your subconscious reaction was to hug me? No offense, but that seems a little weird." Kyon raised a brow. Finally, it seemed as though his blush was fading- he now had enough blood in his system to move his fingers again.

With a dark expression, Kyon stared levelly at the still-smiling esper.

"Well, you were nice and warm," Koizumi explained.

"That's not a reason for violating my personal bubble."

"Ah, don't be like that, Kyon," said Koizumi, prodding the other gently in the side. The teasing smile was still there, barely, but his voice sounded serious- as serious as it was when he discussed philosophy and the inner workings of the human brain. "I didn't mean to. You can't hold me accountable for my actions when I'm half asleep."

Kyon flinched a little at the sudden contact, small as it was.

"Koizumi," he said, warningly.

_I don't think I could refer to him by his first name now._

_Not after what happened before._

_That would feel _way _too intimate._

Upon hearing the dangerous edge to Kyon's voice, Koizumi drew back. The small, upside v of a mouth began to form on his lips. Any trace of his previous smile was gone, vanished, as though wiped away.

"So we're back to second name terms now?"

Kyon wasn't sure if he heard right, but there was a distinct element of _dejection_ in those words.

Koizumi looked like a guy who'd been rejected by his crush.

_Ha! _Inner-Kyon snorted derisively at the idea. _Like Koizumi would ever get rejected by anyone. All the girls love him._

_He's so popular, he pretty much has free pick of anyone he wants. Unlucky guys like me are stuck the leftovers._

…_Urgh._

_I just sounded like Taniguchi then._

_It's not like I'm jealous of Koizumi or anything._

_Not really._

_Although, Koizumi doesn't seem to want _any _girl at the moment._

_Not that I'm complaining._

_It makes things easier for all the other guys._

_And besides, maybe it's good _he _was the one who got such a lucky hand when dealt his genes. If Taniguchi was even one fifth as good looking as Koizumi, I bet he'd have worked through at least thirty or forty girls at school so far._

_I guess its good Koizumi doesn't abuse his power?_

_It wouldn't hurt for him actually _use it _once or twice though, instead of giving his fans the cold shoulder all the time._

_It feels like such a __waste_.

_Unless he doesn't even realise it himself…_

"Hey, you never call me by my first name," said Kyon, trying to ignore the guilt spreading through his brain, clouding his thoughts. Like a tablet of Alka Setzer dissolving in water, this irrational feeling of remorse spread.

_What do you have to feel upset over, anyway?_

_You didn't do anything wrong._

_You always call him Koizumi- you're not __that__ close._

_Just because he saved your life, it doesn't change the fact he's annoying; he's still the same old Koizumi. Why should I treat him any differently?_

But Koizumi's downcast eyes and small pout, coupled with the bloody nose- which seemed to have stopped bleeding now- and the ugly bruise on his cheek, were nothing short of depressing to look.

The sudden shift in emotions was made even worse if you compared this Koizumi to the smiling one from a few seconds ago.

_I wonder if he's doing __this__- whatever '__this__' is, exactly- on purpose, too._

_Maybe, if I bang my head against the wall, it'd knock some common sense back into me and nicely sort all my thoughts into a simple, easy-to-understand list._

…_Or maybe it'll just give me an even bigger headache and make me look insane._

_Yeah._

_I'm going to go with the latter._

"I don't get why you want me to call you by your first name all of a sudden anyway, either," said Kyon, trying to sound less confused than he really was.

"There's no real reason," said Koizumi. His voice was soft when he next spoke, "I just thought maybe… It would be some kind of compensation for saving your life."

"Huh?"

"Oh, it's nothing. Forget I said anything."

At once, the melancholy evaporated, leaving nothing but a cheerful smile that didn't quite reach the eyes. At that moment, Koizumi's face may well have been a mask, the eyes the only real part- because whilst he was smiling, he still looked upset.

_What a pain._

_It's too early in the morning to deal with the many mood swings of Itsuki Koizumi._

"You were saying that an awful lot last night, too," said Kyon.

"Saying what?"

"Things like 'don't listen to that' and 'it's no matter- ignore it'," said Kyon, doing a lazy, half-hearted impersonation of the other. It wasn't very good, mainly because Kyon felt his zygomatic major muscle would actually seize up and wither away if he smiled half as much as Koizumi.

At least it managed to rouse Koizumi out of his strange semi-depression.

"Hey," he said, grinning, "was that supposed to be me?"

"Uh huh."

"But you're not smiling. Come on- it's my signature expression," said Koizumi, displaying one his more devastating, disarming smiles; the kind of smile that would've stopped a girl's heartbeat completely, or else make her heart melt into a puddle of marshmallowy goo. If he'd been an anime character, there would've been magical desu sparkles all over the place with an expression like that.

_You could make anyone do anything you wanted with a face like that._

_I guess it's a good job Koizumi uses his powers for good, instead of evil._

"I don't think I _can _smile like that," said Kyon. "I don't think any normal human can."

"Just a little one? Go on, humour me," Koizumi prompted playfully.

"No." Was Kyon's monosyllabic response. It was spoken with a great air of finality- the way he frowned, and folded his arms, was almost intimidating.

"Okay, okay. Sorry for asking."

"You were doing an awful lot of _that _last night, too," said Kyon. Koizumi's words had suddenly reminded him of the point he'd been trying to raise earlier, before he'd been distracted.

"Doing what?"

"Apologising."

"Was I?"

"Yeah. You kept saying weird stuff, too- but then you'd backtrack, and act all apologetic, and say something like 'please disregard what I just said'." The Koizumi impersonation was there again, with even less enthusiasm than before.

"It seemed out of character for you," Kyon continued. "Usually, you give me all kinds of long-winded monologues on confusing and uninteresting subjects, and you've never once told me to ignore any of it. You never have the courtesy to act the least bit sorry for making me listen to it, either."

"Hn? Really? I did?"

"You mean you don't remember?"

"Not really. What kinds of 'weird stuff' did I say specifically? Weirder than usual?" He gave a small smile at his own self-deprecating joke.

Kyon raised a brow. When he spoke, cynicism clung to his words so tightly it was almost tangible;

"How funny. And I here I thought amnesia was only something that happened in cheap low-budget dramas to fill in plot holes, or weepy romantic animes."

"Well, I _did _have a rather traumatic time yesterday," said Koizumi sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head. His already messy hair was fast-resembling a birds' nest of spikes and loose strands and- as much as Kyon was loathe to admit- even _that_ looked good on him.

What did Koizumi do to be blessed so?

"An ordeal like that can have quite a profound effect on a person's memory and perception of events," Koizumi continued. "In some cases the effects of memory loss or memory suppression due to psychological reasons can be identical to how real physical reasons, such a brain damage, affect the memory."

"Okay, okay, that's enough. You can stop spouting information at me now. I don't need a lecture on biology so early in the morning," said Kyon, holding his hands up.

"Ah, sorry." Koizumi grinned.

"Where do you learn all that stuff, anyway?"

"There are these magical new inventions called 'books' and, if you would care to open one at some point in your life, you would discover they contain interesting information," said Koizumi. His voice was deadpan, but his lips were pulled into a small smile.

_Huh._

_You say its sudden memory loss, but you seemed fine yesterday; injured, and beaten up, but not so much so that it proved a great mental handicap._

_Even if you __**were**__ acting strangely._

_So maybe it's not a case that you can't remember._

_You don't want to remember._

_You don't want to talk about whatever it was you were discussing last night, before you kept cutting yourself off and being mysterious._

_What is it you're being so secretive about?_

Questions were hovering on the tip of Kyon's tongue, hundreds of them.

Koizumi must've confessed some important secret to Kyon last night. Now, apparently, the esper wanted to pretend it had never happened.

However, he'd given the information in such a convoluted, confusing, Koizumi-ish manner Kyon had no idea what taboo subjects he may have brought up.

It was irritating.

Kyon wanted to know.

_But is it really worth it?_

_Whatever Koizumi said must have been something he feels uncomfortable discussing, or he wouldn't bother pretending to have sudden, selective memory loss regarding what he told me yesterday._

_And if I press the issue, he'll be on his guard._

_He'd refuse to tell me._

_Or he'd say 'I don't know what you're talking about'- an obvious lie- and force one of those fake smiles that really, really doesn't suit him._

So, in the end, Kyon didn't say anything.

_I will find out your secret though, Itsuki Koizumi._

_Your plastic smiles and artificial charm may work on everyone else, but they don't have the same effect on me._

* * *

"Hey. Here's your tea," said Kyon brusquely, slamming the cup down before Koizumi with just a touch more force than necessary. Perhaps it was some kind of defence mechanism; a way of saying '_don't get the wrong idea, I didn't make you tea because I __like__ you, or anything. It's because I was thirsty anyway.'_

_But, urgh, _thought Kyon, _that sounds way, __way__ too tsundere._

_I'm not some stupid twin-tailed heroine from an anime._

_And I'm not in denial about anything, either._

_I have nothing to act so defensive about!_

_Really!_

"Ah. Thank you, Kyon," said Koizumi, with another one of his sincere smiles, bright enough to melt hearts. It was making Kyon feel quite dizzy, as though he had vertigo and was looking down from some great height.

_What are you __talking__ about, you idiot?_

_Good grief._

It would've been a perfect face-meet-palm moment, expect Kyon was still holding his own cup of tea. Pouring boiling hot liquid over his face would so _not _have helped soothe Kyon's fractured nerves.

In fact, he imagined it would have quite the opposite effect.

Not to mention, it would've looked really, really uncool.

_Then again, Haruhi'd think it was 'really cool' if I turned to the next SOS Brigade club meeting with first degree burns._

"Don't look so happy," said Kyon ittiably, sitting down at the Japanese-style table opposite Koizumi, "it's just tea."

_If he was drinking tea _Mikuru _made, I could understand the smile. The thought of the lovely Mikuru, brewing tea with her dainty fingers and a look of concentration on her face, trying to get it just right for me, is adorable; it instantly elevates any tea she makes to a godly status._

_I bet Koizumi doesn't see it that way, though._

"It's the thought that counts," said Koizumi genially. "Even if it doesn't taste very good."

"That's your own fault for buying cheap stuff."

"I know, but I'm not exactly rich."

"I thought the Agency provided for your living?"

"Yes, but only to a certain extent. I imagine they only worry about my welfare as much as they do because I'm close to Miss Suzumiya. With anyone else, they wouldn't care half so much," said Koizumi. His fingers were steepled together, elbows resting on the table. His head was tilted slightly; he looked deep in thought. "If it weren't for my association with Miss Suzumiya, I would be quite unimportant, really…"

Kyon couldn't help but feel stunned at this information.

Then again, was it that much of a surprise?

This was the same Agency that made Koizumi move away from his family to observe _Haruhi_, after all.

Inflicting Haruhi on anyone was just plain cruel.

"No offense, Koizumi, but those Agency guys sound like complete bastards."

"None taken," said Koizumi, smiling. "Oftentimes, I feel the same way. But, they do provide me with the essentials to live, so I suppose I can't be too ungrateful."

Kyon took a sip of the tea, and pulled a face as it scalded his mouth, slid down his throat.

Koizumi was right.

It tasted disgusting.

"This is awful," Kyon announced, pushing his cup away. "How much money do they give you, anyway? Living on cheap stuff like this can't be healthy- not _all _the time."

"Heh." Koizumi smiled. His voice took on a mischievous edge, as he asked, "aww~ Are you concerned about me, Kyon?"

"Sure, whatever you say," said Kyon, rolling his eyes. "You can believe in your weird delusions if it makes you happy."

"And there I thought you were being nice to me, Kyon. I'm so disappointed."

"You look it. I mean, that smile is just _so _indicative of disappointment," said Kyon. His tone was so caustic, it was a wonder the words didn't dissolve into an acidic, bubbly mess in his mouth. "I swear, Koizumi, your acting abilities are growing worse and worse by the day."

"I sincerely hope not. If I lost the ability to do this-" at 'this', another fake smile flitted across his lips; one that would've fooled most people, but certainly didn't fool Kyon, "-then Haruhi would probably lose interest in me. I'd become useless to the Agency. And if that happened…"

A sigh.

Koizumi leant back, palms on the floor, staring listlessly at the mushroom-colored ceiling.

"I wonder what would happen to me then," he said softly. "Hmn. I've given it consideration before, but…"

Kyon tried to tell himself he didn't care.

He _didn't._

_I __don't_, Kyon's brain forcefully stated. _Really, I don't._

_Koizumi can take care of himself._

_Except…_

_He's so busy worrying about Haruhi all the time, I wonder if he ever pauses to think about himself?_

_And it's not just Koizumi._

_It's the same with Mikuru._

_Maybe even with Nagato._

_If their whole lives revolve around observing Haruhi, then when do they ever find the time to worry about their own problems?_

_Or do their own problems pale in significance when it comes to keeping Haruhi happy?_

_I wonder…_

"H-hey, Koizumi…" said Kyon, fingers hovering uneasily in the air- unsure whether to comfort him, or make some sarcastic comment.

He didn't know the right thing to do.

And he especially didn't know why he cared so much.

"Well~" said Koizumi, snapping back into his usual cheery attitude. He lowered his head, and gave Kyon a smile. "It was just speculation. I'm sure I can keep this up-" he gestured to his smile "-just a little while longer. After a while, it becomes almost second nature."

"But is that you want?" Kyon found himself asking the question before he could stuff it back into his mouth.

_Urgh._

_Awkward._

"What I want doesn't factor into it," said Koizumi, still smiling softly.

He didn't sound sad- more resigned.

Like someone drowning, unable to surface for air, he'd stopped struggling- decided it was pointless, and given up.

They were going to die anyway.

And whilst Koizumi didn't _sound _sad, it was perhaps one of the most depressing things Kyon had heard the esper say.

"If I put my whole life on hold just to please Haruhi, I'd start to hate her," said Kyon, pushing his cup of too-hot, tasteless tea he had no intention of drinking across the table. It was better than watching Koizumi; for some reason, his piercing gaze was beginning to get under Kyon's skin. "And I wouldn't want to hate Haruhi. She's not such a bad person, if you don't let her be too selfish. You have to tell her when she's being annoying."

"But that may be something only you can say, without aggravating her. You have special privileges," said Koizumi.

Kyon quirked a brow. "Oh? How so? You mean, _I'm _always the one she complains about and takes advantage of the most?"

"That's just her way of showing affection."

"If that's her being 'affectionate', I'd hate to see her when she's _really _pissed off."

"You already did. She tried to remake the world, remember?" said Koizumi, still with that wry smile.

Kyon rolled his eyes.

"Oh yes. Of course. How silly of me to forget."

"Mn. Well. Miss Suzumiya values your life more than mine," Koizumi explained. "You can say things to her that other people can't."

"Yeah, because you don't _try_ to stand up to her," Kyon argued. "If you dealt with her like a normal person, instead of some Almighty God figure, she wouldn't be nearly as stubborn and selfish as she is now."

Koizumi nodded at Kyon's tirade; he didn't seem fazed by it at all.

"I understand what you're saying. It's true."

"So why don't you _do anything_?" asked Kyon angrily. "Why am _I_ the only one who wants to help Haruhi be a decent person?"

"Because it is my duty to observe. I'm not required to do anything else."

Kyon grit his teeth at this emotionless response.

If Nagato had said it, he would have understood. She was typically so emotionless and cold, it was the natural thing for her to say.

But _Koizumi?_

For some reason, it irritated Kyon when he said that.

"Man. For someone who gave up their whole life to make Haruhi happy, you sure can be selfish when you want to," said Kyon disgustedly. "You'd rather sacrifice a chance to help Haruhi overcome her self-cantered nature for your own safety? It's not right."

Koizumi didn't bother defending himself. Instead, he gave a dejected sigh.

"I know. I'm aware of that, and I'm sorry," he agreed listlessly.

It was even more infuriating that denial would've been.

_Is he trying to present himself as a _martyr _now, or something?_

_That makes me sick._

_This whole situation is making my head hurt._

_I don't disagree with Haruhi _just _to annoy her; I do it so she'll learn to live with disappointment like everyone else! She's been deluded by Koizumi and the others into thinking she can have everything in life handed to her on a silver platter, and when she doesn't get her own way, she throws a tantrum like a child! Being weak-willed and agreeable won't help her grow up._

_I don't want people to hate Haruhi._

I _don't want to hate Haruhi._

_Underneath it all, she's an okay person at heart- I'm sure of it._

_But nobody else cares._

_Koizumi says he wants to help Haruhi- keep her happy- but it's doing the exact opposite!_

The angry thoughts buzzed around Kyon's head like wasps, stinging and jabbing at every inch of his skull until it began to hurt.

"Do you always want to be Haruhi's yes-man?" Kyon rounded on Koizumi, trying to verbalise at least a little of what he was feeling. The thoughts were becoming too heavy for his head to hold; he needed to voice them. Maybe it would help sort them? "Why don't you act on your own emotions?"

"Because I can't."

Koizumi's voice broke through Kyon's rant softly, soothingly… Urgently?

Koizumi seemed to know how Kyon was feeling, because there was an imploring note in his words- something that begged for forgiveness, even though he made no verbal apology this time.

"Kyon, listen. Miss Suzuimya is not the only reason I refuse to act on my emotions."

"What is the reason, then, _Koizumi_?"

"Well…" Koizumi ducked his head, face obscured by bangs again. He looked nervous, jumpy- _where are your theatrical abilities __now__, Koizumi? _"Let's just say… Miss Suzumiya is not the only person I'd upset. And, uh… How should I phrase this? Well." A pause. "It would not be her reaction… that I'd care about most."

Kyon stared at Koizumi in shock.

It sounded like a confession.

A confession to what, though, Kyon didn't know.

Kyon opened his mouth, ready to question Koizumi's enigmatic words, but- as it was so wont to doing- fate got in the way.

_Beep beep beep_

More like, his cell phone.

With narrowed eyes, frustrated, Kyon flipped his cell phone and looked at the screen. The name 'Pain in the Ass' flashed on the LCD screen.

_Well, what do you know?_

_Speak of the devil…_

Kyon pressed the cell against his ear wearily. He was just about to say 'hello', when the commanding voice at the other end of the line cut him off. He didn't even manage the first syllable of his planned greeting; a 'hhhh' trailed in the air, before Kyon gave up on a 'hello' and sighed.

"Hey, Kyon! Meet me at the usual place in, like, ten minutes, okay? Bring money! Don't forget!"

_Why is she shouting at me?_

_I'm only on the other end of the line, but geez, with that tone of voice you'd think I was on the moon!_

_Good grief._

"Hey, wait," said Kyon, but it was futile.

Haruhi ploughed on, regardless.

_I really should know by now that telling Haruhi to 'wait' is like telling the Earth to stop spinning._

"Don't you 'hey, wait' me!" Haruhi yelled. Her commands were so authoritative, she sounded like a sergeant major; Kyon half expected her to instruct him to go into battle. "You heard what I said, so do it!"

_Yeah, life doesn't work that way._

_If you asked me to gouge my eyes out with a spatula for your own amusement, I don't think 'just do it!' would be reason enough._

_You've got to have some logic._

"I don't really understand. What do you want, exactly?" Kyon asked, bracing himself for another onslaught of abuse.

True to her nature, Haruhi was only too happy to meet his expectations.

"Do I have to spell everything out for you, Kyon? You're such an _idiot_."

_Well, excuse me for having common sense._

"Just do what I said. If you don't, I'll cut you."_._

"Can you really say things like that?"

"I say whatever I damn well want. Now get over here! Your brigade leader demands your company! Don't make me wait anymore!"

_Ow._

Her voice was so loud, Kyon could practically feel the exclamation points digging into his cochlea. He had to hold the cell phone away from his head, for fear of going permanently deaf.

There was a pause. At first, Kyon thought Haruhi'd hung up- but, no.

A sigh.

"Man," said Haruhi softly. Kyon could hear the pout in her words; see the melancholic expression on her face. "You don't understand _anything_, Kyon."

"What?"

At once, Haruhi's voice snapped back to its normal tones.

"If you don't get it now, you never will! Now get your ass over here, I hate waiting! Who do you think I am anyway? Like I'd hang around for _you_."

_Click._

Kyon stared down at his cell phone as though it were a rabid animal that had just bitten him.

_What did I do to piss her off?_

_I only said about five words to her._

He shook his head, snapped his cell phone closed, and put it back in his pocket.

_Whatever._

_Like Haruhi needs a _reason _to be irrational._

_Trying to figure out how her head works is like trying to complete a white, thousand piece jigsaw puzzle whilst drunk, with your eyes closed, with both hands tied behind your back. Impossible, and waste of time._

"Miss Suzuimya certainly sounded energetic," said Koizumi, head propped up by his hands, elbows resting on the table. He smiled. "It must be nice, having someone that cares about you so much."

Kyon rolled his eyes. "Yeah. Because being bossed around by Haruhi is _such _a lovely experience. You could hear her shouting all the way across the room- how is that friendly?"

"She just has a unique way of expressing her feelings. I must say, I'm a little jealous."

"Jealous? Of me and _Haruhi_?"

All of a sudden, a Thought descended upon Kyon; a Thought of such weight and magnitude it deserved capital letters. In fact, it was more of a Revelation- one that, suddenly, made Koizumi's strange behaviour make some kind of sense.

"Koizumi."

"Hn?"

"You don't..." Kyon paused, wondering if he should say anything. Was it too personal? But, whatever. Koizumi frequently broke the social rules others adhered by; he was _always _standing too close to Kyon, going off on boring monologues, smiling that smile that was nothing more than a lie.

"Koizumi, you don't _like _Haruhi, do you?" Kyon asked bluntly.

But Koizumi didn't look flustered, or surprised, or even slightly affected by his hypothesis. Instead, he tilted his head to one side, and said, "Really? Have I been giving off that impression?"

"Kind of. Sometimes." Kyon shrugged. "You seem to act strangely when it comes to Haruhi, and then you said you were jealous…"

"Well, I do like her. She's hard not to like." Smile, smile. "But I'm afraid I don't see her as anything more than a friend."

"Huh… Is that it, then?"

Kyon surveyed Koizumi suspiciously.

_If that's not it, then what is he hiding from me?_

_Unless he's lying._

_But for some reason, it doesn't sound like a lie._

"Don't you think you should go and meet Miss Suzumiya now?" Koizumi asked presently. "You'll upset her if you're too late."

"And don't I know it."

Kyon got to his feet, and made his way to the door- but, just before he left, he turned, and pointed an accusing finger at Koizumi.

"You."

"Yes?"

"Don't do anything stupid."

"What do you mean? I certainly don't know~" said Koizumi cheerily, grinning.

"Yeah, like hell you don't," said Kyon, scoffing. "I mean, don't get into any fights with any more supernatural creatures with weird, world-warping powers. That includes those weird blue giants-"

"Shinjin."

"-and anything else that could beat you into next month. Okay?"

"So no more heroic escapades for me, then?" asked Koizumi.

Kyon shook his head. "Not until you get better."

"Oh~ What a pity."

"You'll get over it."

"If Kyon's worrying about my health, I suppose I have no choice but to listen," said Koizumi, absentmindedly brushing a few strands out of hair out of his face. At that moment in time, his smile looked especially beatific; so much so, Kyon felt he had to look away- it was bordering on dazzling. Kyon felt he'd need sunglasses to stare directly at that expression.

"Yeah, that's right. Listen to me. I'm the only one with any common sense," said Kyon snippily. He tried to keep his tones steady, unaffected- but there was something about Koizumi's smile that was making him feel distinctly off-kilter.

Koizumi laughed softly. "You're probably right."

"Of course I am."

Kyon paused at the door, scuffing his shoes, and then-

"See you later, Koizumi. T-thanks for letting me stay."

_And letting someone worry about you._

_Even if you piss me off sometimes._

_No, scratch that; most of the time._

And, with that, Kyon left. He didn't even stay to hear Koizumi's reply.

He slammed the door behind him with more force than necessary.

* * *

"You're late! Penalty!"

"How could I be late?" Kyon asked, stung at the injustice of Haruhi's words. "I'm the only one meeting you, and you were already here before I set off!"

"It's simple," said Haruhi, speaking with the air of a school teacher explaining something very simple to a stupid child. "I was the first person here, and you are the last, so you are late, and you will be punished. You got that?"

Kyon winced. He didn't like that tone of voice, but what could he do about it?

_I can't be bothered to argue with her today. Not over something this trivial._

He sighed, and took a seat facing Haruhi. Resting his head on his arm, elbow propped up on the table, he murmured a quiet, "whatever."

He knew, better than anyone, that it was pointless arguing with Haruhi.

Not that it hadn't stopped him before.

Right now, though, he was feeling exceptionally listless.

It was probably the heat.

Following Haruhi's urgent summons, Kyon had run home at the speed of light to get changed. He doubted Haruhi would be impressed if he came to see her wearing the same outfit he'd worn yesterday, complete with grass stains and the odd speckled patch of Koizumi's blood. (Koizumi had been bleeding an awful lot lately- it was most aggravating.)

Then again, who knew? Maybe Haruhi would find the rumpled, slept-in attire _interesting_.

Kyon really didn't get Haruhi sometimes.

After he'd thrown on a new set of clothes- the first clean shirt and pair of jeans he'd been able to get his hands on- he'd hastily left his house, and ran back to the café to meet his irritable Brigade leader.

Of course, all the running had rendered the change of clothes completely pointless- now, Kyon felt all hot and sweaty and distinctly uncomfortable.

_Urgh._

_Why does Japan have to be so damn hot?_

_I feel like a popsicle left out in the sun, melting slowly, painstakingly…_

Face flushed, breathing in hot, uncomfortable air, Kyon took hold of the neckline of his shirt, and began to tug at it absentmindedly; anything to cool down!

Haruhi sat watching him, arms folded, that gloomy little frown on her face.

"Don't do that," she barked suddenly. She was so loud, in fact, that a nearby waitress jumped, and nearly dropped her tray of plates and cups. Kyon didn't blame her. Haruhi scared him sometimes, too.

"What? What I am I doing now?" Kyon asked tiredly.

"That!"

"You're gonna have to be more specific."

Haruhi scowled, and flipped a few strands of chocolate hair behind her shoulder. The action was far more aggressive than it should've been.

"I mean, stop tearing at your clothes in public! People are _staring_."

"If people are staring, I'm sure it's because you're making so much noise."

"You can be as idiosistic-"

_That doesn't even make sense._

_If you're not Shakespeare or Dr. Seuss, you can't just invent your own words like that._

"-as you want, but look- there! Right THERE!" Haruhi reached across the table, and grabbed hold of Kyon's head. With that freakish strength no normal high school should've possessed, Haruhi twisted Kyon's cranium about so he was looking out of the window.

Kyon stared blankly at the rather insipid scene before him; side walk, traffic, people… Just your average day, really.

What was Haruhi getting so worked up about?

"…I don't get it," said Kyon, after a pause. "And would you mind letting go of me?"

Haruhi ignored him. Instead, she jabbed the index finger of her spare hand at the window.

"Don't you see, Kyon? Look! That girl is _totally _checking you out!"

"If someone was, I think I'd notice-"

And then, Kyon saw her.

She was a rather pretty, with blonde hair and a shy smile. She wasn't quite as gorgeous as Mikuru (naturally), but definitely out of Kyon's league.

Instinctively, he turned around, to see if there were any handsome men behind him- but no (not unless the blonde girl considered elderly, balding men the pinnacle of beauty).

Then, for a few moments, Kyon wondered if it were Haruhi the girl was peeking at so furtively- but he quickly dismissed that thought. It wasn't that Haruhi was ugly, but her current face was one that screamed 'I'll rip off your skin and I will enjoy it!'; certainly not an expression even the most masochistic of people would find alluring.

_Ed Gein, eat your heart out._

_You have _nothing _on Haruhi when it comes to insanity._

_Nothing_.

Kyon couldn't help but feel flattered a girl like that was interested in him.

Usually, Kyon hung out with Taniguchi (who, despite his delusions, was a real turn-off for any girls who didn't like lecherous perverts ((which was most of them))) or Koizumi (who was so _irritatingly_ good looking any girls naturally gravitated towards him, instead of Kyon).

Thus, Kyon wasn't used to such attention.

It wasn't that he was unattractive, or anything; it was more to do with the bizarre company he kept, that naturally made members of the fairer sex wary.

The last two girls who'd shown an interest in Kyon (Emiri and Ryoko) turned out to be psychotic killers; their 'interest' in Kyon had been limited to 'I wonder how it'll look when he bleeds to death?' Which wasn't remotely romantic.

Kyon certainly didn't remember Juliet thinking about Romeo, at any rate.

_Dear God, I hope this girl isn't going to be my next enemy. I don't think Koizumi can handle playing the human shield any more._

_And it would be really, really bad for my self esteem, knowing girls are only trying to get close to me to murder me._

Haruhi grit her teeth, and growled.

"Girls like that piss me off so much," she said, (finally) removing her hand from Kyon's head.

"Why? She wasn't doing anything wrong."

"Yeah, but she can't look at you like that. Not when I'm with you! It's so rude and inconsiderate."

_You're the _last_ person who should be talking about manners, Haruhi._

But, despite Haruhi's flawed logic, Kyon couldn't help but feel touched. Despite the coating of poison that covered her words, there was some real compassion hidden in there- very, _very _deep down.

Despite her outlandish attitude and huge personality, Haruhi was still a normal girl.

A normal girl who was, sometimes, believe it or not, self conscious about herself- no matter what her normal persona would lead you to believe.

_So she was jealous, huh?_

_That's quite sweet, for Haruhi._

"Don't worry, I'm not interested in her," said Kyon.

"Like I care," said Haruhi forcefully."I don't want any girl getting a crush on someone as stupid as you, Kyon- I imagine she'd be very disappointed once she realised how boring you are."

True to her nature, she just _had_ to dig Kyon with a poisonous barb, after displaying her softer side.

_I really don't get that._

_It's like she _wants _people to hate her._

"Oh, thanks," said Kyon sarcastically.

Haruhi gave a small, mischievous smile. That face always worried Kyon, because it made it look like she was about to do something illegal.

Nevertheless, the smile was better than the pout.

And it was certainly better than her angry face.

That angry face of Haruhi's was high octane nightmare fuel if ever Kyon had seen it- even worse, in some respects, than gory horror movies, because, unlike a horror movie, Haruhi could physically hurt you.

"It seems a little hypocritical, though," Kyon remarked.

"What?"

"I mean, you're getting worked up over me doing this-" Kyon tugged at his shirt again (it really was _very _hot), "-but you had no problems wearing that bunny girl costume, and you keep trying to undress Miss Asahina."

Haruhi waved one hand dismissively. "That's different~"

"Why is it?"

"Because girls undressing other girls is sexy!"

At Haruhi's enthusiastic proclamation, all eyes in the café- even those of the old men- seemed to turn on them. Haruhi, being Haruhi, was completely unaware of the attention, or maybe she just felt no shame. Kyon, on the other hand, was beginning to feel rather uncomfortable.

"Are you really sure you can say things like that?" Kyon asked.

_And so _loudly, _too…_

"I'm just stating the facts," said Haruhi.

"But stating them in such a way could get us thrown out."

"No way~ We've been coming here too long," said Haruhi, confident as always.

_You may say that, but some of the maids are looking very strangely at you. Of course, you don't care about other people's opinions, do you? I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing._

"Hey!"

Kyon blinked in alarm, as a finger nearly poked out of his left eye. At some point during his musings, Haruhi had gotten to her feet, and was leant over the table, staring at Kyon intently.

_I forgot I can't let my guard down around Haruhi._

_Otherwise, she does things like _this_._

_Whatever 'this' is meant to be._

"What?" Kyon asked, feeling a little dazed, and worried for the safety of his vision.

"Don't space out on me!" Haruhi reprimanded, (thankfully) sitting back down. As her behind hit the chair, her trademark yellow ribbons bounced softly in her hair. "I asked you what you wanted to drink!"

Momentarily, Kyon was stunned at the implications of this question.

"Does that mean you're going to order for me?" Kyon asked, hardly daring to believe his luck.

Haruhi snorted derisively, and gave Kyon a malevolent glare.

"No. Why would I do that?"

"Then don't ask me misleading questions!"

_You actually got my hopes up then._

_Although… What did I expect?_

* * *

"This cake is delicious! Don't you think so, Kyon?~"

"It would taste better if I wasn't the one paying for it."

"Don't sweat the details," said Haruhi, waving her fork in the air. "Just enjoy it!"

_It's kind of hard to enjoy something that cost so much, though… Especially since you ordered my food for me! I didn't even have a choice._

_Well, at least we're the only two here._

_If I had to pay for the rest of the SOS Brigade, I'd be completely broke by now._

_Speaking of which…_

"Hey, Haruhi. Why didn't you invite the others?" asked Kyon.

At this, Haruhi's eyes narrowed. That dangerous look was back again- the one that made Kyon fear for his immediate safety.

"I don't _have_ to have them with me all the time," said Haruhi. She gave Kyon an accusatory glare, and pointed the fork between his eyes. "Besides, you'd be too busy staring at Mikuru's boobs to pay attention!"

"That's not true," Kyon protested. However, it was a feeble excuse. He knew, in his heart of hearts, Haruhi was right.

Then again, who _didn't _stare at Mikuru's cleavage?

It was mesmerising, kind of like a black hole- your eyes were automatically drawn to it.

It didn't help that Haruhi kept forcing her into all kinds of revealing outfits. Honestly, didn't she realise what kind of paralysing effect that maid attire could have on a normal guy?

Mikuru was so cute, it was a serious distraction!

"Whatever," said Haruhi, stabbing her fork against her plate. The whole table seemed to shake at this sudden display of violence. The cake crumbs on Haruhi's plate leapt about a foot in the air and scattered themselves across the floor, the table top. Some even landed in Haruhi's hair. She didn't notice. Or, if she did, she didn't care.

Kyon felt himself wince at this herculean display.

_How the hell did she get so strong anyway?_

_It's making me ever-so-slightly (now _there's _an understatement if ever there was one) fearful for my life!_

"It's just not fair," said Haruhi, after a short pause. She let her head fall into her hands, and stared moodily out of the window. The picture of disillusioned youth- that was Haruhi.

"What's not fair?" Kyon asked, somewhat tentatively.

"Life," said Haruhi simply. "It's so _boring._ Even after we went to the cemetery, nothing happened. Not a ghost or a zombie or _anything_! Is that really too much to ask? Why does the world have to be so normal? Why can't it ever listen to me?"

Haruhi's tones should've been angry, but they lacked the energy.

Instead, she sounded tired.

Tired and disappointed.

_Oh, Haruhi. If only you knew, _thought Kyon.

_Is this a case of dramatic irony? Here's Haruhi Suzumiya- perhaps the most powerful being in the universe- complaining about her life being _dull_, when me- the regular guy who got roped into this crazy stuff without consent- has seen aliens and time travellers and espers and sliders and freaking _undead zombie armies of the apocalypse.

_I didn't want to see that._

_I didn't ask to see that!_

_So why am I the one who knows about it, instead of Haruhi?_

_Just another example of life being unfair, I guess._

Kyon thought about saying something to comfort Haruhi, but she cut him off before he'd even opened his mouth.

"What happened to you and Koizumi, anyway?" she asked, lifting her head up from table to shoot Kyon a suspicious glare.

At once, Kyon was struck with a ridiculous notion;

_She knows!_

_She knows I stayed at his house, and slept in the same bed as him and…_

_And Jesus Christ, that sounds wrong, even in my own head!_

_Nothing happened!_

_I _know _nothing happened!_

_So why am I getting these weird images in my head?_

"Wipe that stupid look off your face," said Haruhi bleakly. "I meant, why did you two leave early yesterday? I didn't mean anything else." Her eyes narrowed. "Unless you're hiding something from me."

_Oh…_

Kyon breathed a sigh of relief.

_Of course that's what she meant._

_I guess I must be more shaken about Koizumi than I thought, considering _that _was the first thing my mind jumped to._

_Stupid fucking esper, with his ability to get inside my head._

_He's one of those people that can piss you off even when you're not in the same room as him._

"Sorry, I just spaced out there for a second," said Kyon, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head.

Haruhi raised a brow. "Not checking out any pretty waitresses, were you?"

"No. Where would you get that idea?"

_Like any of the girls here could compare to Mikuru._

"Good." Haruhi sat upright, and shot Kyon a dark look. "Now, tell me. Why did you and Koizumi leave early? You ruined my plan!"

"I thought Tsuraya told you."

"She did."

"Then why…?"

But the expression on Haruhi's face was enough to shut Kyon up.

It was such a shame, he thought. Haruhi was one of the prettiest girls he knew. She spoilt herself by forcing that unappealing, grumpy, 'I am too good for the rest of humanity' expression all the time. It was such a waste of good looks.

She had the opposite problem to Koizumi. He couldn't stop smiling and she couldn't stop scowling.

At least, that was her usual expression around Kyon.

_Honestly, why do I have to deal with this? Was this part of the unwritten contract I made when I joined the SOS Brigade? Was it mentioned to me at any point that I'd have to put up with Haruhi's mood swings?_

_Not to mention the fact that these mood swings can and will trigger the end of the world at any given point!_

_Haruhi can actually be _pleasant _sometimes, but you sure as hell wouldn't know it looking at her now!_

_It's like she's __trying__ to make me dislike her!_

_Is this something all girls to guys they like, or is Haruhi just a special case?_

Kyon had a sneaking suspicion it was the latter.

"Alright then, whatever you want. I'll tell you. Even though Tsuraya already did. I can draw you a diagram on these serviettes, too, if you want," said Kyon tiredly, though his sarcastic bite was still present in the tones.

"Don't talk to me like that! I'm your Brigade Leader!" Haruhi slammed her palms on the tabletop so hard, the plates and cups rattled.

_I'm going to take that as a 'no' about the diagram, then._

"Me and Koizumi were looking round, like you told us to," Kyon began to explain. "But then our flashlight turned off, and I couldn't find the spare batteries. Koizumi tripped over something- I don't know what, didn't think to ask- and I guess he sprained his ankle, because he couldn't walk. Probably hit his head or something, too. Tsuraya and Yuki found us, and they helped me get Koizumi to his feet, and I took him back to his house. Does that satisfy you?"

Haruhi gave her strange pout, and began to unmindfully chase stray cake crumbs about her plate with her fork. Kyon watched as she littered the floor and tabletop with a sticky, crumbly, chocolatey mess.

"It's weird that Koizumi fell over, though," said Haruhi.

"People do it all the time. There's nothing weird about that."

"Yeah, but he doesn't look the type. He looks too cool to lose his balance like that," said Haruhi thoughtfully, still scraping the prongs of her fork against the plate.

Kyon couldn't help but wince at the sound. It was like fingernails scraping against a blackboard. He was sorely tempted to reach out and take the fork away from her; except, of course, she might try to stab him in the eye with it.

"It was dark outside, Haruhi."

"I don't care! It still sounds suspicious."

"Why would I lie to you about something like this? I'd have no reason," Kyon lied.

_Yeah, like I can tell her Emiri Kimidori (the adorable, well-mannered, soft-spoken Emiri Kimidori; _that girl_) turned Koizumi into a human kebab._

_Hell, _I _wouldn't believe a story like that, if I hadn't seen it myself._

"But whenever anyone screws up, it's usually you. So it's surprising," said Haruhi bluntly.

"Oh gee, _thanks_," said Kyon darkly, a little stung at Haruhi's words.

_Why does she always single _me _out?_

_Is it some sign of affection?_

_Should I be happy?_

"Do you know if Koizumi'll be alright for the next SOS Brigade meeting?" asked Haruhi. Despite the breezy tone to her words, Kyon thought he could detect some genuine concern in there. It was disguised under apathy, but it was still _there_.

"I don't know," said Kyon. "He didn't injure himself too badly." A lie.

Kyon shuddered from the mere memory of those awful purple and green welts on Koizumi's skin.

"However, I think he caught some bug from staying outside in such freezing weather. Like, a cold, or something." Kyon shrugged, tried to sound more unconcerned than he actually was. "Maybe flu."

"Humph." Haruhi sighed, and folded her arms. "Figues."

* * *

"Alright, mindless subordinate! Make sure you come to the SOS Brigade meeting tomorrow after school! Your life is on the line here, understand?"

_Mindless subordinate?_

_Is that supposed to be me?_

"Of course, duh," said Haruhi, in a very blasé, matter-of-fact way. "You should feel flattered I consider you a subordinate at all! I'm not sure you deserve even _that _title. Though, I could always relegate you to the SOS Brigade's pet or something. Hmn~ Now that sounds like a role more suited for you!"

At this, Haruhi began to giggle to herself.

_I don't even want to know what she's thinking about._

_Good grief._

_What a pain._

…_Huh. I never noticed before, but I say 'good grief' an awful lot, don't I?_

"Who died and made you God?" Kyon murmured mutinously under his breath.

"I've always been the most important person in the universe, stupid!" Haruhi declared, throwing her arms out, trying to make herself look bigger (and, therefore, better) than Kyon.

Sadly, Kyon was only too aware of the truth in Haruhi's words. Even she hadn't realised it herself.

The cheerily(? Kyon really wasn't sure what he'd class their relationship as anymore. Was he happy when he was with Haruhi? Annoyed? Confused? Maybe all of them?) bickering duo were stood outside, waiting by the train tracks that signalled the division of their opposing paths home. A gentle breeze was playing through the trees, making them sway. The ribbons in Haruhi's hair were being tossed about gently, and the bottom of her yellow sundress swirled about her legs.

It was beginning to get late. The sky, which had been so bright blue and cloudless that morning, was now swiftly becoming navy.

After their stint at the café, Haruhi had insisted on Kyon taking her shopping. Kyon had been unable to fathom the reason- this was just another example of Haruhi's curious nature. The shopping excursion had been a complete waste of time, anyway. Haruhi hadn't even bought anything, apart from a skirt that Kyon had complimented her on.

Had there been any point to the shopping, really?

Haruhi didn't seem like the type of person who'd be content to buy clothes when there were aliens, espers and sliders to look for. Shopping was a completely normal activity for her, which instantly made it weird.

"Anyway, make sure you turn up for the meeting," Haruhi reiterated. "If Koizumi's still sick and can't come, everyone'll have to be doubly as energetic to make up for it!"

_A doubly energetic Haruhi?_

_How will she manage that? Live on a new, strict regime of Red Bull and crystal meth?_

…_I'm rather frightened by that mental image._

_The world isn't ready for such a disaster!_

_Screw the 2012 apocalypse, _this _will be what_ finally_ brings the world to its premature demise!_

"But-" Kyon began, hoping to voice some of his sensibilities. However, Haruhi cut across him, as she always did whenever Kyon felt he really had to make a point.

"No excuses! Or…" Haruhi formed a gun with her fingers, and pointed it at Kyon's forehead. "Bang!" She drew her fingers away and began to smirk dangerously.

"Alright, I get it, I get it," said Kyon tiredly. "If I don't turn up 'heads will roll', right?"

"That terminology relates to guillotines, Kyon," Haruhi corrected. "Really, your stupidity is too much for a normal human to take."

"With you, it all means the same thing. Either way, you'll make my life miserable if I don't do what you say."

"Exactly!" said Haruhi brightly, her face lighting up like a candle. She beamed. "I'm glad to see you understand the situation."

_It's true._

_When she smiles, she really does look so much better._

At Haruhi's earnest expression, Kyon couldn't help but give a small, barely-there smile of his own.

_So Haruhi _can _be cute, after all…_

"Hey. Kyon."

Haruhi spoke so softly, she barely sounded like herself. Kyon had to strain his ears to hear her words; they were almost blotted out of existence by the soft sounds of wind through the trees and the melancholy chirps of just-awakened crickets.

For whatever reason, Kyon felt a chill run down his spine.

Since when had he ever shared such a tender moment with Haruhi?

Haruhi just wasn't suited for atmospheric scenes like this; she was too loud, too boisterous, too commanding, simply far too _Haruhi_.

Who was this girl stood a little ways in front of Kyon, facing away from him? Who was this quiet, soft-spoken person? Kyon half-expected that, when she turned round, that her face would be completely different- that this would prove to be a completely different person. Some kind of joke.

But her features were exactly the same.

It was still Haruhi.

Her attitude was strange, but there was no mistaking it was Haruhi Suzumiya stood before Kyon.

The expression on her face, though, was completely different to anything Kyon had seen Haruhi wear before. However, it wasn't completely alien. Kyon did recognise it, if not from Haruhi, then from somebody else.

Had he seen it before?

It did look just a little familiar.

"Kyon, do you think I'm wasting my time?" Haruhi asked.

A simple question.

_Really?_

Because Kyon stood there, looking at Haruhi, hands at his sides, and he couldn't think of what to say, how to reply, what to do. Haruhi's unanswered question hung in the air, needing an answer, and Kyon couldn't provide one.

Kyon felt like he was back in a classroom. A teacher had asked him a difficult question, and he knew a lot rested on his answer, but he had no idea what to say.

Besides, Haruhi's question was far too vague.

Was she talking about espers? Sliders? Time travellers? Robots? Those all seemed fairly standard Haruhi questions. Except… if that had been the case, would her nature be so drastically different from per norm?

Haruhi was normally so straight-forward. Why choose _now _to suddenly become cryptic and subtle?

'Subtle' and 'Haruhi Suzumiya' were two words that should never belong in the same sentence.

Haruhi was about as subtle as a kick to the head most of the time.

And still, that expression was bugging Kyon.

He knew it.

He was sure he did.

_Where have I seen it before?_

Haruhi sighed, and turned her head away again. She was still the teacher- disappointed that her chosen student couldn't live up to her expectations and provide a metaphor.

She stared ahead blankly. Her eyes were concentrated on the parallel train tracks, as though it was the most captivating sight she'd ever seen.

An empty soft drink can rolled along the floor, pushed by the breeze.

A few birds flew overhead.

It was quiet.

Too quiet, to use that hackneyed, cliché expression.

"It doesn't matter," said Haruhi after a pause. She shook her head. The trademark yellow ribbons bobbed gently.

Then, Haruhi gave a small laugh. But it wasn't a happy laugh.

"You really are _stupid_, Kyon."

And then, suddenly, Kyon knew.

He knew that expression.

Haruhi's words had prompted his brain. They stirred some electrical energy in his receptors, diffused chemical impulses across synapses, triggered the motor neurone into action. Was that how it worked? Kyon didn't know, biology had never been his strong point.

Whatever.

Either way, a switch had suddenly been flicked in Kyon's brain.

Haruhi had looked and sounded just like _Koizumi_.

Kyon could remember the esper's words from yesterday, even if the esper claimed _he _couldn't (which, knowing Koizumi, was probably a lie. Just like his permanently smiling face; it was another falsity used to hide his true feelings).

_"I did save you… for Miss Suzumiya. It is crucial that she remains happy, no matter what the cost. But… but that… It wasn't the only reason I, um… Acted so irrationally. Personally, I… I-I also didn't want to… to see you get hurt."_

That was what Koizumi had said.

And then, after that;

_"Ignore that. It's not important."_

But it was. Koizumi, for all his love of talking and philosophy and psychology and confusing speeches, wasn't really one to waste words. Even if Kyon felt he talked far, far too much, he only raised these points if he thought they were relevant.

Koizumi wouldn't have said anything if it hadn't been pressing on his mind.

Neither would he have been so quick to deny he said anything at all, if it truly meant nothing.

Koizumi had been trying to tell Kyon something.

And now, it seemed, Haruhi was trying to tell him something, too.

The same thing?

Or was it different?

Kyon didn't know.

He was sick of not knowing.

_How can I be so good at deducing Haruhi's emotions from her expressions, but I can't figure out what she's feeling _now_?_

_Haruhi might (surprisingly enough) have a point this time._

_Am I being stupid?_

"I'm sure, if I keep believing, I'll see ghosts someday," said Haruhi. Her voice remained unnaturally quiet.

With her head tilted back, eyes to the sky, it looked as though she was searching for something. If that 'something' happened to be clouds or birds, she was in luck- there was an abundance of both. However, Kyon felt she was looking for something far more metaphorical and poetic, like her 'soul' or her 'heart' or some other bullshit Kyon really didn't believe in at all.

"But sometimes, even I begin to feel tired," said Haruhi. "Funny, isn't it?"

"I never would've known."

"Haha. I know. You see, sometimes even I wonder about maybe… Maybe giving in. Maybe it really is pointless to keep looking after all. And I start to think 'is this a waste of time'?"

"Haruhi…"

Kyon reached his hand out, as if to take her by the shoulder. He couldn't do it, though. His fingers hovered uselessly in the air.

He didn't say anything.

Was that the right thing to do?

Haruhi clenched her hand into a fist, and spun round. Her face was set, determined; Kyon couldn't help but think she looked rather heroic like that.

Her hair fanning out behind her, Haruhi declared, "But its stupid doubting yourself! I can't sit around and be unhappy! Nothing will change then! So I'll be cheerful, and never give in, no matter what other people think or say, or even if I have second thoughts about it myself! Being hopeful is the only way to have an interesting life!"

Her voice was pulsating with energy. Her face was bright, her eyes lit up.

This was the Haruhi Kyon knew.

The Haruhi that, despite his negative comments, he liked the most.

Grinning, she placed her hands behind her back, leant forwards, and peered up at Kyon's face.

"You look so stupid, Kyon~" she said teasingly.

"H-hey!"

_How do you expect me to react after an emotional whiplash moment like _that_?_

_It's almost as if there are two separate people here, and I only knew one of them!_

_Sure, she was moody and antisocial when we first met, but it wasn't _anything _like that quietly depressed, hollow girl I saw just a few seconds ago. Even before Haruhi cut her hair and started the SOS Brigade, she still had spirit, and hopes- but _that_ Haruhi from five seconds looked completely crushed! It was like she had no aspirations or dreams left!_

_It was like she suddenly grew up, and became an adult._

_Everyone else I know already left their childish dreams behind._

_Koizumi and Mikuru exist only to keep Haruhi happy. And did Nagato ever have any hopes to begin with? Does she even know what 'hope' is? Is it an emotion she's capable of feeling?_

_And I stopped believing in espers and sliders when I was my little sister's age._

_But not Haruhi._

_She's so carefree, self-assured and confident in everything she does._

_If she lost hope, she'd be a completely different girl._

"Ah, it's okay. I'm used to your lack of perception," said Haruhi, sniggering. She drew back to her full height, and began to twirl her finger in mid-air as she made a strange, convoluted point. "If you weren't an idiot, you wouldn't be Kyon. You might as well be a picket fence. Or an orange. And I don't like oranges very much. Not as much as I like Kyons, anyway~"

"Even though I'm 'boring' and 'ordinary'?" Kyon asked, quoting Haruhi on at least a dozen different occasions.

Haruhi smiled fondly.

"Even so."

Silence stretched out between them again, though it was not a vast gulf like before.

It was calm.

Peaceful.

'Peaceful' was another word that, typically, did not go hand in hand with Kyon's image of Haruhi.

She really was acting strangely.

Generally, Haruhi's appearance heralded noise, stress, pain and headaches.

Now, she was much more subdued.

In the distance, Kyon could hear the sound of a train, though he couldn't deduce how far away it was.

More litter, stirred by the wind, blew past their feet. It was strewn across the road, like leaves from fall.

How scenic.

"Kyon."

Kyon looked up at the sound of his name.

Haruhi had turned away from him again. Her expression was lost of Kyon, but he could gauge it fairly well from her tone of voice.

The crickets in the background were still chirping.

The atmosphere was becoming heavy again; almost as crushing as closed space.

"What?" Kyon managed to sound indifferent. He didn't want Haruhi to know he cared half as much as he did, or she'd surely use it to her advantage. Haruhi was already able to monopolise most of his money; he'd go completely bankrupt if she learnt how to manipulate his emotions.

_I swear, I really am too nice._

_Especially to people like her._

"Do you think, if I keep looking, I'll find aliens, or espers? They do exist, don't they?"

Haruhi snorted.

Scuffed her feet against the floor.

"Why am I asking you? You're an idiot. I don't care about your opinion."

"Haruhi…"

"You _do _care about the SOS Brigade, don't you?" Haruhi asked. Her eyes were still resolutely fixed dead ahead. Her hands clenched into fists at her sides. "You care about… About…"

Haruhi left her question hanging.

_What does she want to ask?_

_What is this all about?_

"Huh. You wouldn't bother coming if weren't for Mikuru, isn't that right?" Haruhi's words were no longer soft, light. They were cold; each syllable wriggled under Kyon's skin, piercing flesh like needles. Haruhi's tone was less a question, more a statement.

She had made her mind up already as to how everything stood.

"That's not true," said Kyon.

Truly, he didn't know why he came to the SOS Brigade at all. Their activities were boring and pointless, and it seemed Haruhi may be realising that too. Maybe that was what her bizarre attitude had been spawned from? Disappointment?

"But Mikuru _is _pretty," said Haruhi. "Don't you think?"

"Well, obviously. But-"

"So I'm right, then? I've been sure, for a while, it's not… Well." Haruhi turned around, hands on her hips. She tilted her head. Smirked. "It doesn't matter! I don't even care."

_Huh…?_

That _strange mini-drama diffused pretty quickly._

All of a sudden, Haruhi started forwards- Kyon flinched, stepped back, but not far back enough- as Haruhi spun elegantly, and punched Kyon in the stomach.

Haruhi's brutish strength was a surprise, even though Kyon had first-hand experience of it. It felt like he'd been by a wrecking ball; the air was driven out of his lungs, and he staggered backwards, arms wrapped protectively round his middle, glaring at Haruhi.

"What was _that _for?"

"You had a stupid expression on your face!" Haruhi countered, brows furrowed, eyes narrowed. "Looking at it pissed me off!"

_But you can't go around __hurting people__ for things like that, Haruhi! That's what murderers do! And violence is not a solution! Couldn't you just _talk to me _like a civilised member of society for a few seconds? Or was this just some other way of 'displaying affection' on Planet Haruhi that I'm obviously not familiar with?_

_Screw Valentine's Day chocolates- splintering the ribs of the lucky person you really like is the way to go!_

_Maybe that's why girls don't seem interested in me; I haven't been abusing them enough._

…_That's an awful, awful way of looking at human relationships._

_I feel kind of guilty just _thinking_ like that._

Unfortunately (or maybe it was fortunate for Kyon's remaining, in-tact ribs), Kyon was in far too much pain to say any of that. Instead, he settled for a dazed, pained, "w-what?"

It seemed to get his message across.

"I am your Brigade Leader! I'm higher up than you on the social food chain, you got it?" Haruhi asked, pointing an accusatory finger in Kyon's face. It was becoming an annoying habit of hers. "If I catch you looking at me in that pitying way ever again, I'll totally kick your ass and make you cry! That is a promise! And I keep my promises!"

Haruhi scowled and turned away. Her expression was dark.

"You're such an idiot."

"But you like me even so?"

It was probably a dangerous thing to say, but it was the first thing that came into Kyon's head.

"Somebody has to! I don't understand how you can be so, so… Argh!" Haruhi threw her arms akimbo, very nearly decapitating Kyon in the process.

"I'm going home!" Haruhi suddenly snapped. "Make sure you come to the Brigade meeting tomorrow, or you'll be sorry! You're dismissed!"

And, with that, Haruhi stalked off.

Even her _back_ looked menacing; Kyon shuddered to think of her expression.

Then, in a roar of noise, the train Kyon had heard earlier finally appeared. It split between him and Haruhi like some giant metaphorical rift.

When it finally disappeared so, too, had Haruhi.

Kyon's feelings of confusion, however, remained.

* * *

**a.n/ **Jesus Christ this is a huge chapter o_-  
In a normal story of mine this would equal, what, about seven chapters? XD  
I feel kind of awed now, because in other stories when I encounter chapters this long I'm always like 'HOW DID THEY DO IT? I COULD NEVER DO THAT!' So I feel kind of happy to have managed something so long myself c:

This story needed more focus on the Haruhi/Kyon relationship to make the final part of this story run smoothly, sorry if you don't like me focusing on Haruhi? XD But I like her character. I think it's interesting :3 I hope she's IC-ish enough –sweatdrop- I don't want to just make her seem to be a heartless bitch all the time! O:

Writing the final part of this chapter, I listened to deco*27 songs over and over and overrrr again XD They're amazing. I like 'Goodbye my Ai', 'Ai Kotoba', 'Ai + K= Aki' (notice a theme here? XD), 'Shinkai Summit', 'Dummy Dummy' and 'Cowardly Mont Blanc' the most, derp :3

If the next chapter proves to be this long, I really have no idea how long it will take to write XD –is shot-

**renahhchen xoxoxo**


	21. 20: Not to be Melodramatic, but

**It's a Romantic True Love Conquest, Haruhi-Chan!**

* * *

Chapter Twenty:  
_Not to Be Melodramatic, but Death is Totally Imminent!_

* * *

"Checkmate."

"Urgh. Not again."

Kyon could only sigh, as Yuki Nagato stared back at him from the other side of the table. Her face was blank and empty as usual, almost as cold as liquid nitrogen. It felt like her razor-sharp gaze was boring a hole in his head. Suddenly, Kyon felt like he was under a microscope; what if she could straight through his head?

_Huh._

_Maybe _that's _how she beat me all those other times._

_That's so unfair._

"Would you like to play again?" Nagato asked. Her voice sounded like it had been freeze dried.

"No. No, that's okay," said Kyon, shaking his head.

Pushing pieces around a board began to grow dull after only a few games. This was doubly true if you were trying to defeat a being far more intelligent than you, who could warp reality and (probably) read your mind.

Well, Nagato could do everything else.

Mind-reading wasn't such a stretch.

Moreover, Kyon was beginning to discover he didn't like losing at chess. He'd never had to chance to uncover this aspect of his character before, mainly because Koizumi was so spectacularly awful at board games hell was more likely to freeze over before he beat Kyon at anything. Kyon had always thought it was annoying and pointless that Koizumi was so easy to defeat, but playing against someone like Nagato, who was impossible to defeat, left him with a similar feeling. What was the point in even trying, when you knew with 100 percent certainty what the outcome would be? At least winning left Kyon with some sense of satisfaction.

Besides, Koizumi's carefree, idiotic smiles were easier on the eyes than Nagato's blank, zombie-like expressions. Not that Kyon would verbally admit to finding any sense of security in Koizumi's artificial happiness.

Kyon also couldn't help but notice this absence of Koizumi and his sunny disposition had taken a huge toll on the SOS Brigade.

Everything seemed a lot more... subdued?

Less fun?

Well, it wasn't like the SOS Brigade meetings were fun for _anyone_, apart from Haruhi. Kyon saw them a supreme waste of time, and Mikuru must've seen them as her worst nightmare, what with constantly being forced into too-tight, too-short, fetish-fuelled items of clothing by orders of the devil reincarnate, Haruhi Suzumiya. Kyon didn't know what Nagato thought, she was quiet all the time anyway.

But something was definitely 'off' about this Koizumi-less atmosphere, which made the meeting seem even more pointless and uninspiring than usual.

Even the sight of Mikuru, resplendent in her maid attire and diligently serving tea, couldn't set Kyon's mind completely at ease.

Mikuru was meant to be his spiritual balm; the girl who made all his problems melt away by the merest smile on her face. Usually, Kyon's heart was super effective to Mikuru's sidelong glances. Why was today different?

_Why do I care about Koizumi so much anyway?_

_It's not like he even matters._

_If I was me from about two weeks again, when I was still _normal_, I'd be all 'screw Koizumi, who cares?'_

_But then, somehow, it changed._

_And I'm not sure how._

_...Unless, I've always relied on Koizumi's presence to make these SOS Brigade meetings seem more 'normal', and just never noticed how dependant I've grown on him until he left._

_I hope that's not that case._

_It'd be such a pain- I'd end up with a perpetual headache for the rest of my miserable existence trying to puzzle that one out._

_If Koizumi knew, I bet he'd think it was highly amusing._

_Good grief._

Through his complaining, Kyon was beginning to form a comparison in his head. If the SOS Brigade was looked at like a human body, then the five main members, Haruhi, Mikuru, Nagato, Koizumi and Kyon, would be like organs. If you removed any vital organ from the human body, after a short amount of time it would stop functioning, and would eventually wither and die. Likewise, if you removed any one of the five members from the club for an extended period of time, then regular functions would cease, everything would grind to a halt, and the mood in the clubroom would be severely altered for everyone.

Or at least, that was how Kyon saw it.

_Eh. It's overly-complex and too long-winded for my liking, but it'll do._

_I never professed to be great with words._

"Hey, Kyon! Are you finished playing against Yuki? Do you wanna go against me? I'll, like, totally beat you! Gyahahaha!"

That, of course, was Tsuraya.

Apparently, Haruhi had invited her to the SOS Brigade meeting to serve as a temp for Koizumi. Despite the presence of a fifth person, though, Tsuraya was too different from Koizumi to fit his role; it would be like trying to disguise a pot of geraniums as a whale. The two people simple had no common personality traits, apart from maybe the constant smiley aura that followed them both. But Tsuraya's happiness manifested itself in fits of maniacal laughter and too much energy, whereas Koizumi was rather more reserved, more content with being a background character.

Tsuraya's presence did help a little, though.

Just a little.

That didn't mean her laugh_ wasn't_ the most annoying thing in the world, however.

Kyon stared at the green-haired girl blankly.

_I really don't see what's so funny._

_Hell, with her, I never do._

_She's the kind of person that'll laugh at anything that moves._

"Hey, Yuki, budge up!~" Tsuraya instructed. "I wanna play against Kyon!~"

"I never said I wanted to!" Kyon protested, but his words fell on deaf ears (didn't they always? Haruhi was impervious to all but the voices in her own head. It seemed Tsuraya had the exact same problem.

No wonder they got along so well.

Birds of a feather flock together. But that did also extend to mentally unstable people?).

Kyon's words made no impact- they really were pointless. Nagato had already gotten to her feet. Robotically, the alien android in the school uniform sat down in her chair in the corner of the room, picked up a book, opened it on her knees, and began to read.

"Alright," said Tsuraya, cracking her knuckles as though she were going to climb up a mountain or wrestle a bear. It was only chess- why did she look so determined? "I'm gonna beat you into next week! Gyahahaha!"

"...I wasn't aware chess entailed physical violence. Have I been playing it incorrectly the whole time?" Kyon asked, voice deadpan.

At least Tsuraya seemed to be enjoying herself. She was the only one who was.

Haruhi was sat at her desk, head in her hands, a moody expression on her face. It looked like she'd just taken a suppository pill.

_Now that's a thought I could do without, _inner-Kyon shuddered.

_I wish I didn't think up such bizarre imagery. I'm sure it's not normal. Maybe I'd ask one of my friends about it- except, oops, I forget, none o_f them_ are normal, either. And the only ones that appear painfully dull and banal (i.e. Taniguchi and Kunikida) could actually be magical time-and-space traversing intergalactic shape shifters for all I know._

_Normality, I barely knew thee._

_It'd be nice to be a regular high school student, like everyone else._

_Except, no, I seem to have the exact opposite problem; I'm the _only _regular high school student amongst a sea of weirdoes._

_Now I know how Alice must have felt._

Kyon played chess against Tsuraya in a very half-hearted manner, stealing glances at Haruhi's rather depressing figure from time to time. Even so, it still came as a shock when he lost. Losing against Nagato was fine and all, considering Kyon had strong suspicions her IQ was about as large as Mikuru's breasts (which was quite a feat). Except, Nagato always got normal test results- they weren't conspicuous. She must've purposely answered questions wrong to look more normal or something. Not that it worked, considering everyone viewed her as that silent bibliophile associated with Haruhi Suzumiya- and anyone who knew Haruhi was insane by association. Was there any point in bothering with the charade?

If Nagato was going to act the normal high school student, then she should at least stop reading Freud.

So, back to the main point at hand.

Losing Nagato was fine, even if it stung Kyon's pride just a little.

However, losing against that widely smiling, insanely laughing idiot was another matter altogether.

If Nagato's intelligence was the size of Mikuru's chest, then in comparison, Tsuraya's intelligence was about the size of her star-shaped mole.

There was something really,_ really_ annoying about losing to a grinning idiot like that.

_I guess I just got too complacent after beating Koizumi all the time._

_Damn esper boy._

"U-um, Kyon..."

A soft voice, like that of a true angel's, reached Kyon over Tsuraya's deranged peals of laughter.

Kyon looked up, to see the ever-gorgeous Mikuru stood before him. She was wearing a small smile, like the personification of lilies, and she was holding a tray carefully in her hands.

"Would you like some tea?"

Before Kyon had a chance to reply, Haruhi barked irritably at the maid, "Mikuru! You're not stuttering! To be a _true _maid, you have to stutter and blush and trip over your own feet, remember?"

_That's a stereotype I'm sure most maids would be very offended by._

_If they all stuttered and tripped over thin air, nobody would go to maid cafes. It doesn't matter how adorable someone is, if it takes them an hour to stammer out the soup of the day, and then they proceed to spill said soup all over your clothes, you'd never eat in the same place again._

_Then again, since when did Haruhi care about reality?_

_Isn't that why time travellers, aliens and espers exist in the first place?_

_Who'd have thought the fundamental laws of physics would be easier to snap in two than a pair of disposable chopsticks?_

"U-um... S-sorry?" Mikuru asked.

Haruhi rolled her eyes, and got to her feet. Stalking over to Mikuru like a tiger ready to pounce on its prey, she swiped a cup from Mikuru's proffered tray and downed it one gulp.

It was such an insult to Mikuru's tea making skills, Kyon nearly cried out;

_You can't waste it like that!_

_You should savour it!_

But of course, he did no such thing.

He was only your average Joe high school student; he couldn't be expected to take on the forces of evil so readily. And Haruhi certainly looked evil at that moment- there was literally no trace of the pleasant, soft-spoken girl Kyon had conversed with at the railroad tracks yesterday.

That Haruhi was beginning to seem like a fond memory.

Or maybe she was a delusion?

Did Haruhi have a twin sister?

"Huh? Are you stupid or something, of course not," said Haruhi, scoffing. The expression on her face was poisonous, toxic. Her nitrochlorobenzene grimace was quite disturbing.

_Oops._

_I didn't mean to say that out loud._

_I can only concluded that the kind, friendly Haruhi was eaten by this tyrannical ogre that stands before me._

"Anyway!" Haruhi declared, for no real reason other than she felt the need to shout and assure her authority. With for more energy than the simple motion warranted, Haruhi slammed her cup back down on the tray, so hard poor Mikuru nearly buckled under the aggressive action.

Haruhi really had to be more considerate of Mikuru. She was a delicate girl; Kyon was worried, one of these days, Haruhi would abuse her to such an extent she'd shatter like fine-boned china, into thousands of pieces.

"...Anyway?" Kyon asked, after a pause. "Don't say dramatic things like that and then leave them hanging."

If his voice sounded irritable, it was because he'd lost at chess for about the seventh time that day, the tantalising aroma of Mikuru's oolong tea was drifting towards him and he feared Haruhi would behead him if he dared take a cup without her permission, and the image of Koizumi would _not _leave his mind no matter how much he tried to pretend he didn't care.

_Geez, he's only been gone a __day__._

_It's not acceptable to miss people after such a short space of time, unless they're beautiful and the mere sight of their smile can cure your aching heart, like Mikuru's. Koizumi's smile isn't a bit refreshing or healing; it's kind of creepy, and makes me think of a Noh mask most of the time. In fact, Koizumi's whole face might as well be a mask- he only has_ one_ stock expression for everything._

_Then again, he _did _get pretty beat up by Emiri._

_And he's all alone._

_So maybe I do have an excuse to worry about him, just a little. Maybe?_

_Why do I feel the need to justify my thoughts anyway?_

_I'm making myself feel like I'm doing something wrong._

"Anyway!" Haruhi continued brusquely, rapping Kyon on the head with her knuckles. "The SOS Brigade is going on an excursion! Pack your bags everybody, we're moving out!"

"Ooh? A trip? A trip?" Tsuraya asked eagerly. "That sounds like fun!"

Kyon, however, was less than enthused at Haruhi's master idea.

A trip with the SOS Brigade sounded like a pain.

Plus, it didn't look like he was going to get any oolong tea now. The sweet smell now served to taunt him, mocking him for the delicious taste he could not have.

Why was life always like that?

"So what are we going to do this time? Hunt for any crashed UFOs? Try to find some magical beast and take it home as a pet? See if the Earth's gravitational pull has changed in strength, or if the sun's started to revolve around us?" Kyon asked tiredly, pushing the chess board away. The sight of his king, cornered by Tsuraya's queen, bishop and rook was only serving to make his bad mood even worse. Childishly, he flicked Tsuraya's king over in agitation- not because it changed the outcome of the game, but because it made him feel better. Slightly.

Haruhi gave Kyon a glare that could only be described as deadly. Her lips pursed into a duck's bill, and her hand came down to slam the table with godly strength. The chess pieces jumped about a foot in the air as the table was shaken by a mini-earthquake. Tsuraya's king rolled off the table; Kyon had to reach out and catch it before it hit the floor.

"Don't be so stupid!" Haruhi chastised Kyon.

Which she didn't have a right to do, really.

All of the things Kyon had said sounded like genuine stuff Haruhi'd be interested in, or at least would have considered before.

Haruhi's eyes lit up, and that familiar Suzumiya-smile slid into place; the one that made Kyon positive that, one day, when she was older (although perhaps not too much older) Haruhi would land herself and everyone who had the misfortune of being associated with her in jail.

"We're going~" she paused, as if trying to drum up excitement, like on talent shows when the presenter was ready to announce which hopeful singer was through to the next round.

Kyon didn't know who this pause was for, exactly.

Tsuraya was already excited, like a hyperactive child; Mikuru looked worried; Nagato was wordlessly flipping through her book, and Kyon was bored senseless his brain might've been swapped with pudding at some point and he wouldn't have known the difference.

"We're going to visit Koizumi!"

"B-but what about my tea?" Mikuru squeaked.

Haruhi made a dismissive gesture with her hand. "What? You can always make more, Mikuru! Just pour it down the sink."

If Kyon had been Taniguchi, he probably would've died to hear those words.

_B-but it's such a waste!_

* * *

"A-ah, Kyon?" Koizumi asked blearily, his voice thick with fatigue.

"You seem to be missing a few other people there," said Kyon dryly.

"Is that so..." Koizumi blinked, tilted his head, and looked over Kyon's shoulder. "Oh... of course. The rest of the SOS Brigade, too."

It must be a mark of how fatigued Koizumi was that he did not bother to sound in the least bit cheerful or enthused at the SOS Brigade's (plus honorary member to fill in space, Tsuraya) impromptu visit.

Koizumi stood in the threshold of his house, looking distinctly half-asleep and weary. His skin was still pale, though it seemed to have regained some of it's color. At least, he didn't look like some distant relative of the milky-white skinned Nagato anymore, which was some sort of relief. His hair was messy, his eyes were half-lidded and weighed down with exhaustion, and his whole stance reminded Kyon terribly of an insomniac who was in desperate need of a good night's sleep.

The brief flash of surprise that registered on Koizumi's face was yet another moment when his usual barriers had been bulldozed down. It truly was a rare event- Kyon could count the number of times he'd seen the 'real' Koizumi without any pretences or facades on one hand.

...Although, he had been witnessing this 'true' side of Koizumi a lot more recently.

Kyon could hardly blame the esper for his surprise, though.

Kyon would be shocked, too, if he'd been impaled multiple times and then, after trying to get a well-deserved rest, was awoken by a motley crew who'd come over to harass him because "Haruhi got bored".

(Incidentally, said 'motley crew' was comprised of Haruhi, who was humming the Turkish March to herself and sporting a serial killer's smile; Tsuraya, who was laughing at something so hilarious nobody else knew what it was ((honestly, was she on _drugs_? Was that how she put up with Haruhi?)); Nagato, who was staring straight ahead with an expression so blank she might as well have had a hole cut in her face; Mikuru, who was still sporting her maid's uniform and a very fashionable blush, which had eaten most of her skin; and Kyon, who was feeling distinctly uncomfortable).

"Yo, Koizumi! We came to see how you were!~" said Haruhi brightly, pushing said esper out of the way and barrelling into his house. Trying to stop her would have been fruitless, like trying to halt a hurricane or tsunami; and she left just as much destruction in her wake.

Koizumi could only stand there, lost, like a child at the supermarket who couldn't find their parents. Finally, he gave in to Haruhi's bombastic presence, and ushered everyone else into his house as well. There was no point trying to deny it- the SOS Brigade was there to say, whether he liked it or not.

"Whoa, Koizumi," said Haruhi, looking round his empty living room. "Does anyone _live _here? It's totally empty."

_Ah._

_So she noticed, as well._

"My parents are working overseas at the moment," was Koizumi's answer.

"Oh. Right. Of course. How boring," said Haruhi. She was already looking through cupboards and drawers in his kitchen, as though she'd been living in his house for years.

_Hey, don't do that! _Kyon had half a mind to say. _This isn't your house!_

Naturally, he did no such thing.

"So, u-um... How are you feeling?" Mikuru asked softly, wringing her hands on her unfitting maid's apron.

Leave it Mikuru to sound concerned for another human being. Haruhi was treating this whole experience with her usual tact and charm, running around to look at every nook and cranny in Koizumi's home like a magpie searching for treasure. Didn't she come over to make Koizumi feel better? How, exactly, would prying into Koizumi's private life accomplish this?

Was she trying to _scare _him into getting better?

Was this a warning, like 'if you don't recover soon I'll come over to your house more and more'?

Kyon was beginning to suspect Haruhi didn't give a damn about Koizumi's wellbeing at all, she just wanted some new place to play.

_Huh._

_Since when did I ever think _Haruhi_ cared about anyone other than herself?_

_This is fairly standard __behaviour for her._

"I feel... alright," said Koizumi, his natural smile now slipping back on his face. It looked more strained than usual. "I'll be back at school tomorrow. I just need a good night's sleep."

At these words, he looked at Haruhi.

Haruhi remained oblivious.

But, suddenly, Kyon caught on.

_Ohh. I see. That was a subtle hint. Translated from polite Koizumi-speak, it means something along the lines of 'so shut up, get the fuck out of my house and let me go back to bed, you're giving me a headache!'_

_...That's actually quite funny._

_Looks like Haruhi _can _annoy Koizumi from time to time._

_And I always thought he was unaffected by her._

"Yeah, Koizumi, you look like crap," said Haruhi, with about as much subtlety as a shark in a goldfish tank.

_So _this _is Haruhi acting 'concerned'?_

_I bet she's the sort of person who watches dramas about people dying of terminal diseases, and shouts 'oh my God, why are you so MISERABLE? Do something fun or crazy, it's totally boring! Stop whining and dying and start DOING SOMETHING!' at the screen, or whatever._

_Although, I suppose, if Haruhi herself developed a terminal disease, she'd see as it chance to do even more stupid things, knowing she only had a limited time to fulfil her wish list._

_You have to commend her enthusiasm._

_Or fear it._

_A normal person would feel both._

"Thank you?" Koizumi asked.

"Don't mention it!~" Haruhi beamed, striking a peace pose. "Hmn. Let's all go up to your room! Mikuru, you stay here and brew some tea!"

"H-huh? Why?"

_A good question, Mikuru._

_But you should know by now, the real answer- regardless of what Haruhi says- is 'because I said so'._

"Because you're dressed for the occasion, of course!" said Haruhi, slapping Mikuru on the back. Was she _trying _to break her spine or what? "There's, like, some cheap teabags in here you can use."

_You want Mikuru to try making anything edible with _that _stuff? What a waste of her talents! It'd be like asking the royal dresser of a king or queen to make clothes out of old potato sacks and donkey skin, instead of gold thread and fine jewels, and then expecting something equally as wonderful as a result._

_Good grief._

_You have to respect Miss Asahina's talents; I don't want her to sully her fingers or waste her time with that filth!_

But, true to her timid nature, Mikuru only nodded, and said meekly, "o-okay."

That seemed to be how Koizumi was feeling, too. Despite the newly conjured up smile, he still looked tired and not quite in the right frame of mind to act the 'mysterious transfer student'. It was half-hearted attempt of acting, if that.

Kyon couldn't help but feel sorry for him.

Just a little.

"Hey, Haruhi."

"Huh? What do you want?"

Haruhi turned, her lips in that duck bill's pout. She had just set one foot on the first step of the stairs, when Kyon had taken her by the arm- hoping, maybe, he could salvage this situation for Koizumi.

"Are you sure you should be bugging I- eh, Koizumi right now?" Kyon asked, stumbling, for reason, on Koizumi's name. He didn't know why. Didn't want to think to find out, either.

"I'm not bugging him. I'm being helpful."

_Then you're deluded._

"No, it's okay. I'm fine," said Koizumi, his smile now more securely in place; the smile so handsome, it made Kyon want to draw things on it. When did this sudden metamorphosis take place? If you compared Koizumi from three seconds ago this one, it was like comparing a caterpillar to a butterfly. Was it something Kyon said?

"I appreciate you came to visit me, and I'm grateful. Truly." Smile, smile, like the main hero from a shojo manga. He was one step away from having roses bloom in the background when he spoke. "Thank you for worrying, though, Kyon."

"Hmn."

Haruhi pulled a funny expression, like she'd just tasted sour milk, and glanced from Koizumi, to Kyon, to Koizumi again.

Then, she shrugged, and the million-watt smile was back again, full force. You'd need sunglasses to look at an expression like that.

"Okay! Let's go see Koizumi's room, and keep him company! Maybe we can watch a movie or something!"

"Ooh, I brought a movie!" Tsuraya squealed excitedly. "I loaned it from Taniguchi the other day!"

_You loaned it from _that _leech?_

_I shudder to think what it's about. Is it safe for minors and young children? I've heard him boasting about his viewing habits... While they're normal for a teenage boy, is it really something Tsuraya would want to watch?_

"Alright!~" Haruhi seemed oblivious to Kyon's misgivings. She punched the air with one hand. "Let's go! Mikuru, hurry up with that tea, okay?"

Mikuru gave a small squeak.

* * *

The movie they ended up watching was the Exorcist.

Was that Tsuraya's idea of a practical joke?

* * *

"Hmn, maybe Koizumi was more ill than he looked," said Haruhi conversationally.

She and Kyon were walking home, after having bid farewell to the silent Nagato, the visibly shaken and horrified Mikuru (now there was one girl who was going to have some awful nightmares that night), and the still-laughing Tsuraya.

Luckily, it was not so dark that Kyon felt any misgivings about letting Mikuru leave his company. Only half an hour into the movie, both Mikuru and Koizumi had gone extremely pale, to the point where Kyon wondered if their lifespan had actually been cleaved in two. The gory horror movie had a huge affect on both their hit points, at any rate- it didn't look they'd be able to stand much more before one, or both, fainted. Luckily for Koizumi, his request that they turn it off,_ please_, he was feeling awfully tired, had been heard. Thus, the SOS Brigade left Koizumi's house earlier than planned, leaving a shell shocked and shaking esper in their wake, who would never have a decent night's sleep again.

_I can't help but feel our visit did more evil than good._

"Koizumi was really pale, didn't he?" Haruhi continued, arms behind her back. She looked incredibly carefree- somehow, she'd managed to shoulder her bag onto Kyon, leaving her with nothing to carry in the physical sense, as well as the mental one (e.g. responsibilities, a conscience, everything else a normal person was weighed down by).

"Yeah, I guess," Kyon agreed.

The reason for that being, of course, that he'd nearly been petrified into a wax doll.

But it wasn't like Kyon would tell Haruhi that.

It'd probably ruin Koizumi's 'cool' image in Haruhi's mind. Her theory seemed to be he'd beaten up half of the people at his old school and on the run from the yakuza, which was why he'd transferred to North High in the first place; this knowledge that he detested horror movies due to his psychotic cousin would put a dent in this theory.

"You didn't seem to mind it, though."

"I don't find works of fantasy disturbing."

_It's what _you _can do which scares me above all, Haruhi._

"No, I don't mean the movie," said Haruhi, with a world-weary sigh that should've been Kyon's. Did she just steal his line? Or, would that be 'characteristic action'? "I mean, the fact you got to comfort a crying Mikuru. You certainly didn't raise any complaints."

Who, in their right mind, would?

Mikuru had been clinging, limpet-like, to Kyon's side for the full half hour, head buried in his shoulder. If Kyon inhaled, he could still smell the scent of her fruity shampoo.

Why would he pass away a chance like that?

Of course, Haruhi didn't see it that way.

By this time, she'd stopped in her tracks. Kyon, too, paused, and let his burden of two schoolbags fall to the ground.

The atmosphere had suddenly grown cold.

Kyon noted, with a feeling of distinct deja vu, that he could see the train tracks somewhere in the distance; the same ones they'd stopped at yesterday.

_Geez. Is this place, like, a trigger spot for Haruhi's weird mood swings? Maybe __it's cursed._

_They should do a documentary on these railroad tracks, say they're haunted, or something. The general public will believe anything._

_Next time I walk home, I'll avoid it. I don't care if it adds another half hour to my journey home. If it'd preserve from this strange, melancholic Haruhi, I'd walk across hot coals._

_Normal Haruhi is bad enough. Emotionally unstable Haruhi is downright terrifying._

Haruhi stood with her back facing Kyon, so he couldn't see her expression. He could gauge it well enough, though, judging by the way she stood, and her liquid nitrogen tone of voice. It was so cold, it sounded like he words could literally turn into icicles, be shattered on the floor.

"Why were you so close to Mikuru? You have no right."

That statement had a lyophilizating effect.

All movement ceased. The only sign time hadn't come to a complete stop was the barest trace of wind, which pulled ever so gently at Haruhi's ribbons, her hair, her school skirt.

"I was just comforting her because she was scared," said Kyon, trying to keep his tone even. "Just trying to be a gentleman?"

Kyon almost hear Haruhi rolling her eyes.

"You never concern yourself with that around me."

Honestly, what was all this _about_?

Haruhi didn't need anyone to fuss about her, to hold her hand, to tell her everything would be okay. She was strong and self-assured, unlike the dainty Mikuru. Truly, Haruhi looked (and acted) like a girl who would loathe and despise that sort of attention from anyone.

"Because you don't need me to act like that, I guess...?" Kyon tried to find the right words carefully. It felt like a diffusing a bomb. One wrong syllable, one badly cut wire, and it could be game over, as far as Kyon's life- maybe even the world- was concerned.

How did they get to this point, anyway?

Unless these feelings had building up inside Haruhi for a long, long time, and he never noticed before.

_That movie couldn't have been a test, could it...?_

_So then, did I fail?_

_Well, if Haruhi's going to give me a test, it'd be nice to announce it at some point so I can prepare myself! Even teachers who give surprise pop quizzes announce the sheet of paper with questions on it __is__, in fact, a quiz, even if they give their class about three second's notice of it._

_This is just unfair._

_How can you make assumptions based on biased exam results like this?_

"But I don't want to say anything!" Haruhi exploded. She turned round, and Kyon wished she hadn't; her expression was frightening, like a Halloween mask. Her eyes were narrowed, her brows furrowed, and she looked less of an attractive high school girl, more an unspeakable nightmare monster.

Kyon, too, was beginning to grow increasingly annoyed.

He was already confused over his mixed feelings about Koizumi; his worry about the esper's well-being; his guilt that Koizumi only got hurt because of _him_, and now Haruhi had to throw this on top of him as well? She wanted to threaten the existence of the world because she was being a selfish brat, and wanted Kyon all to herself?

"If you don't want to say anything, then don't act surprised when I don't do what you want me to! I'm not a mind reader!" Kyon snapped back.

"But I shouldn't need to say anything, you should just _know_! It should be second nature! I forgot I was dealing with somebody's as dense as you!"

Haruhi's words were tipped with poison. Each one pierced Kyon like darts.

"Don't try to create unnecessary drama where there isn't any!"

"It isn't 'unnecessary', you always go against what I say! All the time! Like my cemetery idea-"

"That's because your ideas are stupid."

"H-huh?"

Haruhi recoiled at that statement.

Even Kyon couldn't quite believe what he'd just said. Sure, he'd always thought the SOS Brigade was a waste of time- he could be doing productive things with those lost hours, like watching TV, damn it- but he'd never dream of saying that to Haruhi's face. It was a line he simply did not want to cross, not only because it would result in possible nuclear Armageddon, but because, despite his bluster, he actually _did _like Haruhi. He didn't want to hurt her feelings. When she was depressed, it was kind of gut-wrenching and awful to witness, because her natural state was one of inexhaustible energy and excitement. If your good friend made a terrible meal or gave you an awful birthday present, you wouldn't tell them for fear you'd hurt their feelings, no matter how bad it was. This was how Kyon felt about Haruhi's SOS Brigade and it's activities; if it didn't hurt anyone, and it kept Haruhi happy, he'd deal.

Besides, if he was being truly honest, he'd sooner go to an SOS Brigade meeting than watch re-runs of bad cartoons and old game shows any day of the week.

_So what the hell am I saying?_

_Stop it, before you make her angry- worse, still, hurt her feelings!_

_You don't want to make a girl cry, do you?_

But Kyon couldn't stop, not once he'd started. It was almost as if he were being possessed by that darker, more cynical side of his mind that silently griped at everything Haruhi did without offering a verbal opinion.

"Just face, it Haruhi, does anyone _want _to be in your Brigade? I mean, _really_? Did they choose to join themselves?" Kyon let the rhetorical question hang in the air for a few seconds, before continuing with his tirade. "No, they didn't. You more or less forced Nagato to join when you took over the literary club's room and budget. What if other people wanted to join the literary club?"

"Well, they don't, so it doesn't matter!" Haruhi retorted, hands clenched at fists. "Honestly, what's your problem all of a sudden?"

If Haruhi thought she was making the situation better, it was the complete opposite. Her comments were only adding fuel to the fire.

"That's exactly it! You don't think about other people," said Kyon. He'd been trying to keep his voice calm, but it was getting louder and louder, as if someone who wasn't him had control of his volume dial. Kyon barely even noticed when he was shouting; he was too busy trying to make Haruhi understand. "You bullied Mikuru into joining the brigade against her will, you dragged me along with you and wouldn't listen to my complaints, and Koizumi- who knows what he's thinking, but I bet you shoved him into a corner and wouldn't let him leave until he'd agreed to join, just to get you to go away!"

"Don't say lies like that so casually! It didn't go like that at all, these people want to be in my club! You're the only one who keeps complaining about it! It's so repetitive, get something more interesting to say next time!" Haruhi shouted. The ribbons bounced in her hair when she moved forwards, hands clenched into fists at her front. "That's what fantasy novels are there for, you dumbass! If your real life's so boring you have to make stuff up, then that's too bad, but it's not my problem!"

Even Kyon, who was rather caught up in the moment (so much so had half a mind to take Haruhi by her shoulders and physically shake some sense into her), had to do a double take at that.

Haruhi was lecturing _him_ on 'making stuff up'?

The girl who's subconscious had somehow spawned the existence of aliens, espers and time travellers?

Now, _there _was a case of dramatic irony.

It wasn't funny, though.

It was kind of depressing.

"Haruhi, don't you see?" Kyon asked, imploring Haruhi to understand- but her face was sour like gone off milk, her lips were pursed, and it didn't look like she was going to listen.

Because, to Haruhi, she was always right.

Everyone who disagreed with her was wrong.

If you told Haruhi the grass was green and she said it was blue, she could happily argue her point until the cows came home even though it was completely untrue. In the end, you'd either give up and agree with her for an easy life, or...

Well, you wouldn't.

You'd keep on going, and it'd be difficult, and you probably win anyway.

But Kyon had come too far to simply back down. He couldn't laugh it off as a joke because it wasn't in his nature; he wasn't _Koizumi_, who could say all these serious things and then cheerily remark he didn't really mean them.

Kyon meant what he said.

He had to try and tell her in somehow, in some way she would understand.

He had to tell her the grass was green.

_Urgh. My own metaphors are giving me a headache, at this point._

_Or maybe it's all this shouting._

_Who cares?_

"Haruhi, the only reason people are in your Brigade is because you forced them into it. You didn't even consider their thoughts or feelings. If you want people to like you, you have to be more mindful of other people! Their opinions matter too, you know."

It was the best explanation Kyon could give, considering his shaken nerves, and his (not entirely unwarranted) fear that the Grim Reaper would materialise at some point, scythe in hand, and wipe out the whole of humanity sans Haruhi upon the so-called God (or god-like entity, anyway)'s wishes.

Even if Kyon won the argument, he'd still lose.

Or, rather, mankind would lose.

Kyon wondered if, as he was arguing with Haruhi's, the HP of the world was decreasing with every passing word. Was it only critical health already? How many more attacks could it survive?

"Why should I care about other people? They're not interesting to me! I'll only be courteous to those who aren't completely boring! You!" Haruhi pointed at Kyon, as she was so accustomed to doing. "You're being boring now, Kyon! And I didn't bully anyone into joining! I wouldn't do that, I-"

_So she doesn't even realise it herself?_

_This might be a serious case of someone who can't be rehabilitated._

_People like this are the ones who can't get off drug addictions or the like; they don't even realise they have a problem, and when somebody brings it up they get angry, or defensive, or just plain ignore you._

_And all this time, I thought she'd get better. I thought, one day, she'd grow up and stop being so self-centred. Maybe even learn not to take everyone for granted._

_Was I was being too optimistic?_

_Perhaps__, no matter what I say or do, she'll always be this selfish, spoilt, immature girl; a flat, two-dimensional character with no redeeming features and no development._

_I don't want to let that happen._

_But if she won't listen to me, what can I do?_

"Listen to yourself, Haruhi!" Kyon's voice had raised in volume again. His tones scattered a few stray birds, which had been flying lazily overhead. "What you're saying, it's just wrong! It's like, you don't think other people even _matter_."

"Because they don't! They don't matter! If there's nothing special about 'everyone else', why should I care about them?"

_Aarrghhhhhhhhhh._

Inside his head, Kyon was screaming.

Outside, he was doing much the same thing- only slightly more eloquently.

He doubted he'd be able to get through to Haruhi with an '_ Aarrghhhhhhhhhh._' She'd just look at him funny and ask him if he was retarded.

"You know something else, Haruhi?"

"I don't want to know it, I'm sick of you!"

Haruhi made to turn away, but Kyon reached out, grabbed her arm.

He was going to _make _her listen, then.

If she didn't see how other people saw her, how was she ever going to change?

"Well, I think you need to know!"

"Kyon, let go of me." Haruhi's voice was low, dangerous. Her eyes were flinty. Kyon didn't doubt Haruhi could inflict some serious damage on him; he'd seen her wreak havoc and destruction with that deceptively slender, dainty-looking physique before. You shouldn't judge a book by it's cover, and never had that been more true than with this seemingly harmless high school girl.

But Kyon's grip didn't waver, and his gaze didn't falter.

"Haruhi." His voice was as steely as his grip. "You know Mikuru doesn't like scary movies, but you keep forcing her to watch them. Isn't that just a bit unfair?"

"You'll never get over fears like that unless you're exposed to them even more! I'm just being kind."

"But you're not, are you? You only want to watch them because you like them, and screw everybody's feelings, they're not worth worrying about, right? Just like when we made that movie- did you think everyone would enjoy that? You only did it so you could boss everyone around. And I don't know if you've noticed, but Itsuki? He hates horror movies almost as much as Mikuru! That cemetery visit? Not your best idea ever!"

Kyon was so infuriated, he hadn't noticed his slip of the tongue when it came to Koizumi's name.

It didn't matter.

"You're still going on about that? Whatever, you're, like, a broken record! I don't even care!" Haruhi retaliated, trying to pull away. Kyon was sure it was only a half-hearted attempt to escape, because he was able to hold her in place easily. If Haruhi wanted to, she could've sent him flying. Maybe it was some kind of morbid curiosity that rendered her unable to push Kyon away? Kyon was instantly reminded of real life situations, when a girl would overhear her best friends bitching her out behind her back. The poor girl would always stick around to eavesdrop on the whole conversation, even if made her feel awful, because she had to know what her 'friends' really thought.

Were these two situations similar?

Did that make Haruhi the poor girl overhearing a cruel conversation, and Kyon the heartless, two-face 'friend'?

_Except, this is different._

_I'm not trying to be needlessly cruel. It's not like I enjoy hurting people's feelings; and, unlike Haruhi, I have enough tact to tell when my words are upsetting people, so if it gets to that point, I'll usually shut up._

_That's what thoughts are for, anyway; they can't hurt feelings._

_I can't shut up now, though._

"I only got so angry about the cemetery thing because it was dangerous! I wasn't doing it for the sake of going against you! Listen; what if we got separated? If Mikuru got lost in the dark, do you have any idea what could've happened to her? And Itsuki- something _did _happen to him! He got really hurt! What if he'd broken his leg? What then?"

_Not like I could tell you the full extent of these injuries__ he sustained, though._

_I doubt you'd believe me._

_I wouldn't believe myself__, if I hadn't seen it._

"And when you consider both Mikuru and Itsuki hate horror-related things like that, it gets even worse! Do you honestly ever stop to think about other people? Just like today, you went to go visit Itsuki and barged into his house even though he was obviously sick! You didn't go see him because you were concerned, you did it because you were bored and wanted somewhere new to play. Would you go harass cancer patients at the general hospital if you got bored too, huh? Do you honestly consider everyone below you and unworthy?"

Kyon didn't realise it but, somehow, during the midst of this monologue, he'd taken hold of Haruhi's shoulders.

Haruhi stared up at him, her eyes wide. Her mouth had been reduced to a small 'o' the size of a polo mint.

"That's not..."

She spoke shakily; her whole body was shaking like she'd just fallen into a pond of Antarctic meltwater. She didn't look like the cocky, selfish, self-sure girl Kyon knew so well. She looked small and vulnerable. Just a normal high school girl.

An ordinary high school who was being bullied and pushed around by somebody stronger.

Somebody who was meant to be their friend.

No, not even that.

Their boyfriend.

Haruhi looked down at the floor. Kyon couldn't see too well, her face was obscured by fluttering bangs, but her eyes were downcast and foggy. Would downpours shortly follow?

Kyon hoped not.

He didn't want her to _cry_.

That wasn't his intention.

_I thought __she'd be able to take something like this! She always acts so strong, I just assumed..._

_But__ maybe I really _was_ too harsh._

_Did I cross the line?_

_Arrghh._

_But if I don't lay things out for her like this, how's she ever going to learn?_

But Kyon needn't have worried. His weather forecast for Haruhi's emotions was erroneous. There were no downpours.

Instead, there was a thunderstorm.

"I can't believe YOU'RE saying this stuff to me!" Haruhi snarled, shoving Kyon away so forcefully he nearly fell over. The sudden reappearance of the feisty Brigade leader was so shocking, it felt as though this new personality had exploded from within the previously melancholic Haruhi and eaten her alive.

"How dare you tell ME to worry about other people's feelings, when you don't worry about MINE?"

"Haruhi?"

"You think I don't care? You think I have no feelings? That I can just stand here listening you INSULT me and be all 'oh, ah, um, yeah, I see your point, thank you for making me a better person'? You** REALLY** think that?"

Haruhi stood there, hands clenched at her sides, breathing heavily. It looked as though she were in the middle of running a marathon. Determination blazed in her eyes.

She looked dangerous.

There was only one way to describe that expression.

Kyon was suddenly, forcibly reminded of Asakura Ryoko, when she had targeted him in that closed space; and, later, of Emiri Kimidori.

He was thankful, at least, that Haruhi couldn't conjure spears out of thin air, because Kyon knew (at this moment in time) Haruhi would be able to fulfil Ryoko and Emiri's goal no problem.

Haruhi could do anything if she put her mind to it.

"Don't stand there and take the moral high ground with me when all the time you, you... All the time, with everyone else..."

Haruhi drew a deep breath.

"All the time, you're looking at Mikuru, even when I'm with you! What's that about? Surely you should KNOW, if you have an actual brain in there, that it's going to piss me off! Or maybe you're doing on PURPOSE, to annoy me, I wouldn't know! And now, all of a sudden, you're getting all defensive about Koizumi, too? Why? I don't understand, he can fight his own battles! Unless you've decided you prefer his company above mine, **too**! In which case, why are you even going out with me?"

"H-huh?"

Now it was Kyon's turn to be on the receiving end of a rant, and he was feeling rather shocked.

He hadn't spoken about Koizumi all _that_ much, had he?

Not so much that Haruhi picked up on it?

He hadn't been aware he'd been doing it himself.

"Urgh! You can't say stuff like that to me and get away with it! I forbid it! How dare you go against your Brigade leader like that?" Haruhi shouted, her hands clenched into fists. "That's insubordination! Treason! In medieval times, this would result in death!"

So she had taken all her sadness, and converted it into anger. A terrible chemical reaction; the product was even more explosive than nitrogen trichloride. The first person who prepared that chemical lost an eye and two fingers in the resulting explosion, but Kyon felt, if Haruhi were allowed to detonate in such a way, it'd be more than his eye and a couple of fingers that were at risk.

Try the _whole world_.

It was just Kyon's luck that he'd picked the one girl, out of millions, who could and would bring about the end of mankind if she was rejected.

Now, why had he thought that was a sensible idea?

He'd have been safer sticking his head in a hungry crocodile's mouth.

Going out with Haruhi Suzumiya just tempted future disaster and destruction.

It had been a foolish move, and now he was in a checkmate he couldn't get out of.

_I guess my brain must be pretty fried, considering I'm thinking up all this weird imagery..._

"Haruhi-"

But it was too late trying to reconcile now.

Haruhi marched forwards, a lemon-bitter expression on her face, and backhanded Kyon across the face, with the force of a professional tennis player hitting a curve shot across the line.

Kyon staggered back in shock. The force of the blow had numbed the side of his face, and some of his teeth felt loose.

"Go away!" she shouted angrily, past reasoning, past pleasant conversation. "If you said all you wanted to say, and you really hate me, why don't you just leave? I don't need you anyway, all you do is complain! I don't know why I put up with you!"

"Haruhi-"

"Shut up! Shut up, I don't care! You made your feelings pretty clear already!" Haruhi stood on the spot, quivering, face flushed and angry. The anger was evident, but underneath it all was nothing more than a heartbroken girl who'd been rejected by the only person who's opinion she cared about.

"And to think," Haruhi continued, "I was even going to apologise to you!"

Kyon stared at her in shock.

Haruhi, apologise?

"Y-yeah! That's right! I was, because dragging you around... Sometimes, maybe, even I feel a little bad! You know, I'm not some one-dimensional monster with no feelings for others! I do CARE, you know! But, you know what?" Her eyes hardened. "Screw you! You're not worthy of my time, or my Brigade! Go away! Get out of my sight!"

Kyon was struck with the feeling he'd done and said some very incredibly stupid things- things he couldn't take back. If he was a time traveller like Mikuru, he'd go back, erase this encounter out of existence- but he couldn't, it wouldn't work.

If this were a movie, this would be the big scene of confrontation between two lovers, pushed apart by a misunderstanding.

The confrontation was there.

So was the misunderstanding.

But in these typical romantic dramas, the lead actors would always overcome their differences to forge a stronger, more trusting relationship than before.

This didn't look too likely here.

If anything, Kyon's words had completely shattered whatever strange, twisted bond he and Haruhi had shared.

Haruhi stood there, facing Kyon, breathing heavily. The light wind tossed her hair about in a strangely dramatic way. Beyond the hatred, there was only sadness.

Melancholy.

There was an overwhelming sense of finality as Kyon wordlessly shoved Haruhi's bag into her arms, and walked away. He felt like a murderer, cooly vacating the scene of a crime.

But what else could he say?

He had, as Haruhi already stated, 'made his feelings pretty clear already.'

The volatile situation had just exploded.

_But, what I said..._

_All of it was truthful._

_And none of it was intended to be malicious._

_I mean, not all of it, anyway._

_Yeah, like Haruhi would see it that way._

As Kyon walked back home, he couldn't help but think of closed space, and those blue giants. He knew, just knew, there would be a sudden increase of them that night. And Koizumi, what had he said? He needed a good night's sleep. He was exhausted. This was the last thing he needed.

In one day, Kyon had managed to hurt Haruhi's feelings so badly she nearly cried- probably _would _cry later on, when nobody was watching- and sealed the world to it's premature demise.

Not bad for a day's work.

_Nice job, hero._

Emiri Kimidori and Ryoko Asakura had only been low level, common slime monsters found in fields and dungeons.

In the end, Kyon was the _real _last level boss.

* * *

However, to Kyon's immense surprise, he was still alive when he woke up the next day, and he was still distinctly human-shaped. He looked out the window. Everything looked normal. He was still him, and he was still on Earth- or at least, a blue and green planet that looked a lot like Earth.

Everything was the same, as though he _hadn't _just defied God yesterday.

Like usual, his little sister stirred him from his sleep, and, like normal, he had barely enough time to get dressed- certainly not enough time to have breakfast. As he hiked up the godforsaken hill to his school, sweat forming on his brow, he wondered if it hadn't all been a dream.

Maybe it was some kind of delusion.

Was he suffering from calcium deficiency? When he got home yesterday, the first thing he did was drink a carton of milk, and that seemed to soothe his fractured nerves; or maybe it was just a placebo effect.

It was hard to think that anything was wrong in the world, when he sat in homeroom that morning, listening to the useless stock characters Taniguchi and Kunkida having a banal conversation about something depressingly pointless.

Except, Kyon noted, Haruhi wasn't in her usual seat behind him, boring a hole in the back of his head with her caustic gaze, or getting all fired up about a stupid idea.

She was nowhere to be seen.

She didn't go to school that day.

* * *

Kyon wasn't sure why he went to the SOS Brigade room, when he knew full well Haruhi wasn't there. Nobody was forcing him to come. Besides, yesterday (if it hadn't been some strange delusion brought about by a lack of necessary minerals), Haruhi had clearly said 'don't bother coming, I don't want you.'

She'd thrown him out of the SOS Brigade.

The five member group had become four.

That is, if there even_ was_ an SOS Brigade anymore.

Kyon stood by the door of the literature club room with an immense feeling of trepidation. It curdled at the bottom of his stomach, made him feel ill. This was what apprehension felt like- except it was worse than that, much worse.

It was dread.

But Kyon was filled with a desire to see the familiar face of Mikuru, Nagato- hell, even Koizumi. They'd know what was going on. They always did.

Even if the idea of confronting any one of them, especially after he'd screwed up badly, was making Kyon feel sick. It was a good job he hadn't eaten any breakfast that morning, or had a chance to prepare himself a bento box; he had a feeling any food he ate would only taste of ash, anyway.

Taking a deep breath in, Kyon counted to ten, and then, with the air of man stood at the gallows, he pushed the door open.

The only person there was Nagato.

She sat there, silent as always, flipping through a heavy book just like always. Her quiet presence, which was usually unsettling, was now a source of comfort for Kyon. At least some things never changed. Even the Earth were being pelted with fire and the ten Biblical plagues, Kyon had a feeling Nagato would continue to sit there, surrounded by locusts and frogs, reading a book.

The absence of Mikuru and Koizumi was, however, unsettling. Even if their Brigade chief wasn't there, Kyon suspected the other members would dutifully flock to the literature club room like normal.

"H-hi," Kyon said uneasily to Nagato, closing the door behind him.

Nagato looked up, and nodded.

Then, she did something unthinkable. She closed her book, and placed it on the table.

"I have been waiting for you."

_Whoa._

_That sounded pretty sinister._

_Are you practising to be the next Bond villain, Nagato?_

"W-what happened to Miss Asahina and Koizumi?" Kyon asked, trying to keep the note of hysteria from creeping into his words. Not that, he supposed, Nagato would care; she was impervious to the emotions of others.

"I took the care to take a scan of data in the surrounding area. I can confirm Itsuki Koizumi has been vanishing from the usual plane of existence periodically since eleven p.m. of last night; at the moment, however, he is in this dimension."

"So... Closed space?" Kyon asked, hardly daring to hear the answer.

Nagato nodded. "Affirmative."

"How big is the closed space?" Kyon asked tentatively. He felt like a cancer patient, waiting to hear if the chemotherapy had worked- but, it was with a sense of helplessness that he waited for an answer. He already knew what it would be.

"Approximately one hundred and thirty by eighty metres."

Kyon could only blink in horror at the scale of the closed space. That was about the size of a large sports stadium! Measurements like that could seat about 100,000 people. Did that mean it could contain that many blue giants? Hadn't the previous closed spaces Kyon had encountered been fairly small and contained? Hell, the last one had only wrapped around the school.

"And increasing," Nagato added, almost as an afterthought. You'd have thought she was talking the weather, by how emotionless her voice was.

"How quickly is it increasing?"

It was another question Kyon didn't want answering, but he had to know.

"At this current moment in time, the closed space is expanding at a rate of one metre per minute. The rate of expansion still stands to accelerate."

So, how long until it covered the whole world? That was surely the end result of this nightmarish scenario, wasn't it?

But Kyon couldn't ask. He didn't want to know. If you were told the exact date and time of your death, you would only live in fear of that moment. It would ruin your life.

How much time did the world have left now?

And Koizumi, who'd been kicked around by Emiri like a soccer ball until he nearly bled to death, was fighting those blue giants right now, because of Kyon's own stupidity.

Kyon remembered the bruises on Koizumi's back, the splodges of blue and purple and black on a canvas of too-pale skin.

He could _die._

Everyone could.

_Ha, _Kyon's mind scoffed. _If you witnessed this scene in a movie, you'd roll your eyes and say it was too melodramatic. But here you are. At the end of the world. And there isn't any fire, or brimstone, or trumpets; it's just like every other day._

_I wish I could be an ignorant idiot._

_Well, it seems lately, I've got the 'idiot' part down pretty well._

"What about Miss Asahina?" Kyon asked.

"I can longer detect her presence in this current timeframe."

"_What_?" Kyon's eyes widened, his mouth fell open in a small 'o'; it looked like he was waiting for somebody to jump up from behind and yell 'surprise!' Of course, nobody did. Nagato continued to sit there, rigid, with her Antarctic stare.

"The organic subject, Mikuru Asahina, has been absent from our timeframe for precisely seventeen hours, twenty six minutes and fifteen seconds."

It felt like a lead weight had hit Kyon in the stomach.

Mikuru was_ gone._

Just like that.

It would've been less painful if Nagato ripped out his heart and kicked it across the room.

_This is all my fault._

_All of it._

"Nagato, you can do something about this, can't you?" Kyon asked desperately, seized by the sudden urge to take Nagato by the shoulders and shake her... But what good would that do? Knowing Nagato, she wouldn't even be affected; she'd remain still and silent, like a collector's figurine.

Nagato's empty eyes stared at Kyon. She blinked once every ten seconds or so, but if it were not for this motion then she would've looked like a very detailed waxwork.

And then, she shook her head, slowly. Just once. She was always economical about words and gestures.

It would be nice, at a crucial moment like this, if she could actually provide some more insight on the matter, though; she might have been the only person left Kyon could rely on for help.

"What do you mean, 'no'?" Kyon asked.

When Nagato spoke, her voice was monotonous, as though she had all the time in the world.

"My duty is to observe. There is no immediate danger to Haruhi Suzumiya's person, so I will remain neutral on the situation."

"But-"

"It was not I who created this situation," Nagato continued. Even though her tones remained frosty as always, her expression seemed to have softened somewhat. Kyon wasn't sure how, but for a few seconds, she actually looked human. Her usual range of expressions was so limited, she may as well have been a badly made Animatronics puppet instead of a high school girl; but there was something in her face which, for an instant, would have fooled anyone into thinking she had a heart, instead of being a machine. "I am not the one who can rectify your mistakes. There is only one option left for you.

"You should apologise for hurting her feelings."

Nagato's acidic stare ranked at least a pH 2. It was so concentrated and intense, it felt as though she was boring a hole through Kyon's skull.

Then, she blinked.

With her choppy hair bouncing slightly, she took her book off the table, opened it up at her previous place, and began to read.

Kyon was standing at the door when he heard Nagato's parting words.

"Good luck."

* * *

**a.n/ **there was going to be more action in this chapter, but I figured there was already quite a bit to be processing anyway XD I can fit the final part of action from this chap into the next one c:  
Yay.

Ffff, because of the last chapter's length, now anything I write will seem inadequate XD This chapter was pretty short in comparison -.- It says 32 pages, but this version of word is different to the previous one, and I think it deals with pages and font sizes and stuff differently XD

**EDIT: **yeah, I changed this chapter somewhat c: Somebody left me a review saying Kyon's behaviour during the argument scene was OOC, so I tried to rectify that. I hope it's better. It can't possibly be worse, can it? XD if you have read the earlier one, please let me know what you think? & in the future, if I write other stuff which seems OOC, or if you find any spelling errors/punctuation mistakes, please feel free to tell me ^_^ I want to make this fanfic good, you know? :3


	22. 21: Revelations! Really?

**It's a Romantic True Love Conquest, Haruhi-Chan!**

* * *

Chapter Twenty-One:  
_Revelations! Really?_

* * *

Haruhi wasn't answering her cell.

Kyon had tried to call her four times, growing more frantic with every passing second, but, inevitably, the ringing would cease, and it would go to voicemail. Kyon had a terrible mental image in his head; Haruhi, lying in bed, looking at her cell phone. Realising it was Kyon. And ignoring it. Letting it ring.

Maybe she was teaching him a lesson.

...Kyon felt he probably deserved it.

Of course, it would've been _far_ too easy to settle this dispute over the phone.

Kyon would even go so far to call such a resolution anti-climatic. Didn't Hollywood blockbusters teach that, for any intense plot twist to be rectified, there needed to be at least an explosion or two, a dead body and a toppled building? Nuclear Armageddon would not be advised against, either, but Kyon sincerely hoped the situation wouldn't boil down to this.

Then again, with Haruhi, you could never tell.

With a many-layered sigh of a thousand emotions, Kyon flipped his cell shut with a _click_, and was just about to stuff it into his pocket when-

"Kyon!"

Kyon turned in alarm, as pale fingers closed round his wrist. In his current state of mind, he half expected his assailant to be the harbinger of death itself, sickle and black robe and all, but- no, no self respecting grim reaper or horseman of the apocalypse would have such well-maintained nails or a smooth voice, like a teen idol's.

"M-mik- I mean, Miss Asahina?"

Or, to be more precise, this was the Asahina Mikuru from the future.

She looked very much like the previous times Kyon had seen her; small smile, large eyes framed with thick lashes, and a body more alluring than the high school student Mikuru Kyon was familiar with. Just as in the previous encounters with the mysterious woman, she was wearing a tight blouse, pencil skirt and a pair of heels.

She was stood in the doorway of an empty classroom, and Kyon had been so busy he hadn't noticed her until she took hold of him.

Not that he was opposed to her sudden reappearance.

Even though this woman was a far cry from the Mikuru Asahina he knew, it was still some comfort seeing that familiar face.

At least, it was _somewhat_ familiar, being perhaps ten years older than the face Kyon was more accustomed to.

"What are you doing here?"

In response, older Asahina gave a small grin, and held a finger to her lips.

"Shh. Not here in the hallway," she said. Her voice was conspiratorial, like a child planning to prank their little sister by putting hydrogen peroxide in their shampoo.

Not that Kyon suspected Mikuru was capable of such things. She didn't seem to a have a malicious bone in her body. The Mikuru Kyon knew wasn't capable of hurting a fly. This older Asahina was more of an enigma, though; like a friend you hadn't seen in a long time, who visited you after so many years and you found they had changed into a completely different person.

Kyon couldn't bring himself to be distrustful of anyone sharing Mikuru Asahaina's face, though she was still a little suspicious.

_Just like all the other people I know then._

"Come with me," said older Asahina, beckoning Kyon into the empty classroom she'd snagged. Kyon's eyes hovered over the nameplate on the door. The occult club, huh? Kyon hadn't been aware of such a club before; it sounded like something Haruhi'd like. Not that the name of the room or it's purpose during school hours was relevant, considering it was completely empty inside.

Obediently, Kyon followed older Asahina, like a rat following the Pied Piper.

"Ah, I remember this place. It sure brings back memories," said Older Asahina conversationally, as she took a seat atop one of the desks. Smiling genially, she crossed her legs, uncrossed them crossed them again (Kyon tried not to look. Really, he did), and folded her arms. "I was such a child back then."

Flipping her chestnut hair over one shoulder, older Asahina began to scan the darkened club room with a nostalgic expression on her face. Her lips were curved into a gentle smile; a smile more beautiful than the Mona Lisa. Her thoughtful expression was lovely enough to drive painters to insanity trying to capture her perfect likeness, and the greatest poets would've been unable to compose an adequate number of stanzas to describe it.

Kyon didn't want to try fitting adjectives to older Asahina. The challenge sounded about as daunting as canoeing round the Cape of Good Hope.

The younger Mikuru was like a rosebud. The woman sat before him was the flower in full bloom.

Then again, when compared to the pretty faces of Haruhi and Nagato, Asahina's beauty was not quite so unparalleled. All Kyon's fellow SOS Brigade members were scoring above average when it came to looks.

Kyon had a vague feeling, if he hadn't been around such pretty girls from the start of high school, he'd be completely powerless in Older Asahina's gaze.

Taniguchi would probably expel five pints of blood out of his nose if confronted by Older Asahina.

_...That's kind of an amusing image._

Kyon tracked Older Asahina's gaze across the room, wondering what it was exactly she was reminiscing over. Despite being an 'occult club', the actual room was fairly standard; tables, chairs, a few bookshelves- it was pretty much a carbon copy of every other room in the school. Nothing remarkable. Apart from, maybe the sheer amount of unlit candles, scattered on almost every flat surface.

_Now, I'm sure that's a fire hazard. Doesn't the school mind this? I'm sure it's against the rules and regulations._

_...Then again, they've continued to allow the SOS Brigade to exist for this long, and it really _is _a pointless club. In fact, I don't think it's even considered a legit club at all. At least the Occult Club has some kind of purpose._

_I wonder if they read from Satanic texts and sacrifice goats?_

_Are the candles for some kind of vigil?_

_And... is that a human skull?_

_Okay, that's _slightly _strange._

_What kind of people have I been going to school with? Am I _really _the only normal one? No, that's too depressing to contemplate! There must be some sense left in the world._

"Miss Asahina, do the SOS Brigade become involved with this club at any point in the future?" Kyon asked curiously.

He really wanted nothing to do with a club that hoarded fire hazards and human body parts like it was going out of business, but it sounded exactly like the sort of thing Haruhi could get into.

"E-eh?" Older Ashina turned to Kyon with wide eyes. "You haven't met then yet...?"

Kyon shook his head.

"O-oh! I'm sorry! Heheh..." Asahina gave a nervous laugh, and tucked of strand of hair behind her. "F-forget that. It doesn't matter. Really."

Then, she sighed, and murmured under her breath, "Ah. I did it again."

A confused Asahina was just as adorable as any other of her faces. Kyon couldn't help but grin a little at this.

_She's still just as scatterbrained than when she was younger. It's nice to know she doesn't become a completely different person. I'd be unhappy if she turned into a complete stranger._

_Still, you'd think she'd research this stuff before going back in the past. It sounds like tricky business- you could really mess up if you don't take it seriously._

_Who could mad at that face, though?_

"Anyway," said Asahina, shifting gracefully on the desk. Another sunflower smile spread across her lips. "It's been such a while since I've seen you, Kyon."

"You say that every time I see you."

Asahina tilted her head quizzically. "Oh? Is that so?"

Kyon nodded.

"Well then, never mind. I can skip formalities, then. There isn't much time left."

Asahina's voice was light and musical, but it couldn't dispel the feeling of trepidation curdling in the pit of Kyon's stomach. Even though Asahina's appearance was more than welcome, Kyon couldn't but feel she was going to tell him something terrible to completely offset her beautiful smile. It would be like biting into a peach, only to find there was nothing but a pit inside.

What did Asahina mean by 'not enough time'?

That would've sounded nicely dramatic in a movie, but it wasn't something you wanted to hear so much in real life.

_Does she mean not enough time for her?_

_Or for the world in general?_

_Maybe both._

"It's a shame, because I'd like to talk you more. But, it can't be helped," said Asahina. "I assume you know what I'm here for, correct?"

"I have my suspicions."

_Your primary function is to say something enigmatic, smile like the sun__set, and then leave again as though you were never here to begin with, right? That seems to be how you roll._

_Ah, somehow, in the future, Mikuru Asahina __becomes rather cool._

_I wonder how that happened?_

Asahina began to giggle softly, though she kept one hand over her mouth in true ladylike fashion.

"Hee. That's right. It really is best for self-preservation if you're suspicious of others around you."

Kyon just glanced at Asahina, with an expression filled with questions marks.

"You remember my past self already warned you not to become too close to me?" said Asahina. Her voice was tinged with a wistful quality, like someone looking back at an old photograph. Which, Kyon supposed, was exactly what she was doing, but Asahina was able to revisit these photographs, these 'moments in time', as herself. Or something like that. "I wish you had listened. In fact, I wish you were more cautious of those around you in general. How do you know they don't have ulterior motives?"

"Do you?" Kyon asked, before he could stop himself.

However, Asahina didn't take umbrage at the remark. She didn't seem the sort to get worried about such petty things, at any rate. Instead, she smiled, and said, "That's classified."

"Ah, but I didn't come here to lecture you. I forgot myself. I'm sorry."

"It's alright."

"I'll offer you a piece of advice, okay? And this_ is_ relevant to why I came such a long way." Smile. "Don't go searching for Miss Suzumiya."

She spoke the words without a trace of malice.

"H-huh?" Kyon asked, confused. He blinked a couple of times, as though this would help his understanding.

It didn't.

"What do you mean, 'don't search for her'?" Kyon echoed. "But Nagato said-"

"You might be able to catch her if you run. But the odds are rather low. Let's see..." Asahina tapped her lower lip, as she searched for words. Finally, she gave a small 'aha!', as though she'd been hit atop of the head with an apple and discovered gravity. "If you were a horse in a race, I'd say your odds in reaching Miss Suzumiya first would be about fifty to one."

_Wait, what do you mean, 'first'? Who's after Haruhi? Other people are looking for her?_

_And those odds aren't very encouraging..._

"To tell the truth, I wouldn't bet on you," said Asahina, still with that angelic smile.

_So you don't trust me?_

_It's worse being told something like that by a beautiful girl than anyone else. I don't know why. But... Sheesh._

"What's wrong with Haruhi?" Kyon asked.

"Nothing, at the present time. But later on..." Asahina smiled, and shook her head. "I'm sorry. I can't tell you. It's classified. You'll find out for yourself soon enough, anyway." Asahina was looking up at the clock on the wall. By this time, she had uncrossed her legs, and was swinging them childishly like pendulums. Now, she jumped off the desk, and offered Kyon another beatific expression. "Soon, you'll realise what I mean. But I can't offer any more information regarding Miss Suzumiya at this moment."

With an apologetic look on her pale face, Asahina bowed formally. As she did so, strands of hair cascaded over her shoulders, and her open shirt revealed enough cleavage to display that star shaped mole; proof it was, indeed, the genuine Asahina. The real article. One hundred percent.

_It's strange I'm placing so much emphasis on that, considering I never even doubted she was a fake._

_Or maybe her words just hit me harder than I thought._

_'Don't trust anyone', huh?_

_Is she implying something about herself, from both the present and the future? Or, would that be, the future and the even-more-distant future?_

_And what about Koizumi?_

"I'm positive you'll see Miss Suzumiya rather quickly. Just don't go looking for her, alright? It'll be a waste of time. Don't they say it's easier to find what you're not searching for?"

"Do they?"

_I've never come across that expression before._

"Or maybe it's 'good things come to those that wait'..." said Asahina uncertainly, tilting her head. "But does that apply to the situation?"

_Not really._

"Ah! Anyway! It doesn't matter," said Asahina, clapping her hands together. It looked like she was getting ready to pray at a temple with that pose, and that serene expression. Her peaceful face did not seem suitable for the current situation. Then again, she did come from the future. She must've known the outcome of events already. Was that how time travel worked?

There were too many paradoxes for Kyon's brain to cope with.

These were logic puzzles better left for Nagato or Koizumi. They could have near indecipherable conversations about time and memory and physics and space that might as well have been in a different language, or random words picked from a dictionary, for all Kyon knew.

Well, as far as Nagato _could _'converse', anyway. Her speaking skills were somewhat limited, like that of a shy girl's with a stutter.

"You've already spoken to Nagato and I, but there's somebody else you haven't seen yet. And I'm sure they're dying to see you," Asahina continued.

"Its- Koizumi?" Kyon's eyes widened at Asahina's offhand comment.

Then again, what cause did he have for surprise?

It would only make sense he talk to all three supernatural members of the SOS Brigade in a dire situation like this, right?

So why was the mention of the esper making him feel so strange? It felt like he'd just eaten something out of date, because his insides didn't feel all that great.

Asahina merely smiled in her mysterious way, and said lightly, "That's classified."

Her catchphrase.

Since when did Mikuru become so enigmatic? Was this the result of living in some post-apocalyptic future where anything cute or innocent was doomed to wither and die? Kyon had half a mid to ask her where, exactly, she came from, but he knew there wasn't any point. He'd get the same reply.

"Although, if I were you," Asahina said smoothly, "I would go and wait at those train tracks for a while."

_The train tracks, huh?_

_Somehow, I'm not surprised._

_Everything seems to happen there. If this were a video game, that would be the point where most of the important plot twists are revealed._

_What's so special about them, though?_

_And only yesterday I resolved not to go there anymore._

"Why? What's going to happen there?" Kyon asked, though he spoke with no real hope his questions would be answered. If there was one thing older Asahina was good at doing, it was being enigmatic.

It must've been a stipulation of time travel; you can give hints vague enough to unnecessarily confuse, and when somebody asks questions, be as unhelpful as humanely possible.

Asahina certainly lived up to Kyon's expectations.

She smiled, put a finger to her lips, and said softly, "That's classified."

Then, she turned on the spot, hair fanning out behind her as she did so, and exited the room. She didn't even look back. But Kyon was sure, with that beautiful expression, she was wishing him good luck, too.

* * *

For summer, it sure was cold.

Kyon shuddered, as he jammed his hands as deep into his coat pockets as they would go, and wordlessly cursed the weather for being so unpredictable. It was just like Haruhi- sunny one minute, freezing and prickly the next.

He sighed.

_Well, it's not like she didn't have a reason to be angry this time._

_I didn't mean to snap at her like that, but can I really apologise if all I said was the truth? Or, in situations like this, does the truth not matter? Would it be best to tell lies to make everything better?_

_But if I retract everything I said, Haruhi won't have learnt anything from it._

_...Then again, I doubt she learnt anything, anyway._

_Is it really right to try and change someone's personality? That's something that happens gradually, not by force._

_Urgh._

Kyon let his head fall into hands, thankful there was nobody else there to witness the crazy high school student, sighing to himself and hitting his face with his palm. A person like Haruhi could do all kinds of crazy things without any regard for those around her (hadn't she said she didn't care about others because they were boring?), but Kyon had rather more pride than that.

Even if belonging to a club with the ridiculous name 'SOS Brigade' had taken a severe hit at his social status, he hadn't given up on himself completely.

_Haruhi..._

When Kyon closed his eyes, he could see her; that energetic, over-zealous, no-common-sense girl who bossed everyone around and dragged him after her like a dog on a leash.

It seemed immensely unfair that he should be so dominated by her when she wasn't even there.

_I wonder if she's okay._

_What on Earth did Asahina mean, when she said 'don't chase after her?' That sounds way too ominous. I appreciate her trying to help, but now my head's filled up with even more questions than before._

But Haruhi wasn't the only person on his mind. She may have been the most important being in the universe (at least, that was what Mikuru and the others believed), but Kyon had enough room in his head for more than one person.

His existence wasn't based solely on observing Haruhi.

He did notice other things, too.

He had thoughts beyond Haruhi Suzumiya, even when she was at her most volatile and he was feeling guilty.

_Koizumi..._

Haruhi was not the only person he needed to apologise to- and he wasn't even sure he _did _need to apologise to Haruhi because maybe she had deserved it, or maybe no person deserved to be spoken to like that, but if he didn't tell her she wouldn't learn but maybe she was, little by little over time, by herself, and if Kyon interfered he'd only make her moods worse and, and...

And whatever.

Kyon sighed.

He didn't know. He wasn't an esper or a time traveller from the future. He didn't have any supernatural powers to aid him. Haruhi was too complicated for entire alien species to understand, let alone one normal high school student. It'd be easier to find an explanation for Escher's repeating stairs.

Kyon didn't know how Haruhi felt.

He didn't know if he had done something wrong, or something- ultimately- good.

But Kyon _did _know he'd been incredibly selfish when it came to Koizumi and his other esper friends. Why did he choose to confront Haruhi one day after Koizumi got beaten around trying to protect him from a girl who subscribed to the Ryoko Asakura school of reason and problem solving? That wasn't a smart thing to do. Koizumi had been half-dead, almost catatonic, after that- he should have been allowed to rest, not dragged along to sort out another one of Kyon's messes...

It hadn't been fair.

With a irritated scowl, Kyon pressed a fingertip to the bridge of his nose, as though contemplating a complex logarithm.

_You're thinking too much._

_You __**always**__ think too much. And where does all that imagery come from, anyway? Why can't I think of any similes like the ones in my internal narration when it comes to school work? But usually, you over-think things like Mikuru or being annoyed with Haruhi or what to make for dinner or Mikuru or how nice Mikuru looks in her maid's dress or Mikuru's boobs._

_Certainly not Koizumi._

_This is beginning to give me a headache._

_This whole situation is just one big migraine._

_What I wouldn't give for some Tylenol right now. Or maybe just a cup of Mikuru's tea, brewed with her dainty, doll-like fingers, nurtured into fruition with her gentle smile._

_-But Mikuru isn't here anymore._

_You might never see that sight again if you don't do something to rectify this situation._

_And Koizumi..._

"K-kyon?"

Kyon's head whipped round at the sound of his name, eyes wide.

_Haruhi?_

Or maybe something worse.

Kyon's eyes widened.

Itsuki Koizumi was stood- make that slumped- a few feet away from him, leaning heavily on a lamppost for support. Except, was it Koizumi? He may well have been a deceptive mirage. Stood in a spot of harsh light, his face looked even paler than normal. His exhausted expression was even more pronounced; the smattering of cuts and the bruise on his jaw were shocking against the white skin.

Usually, Koizumi looked like a model for a fashion magazine, what with his pristine hair and wide smile.

Now, he could've been a random bloodied victim in a documentary about gang violence.

It looked like his lip was split, and his eyes were unfocused, though the trace of a smile still clung to his face.

_I'm beginning to see this beat up version of Koizumi quite a lot lately._

_You need to get a new part time job, esper boy. This whole 'mysterious member of an organisation that finds off mysterious magical high schol girls and mysterious magical blue giants' thing isn't working out for you._

_Why couldn't you do basketball in your spare time or whatever like a normal person?_

"Koizumi, are you... okay?"

It was such a stupidly inadequate question Kyon rolled his eyes at himself for bothering to ask.

_What, you're not satisfied until he admits with his own words that he's well and truly lost?_

_You'd think this would be kind of cathartic, considering all those times Koizumi tried to show off by using his esper skills, but this is just flat-out depressing. I'd rather decapitate kittens than witness this._

"I've never-" Cough. "-felt better-" Cough. "-thank you."

Koizumi gave a humourless smile, as he struggled to keep his eyes open- or, at least, semi-open. It seemed to be all he could manage.

"K-kyon, I thought you were meant to be _perceptive_," he added.

"Ah... I guess that was a stupid question to ask."

"Y-yeah. Just a little." Cough.

At least all his blood was on the inside of his body. That was something to be thankful for.

Koizumi's legs seemed to give out, not strong enough to hold him up. His knees hit the cold, grey sidewalk, but Kyon was by his side in an instant before his brain had really registered what he was doing. In the same way he had comforted his sister countless times before when she tripped and fell, Kyon put his arms awkwardly around Koizumi and somehow managed to pull him upright.

"Haha..." Koizumi gave a weak laugh. "I should be the one who protects you, right? _I'm _meant to be the ones with-" cough "-physic powers. This is so... pathetic."

Kyon shrugged, tried to keep his voice light. He very suspected the timer on the universe was ticking down at a quicker speed- he didn't want to spend his last seconds on earth arguing with Koizumi, or listening to any psychological or sorry-for-myself spiel.

"Role reversal isn't too bad. It makes me more important, for once."

"I-in Miss Suzumiya's eyes, you were-" cough, cough "-always the most important."

"Yeah, but it'd be nice if her favour came with some kind of power. At least now, I know your esper squadron isn't completely indestructible."

"You know that already, though. You saw what Emiri did..."

Koizumi sighed.

"T-to be honest, y-you've been seeing this-" Koizumi gestured to himself "-far, far too much lately. Hahaha... You might start to think my powers are-" cough "-completely useless. Heh."

"I thought your powers were useless and impractical from the moment I found you couldn't use them to heat up coffee."

"Is that so."

"Koizumi."

"Still on second name terms?"

"Shut up." Kyon had to marvel at his own ability to act like an asshole, even when he was trying to comfort Koizumi- though he presumed his normal behaviour would be far more reassuring than any outward signs of concern. "Anyway, how is the closed space? Bad? Is it-?"

Another pained expression flitted across Koizumi's face.

"It's getting bigger. In a few hours, it should've-" cough "-covered the Earth. Maybe."

A silence stretched between the pair, Kyon's eyes wide.

Koizumi laughed softly, even though, judging by his expression, it hurt. Maybe he'd ruptured something inside, then?

"I'm not joking this time. I'm being deadly serious."

It shouldn't have been a surprise. Nagato had told him that much. And yet, coming from Koizumi's mouth, it sounded worse. Maybe it was because Nagato's cold analysis of the situation had made it sound more like a movie synopsis than a real event. Or maybe it was because Koizumi had never professed to being 'deadly serious' before.

So Kyon said the only thing he could think of.

"And still, you continue to smile."

"Heh. It's a talent."

"And fighting off these blue giants isn't?"

"N-not anymore. Not these ones..." The tone in Koizumi's voice was about as defeated as the esper looked, but still that small smile did not waver. "T-they were too strong. Bigger. Too many of them, too. We were overrun..."

He paused to cough again, until Kyon worried he wouldn't stop. There were small tears beading in the corners of his eyes when he had finished, and his voice sounded raw. Not smooth or alluring at all.

"W-we tried to fight back. It didn't work... A-and I was already so tired. We were pushed back easily... I-I think the shinjin somehow managed to push us out of the closed space, scattered us everywhere... Or maybe most of them left by themselves. Ran away. B-because they realised it was useless. Something like that."

Koizumi leant against Kyon more heavily. Talking seemed to sap him of energy. Kyon's grip round his middle tightened.

"H-how did you know where to find me?" Koizumi asked, after a pause. "It can't be a coincidence."

"It was Asahina."

"Hn? But isn't she...?"

Koizumi didn't say 'gone', but he didn't have to.

Kyon already knew about Mikuru, but the reinforced knowledge that Mikuru was gone- erased from this timeframe as though she'd never been there at all- was a blow to his heart all over again. And it didn't help that Nagato had declared herself useless, and Koizumi was... well, _this._

"It was Older Asahina," Kyon clarified. "The one from the future. She knew."

"Ah. Well, that makes sense. Why didn't she tell you where Haruhi was? Why did she tell you about me?"

Kyon himself had been wondering that.

"I... don't know," he admitted hesitantly. "I did ask, but she said-"

"'I'm sorry, it's classified'?" Koizumi asked.

"Yeah. How did you know?"

"Because my Agency has attempted to negotiate with Asahina's for three years. And-" cough "-always, the reply was the same. 'That's classified'." Cough, cough.

Koizumi slunk against Kyon's body even more at this new bout of coughing. If this were an RPG, Koizumi's character would be running severely low on HP and MP at this moment. Kyon needed a white mage here, or a high potion or something, because phoenix downs would be too little, too late.

It would've been even better if he could open up his saved game just before the point he confronted Haruhi.

"I don't trust time travellers," said Koizumi, though there wasn't any real bitterness to his words. He said it simply, like stating a fact. He may well have said 'the sky is blue' or 'we're all fucked'; they were both perfectly correct statements.

"Why not?"

_I can't imagine anyone not trusting Asahina__, she's so small and dainty and pretty._

_You'd feel like a bad person for questioning her motives._

Koizumi let out a soft exhale of air, resting his head atop of Kyon's shoulder.

"Well," he began. Even though his voice was still ragged with fatigue and illness, broken by coughs and inhaling for breath, there was enough of his usual smooth tones in there to make Kyon shudder. "To monitor Miss Suzumiya, they send Miss Asahina. She is not the most senior member of their agency- there are many time travellers more experienced than her who would not be out-of-place in our school. But they sent the time traveller who matches with _your _image of the 'perfect woman'. A coincidence?"

"H-hey..." Kyon was beginning to feel uncomfortable, and Koizumi being pressed so close against him was not even the main cause. "You don't mean Mikuru's manipulating me?"

Koizumi sighed.

"Who can say? It's just a hypothesis. But you trust Mikuru based on her appearance... It means their agency has more control over you. They can manipulate your actions through an agent like Mikuru and-"

"Itsuki."

"W-what?"

As Kyon had expected, the use of the esper's first name silenced Koizumi as effectively as a fist to the face would have done. Koizumi blinked at Kyon in surprise, his smile faltering for a split second due to shock. The harsh spots of light cast from the streetlamp above showed the light flush on Koizumi's cheeks only too well.

"Older Asahina wouldn't have told me to find you unless there was a specific reason. Even if your agencies have opposing ideas about Haruhi, neither of you wants to see the world end, right? And I just can't believe Mikuru would be so under-handed. I _trust _her. _You're_ by far the most suspicious one, trying to turn me against the others."

Kyon's words were aggressive, strong enough to make Koizumi flinched, as though he'd been physically slapped. His eyes widened even more than before, lips still parted in that 'o'.

Then, he turned his head.

Smiled.

"You're right, of course. You can't trust me, either. Maybe that's the wisest thing to do, considering..."

Kyon quirked a brow. "Considering?"

"For Miss Suzumiya's sake, it would be best if you weren't too close to any of us. Although, that may be too late now."

Kyon sighed. "Of course."

But Older Asahina had sent him there for a reason, he was sure of it.

It wasn't too late.

It couldn't have been, or there would be no future. Older Asahina wouldn't have existed to give him instructions. Or... did time travel work like that? Kyon didn't know, there were too many paradoxes, too much baseless speculation.

Why was Koizumi so important, though?

Nagato was far more powerful than Koizumi. She was one of the most powerful beings Kyon had ever seen. Even if you levelled your main character to 99 in a video game, chances were, Nagato would still be more super-powered, with an even wider range of skills in her arsenal. And Nagato had admitted this problem was beyond her abilities to solve. What could Koizumi do that Nagato couldn't?

The sound of Koizumi's voice managed to drag Kyon out of his thoughts, however.

"And I think..." Koizumi began shakily. Bit his lower lip. He sounded unsure. "Maybe I'm the most untrustworthy because..." He cut himself off. "Ah, it's selfish of me. I shouldn't-"

"It's never stopped you before. You're usually selfish."

Koizumi gave a small smile. "It amazes me how, no matter the situation, you always manage to retain your unwavering charm."

"Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit."

Koizumi laughed softly. "I apologise."

"You should. I wasn't assigned the role of 'handsome mysterious transfer student'- I can say what I want."

"'Handsome'? Really?"

Kyon couldn't help but roll his eyes. "Stop fishing for compliments. I'm not going to sing your praises, you know."

"I know. I'm not Miss Asahina."

Even though Koizumi's face remained passive, that pleasant smile still in place despite the split lip and bruising, Kyon couldn't help but note some discord in his tone. Was that... _envy_?

Come to think, Koizumi's previous speech about Mikuru had contained traces of this, too.

"Itsuki."

Kyon only had to speak the esper's name for the other's shoulders to stiffen, the smile to freeze. With another sigh (was it catching? Koizumi had been doing that a lot lately. Maybe it was a symptom of some oncoming melancholy? _That _was catching, too), Koizumi turned his head away from Kyon.

"Sometimes," said Koizumi. His voice was shaky, and not just from pain. "I feel... Well, you shouldn't trust any of us. It would be logical. All of our agencies wish to manipulate your actions in some manner to suit their own means. And I can't say I agree, but..."

"But?"

"I wish you would trust me as much as Nagato and Miss Asahina." Koizumi spoke quickly, without his usual sense of calm and control. He didn't sound like himself. He sounded almost nervous. "I-I... Maybe that's why I saved you from Miss Kimidori, I think. Well." He breathed in, trying to gather his thoughts. "Obviously, I couldn't let you be hurt- that would be very problematic for the Agency. But I, personally, did not want you to be hurt because I... I see you as a real friend, Kyon. And I want you to trust me. To see me in the way you see Miss Asahina..."

Koizumi shook his head and laughed softly. This sudden reappearance of his usual mask left Kyon no time to ask questions, because Koizumi was talking again.

"Please, disregard that. I should say it's a joke. Would you believe that, I wonder?"

But the rhetoric was just a way of hiding. Kyon was almost one hundred percent convinced of this. Again, Koizumi had told him something important- and then, immediately after, backtracked on it; tried to pretend it had never happened.

Kyon narrowed his eyes.

Even when Koizumi spoke honestly, it was still nigh impossible to translate his words into anything remotely resembling a human language. It would be easier to have a conversation with Shamisen- except, haha, he'd already done that.

"No. I wouldn't believe that."

"It seems I am in quite a dilemma then," said Koizumi cordially, though Kyon could detect his unease in the way he looked at the floor. Koizumi exhaled slowly, deliberately, bangs fluttering in the breeze.

"Are you planning on engaging in a normal conversation any time soon, or are your shoes really _that _riveting, Itsuki?"

It was probably unfair to use Koizumi's first name when it unfailingly got such a reaction from the esper, but Kyon couldn't resist.

Koizumi was hiding something.

This couldn't have been the reason Older Asahina had brought him here, could it?

"I could explain in simpler terms," said Koizumi. "If you would prefer me to be straightforward."

"Now, that _would _be something impressive. I can't imagine _you_ being straightforward about anything; don't you need to build up some mystery and abuse a dictionary before you revel anything in terms I can understand?"

"It's part of my job description."

"And it's irritating as all hell."

"I can't help it; my role in Miss Suzumiya's was already predetermined. I shouldn't step beyond my role, I shouldn't... I can't afford to give in to what I want. I'm not so important to Miss Suzumiya that she wouldn't replace me if I defied her expectations; or even if she merely became bored. I'm expendable."

There wasn't any bitterness to his voice, as one would expect. Just a tired sense of resignation. This was somehow even worse.

Kyon rolled his eyes.

"Fine then. Don't tell me."

"Hn?"

"Don't tell me. I mean, I know you obviously want me to know, and you'll beat yourself up about it if you miss the chance, but whatever- it's your life. It's not my fault if you want to ruin it."

Koizumi smiled sadly. "Trust me, my state right now... It is far more detrimental to my existence than you know."

"I won't know until you tell me."

"Then, if that's the case... Ah... Please forgive me."

And with that, Koizumi leant forwards, tentative, cautious, light pink splashed across his cheeks, as he placed his fingers under Kyon's chin and pulled him in for a shy kiss.

* * *

The moment Kyon felt Koizumi's lips on his own, he froze. Not even his fingers twitched. His eyes remained open, the pupils too small in a sea of white.

It was over in a split second.

It felt like it lasted far longer.

Koizumi blinked at Kyon, flashes fluttering like a china doll, cheeks still delicate pink. His face was eerily reminiscent of Mikuru's when Haruhi forced her into stupid cosplay; wide-eyed and innocent and completely adorable.

Kyon couldn't help but wince at this comparison.

Comparing _Koizumi_, of all people, to the personification of perfection was just... awkward. Being around Koizumi in general was just awkward, but his space-invading tendencies had overstepped the mark this time.

Kyon had kissed people before. He'd kissed Haruhi- but that was completely different.

What he'd shared with Koizumi had barely been a kiss at all.

Even so...

Kyon's thoughts were scrambled; there were too many of them, his brain was tuning into too many frequencies all at once, and it was giving him a headache. Was everything always this complicated?

And, sadly, the answer was yes.

Nothing had been normal since Kyon had met Haruhi. She was an unstoppable force of nature, causing every aspect of Kyon's nice, normal life to go flying out of control. Without Haruhi, Kyon would not have known Nagato or Mikuru or Koizumi or about aliens, espers, time travellers, and he wouldn't be stood here right now at the end of the universe staring at the esper who had just kissed him.

It took several attempts for Koizumi to work up his usual mask, and even then it was punctured, a shallow imitation of his normal dazzling smile. His fingers were shaking, and remnants of the blush were still there, like stage make-up that hadn't been wiped away thoroughly enough.

Koizumi was right, his acting skills really _weren't _that good.

At least, not around Kyon.

Koizumi blinked as though trying to dislodge something from his eye, opened his mouth, spoke about a syllable and a half ('just k-') but Kyon was too quick. He reached forward, grabbed Koizumi's collar with one hand, and slapped the free one over the esper's mouth before he could say anything else.

"If you say 'just kidding' I am going to break your jaw_._ Got it?"

It was Koizumi's turn to be surprised now. The mask crumbled away like dust; Kyon had no doubt he wasn't smiling anymore.

Well, good.

Koizumi nodded slowly, and Kyon dropped his hand.

"I... I'm sorry, I shouldn't have..." Koizumi's voice trailed away weakly. Then, to Kyon's amazement, he let out a expletive, quietly, but not so quietly Kyon could not hear, and ran a hand through his hair, until it was almost as dishevelled as Kyon's state of mind.

Kyon stared at Koizumi.

Somehow, swearing didn't fit Koizumi's image. At all.

Well, Koizumi _had _said it was only an act.

Kyon knew that better than others.

Kyon watched as Koizumi worked himself into some kind of frenzy, his fingers still twitching, still running through his messy hair, until Kyon reached forwards to take hold of his hand.

He didn't want to watch that anymore.

"K-kyon?"

"Koizumi," Kyon replied levelly. "What was that for?"

"You _really _have to ask?" Koizumi looked incredulous. Then, that smile resurfaced, along with a soft laugh. "For a perceptive person, you can be incredibly dense. I... I..." Koizumi inhaled. Exhaled.

"I care about you, Kyon. And-" Koizumi shook his head. "...This is embarrassing."

Kyon was inclined to agree with Koizumi.

"I can't... I shouldn't feel this way. I was prepared to act friendly towards you no matter your personality, who you were, because... That was mission." Koizumi smiled wanly at Kyon. There was nothing cheery about it. "I didn't except to actually_ like_ you. I wish I didn't. Heh... You must feel the same way.

"I want you to trust me, but you shouldn't. I shouldn't endanger everyone with my own feelings, my mission- you should forget it, you should... Yeah... I-I-"

Kyon wasn't sure how to feel. He supposed the reasonable response would be disgusted. After all, he'd always found Koizumi aggravating to some extent, always invading his personal space, engaging in long speeches and using overly-complicated terminology, generally making a nuisance out himself. Why should this change anything?

But, behind his usual mask, there was something... strangely endearing about the _real _Koizumi. This Koizumi was the one who'd been pushed around by older siblings when he was young; who hated horror movies; who actually got tongue tied and embarrassed like other people; not the one with one stock expression who's sole purpose was to act as the mysterious transfer student for Haruhi's entertainment.

When he'd been defeated by Emiri he had been so vulnerable, far less irritating- and now, stuttering and flushing like a stock character from a dating sim, there was something even more alluring about the esper.

There was more to him a constant smile.

Kyon had just never realised it before.

It wasn't enough.

It shouldn't have been.

But, like so many other times before, Kyon was struck with the thought;_ he doesn't look good frowning._

Koizumi looked far more attractive smiling- really smiling.

Kyon felt his innards clench.

What should he say? What should he do?

And then, all of sudden, life decided to make everything far easier.

"Itsuki!" Eyes wide, panicked, Kyon grabbed hold of Koizumi's arm, heedless of the fact he was injured- the cuts weren't bleeding, he prayed it wasn't too bad.

The only accurate way of rendering Koizumi's reaction would have been "...?" If Kyon's life were a manga, his response- or lack of- could only have been depicted as ellipses. It seemed like Koizumi had been getting speech lessons from Nagato.

And then, Koizumi noticed.

He stared in horror.

"My God..."

The world was collapsing about their feet.

Kyon had never seen anything like it before, save in high budget disaster movies with impressive CGI. This was real life- in real life, the ground didn't uproot itself like that, the sky didn't shimmer like broiling soup, it didn't shake so much-

But, hell, in real life espers and aliens shouldn't have existed.

So much for logic.

And then, somewhere in the distance, Kyon heard a roar. A low, rumbling moan, that sounded about as old as the galaxy. It made his blood curdle, his heart freeze, his skin prickle.

The streets, the trees, the train track, everything was shimmering, shaking, as though seen through a veil or intense heat. It might as well have been a dreamscape. Maybe it was.

The roar was joined with more.

Many more.

A whole army.

"This could potentially be very problematic," said Koizumi distractedly.

"What is it?" Kyon asked, though he already knew.

Koizumi didn't need to tell him, though he did anyway. His words only confirmed Kyon's fears.

"It's the shinjin," he said levelly. "There are too many of them. They've outgrown the closed space."

"And when that happens...?"

"They'll spill out into our world."

Kyon stared about him in horror as his surroundings continued to glow and flicker in an eerie light, the street melted into the sky, rail road track beginning to uproot itself and-

"Kyon, watch out!"

Kyon felt Koizumi's hands on his back, pushing, and he couldn't help but think- 'oh, this is fairly reminiscent of a previous situation'.

And then his head hit the sidewalk, and he didn't think of anything else.

* * *

**a.n: **does anyone else think this is pretty melodramatic? AHAHAHAHA.  
my next haruhi fic will be better, i swear ;A;  
fff i try to write IC, but i find it kind of difficult XD i wasn't really sure how to do kyon's reaction. i mean, in canon he'd probably be all 'LOL WTF REJECTED', but in think in this fanfic his feelings had developed enough so that he wouldn't... but he wouldn't be all 'YEY I LUV U' either, but 'meh i'm neither for or against this' feelings aren't nearly as interesting as either of those two extreme emotions XD but i think it's the most realistic! oh woe! :

I kind of edited the previous chapter to make some of Kyon's words more IC as well, but only his argument w/ Haruhi the end ^_^ I should have put this in an a/n at the top of this chapter, but I can't do that after I've been putting these things at the bottom of all my chapters! I don't know why, but non... consecutive... things like that irritate me XD

renahhchen xoxo


	23. 22: Do I Really Have to Say This?

**It's a Romantic True Love Conquest, Haruhi-Chan!**

* * *

Chapter Twenty-Two:  
_A Confession! Do I Really Have to Say This?_

* * *

Kyon could feel hands on his shoulders. They were gripping into his skin so tightly he was sure they'd pull out clumps of flesh when they drew away. They were shaking him, too. He wished they wouldn't- it was quite painful. And 'quite' painful was an understatement. Kyon didn't want to sound melodramatic, not even in the confines of his own mind, but it felt like he'd been hit by a steamroller.

"Kyon? Kyon, are you okay?"

Concern.

Kyon knew that voice. Even if he forget his own name, he was sure he could never forget Haruhi- which was not necessarily a good thing. It just meant, like traumatic incidents, she was difficult to forget.

It didn't sound like Haruhi, though. Kyon could count the times her voice had displayed 'concern' off on one hand. Triumph and arrogance and general stupidity constituted for 99% of Haruhi's speech; what had caused that to change?

Or maybe there wasn't any cause at all.

Maybe this was a dream.

That was it, it had to be. Kyon must have fallen asleep during some boring SOS Brigade 'meeting' (even though 'meeting' was a grossly non-indicative title for what said 'meetings' really entailed. They were nothing more than an excuse for Haruhi to shout at people- not that she _needed _an excuse to shout at people; it was all Kyon had grown to expect of her. It was her 'thing', kind of like how it was Mikuru's 'thing' to be completely adorable and cute and yet, unfortunately, rather useless at most practical things, save brewing tea).

Kyon hoped that was the case.

He'd never fallen asleep in one of the SOS Brigade's 'meetings' before, mainly because he was half afraid Haruhi would go through with her threats and _really _give him a death sentence.

But if it _was _a dream it'd make everything so much easier. It would mean he'd never said those hurtful things to Haruhi, regardless of whether she deserved it or not. And it would mean he'd never mean he'd never... urgh... kissed Koizumi.

_I don't even want to think about that. It's much easier to believe it's a dream. Although, what the hell kind of dream would _that _be?_

_Don't they (whoever 'they' are) say dreams are the 'innermost desires of your heart'? If that's the case then that's... really disturbing..._

_...But, if it _was_ a dream, that wouldn't be a good enough answer. Everyone hates books that end like that; it's obvious the author just backed themselves into a corner and had no idea how to end it. Seriously, those kinds of authors might as well just come clean and say 'this story was a waste of time because it never happened. You might as well have stared at the wall for hours on end instead of reading this book, because I was too lazy to think of a better ending and my deadline was coming up.'_

_I guess, to those authors, money is more important than their audience. Or maybe they were trying to make some statement about 'perception of reality' or something else deep and meaningful that Koizumi would talk about with that smile on his face, but I don't care; it still feels cheap to me._

_Besides, if I can resolve this problem with the age-old 'it was only a dream' cop out, then Haruhi hasn't been working hard enough lately. Honestly, that girl's dragged me into so much crazy stuff, it'd be scary if this situation rectified itself so easily._

Kyon winced.

_All this thinking can't be good for my head._

"Kyon?" Haruhi asked. Her voice was still too soft, too sweet. Those tones were more suited for Mikuru, not Haruhi. Haruhi's default settings were loud and louder; she didn't have a compassionate bone in her body.

At least, that's what Kyon always thought- but he'd never really believed it. Not with the 100% certainty that he knew the Earth orbited the sun. But then again, human nature was far more complicated than the movements of the stars and the like- they were on a fixed path, but Haruhi was unpredictable. So maybe she was more like a comet? Or an asteroid?

_Urgh. Look at me trying to psycho-analyse Haruhi like I'm actually qualified to do this. For one thing, delving deep into Haruhi's psyche is something that could ruin a _real _psychologist's perception of reality; who knows what it'll do to me. And for another, this kind of thing is more Koizumi's forte. I don't pretend to know more about people than they know about themselves._

_I've been spending too much time with him lately._

**Far **_too much time- especially if it manifests itself with all these weird feelings..._

_Shit._

_This could potentially be a very big problem._

_Who am I kidding, this already __**is**__ a very big problem._

"Kyon, get up. Kyonnn."

Haruhi sounded worried, yes, but there was something else in her words; something slightly meaner.

"Kyon. Get up. _**Now**_."

Ah... Now Kyon knew. Haruhi was talking in her 'obey me, you lowly plebeian, I am your **Queen**' voice; a commanding style of speech that could belong to nobody else but Haruhi Suzumiya.

It was irritating, yes, but it was infinitely more comforting than her 'worried' voice. Haruhi was _never _worried- Kyon doubted she'd be fazed by Lovecraftian nightmare abominations from beyond the stars. No, she'd probably find them _cool_.

Kyon felt those hands shake him again, and he couldn't help but wince. That _hurt_- Haruhi was far too strong for her own good.

She sounded annoyed.

_Maybe I really did fall asleep in the club room, then... Haha, or maybe I'm just deluding myself._

_Okay. I guess have no choice but to open my eyes. If I don't, she might really murder me._

Resigned to a rather miserable fate, as he had been from the moment he laid eyes on that eccentric girl sat in class with a face like thunder last year, he slowly opened his eyes.

And stared.

Haruhi was leaning over him, her eyes slightly wider than normal with worry, her fingers gripping his arm with Herculean strength. When she saw Kyon was awake she pulled her hands away quickly, as though she'd been caught about to steal something or molest someone.

Then again, if Haruhi _had_ been caught doing such a thing- which she frequently did, anyway- she wouldn't have looked surprised, then embarrassed, then angry in such quick succession. She'd have disregarded the intruder/interruption completely and continued anyway, because nothing on the universe held power over Haruhi. Apart from... whatever had happened just now.

Why had Haruhi looked so embarrassed?

Kyon didn't think she _could _feel embarrassment; she'd had no problem wondering around their school in a bunny girl outfit.

But Haruhi's strange, abnormal reaction wasn't the main reason Kyon was staring; although it was a part of it.

If only Haruhi's reaction had been the _only _thing that was abnormal.

The world looked nothing like how it should have done. More like, it wasn't conforming to its own standards of physics, gravity, reality- whatever. Kyon couldn't pin-point _what _was wrong, exactly, he just knew something _was_, and the uncertainty was the most disturbing thing. It was kind of like walking downstairs in the dark and tripping; it wouldn't have been frightening in the day, but during the night when you could barely see an inch in front of your face it was enough to make your heart leap into your throat.

The color of the sky above looked slightly off. It had been painted the wrong shade of blue, but it was barely noticeable. That didn't alter the fact it _was_ noticeable, though. The stars were all hidden behind a curtain of black although Kyon swore they'd been shining seconds before. There weren't any street lamps at all.

Even though there was no light- not even the moon was visible- Kyon could still see. He knew he really shouldn't have been able to, considering it had- somehow- become the middle of the night, but that didn't change the fact he could. He could pick out every detail on Haruhi's face perfectly, from her upside V of her mouth to her narrowed eyes.

_...Ok. I'm not even going to comment on this._

_Oh, logic. How I miss you. You were the only one I could ever rely on._ _Why must you become so horribly warped upon contact with Haruhi?_

"Good. You're awake," said Haruhi. She gave a small 'humph' of irritation and turned her back on Kyon, as though he was something rather unpleasant. "You were just lying there for, like, ages. It was beginning to bug me."

"Define 'ages'?"

"A long time, okay? Just a _really _long time." Haruhi sounded angry- but it wasn't _real _anger. There was an undercurrent of something else to it, but what that 'something else' was, Kyon didn't know. Haruhi was normally so straightforward with her emotions; she wore her heart on her sleeve. Kyon never had to try to deduce the true meaning of her words.

Haruhi didn't wear a mask, or a façade, or an unreadable expression.

Haruhi was just... _Haruhi._

She never usually hid how she felt- she let everybody within a five hundred mile radius know.

This sudden secrecy was unusual.

What was wrong?

_It's probably your fault. It always is._

"Do you know where we are?" Kyon asked, looking around the strange, distorted landscape. It was familiar, but at the same, completely alien. Cold. Lifeless.

Haruhi shrugged. The movement was hardly visible.

"I don't know. One second I was lying in my bed, thinking about..." She shook her head quickly, cut herself off. That was unusual, too; Haruhi usually let words spout from her mouth like water from a tap, not bothering to filter it for any nonsense. Most of what she said was utter nonsense- removing that would be removing 50% of her standard conversation. "It doesn't matter. Anyway. I was at home, lying in bed, when- all of a sudden- I ended up here, in this weird place..."

"...Oh."

"You don't believe me?" Haruhi rounded on Kyon, her eyes narrowed, lips pursed into that trademark Haruhi frown. She looked ready to hit something.

"No, no, I believe you," Kyon was quick to reassure her.

He didn't pause to think how pathetic it was that he was so easily cowed by that short, skinny girl. Haruhi wasn't just any old girl- she was a demon. To underestimate her would result in death.

"Good. You better. 'Cause I don't lie, Kyon."

"...Okay?"

_Was that subtle stab at me? Did she really mean 'I don't lie because I'm a good person, unlike _you_?' Was she insinuating something about me?_

_I thought these weird mind games were only used by married women who were tired of their husbands leaving the toilet seat up or their socks under the bed or whatever._

_...Oh God, I hope my relationship with Haruhi hasn't become some kind of twisted 'husband and wife' thing, without me even realising it. Well... we _do _argue with each other most of the time... Maybe our relationship skipped ahead 20 years and now we've got to that stage with all married couples where they wish their significant other would just go off and die in a ditch._

_So if I'm 'married' to Haruhi, does that mean I'm having an affair with Koizumi?_

_Argh!_

_A kiss isn't an 'affair'!_

_I didn't even start it!_

"You're pulling a stupid face. Are you thinking perverted thoughts about Mikuru again?"

_No. I'm having weird thoughts about _Koizumi_, actually._

_...Yeah. That would go down well._

"Y-yeah, I guess," Kyon agreed with Haruhi nervously, looking at a point somewhere above her shoulder. He didn't want to look at the expression on Haruhi's face. "You caught me out, haha."

_It's better she assumes I'm thinking about Mikuru's boobs than Koizumi kissing me... I guess... Or, to Haruhi, would there really be such a big distinction between ogling Mikuru and kissing Koizumi? She did say in her opening speech she didn't care about boys or girls; she said genders didn't matter to her._

_But it'll be better for my pride this way._

_Or what's left of it._

"Urgh. I can't believe you. Pervert," said Haruhi, rolling her eyes.

Kyon blinked at her curiously. He had expected her reaction to more explosive.

"I would hit you," Haruhi clarified, stabbing a finger in Kyon's direction, "but I don't want to dirty my hands on the likes of you."

_Wow. You sound like a spoilt princess when you say things like that, Haruhi. Would you prefer it if you had one of your minions hit me instead?_

"Um. I'm not sure if I should be thankful or not, so...?" Kyon let his voice trail away,

"It's an insult. Be insulted," said Haruhi darkly. The threat 'or else' wasn't added verbally, but Haruhi didn't have to say it out loud; Kyon knew what she was implying by those words.

"Of course. Sorry."

It was best to agree with her when she was in a bad mood.

"Humph." Haruhi sighed. "Man. It sucks that I get stuck in some place like this-" she gestured towards the darkened streets, which seemed to be pulsating slightly like some strange dreamscape, "-with _you_."

_At the moment, the feeling's mutual._

"How did _you_ get here, anyway?" Haruhi asked.

_Oh, you know, the usual. I had a run-in with the Mikuru Asahina from the future, made out with Koizumi, and then, what do you know, here I am._

_Hahaha no._

_I know Haruhi's obsessed with the supernatural and stuff, but even _she_ would think I was insane if I spouted off stuff about time travel, not to mention the part with Koizumi. And if Haruhi Suzumiya starts doubting your sanity- the girl who once asked me, in all seriousness, if it was possible for human beings to levitate- then you might as well admit yourself to an asylum before you lose your mind._

"I'm not really sure," Kyon said- which was partially truthful, at least. "I was just, you know, at home-" which was not truthful at all, "-and then, somehow, I ended up here? Yeah..."

"Urgh. You're no help at all!"

"I'm sorry, your majesty," Kyon said sarcastically. Then, he winced. The words were out of his mouth before he'd had a chance to run them through his head.

Before him, Haruhi's face went through an interesting transformation. Like the life and death of a star, her expression ranged from bright shock, to a dark, rather sinister kind of icy anger.

"Don't say things like that to me. It ticks me off."

And, before Kyon could reply, Haruhi turned round in a whirl of hair and yellow ribbons and began marching off.

"You better follow me," Haruhi called over her shoulder.

"I thought you didn't care about me...?"

"I don't. In fact, I think you're annoying- _really _annoying, and stupid, and insensitive, and sometimes it makes me want to scream." Haruhi paused, the wind rustling softly through her hair. "...But something about this place is really weird. I don't like it... And if you stand around by yourself, you might get hurt. I don't want you to get hurt. Even if you are just- _arghhh_."

_I'm__ incredibly annoying and just 'arghhh?'_

_Et tu, Haruhi?_

_Have you looked in a mirror lately?_

Even so, Kyon couldn't help but feel slightly touched by Haruhi's speech. It didn't matter what she called Kyon; it was plainly obvious to all, except maybe Haruhi herself, that she really did care after all.

"Alright, Haruhi... I'll follow you," Kyon replied.

He didn't really have a choice.

Haruhi turned slightly, and though most of her face was hidden by her hair and the shadows it caused, Kyon swore he caught the slightest glimmer of a smile.

"Good. Because you'd be lost without your Brigade Chief."

* * *

Kyon wasn't sure how long they'd been walking. It was difficult judging time in that strange, alien place. It seemed almost as though 'time' was some revolutionary new concept which had not been developed yet.

The darkness surrounding them never lifted. Even though it was only a minor annoyance, considering it didn't impair the vision, it was still _creepy._

Despite the fact Kyon would never have admitted it (he didn't want Haruhi to get a swelled head, after all), he was pleased to have her with him. There something so... fearless about her. She was able to walk forward into the strangest of situations without as much as flinching. Maybe this bravery stemmed from the fact that Haruhi knew she was more dangerous than anything else out there, or maybe she was just a little bit mad, but it was still comforting.

That being said, Kyon wouldn't have minded seeing somebody _else_. It was nice having Haruhi for company, sure, but she wasn't being very talkative; she just kept walking straight ahead, face set with determination.

_We're the only people here, aren't we?_

Kyon wasn't sure when he came to that disturbing conclusion- the passage of time had become almost meaningless. But, after following Haruhi for a while, Kyon began to realise something.

Well, several somethings.

Firstly; the only noises he could hear were their footsteps on the ground, the wind through Haruhi's hair and the beating of his own heart. There was nothing else. Nothing to signify there were any other human beings- or, indeed, beings that were alive but not human- in the strange, alien world.

Secondly; he couldn't see any other signs of organic life, save for Haruhi, himself and a few trees that lined the sidewalk. There were reminders of humanity everywhere, from the houses with darkened windows to the cars left out in the driveways, but there were no other people. There weren't even any blue giants.

And thirdly (which was perhaps the most disturbing realisation); Kyon was sure they'd already passed that house... And he swore he'd seen that bridge in the background at least three times already. And... Were those train tracks repeating themselves over and over?

No matter how far they walked, or which direction they took, buildings and objects Kyon swore they'd already passed kept getting thrown back in his field of view. It felt like being in an old cartoon with recycled backgrounds.

_Okay... Something strange is _definitely _going on here._

_Maybe it's because Haruhi's with me. She's a magnet for bizarre and improbable events. Maybe if I tried to knock her out (obviously, I wouldn't hurt her) then everything would return to normal...?_

"Kyon."

Kyon started guiltily at the sound of Haruhi's voice, and turned to look at his Brigade Chief with a sheepish expression.

Haruhi's expression was dark. Her eyes were narrowed. She stared into Kyon's face thoughtfully for a while, the wind blowing her choppy brown bangs about in a haphazard chaos.

_Dear God, I hope she can't read minds now._

_Haruhi, I wasn't _really_ going to bash your head in with a rock, I promise! It was just an idle thought- everybody thinks stuff like that from time to time, right? I honestly don't have any murderous intentions towards you. At least, not _all _the time! On rare occasions- like, every blue moon or so- I actually find your company quite pleasant!_

And then, without any warning, Haruhi reached forwards and hit Kyon upside the head.

At least she hadn't shot a laser beam from her eye, or used her 'godlike' powers to reduce him to a blob of charred, smoking atoms on the floor.

It still hurt, though.

"Ow!" Kyon recoiled from Haruhi's 'attack' slightly. "W-what was that for?"

"You were pulling a stupid face."

Kyon sighed. "While I'm sure that's a valid reason to attack people in your fantasy land, it's not a valid reason for other people."

"Shut up, Kyon," said Haruhi airily, waving her hands in a 'whatever' gesture. "I can do what I want."

Kyon winced slightly at those self-righteous words.

_Urgh... When she was being quiet I wanted her to talk to me, but the moment she opens her mouth something selfish and self-important comes out._

_Does she even realise what she's saying?_

"Anyway," Haruhi continued, "isn't this place kind of weird?"

"I thought you liked weird things."

"Yeah, but this is..." Haruhi gestured about her with an overly-extravagant motion, clipping the side of Kyon's face with one of her arcing hands. She didn't notice- or, if she did, she didn't bother to apologise. "This is just _weird_. Weird, and not in a good way." She frowned. "I think this whole place is just that one street by the train tracks, repeated over and over again, and nothing's happening. It's so boring. It's like one of those psychological horror movies where you're meant to be scared by symbols and themes and stuff, and it's like 'whatever', get on with the cutting people up parts already! Why can't something cool and scary happen?"

"Speak for yourself," said Kyon. "Some people like movies like that. And I don't really want to be cut up by anything."

"Yeah, but it'd be more interesting!"

"You have a really warped idea of 'interesting'. You shouldn't have such high expectations of the world around you- it's not going to alter itself to suit your desires. And I'm _not _going to let myself be murdered so you'll have something fun and exciting to look at for a few minutes."

Haruhi gave Kyon a sullen frown, and crossed her arms. She turned away again- just as she had done before- so Kyon couldn't see her face.

"I _know _that," she said bitterly. "I know, alright? Why'd you have to go take everything so seriously? I wouldn't _really_ want you to get hurt, moron. I was just joking."

_Somebody should tell you what constitutes a 'funny' joke, Haruhi. Talking casually about my impeding murder does _not _a hilarious quip make._

_In fact, it's kind of insulting._

"Maybe this is just a dream," said Haruhi, shrugging. "Although, it feels kind of familiar. Like I've been here before." She turned to Kyon. "It feels like last time."

"Last time?"

"Man, you really are dense, Kyon. You know- that time we were at the school together, and there were those blue things, and..." Haruhi paused. If Kyon hadn't known better, he would have said Haruhi looked almost embarrassed. She dropped her head. "Well, whatever. It doesn't matter. Maybe _that_ was just a dream, too."

She paused. It looked like she was trying to convince herself of something.

"Yeah," she said, after a while. "It had to be a dream. Absolutely."

Unfortunately, Kyon knew what she was talking about.

He knew only _too_ well.

But he didn't want to remember that. He'd been trying his hardest to forget that had ever happened. _'Sleeping beauty'_ indeed. A few days after that 'event' he'd caught his sister watching that stupid movie, and it nearly gave him a nervous breakdown.

And then, somehow, Haruhi ended up being his girlfriend.

How did that work, anyway?

_Urgh. Pondering the complicated mess that is my life for any long period of time is enough to give me a headache. Why do I even bother?_

_Sometimes, I feel like myself and Mikuru are the only sane people left; and, even then, Mikuru's a time traveller from the future._

Kyon could remember being trapped in that closed space with Haruhi. He could remember it a little _too_ well, right down to the smallest detail; even though he had no real desire to.

But the place he and Haruhi were in now was significantly different from the closed space of last time.

Kyon had little understanding of the subject (this was Koizumi's area of expertise), but he wasn't entirely sure they were in a closed space at all.

For one thing, there were no blue giants. What did Koizumi call them? _Shinjin._ That was it. Kyon could remember how they had rampaged through their school, tearing down buildings- and Haruhi had stood there watching, transfixed, eyes wide with child-like glee.

And closed space didn't loop back on itself for infinity and a day, did it? The corridors of the school had not repeated themselves over and over before. But now, Kyon had a worrying feeling he could walk for years and years, and still those train tracks would be in his line of sight, mocking him.

Then, Kyon thought of Koizumi. How ill and exhausted he'd looked. He'd been fighting with the shinjin in closed space, hadn't he? He'd said there were too many of them- that the Agency and their squad of super powered esper people couldn't fight them. The world was going to be overrun with blue giants.

Maybe it was already overrun.

Did that mean the world had already been destroyed?

Was this weird, repeating landscape of train tracks and houses was Haruhi's 'new world'? Maybe it was like an embryo; a slowly-developing baby that was growing bigger and bigger in Haruhi's insane mind…

That would explain why the ground was pulsating slightly and everything looked so unstable.

This world wasn't fully formed yet.

But what would happen to everybody else? Had Haruhi not constructed new characters to populate this world yet?

Were they the only people there?

Maybe Koizumi knew something about this world. He was an esper, after all; it was his _job _to neutralise strange parallel universes created by Haruhi's manic mood swings.

Kyon sighed at his own stupidity.

He should have asked Koizumi what was going to happen to the world while he was with him.

_I didn't really have a chance to ask, though._

_Not after he kissed me…_

Kyon felt his insides constrict slightly at that memory. Koizumi had looked so sincere; completely without his mask.

His lips had been warm. His touch had been almost electric.

Kyon shuddered slightly.

He didn't want to think about that. He wanted to wipe all traces of it from his memory.

_Ah, it would be so much easier to be a computer. Then, after I'd experienced something traumatic, I could just click on the memory and drag it into the recycle bin. No hassle at all- and maybe I'd be able to get to sleep at night._

Kyon shook those thoughts aside. 'What ifs' were useless; they'd get him nowhere. The most pressing matter was where on Earth he and Haruhi were (although they weren't necessarily on Earth- the entire universe was free game) so he could get them out and try to save the world, or whatever.

_But I'm actually more concerned with saving myself. Any person would think that, right?_

…_Or does that just make me selfish?_

_I would make such a terrible shounen manga hero, I swear._

_Why does the task of 'saving the world' always fall upon me? This is, what, the _third_ time this has happened? Nagato is __way__ more qualified to handle this kind of stuff than me- they're asking the wrong person to sort this mess out. I can't regenerate my wounds or clone myself or fight zombies._

_I guess I've got to try, though. I quite liked the world as it was._

_I don't want it to be destroyed._

_I'm sure billions of other people feel the same way, too._

_Ha. I wonder what the rest of the world would think if they knew the stability of their lives all depended on the happiness of this grumpy teenage girl?_

With a sigh, Kyon sat down on the nearest wall. His feet were aching; he hadn't realised how tired he'd been until he actually stopped to rest.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Haruhi demanded, stabbing her finger in Kyon's direction.

"Sitting down?"

"Well, don't!" Haruhi said. She looked angry, as though she'd just caught Kyon staring at Mikuru's chest (which he did do occasionally. He couldn't help himself- his eyes were naturally drawn to Mikuru's bust. They were like black holes, sucking in everything within a fifty foot radius). "We still need to look around, we need to-"

"Haruhi, I think we've seen everything in this place there is to be seen," said Kyon calmly. "Look- we've passed that house about five times." He pointed. "And that one." He pointed again. "And that tree looks really familiar, too."

Haruhi paused for a brief moment. She looked around her, as though she hadn't noticed those things before. Then, with a small 'humph' of irritation, she flopped down next to Kyon.

Kyon blinked at her in surprise.

"Huh? You sat down?"

"Well, you told me to, didn't you?"

"Yeah, but I didn't think you'd actually do it."

_Based on personal experience, I just assumed you'd yell at me for half an hour, before finally deigning to do as I suggested._

"Whatever. I'm not totally unreasonable," said Haruhi, flipping her hair over one shoulder in an unnecessarily grandiose way. "I sort of knew I was going round in circles, I guess. Hmn. But when you're in weird places like this, you can't give up too easy, okay? You need to make the most of these things!"

"I don't think we'll find any aliens here, though."

_The only _really _weird alien life form here is whatever's in your brain, Haruhi._

Haruhi pouted, sticking her lower lip out like a duck's bill. "No... I don't think we will, either. This place is, like, completely empty."

Kyon nodded.

"Urgh!" Haruhi had her hands in her hair, messing it up for no other reason than irritation. "It sucks! I finally get Drifting Classroom'd into some weird parallel universe, and it's completely empty! There aren't even any freaky-cool people-eating aliens."

_We both happen to know an alien, Haruhi, and I doubt Nagato's diet is comprised of human flesh and blood. I can't say for sure because I didn't get a good look round her apartment, but I didn't see any hanging corpses with teeth marks in them. I think she drinks tea and eats ramen like any normal person._

_I would say she'd take offense at your careless comments, but I don't think Nagato has the emotional capacity to take offence at anything._

"I'd be much happier not being Drifting Classroom'd anywhere- if that's what you want to call it," said Kyon. "That was a _horrible _story; it gave me nightmares when I was a kid."

"Yeah, 'cause you're boring," Haruhi countered, sticking out her tongue. "I thought it sounded really cool! I'd love to have an adventure like that- going, like, a thousand years into the future and meeting up with weird creatures... I don't know what all those kids in that manga were so scared about. They were all babies, the lot of them."

"Huh. And the fact those 'babies' were being hunted down and eaten by giant aliens doesn't phase you at all?"

Haruhi's eyes were sparkling like precious stones. "Nope! Not at all! If it was me, I'd be all 'bring on the extraterrestrials! I can deal!'"

Kyon couldn't help but laugh softly at this.

"What?" Haruhi asked. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing." Kyon shook his head, still smiling slightly. "It's just strange how you call _me_ the weird one, when your lifetime dream is to be eaten alive by mutants."

"I think it'd be a really valuable experience! You're the one who's weird, Kyon," said Haruhi, shoving his arm lightly. "I don't understand people like you. How can you be so content to live your dull, ordinary life? Don't you ever get bored and restless? Don't you think there could be something more-" Haruhi gestured towards the oddly colored sky "-up there?"

Kyon couldn't help but shake his head at this irony.

_You think I like a 'normal life', huh?_

_You'd have to be _very_ willing to suspend your disbelief if you wanted to call my life by any stretch 'normal'. And I never wanted to be in this situation, anyway._

But, of course, Kyon didn't tell Haruhi that. He'd told her the true identities of Nagato, Mikuru and Koizumi in the past, and she hadn't believed him. Well, what sane person would? Kyon didn't want to press the point; it would only irritate Haruhi (which was very easy to do). She'd probably think he was mocking her.

_For somebody who wants to hang out with aliens and espers, she sure is reluctant when it comes to actually believing in them._

Kyon knew this was because Haruhi Suzumiya, despite her outward appearance and general attitude, _wasn't_ stupid. She wanted to believe in strange phenomena, but she wasn't so deluded as to believe such things were actually possible.

Even now, whilst they were trapped in some strange world that went on forever, Kyon knew when they escaped- _if _they escaped- Haruhi would chalk it up to being a weird dream.

Oh, how Kyon would've loved to be able to do the same.

"Of course I get bored sometimes," said Kyon, in what he hoped was a reassuring voice, "but you can't worry about what you don't have, right? Or... or something along those lines. You have to be thankful for what you _do_ have."

"What I do have, huh?" Haruhi looked at Kyon for a long while. Then, she sniggered, and turned her head away. "Man. What a load of psychological crap. You sounded kinda like Koizumi then."

"I-I did not!"

"Oh yes you did," Haruhi teased lightly, prodding Kyon in the shoulder. "You always spend so much time with him."

Kyon felt his heart shudder in his chest. He hoped he wasn't going to blush- that would just be _truly _pathetic. He didn't want to look suspicious in front of Haruhi. He didn't want to look guilty- n-not that he had any reason to feel guilty, of course. _He _hadn't kissed Koizumi.

_I didn't start it._

_If Haruhi gets into a state of world-annihilating anger then it's __**his**__ problem, not mine. Too bad that stupid esperboy had to up and leave after he did that, so he can't take the blame. How _convenient_. I can't even ask him what was going through his mind- or if _anything _was going through his mind at all!_

_Well, he __**did **__get beaten around a lot. Maybe he wasn't thinking straight._

_Haha, yeah. I'll say._

"Hmn? What's wrong, Kyon?" Haruhi asked, peering into Kyon's face. "You're pulling that weird face again."

Unnerved by Haruhi's sudden proximity, Kyon couldn't help but jump a little.

"What weird face? I don't have a weird face," he said defensively.

"Yeah you do. It's this face you pull whenever you're thinking about Mikuru in her maid's outfit when you're with me, and you feel kinda guilty about it, so you try to pretend disgusting, perverted thoughts _aren't _circulating around in that empty head of yours, but then it just kind of makes you look constipated. It's not a good look. Really."

Kyon glared at Haruhi. "I wasn't aware I had such a face."

"Of course you weren't. Nobody _wants _to look stupid. Unless you're a weirdo, of course," said Haruhi, waving her finger around in the air to further emphasise her words.

_Unless you're a 'weirdo', huh?_

_Look who's talking, Haruhi._

"Even so!~" Haruhi slapped the palm of her hand on the wall. Then she winced slightly. Obviously, she had misjudged the amount of force needed to make a resonating sound but _not _hurt her hand. And, unlike Kyon, or any of the other poor people Haruhi took to pushing around the beating up, the wall wasn't nearly so soft and fleshy; it didn't yield to her attack.

It took Haruhi a few seconds to recover- but it was a 'few seconds' too short. That worrying smirk was back on her face, as though it had never left.

"Ahem. So, what I was saying was, you do have a weird face and you're pulling it now. What happened between you and Koizumi?"

Kyon had to fight to keep himself from flinching.

When he spoke, it was through clenched teeth; he was sure it looked and sounded like he had tetanus.

_I suppose that's not a good face, either._

_Damn it._

"Nothing. Happened."

That reply was probably more incriminating that silence would have been, because a rather deranged and spiky smile was tugging at Haruhi's lips.

"Something happened. Something totally happened."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Eh?" Haruhi raised a brow and placed her fingers under her chin; a stereotypical 'I'm thinking' pose. It didn't make Haruhi look intelligent. Instead, it made her look like a small child playing at being a detective. "What's this? What's with this sudden evasive attitude?"

Kyon folded his arms, turned away. "I said I don't want to talk about it."

And, unlike some people who said 'I don't want to talk about it' as a means of building suspense before they finally revealed what they were _always_ going to reveal, Kyon truly _didn't _want to talk about it. Kyon was fairly blunt with his words; when he said something, he meant it.

Usually.

Why was it so difficult to forget that kiss with Koizumi? Mere seconds after his kiss with Haruhi, he'd stuffed the memory in the back of his mind and vowed never to look upon it again. For the most part, he was successful in upholding that vow.

But, try as he might, he couldn't push that stubborn, obtuse memory of Koizumi's sincere face and soft lips from his head.

_I think I'm going insane._

_That stupid esper has actually fried my brain._

Why hadn't he felt that way when he kissed Haruhi?

Any guy would have been overwhelmed to have a chance with Haruhi Suzumiya.

Any guy who didn't know the real Haruhi Suzumiya behind her deceptively pretty face, that is. Not even Taniguchi, a self-admitted skirt chaser who was so desperate he'd try to feel up any vaguely female-shaped creature with a pulse, was willing to try his chances with Haruhi. In his own words- 'she's a freak, man.'

But Kyon found those 'freakish' qualities about Haruhi quite charming at times (and agonisingly irksome- but that went without saying). Kyon _liked _Haruhi. He really did. Behind her cruel exterior and that upside V of a mouth, she could be fun and energetic and impossibly cheerful. There was never a dull day with a happy Haruhi.

But, at the same time, she could also be incredibly annoying- so annoying sometimes Kyon wanted to take her by her shoulders and shake some sense into her.

He felt like shaking her now.

"Huh... That sounds pretty suspicious, you know," said Haruhi. "I'm curious. You better tell me what happened, or I'll give you the death sentence!"

"Sometimes I feel like giving _you _the death sentence."

"You can't. That would be treason. High treason! My subjects can't conspire to murder me!"

_If it could happen during the French Revolution, Haruhi, it could happen to you._

"It's not fair." Haruhi was frowning again. Her brief burst of good humor had drifted off into the atmosphere. "You always seem to talk with the others more than me... Even Yuki. And she doesn't talk to _anyone_. You'd be better off having a conversation with a wall."

"Not really," said Kyon hesitantly. He didn't like the sudden turn this conversation had taken; that stormy look in Haruhi's eyes did not bode well. Then again, he hadn't liked the previous few turns their conversation had taken either, so this was nothing new. "I talk to you all the time, Haruhi. And I didn't know you were interested in being better friends with Nagato?"

Haruhi scowled. She looked so haughty, Kyon could imagine her saying that infamous line, 'let them eat cake'.

"I don't want to talk to Yuki," said Haruhi, in those frosty tones. "Not really."

"Then what were you talking about?"

"Man, you're stupid, Kyon. I don't get how you don't understand." Haruhi's voice was sharp, cutting; it was enough to almost make Kyon recoil- except he'd heard those tones thousands of times before.

It was nothing new.

And that was rather depressing.

"Maybe, if you just said what you really feel, I'd know what you mean. Then I could help you," said Kyon, trying to keep his voice level. He didn't want to argue with Haruhi- not again.

He didn't want to be trapped in this odd universe with a Haruhi who hated him.

_Nothing upsets Haruhi; she's always so bold and fearless, either with that scary smile or that equally terrifying scowl._

_It would just be _wrong _my actions had any lasting effect on her._

_I'd feel guilty._

"I shouldn't have to explain things," said Haruhi.

"I feel like we've had this conversation before," said Kyon pointedly. "And it led to an argument, remember?"

Haruhi shifted slightly. She bowed her head.

"I remember." Her voice was quiet; barely more than a whisper.

"...Haruhi?"

Whenever Haruhi spoke in a quiet, reserved voice, it heralded trouble. However, on the flipside, whenever Haruhi spoke in a loud, cheerful voice it heralded trouble, too. No matter what Haruhi did or felt, the world would always feel some kind of repercussion.

And if Haruhi's mood swings could affect the whole world, that was _nothing _compared to what they could do to Kyon.

"I remember," Haruhi repeated. She clenched her fists in her lap. "But that doesn't mean I want to!"

In a flurry of movement Haruhi jumped from the wall, spinning to face Kyon with her hands on her hips, hair blowing wildly in the wind. She looked angry. No, not just angry- _murderous_. If looks could kill, Kyon would've been dead twelve times over, pushing up the daises as a rotten corpse.

"It's not _**fair!**_ You're supposed to be **my** boyfriend- you're supposed to like **me**!" Haruhi was shouting; shouting louder than Kyon had heard her shout before, even when she was at her most exuberant. Or her most upset and angry. "But you don't! I don't get you! You spend more time with the others than me, and you're always _staring _at Mikuru, and always talking to Koizumi like you're best friends or something, and you even have conversations with _**Yuki. **_Yuki- the girl who sits like there like a piece of furniture and never does anything! But you don't look at me like that- you don't treat me same as the others! And when I talk to you, your replies are always 'you're bugging me' or 'no, that's wrong' or 'leave me alone'- and you don't even_ say_ it half the time, but I know you're THINKING it! And. It. Pisses. Me. Off!"

Haruhi paused to take in breath, and then she was shouting again. A little bit of Kyon was surprised she had anything left to shout _about_- but most of him was too stunned at her anger to comment.

Handling Haruhi Suzumiya was like trying to defuse a bomb with a blindfold on. Do I cut the blue wire or the red wire? When it came to Haruhi, Kyon could never tell. It was just guesswork.

And now he had guessed wrong.

Haruhi had just_ exploded_.

Kyon felt lucky his limbs were still all attached; what Haruhi's freaky, universe-bending powers caused his arms and legs to snap off in a geyser of blood?

"Maybe I like it this place, in this strange world, even though it's horrible and depressing and BORING!" Haruhi continued. "Because you're here, with me- _just _you and me, NOBODY else! Whenever other people are around they get in my way; you_ always_ like them more than me! I-I don't get it..." Haruhi was faltering. Her body was trembling just as much as her voice. "I-I don't get why you agreed to go out with me if you dislike me so much… You're always looking at me in that horrible, aloof, 'I'm better than you' way... And I hate it, I totally hate it! Just... I-I only want you to pay attention to me! That's it! But you never do, because you're an IDIOT- you're a moron, Kyon, and I hate myself that I can't hate YOU."

Kyon could stare at Haruhi, wide-eyed. As Haruhi's tirade build up and up, her mouth screaming and her eyes shining, Kyon was sure he could feel the earth beneath them shuddering. The landscape was moving, _twisting_, he was _sure_ of it; and the movements of the buildings, the road, the trees, _everything, _were only becoming more and more erratic the angrier Haruhi became.

_I've got to stop her._

_I've __got__ to._

"Haruhi-"

"No. I don't want to talk to you! Last time you spoke to me you called me 'horrible' and 'selfish', remember? You said I only care about myself? Well... Well what do YOU know, Kyon? You don't know _anything_- like, NOTHING about how I really feel, even though I think every other person I've ever met knows how I feel except YOU! I've decided! I don't want you anywhere near me!"

The street was beginning mutate horribly. The trees that lined the street were folding in on themselves, running into the sidewalk, creating a horrible twisted mess like a box of wax crayons left on a radiator. Color from the sky was dripping onto the ground- the two plains were merging together in a convoluted mess that didn't belong anywhere but in a child's picture. There was no horizon left anymore; there was nothing that distinguished air from land. Some of the houses were crumbling, while others were compressed and compacted. Glass in the windowpanes shattered between brick and mortar teeth.

The universe was tuned into Haruhi's emotions- and, like Haruhi, it was going haywire.

Out of control.

Berserk.

Maybe Haruhi really _was_ reshaping the universe. Maybe this was the birth of a new Earth; _Haruhi's _Earth.

Kyon shuddered to think what that would look like.

_But what's going to happen to the others?_

_What about Mikuru and Nagato and Koizumi? What about Tsuraya and Kunikida and Taniguchi? What about those blue giants, or the Agency, or the Data Integrated Thought Entity? What about those nameless background characters at school I never bothered myself with? What about all those people- so _many _people- I see passing me by, immersed in their own lives, feelings and problems? _

_What about _everyone else?

_Will all those people die?_

_Are they already dead?_

_Haruhi..._

_This has to be your most selfish action yet._

_And, even so..._

_I... understand why you're doing this._

_You're jealous, right? You're jealous, and upset, and you feel confused- and that's okay, because everybody feels that way from time to time, but they don't _destroy the universe _over it; this isn't a movie, and you aren't some cheap, one-dimensional villain with a stupid laugh and a laser cannon. This is real life- _my _life- and you can't erase it all from existence just because something happened that you didn't like! It doesn't work that way! You have to face your problems and overcome them, like everybody else!_

_And... I know I've been a problem, too._

_This is partially my fault. I should never have said those things to you- I know that know. I always knew that. I was just angry when I shouted at you._

_Nobody deserves to hear things like that._

_Or, better yet, I should never have agreed to go out with you when I wasn't really sure if I liked you myself._

_So, I suppose I understand._

_You really are troublesome, Haruhi._

_A pain._

_A nuisance._

_The bane of my life._

_But I still like you, and I don't want to see you hurt- and you're hurting now._

_**I**__ hurt you._

_And so, for that..._

"I'm sorry."

They were two words Kyon had never thought, in a million years, he'd _ever _have to say to _Haruhi_. Whenever Kyon lost his temper with her, it was always for a justified reason. Nobody else had the gall to tell Haruhi she was being rude or selfish; that always fell upon Kyon's shoulders.

He was the only one who could say those things.

Even after he'd tried to hit her whilst they were making that awful movie, Kyon hadn't apologised. He'd comforted Haruhi, but he had never said he was sorry. Kyon _wasn't_ sorry for trying to defend Mikuru. He was sorry for upsetting Haruhi, yes, but he wouldn't apologise for upsetting her because his reasons for doing so had been _right._

But this time was different.

Kyon had hurt Haruhi- and whilst he had been trying to prove a point, he hadn't done it in a very sensitive manner.

This chaos was partially his fault.

But Haruhi didn't respond to his apology.

She continued walking.

Kyon repeated it again, shouting at her back, "Haruhi! I'm telling you, I'm sorry! Accept my apology, damn it!"

There was a pause. Then, Haruhi said, simply, "No."

Kyon could only stare at her, eyes wide. "W-why not?"

"Because you don't mean what you're saying."

Haruhi kept walking and- _fuck_, how had she covered so much distance already? It didn't make any sense. Against the background of running colors and textures and the drifting debris of buildings, Kyon could see Haruhi's back getting further and further away; _too _far away.

_If this world is linked to her emotions, then it stands to reason she won't let me get close to her. This could be impossible._

Nagato's words from earlier rang through Kyon's head, clear as a bell, "Good luck."

Kyon remembered the older version of Mikuru Asahina, smiling at him like an angel. She must have known this was going to happen; she must have. Otherwise she wouldn't have come to warn him.

There was another memory, too, perhaps more vivid than both of those.

Koizumi.

His lips had felt so warm, and he'd been shaking, bleeding, and the look on his too-pale face had been completely earnest and truthful. Unguarded. Kyon had never seen Koizumi look like that before- not with anyone. And Kyon didn't know how he felt about the kiss, or... about Koizumi in general, really; his feelings were all a mixed-up mess in his head- but he knew Koizumi had to trust him, to show that hidden side of his character so blatantly.

They all trusted him.

He had to stop Haruhi.

_Even if it's impossible at this point, I've got to try._

_...Huh. Now_ that_ sort of stupidity in the face of peril and possible death sounds more like a shounen manga hero._

With a sudden burst of energy, Kyon pushed himself off the wall. He was running, running faster than he'd ever done before- but it didn't seem to be enough. Haruhi's back was still getting further and further away. As Kyon pushed himself forward, he began to feel a metallic taste in his mouth, and a pain was forming in his side. His head spun. His breathing faltered. His heart pounded.

It shouldn't have been _that_ difficult to catch up with Haruhi.

Why was he feeling so tired...?

The landscape around him was swirling madly; it was like looking through a kaleidoscope. The ground was shaking even more- some of it was actually splitting apart, and Kyon nearly tripped, but was able to keep himself upright through sheer force of will.

He had to reach Haruhi.

He _had_ to.

Even if it killed him.

Which is probably would.

_She doesn't want me anywhere near her. This world is responding to that. Everything... it's all tuned into her emotions. Is this Haruhi reshaping the world? Will she eventually get so pissed she crushes me under a building or something?_

_...Damn it._

_Damn it!_

"Haruhi!" Kyon was shouting- shouting so loudly he wondered if he'd tear his throat and his mouth would begin leaking blood. Maybe _that_ would make Haruhi pause, if nothing else would. That could be plan B, then- clawing his own throat out.

"Haruhi, listen to me! For once in your life, really **listen** to me! I heard you out! It's only fair you return the favor!"

She didn't turn around.

Kyon could feel his heart hammering in his chest. It was pounding so quickly, and with such force, it was a wonder its erratic movements had not shattered his ribs. It felt like he was being torn apart from the inside; his organs were rupturing, and he was going to die.

_Maybe I really _will _start bleeding from the mouth._

_After this, I'll never complain about running track again. Ever._

Was this pain related to Haruhi's powers? Was this another defensive mechanism- an attempt to drive him away?

Or was it just baseless paranoia on Kyon's part?

"Alright, fine!" Kyon spat at Haruhi angrily, fingers balling into fists- and as he shouted, he could feel sparks of pain flare up in his head, behind his eyes, through his body, but he ignored them; this was more important. "Fine, Haruhi! Walk away and ignore me- leave me here! Go off by yourself. See if I care. But you know what? It won't _solve_ anything! It really won't, okay? You can try and pretend you never met me, if you want to, but... but I don't see how it could work... Because I could never forget you! I don't want to! So if you have any interest in your own happiness, you'd listen to me, but… Well, you never listen to me anyway. You're so stubborn. Maybe saying this is a waste of time. Heh..." He couldn't help the weak laugh; this situation was beginning to feel useless. Haruhi's careful, measured footsteps hadn't faltered once during his speech. The pain was still there, jabbing into his skin like ice picks or needles. "Well... _I_ can't tell you what to do. Nobody ever can. So maybe this is pointless. But even if you've given up on me, I won't give up on you. Haruhi. I care about you too much for that."

"...Huh? W-what are you talking about?"

And that brief hesitation- those two seconds of doubt- was all Kyon needed.

In an instant, Kyon was reaching out, feeling shoulders underneath his hands, his fingers tightening. He blinked a couple of times, staring into Haruhi's face.

She had been a mere speck on the non-existent horizon a few seconds ago.

But now they were stood face-to-face, both breathing heavily, both looking lost and confused- and Kyon knew, as he held Haruhi in place, that she was _definitely _going to write this off a dream.

Kyon didn't care.

Relief flooded through his body.

Maybe there was still a chance...

But Haruhi was glaring at him. Her once-round, surprised eyes were now narrowed and angry. Her lips were pulled into a scowl so sharp and acute it could pierce the heart.

"Get off me, moron. I already said I have nothing left to say to you."

"I don't care."

"W-what?"

"_I _have something I need to tell you."

"I won't allow you to! I'm your _Brigade Leader_!" she retorted. Her previous confusion had dispersed in a sea of red-hot anger. "You're only a subordinate, Kyon! When I say something, you should obey. That's your _job._"

Haruhi reached out to push Kyon away, but Kyon's grip on her shoulders didn't falter. He wasn't going to let her go.

He _couldn't _let her go.

_I don't want you to destroy the world, Haruhi. There's only one universe. It doesn't have a backup copy_

_And I quite like things just the way they are.._

"I thought I wasn't your 'subordinate' anymore," said Kyon. "I thought you said you were kicking me out of the Brigade."

"Well, that's all the more reason to get off me, then!" Haruhi spat. "If you were still a Brigade member maybe I'd be more lenient. But I have no tolerance for people like _you, _and I have no reason to stand here listening to you shout at me!"

"I'm not letting you go," said Kyon, shaking his head. "I can't. Not until you accept my apology."

"You can't force me into doing it! I won't! What gives you the right to boss me around?"

"Nothing does." Kyon winced; he knew what his next words would be, and he didn't like the sound of them- not even in his head. But he had to tell her. She seemed more _sad_ than angry, and Kyon knew it was his fault.

"Nothing does, apart from the fact that I care about you. I don't want to see you unhappy, and I certainly don't want you to hate me," said Kyon.

"What?" Haruhi blinked up at Kyon in surprise. Her cheeks looked a little flushed. "Why would you say things like that... When yesterday you said you hated me?" Her voice dropped in volume; it became a dangerous-sounding hiss. "Don't lie to me. Don't say you care when you already made it clear you _don't."_

"I _do_ care about you, Haruhi. I snapped at you yesterday, and you didn't deserve it, but I only did so because I _do_ care about you. If I really hated you I wouldn't spend so much time with you; I wouldn't let you drag me along into your half-baked plans; and I definitely wouldn't be here right now, trying to convince you that I _don't _hate you. I'm not lying."

Haruhi continued to look unimpressed.

Kyon had to resist the urge to shake her.

_Oh, come on, Haruhi! I'm laying my heart out for you here- the least you could do is look like you care!_

_You're pulling the same face my sister does whenever the news comes on TV!_

_I hope I'm more interesting than a group of lying politicians in pinstripe suits, or I might just have to kill myself._

"That sounds so cheesy and contrived," said Haruhi softly. "Like something from a crappy movie. Well... I'm not going to forgive you just so _you _can feel less guilty about hurting my feelings. That's all you care about, isn't it?"

"No. It's not."

"Then what _is it _about, Kyon? What do you want?"

"I already told you."

Kyon's grip tightened on Haruhi's shoulders- and, moving so quickly Haruhi couldn't protest or try to pry him away, he pulled her into a hug.

Kyon couldn't see Haruhi's face, but he could take a rough guess at the expression it displayed.

"W-what are you doing?" Haruhi asked. She was trying to sound angry, but obvious surprise was bursting through, like sunlight through a shroud of grey clouds. "A-are you _**stupid**_?"

"I don't think so," said Kyon seriously. "I enjoy being with you, Haruhi. You're fun and energetic and... and when you're in a good mood, it's enough to make everybody else feel happy, too. Sometimes. I mean, you can be a complete _**pain**_ sometimes, and you're always dragging everyone around, and sometimes I feel like yelling at you, but when I look at your smiling face I'm... unable to really hate you... No matter what I say. Or sometimes think."

_Does that sound emotional enough? Or is that too over-the-top? It's all true, but, somehow... _Saying _this stuff the Haruhi's face (well, her shoulder) is way more weird than thinking it in my head._

_I hope she writes this off a dream._

_Aurgh. She's not saying anything? What if I made her angry?_

_...Maybe she'll try and hit me._

_I hope she doesn't hit me._

But Haruhi didn't move. Instead, she stood there, limp, letting Kyon embrace her. After a while, she gave a soft sigh, and rested her head on his shoulder.

"You sound like such an idiot," she said.

_Yeah, I'm aware of that. I was just babbling- I'm kind of under a lot of pressure here, okay? What were you expecting from this thrown together at the last minute speech, an extravagant Shakespearian sonnet?_

_I'm sorry, Haruhi, but I'm no poet._

_Instead, you get this slapdash heap of random words and sounds, and even _I'm _not 100% sure what I'm saying or what I'm trying to get at. But it's all true. This confused mishmash of not-so-meaningful words is from the heart- every last syllable is._

_I hope that counts for something._

"I know, I know. I sound stupid," Kyon agreed. "Well, I don't care; letting you know how I feel is more important. And, yeah, sometimes you annoy me, and maybe you can act a little selfish, but... I guess I kind of like you... the way you are."

Haruhi gave a small sniff- or maybe it was a sigh. It was difficult to tell.

"And I don't want our world to disappear," Kyon continued. "I might complain a lot, but I guess, in reality, I really like my life as it is. I like spending time with you, and being a member of the SOS Brigade. I think maybe even that stupid name has grown on me."

"The name's not stupid, dummy. A lot of thought went into that," said Haruhi petulantly. "Like, a lot. You cannot possibly comprehend how hard I work to make our club a success."

Kyon shook his head a little, smiling. "If you say so, Leader."

"Leader, huh...? Don't think I've forgiven you that easily," Haruhi mumbled into Kyon's shoulder. "Don't be so presumptuous."

"Ah, sorry. I should have known. Nobody can make decisions about the SOS Brigade other than you, right?"

"Of course. That goes without saying." Kyon felt Haruhi prod his back lightly, but there was no malice to it. "Stupid Kyon." A sigh. "Although I'm not sure who the biggest dumbass in this situation is."

"Hmn? Why's that?"

Kyon could feel Haruhi's body trembling in his arms. He didn't release his grip on her; if anything, it tightened. He was, effectively, anchoring her in place.

_Even Haruhi needs somebody to lean on occasionally, I guess._

She felt soft and warm, even despite her shivers.

Haruhi had never felt so... small before. She was almost like a baby bird, trembling in the cold.

_She's a pretty girl, really. When she's smiling, her looks could even rival Mikuru's- and Mikuru is so gorgeous she might as well be an authentic angel from heaven, placed on Earth to soothe the hearts of the abused and weary._

_And Haruhi's poisonous personality isn't _all _bad._

_If you look past her prickly, cold exterior, and those dark eyes and that downturned mouth, she can- on fleeting, blink-and-you-miss-it occasions, which are even rarer than the vernal equinox- be quite sweet. Well, sort of. In her own weird Haruhi way most people wouldn't recognise or categorise as being 'sweet' at all._

_But..._

_I'm not in _love_ with her._

_You'd have to be a braver man than me to be in love with a girl as powerful and strong and downright _terrifying _as Haruhi Suzumiya. I'm sorry, Haruhi- but I really don't think I'm cut out for this job._

_Was I ever in love with her, though?_

_Shouldn't the answer be 'yes'? If I agreed to go out with her, doesn't that imply at some point I had some strong feelings for her?_

_Well, I have 'feelings' for her, sure; mostly of irritation and embarrassment and acute pain- and, buried behind all that, some real, twisted kind of... _appreciation_ for that crazy girl with the malfunctioning brain and the stupid plans that invariably cause trouble and give me headaches. Because life would be _boring_ without Haruhi Suzumiya. I already had one chance to set my life right- to make everything 'normal'- and I didn't take it. Well, who would? If you knew somebody as eccentric as Haruhi Suzumiya, and you'd seen the weird stuff that swells around her like a typhoon, wouldn't_ you_ rather live in that universe of giant camel crickets and magical combat battle waitresses that shoot lasers from their eyes than the bland, boring, cookie-cutter 'normal' world?_

_Wouldn't anyone?_

_Or is that just me?_

_If I had never met Haruhi, would I be happy?_

_...Maybe._

_My life would be a whole lot easier, that's for sure._

_But a lifetime being stuck with those two boring background characters, Taniguchi and Kunikida, sounds so depressing._

_I would miss Haruhi._

_I _do _have feelings for her._

_But I don't think..._

_I don't think they're the right ones._

_And I think maybe Haruhi is realising that too._

"It's such a waste of time," said Haruhi. "If we both claim to 'like' each other so much, why do we always argue...?"

Kyon shrugged. "People just _do, _I guess. Familiarity breeds contempt?"

"Don't spout metaphors at me."

"It's not a metaphor. It's an idiom."

Haruhi made a snorting sound; Kyon could imagine she was rolling her eyes. "Like, whatever. Why've you gotta nitpick everything I say? Just... are you trying to prompt _another _argument?"

"Not really- I was just correcting you."

"Well, don't. I'm always right."

"Apart from when you mix idioms up with metaphors, as course."

"I don't appreciate that that tone of voice, mister," said Haruhi, prodding Kyon in the back again, although with slightly more force this time.

"Sorry, sorry."

The two stood there for a while in silence, Kyon holding Haruhi, Haruhi letting herself to be held.

It was only a small moment. It shouldn't have meant that much.

But it did.

_Maybe Haruhi trusts me too._

_Or maybe she always did, and I never realised- or she never wanted to show me._

"Kyon..." said Haruhi quietly, breaking the silence. She didn't do it in an obtrusive way though, like usual. She sounded reserved. Subdued.

_It's kind of strange, but I'll be glad when she's back to her normal, shouting self._

_...For about five seconds._

_Then I'll start complaining again, I know I will._

_Although I guess some things will never change._

"What?" Kyon asked her.

Haruhi drew out of Kyon's arms slowly, turning her head up so she could stare into his eyes. Her face was deadly serious; pale white, like the moon, framed by her brown hair, which looked almost black in the darkness.

"You don't... want to be my boyfriend anymore... Do you."

It wasn't really a question. It was more of a statement.

But Haruhi didn't appear angry. She looked a little upset, yes, but resigned; it seemed she had accepted the break up speech Kyon had never given.

_Good grief. Haruhi's never afraid to speak her mind, but when it comes to the pair of us, what we don't say could fill a book. I could title it 'the Large Number of Things Kyon and Haruhi Should Have Said to Prevent the Destruction of the Universe, But They Didn't Because They're Both Idiots', and its word count would rival War and Peace. You thought the _title _was long? Well then, you should see how long the real book is._

_Haha..._

Kyon didn't know what to say, other than a small, "Yeah..."

It didn't seem adequate, somehow.

Previously, they had been arguing with the intensity of a natural disaster- or a married couple, which was, potentially, even more disastrous. But now Haruhi was just going to accept this with a small frown and a dour expression?

It all seemed a little anti-climatic, somehow.

_Or maybe Haruhi really _has_ learnt something. Maybe some of my words got through to her._

_In which case... This would actually be a really big surprise._

Haruhi was looking down at her feet now, her expression hidden. Her words were nothing but honest, though.

"Okay. I-it's okay. I sort of expected that... I guess... Haha... Am I really that annoying?"

Kyon didn't have to think of his answer.

"Yes. Of course you are."

Haruhi's head shot up at this. "What?"

Kyon couldn't help but smile at her reaction. "You're _incredibly_ annoying, but if you weren't, you wouldn't be _you_- and I suspect I wouldn't like you nearly half as much."

"How can you like somebody who's 'annoying'?" Haruhi asked, folding her arms. "You don't make any sense."

"Dunno." Kyon shrugged. "Maybe, after spending so much time with you, I turned into a masochist."

"Oh _really_..."

In roughly 0.43 seconds a rather sadistic smirk had twisted Haruhi's lips, giving her an excellent slasher smile. She could have been an undead zombie murderer in a cheap, low budget B-movie with a face like that.

"H-hey, Haruhi..." Kyon backed away slowly, wondering if she was really going to try and attack him, or sink her fangs into his neck. "W-what's that face for?"

"You said you were a masochist, right~?"

"I was joking."

"Well, you _really_ set yourself up for this. You only have yourself to blame." Haruhi tilted her head sideways and grinned. "If you're such a masochist, you should be thanking me for this~"

With lightening speed, Haruhi jumped forwards, and Kyon instinctively ducked, trying to defend himself, but it did no good; Haruhi's foot connected with his stomach and he collapsed, in a heap of limbs and pain, onto the ground (which, Kyon was barely able to notice through a haze of pain, was no longer shaking).

"Ow!" Kyon snarled, glaring up at the triumphal, glowing face of Haruhi Suzumiya. "What was _that_ for?"

"I was proving my love for you!" Haruhi replied cheerfully. "Besides, you just dumped me. You were a sucky boyfriend anyway; you kept staring at Mikuru's boobs. I have a right to beat you up!"

"B-but you only picked Mikuru for the club _because_ ofher... assets," Kyon argued. He could feel a pain in his stomach; he hoped Haruhi hadn't damaged anything vital with her flying kick. "Didn't you expect people to stare at them? I can't help being a man! Any guy would look! It's hard not to."

"Well, _yeah, _but Mikuru's delightful appearance should only be enjoyed by those outside the Brigade! She has to attract customers for our club- she's not a toy, Kyon, for you to drool over. She's just doing her job as an essential member of the brigade."

"'She's not a toy', huh?" Kyon reiterated, getting shakily up to his feet. "That's not a line you should be saying."

"Oh, whatever," said Haruhi airily, shaking her head. "I don't care! But let me give you a warning: even if you're not going out with me, I still forbid you from laying a single solitary finger on Mikuru! She's our _mascot_. She needs to stay pure and innocent; guys wouldn't like her as much if they knew weird, pervy, masochistic Kyon with his creepy fantasies was defiling her."

"I-I wouldn't _defile _her! Good grief."

"Don't argue back! If you want to be a Brigade member again so much, you have to win my respect back, right? So no making moves on the club mascot," said Haruhi firmly, planting her hands on her hips. "Besides, Mikuru's _way _out of your league. She'd only break your heart. Go for a nice, normal girl."

"I don't need relationship advice from you!"

"You should be thankful I'm giving you my amazing advice at all!" Haruhi retorted, sticking out her tongue.

Kyon's eyes narrowed. "Oh, you are _such _a child."

"And you are waayyy too serious," Haruhi retorted, prodding Kyon in the forehead. She pouted, sticking out her lower lip like a duck's bill. "I don't know what I ever saw in you, really! Ahaha!~"

"But Haruhi..." Kyon frowned at the brunette, doubts beginning to tug at his mind.

"Hmn? What? Urgh… You look like you're going to say something boring."

"Maybe. But- and please don't get angry for asking- are you, hmn..." Kyon paused, frowning. He looked up at the sky. The dark blue was still the incorrect color, but it was no longer leaking into the ground; it was where it belonged. "Are you really alright...?"

Haruhi blinked at him for a few seconds. She looked surprised. And flattered.

A light pink blush was spread across her cheeks, like icing sugar.

"Heh," she laughed softly. "You worry too much. I'm a tough person- not like shy little Mikuru. I'll be fine. _Stupid _Kyon."

It was funny how Haruhi managed to make the insult sound like a compliment.

Then, she reached forwards, and Kyon flinched, thinking she was going to kick him again. But, she didn't. She didn't do that at all. Instead, Haruhi did something Kyon could never have imagined her doing.

She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

Kyon knew his eyes widened at the brush of her lips, and he was sure a light flush was covering his own face as well- but that was okay, because that only meant his own expression was mirroring Haruhi's.

"...I forgive you," said Haruhi softly. "Even if you make me want to hit you sometimes."

Kyon couldn't but smile. "The feeling's mutual."

"Hehe. Thanks."

And, somehow, Haruhi's arms were around him, and Kyon was hugging her back, and the world about them- the strange, alien landscape- was spinning about; the colors were merging again, and the floor was trembling. Haruhi's fingers clung into his shirt tighter and tighter, and Kyon clung to her, his eyes closed tightly shut. There was a crash; it sounded like breaking glass- and Kyon felt himself being thrown sideways; and then there was a flash of bluey-white light, so intense to managed to seep through the darkness of Kyon's closed eyes.

And then there was nothing.

* * *

"Kyon..."

Kyon could feel something stirring in his head. Somebody was calling his name.

It didn't sound like Haruhi's angry squawks. This voice was softer. Every syllable resonated with worry. And pain.

Where _was _Haruhi, anyway? Kyon could have sworn that bothersome girl had been in his arms a few seconds ago; she had been clutching him, and he had clutched her back, as though the world was falling down around them...

Or maybe it had been.

But Kyon's arms were empty now.

He felt cold. Icy air was clawing through his clothes, biting at flesh as though the harsh weather were a rabid animal. Kyon winced; even bone in his body felt frozen, crystalline. He was sure if he moved he'd shatter. His blood felt solid in his veins.

"K-kyon? Kyon, wake up."

Hands were on him, gently shaking his shoulders and- _ngh, _that hurt.

_Ha..._

_Now I come to think of it, this situation seems kind of familiar..._

With great effort, as though weights were pressed onto his eyelids, Kyon blinked. The movements were slow, sluggish.

But when he saw Itsuki Koizumi, knelt over him with a concerned frown on his face, Kyon's eyes snapped open.

_I remember._

_So, that thing... that just happened with Haruhi..._

_I guess that really happened._

_Why did I doubt it didn't? I've been through enough insanity by now to know none of the stuff in my life can be explained away so easily as 'it was all a dream.' Or maybe I'm actually crazy, and my whole life has been some strange delusion. But I don't want to think about stuff like that. Nobody could _ever_ be crazy enough to dream up a character like Haruhi Suzumiya._

"I-itsuki..." Kyon paused to cough. "Y-you look _terrible._"

It was probably not the best, nor the most compassionate, greeting, but Koizumi didn't seem to care. His terrified expression broke into a rare, genuine smile at the sound of his name.

Even so, that didn't change the fact that Koizumi _did _look terrible. His skin was papery white, _deathly_ pale; almost transparent. It made him look like a mirage, or a Yuki-onna- a creature of snow and ice. In contrast, the few bruises and cuts scattered across his skin were grotesquely blue and purple and red- the contrast was so sharp it made Kyon physically wince.

But the esper's smile made up for the horror show that was his ravaged face.

_Urgh. I bet most of his fangirls would _still _consider him attractive, even though it looks like he's on the verge of death._

_No; it looks like he's _already_ gone past the 'verge' of death, and has entered the next plain of existence. Or non-existence, as the case may be._

_Seriously, he looks like a train wreck._

_But his fans would probably say those scars make him 'heroic' or 'brave' or something._

_This isn't fair._

_How can he still be smiling like that?_

With a wince, Kyon pulled himself into a sitting position. His internal organs shouted at him as he did so; in fact, he could swear he felt his innards rearranging themselves as he stirred. But when Koizumi offered him a helping hand, he slapped it away. Kyon didn't need any help. Certainly not from a person who looked like they'd faint at any given second.

"You know, I didn't pay you a compliment," Kyon said bitterly, glaring at Koizumi's handsome smile.

"I'm aware of that," the esper replied. His smile didn't falter. "But I can't help it. I'm so relieved you're alright, really..."

If it were possible, Koizumi's face became even whiter.

"K-Koizumi? Are you alright?" Kyon asked.

"No. I really don't think I am."

Then, with a small groan, Koizumi fell forwards, like a puppet whose strings had been cut. Kyon reached out instinctively, before his mind had really processed what was happening. He caught the esper in his arms before he smashed his pretty-boy face up on the floor.

_Well, if I let him get hurt, his fans might try and lynch me._

_And that sounds like a horrifying death._

That was Kyon's reasoning for why he was sat there, holding the esper in his arms, letting him rest his head on his chest, as though he were an attractive girl; as though he were Mikuru.

_Man. First Haruhi, now Koizumi._

_You're really getting around today, Kyon._

"A-ah, thank you," said Koizumi, his voice faltering somewhat. Kyon wasn't sure whether that was due to fatigue or... something else. "I-I'm sorry... I haven't been much help lately." And then he sighed softly, burrowing his head into Kyon's chest.

"Koizumi. What are you doing?"

"I'm cold..." was Koizumi's soft reply. He sounded almost like a small child. "I-I was waiting for you to wake up for... I don't know... A-about an hour... Maybe."

Kyon blinked down at the top of Koizumi's head in surprise.

"You mean I was unconscious for an _hour_?"

"Give or take, it's somewhere thereabouts... That's what I'd estimate, at any rate. Mm..."

_Huh... That's strange. When I was in that weird parallel universe, or whatever it was, it felt like I was there for much longer... _Far_ longer than an hour._

_Maybe time works differently there?_

_I shouldn't dwell on these things too much or I'll get a headache. I'd be better off asking Nagato._

"You sat here in the cold, in the middle of the street, waiting for me to wake up for an hour?" Kyon asked, his voice incredulous.

"Yep. Something ridiculous like that," Koizumi mumbled.

"'Ridiculous', yeah, I'll say," said Kyon.

He couldn't help but sigh. Then, he winced, as a stray piece of Koizumi's hair (which was far more unkempt than usual) prodded him in the cheek. Frowning, he began to pat down the esper's hair, running his fingers through it- trying to shape it into some sort of style. It was beginning to irritate him.

"Why didn't you call somebody for help, like Nagato? I guess you would've been unable to physically carry me anywhere, but you could have used your brain. Tch."

"E-eh?" Koizumi looked up at Kyon, staring at him with wide eyes. He blinked. "O-oh, that's right... I could called Nagato..." He looked a little flustered, but it could have been from the cold. Then, that smile of his slid back into place, masking his distress. "Haha. Silly me. I suppose I forgot."

Kyon looked at him incredulously.

"You _forgot_?"

"I believe that is what I said."

Kyon couldn't help but roll his eyes. "Good grief, Koizumi, I thought you were meant to somewhat be intelligent; or maybe all your pseudo-profound talk of philosophy and human nature is all for show There I was, saving the world from Haruhi, and you could've let me die of hypothermia."

By this point, Koizumi had all-but collapsed into Kyon's arms. He seemed almost boneless. Kyon sighed, as he pulled the esper even closer to him. This way, at least neither of them would die of cold.

"...Yea..." Koizumi's reply was a little too late. It sounded like he was having trouble staying alert. "I-I'm human too, y'know? When I saw you collapse... A-and then there were so many shinjin; e-everywhere, but it was like... something was stopping them getting in." He exhaled softly. "And, hmn. I suppose I panicked. I _am_ susceptible to such emotions too, even if you don't realise it- or if you've never seen them displayed on my face. To be quite blunt... I was terrified. And during traumatic situations, people don't always..." A yawn. "...respond in the most intelligent manners. Regardless of IQ. Or their ability to spout psychological concepts at the drop of the hat."

"Hn? Terrified? _You_?" Kyon asked. He shook his head. "You smile so much it's easy to forget you're a real human being and not just a robot."

"No. I think you'll find Nagato is the only robot in the SOS Brigade. Or, indeed, the one person- if 'person' is the correct word- who most resembles an automaton. Although, lately, I've had my doubts..."

"Huh. Even when you look like a ghost, you still talk too much."

"And for that, I apologise."

"Mn." Kyon nodded, not that Koizumi could see. "Aren't you going to ask me any questions?"

"Like what?"

"Like 'what happened' or 'how are you' or 'how's Haruhi'- that sort of thing." Kyon sighed. "Geez, Koizumi, I thought that would be the _first _thing on your mind."

"Ah, well you see," said Koizumi- and though Kyon couldn't see his face, he was sure he was smiling, "I was scared. I was worried for your safety, Kyon, truly. Heh..." He gave a small laugh, which then became another yawn. "For one thing, if I allowed you to be injured, the Agency wouldn't be very happy with me. But, in addition to that... I do regard you as a... friend. A-and now you're here, and not badly injured, I don't much care what happened. I only care about the fact that you're here now. With me."

Kyon could feel his cheeks reddening somewhat, as Koizumi's limp arms wrapped around his waist, his head resting on his shoulder.

_Urgh. You just spent God only knows how long with Haruhi (I'm __sure__ it wasn't only one hour), and now, when you're free of her, you have to torture yourself with these weird __thoughts__._

_Why are you so keen to make yourself miserable, Kyon?_

_I'm sure that's some kind of severe mental disorder._

"K-Koizumi..."

"Oh, I'm sorry," said the esper, that smile still audible in his voice. "Did I say something I shouldn't have?"

"Every word that comes out of your mouth is something I'd be happier not hearing."

"That is quite the dilemma. Or at least, it _would _be, if I knew you weren't blatantly lying. And you say _my _lies are easy to see through."

"I'm not lying!" Kyon protested indignantly. "_You're _the one who hides his true feelings behind that fake smile- you're really not the sort of person who should be giving me this lecture at all. Hypocrite."

"That may be true," Koizumi agreed, his voice wavering slightly. "Maybe. But I'm being serious now."

"You're about to fall asleep," Kyon said. "You're probably delirious."

"Believe whatever makes you happiest, Kyon. But once I'm in slightly less agony, and my emotional state has calmed somewhat, I'll revert to my usual roll. Then, I can ask you about what transpired between you and Miss Suzumiya between the hours of seven twenty-three and eight fifty-two p.m. of this evening, and how exactly you managed to resolve this volatile situation," said Koizumi. "But for now..." He yawned again, leaning into Kyon. "I'm sleepy... And my head feels like it's on fire... Urgh... I-I hate my job sometimes."

Kyon sighed. He was feeling exhausted, too- but he knew it would fall upon his shoulders to help the esper. He could hardly let Koizumi fall asleep in the middle of the street.

"I guess I'll call a cab then," said Kyon. He prodded Koizumi lightly in the cheek, making the esper turn his head. "You really are helpless."

"Only around you."

"Don't say things like that with that tone of voice. I might start taking you seriously."

Koizumi smiled. Then, he said, in a voice so soft Kyon could pretend he'd never heard him, "Who said I wasn't being serious...?"

* * *

**a.n: **;A; This is a _huge _chapter –flails- I think it's the longest chapter I've ever written for anything, ever. There was just a lot of stuff to fit in ._.

Lots of interaction between Haruhi and Kyon XD People prolly aren't happy about that. But it's sort of important. You know. I can't just skip over Haruhi's feelings so easily :/ In any non-AU Haruhi fic where Kyon gets together with another person, the biggest obstacle would always be Haruhi and her tendency to explode the world, I think XD

Haruhi & Kyon are a _pain_ to write when they're confronting each other XD It's obv Haruhi loves Kyon in canon, but she never says anything about it, and I don't think she would until she was really pushed into it. So it was difficult trying to make her sound vaguely IC. And Kyon, hahaha. When would he /ever/ admit he actually likes Haruhi (which he obviously does)? XD Idk, maybe an end-of-the-world situation would be enough for him to finally realise 'shit, I've got to actually tell her how I feel.' XD

This fic is nearly finished now, yo.

**~renahhchen xoxoxo**


	24. 23: Sifting Through My Feelings, I think

**It's a Romantic True Love Conquest, Haruhi-Chan!**

* * *

Chapter Twenty-Three:  
_Sifting Through My Feelings- I Think I'm Going to Drown?_

* * *

Kyon didn't know how long he sat there watching Koizumi.

Too long, probably.

_Far _too long to be healthy.

It didn't make any sense, either. Why was Kyon sitting there, unmoving? The air was impossibly cold, for one thing; and sitting on the floor was hardly comfortable. Kyon could see his breath escaping his lips in trails of mist, and he shivered as the invasive cold bit through the fabric of his clothes- chilling him to the bone.

And yet, despite this- Kyon didn't move.

He didn't think he_ could._

Kyon could only sit there, running the previous events through his head like a film, whilst his fingers unconsciously (or maybe he was just trying to fool himself; maybe he was fully aware of what he was doing, and just didn't want to admit to it) threaded through Koizumi's hair.

It didn't matter how many times Kyon's inner voice shouted at him to get off his behind and call a cab, its tone getting more and more exasperated as Kyon continued to ignore its cool, sound logic.

Kyon still didn't move.

_Do you __want__ to catch frostbite and die? That would be a pretty pathetic way to go, considering you just, I don't know, _saved the whole world _from a hormonal teenage girl (which was actually a _lot _more difficult- and more impressive- than it sounds)._

_If you were going to kill yourself anyway, you should've let Haruhi reshape the world._

_That would've been a cooler way to die._

_A hero's death._

_If any of those animes you watched when you were a kid ended with the main__ character catching a cold and getting flu, you'd be pretty annoyed, wouldn't you?_

_That would be so anti-climatic._

_So hurry up and call a cab already!_

_I can barely feel my fingers._

But…

Kyon couldn't leave Koizumi.

He… was reluctant… to leave his side.

And he didn't know why.

The esper looked unusually, worryingly breakable, like a delicate doll. A series of sickening purplish-blush bruises bloomed across his exposed skin, like mold dotted across bread. The skin that wasn't bruised was cut, the angry red wounds embedded with dirt and grime. The skin that wasn't bruised or cut was stark white.

Ghostly.

Almost translucent.

Kyon held Koizumi's trembling fingers in his own; and, out of curiosity, Kyon found himself turning Koizumi's arm over to look at a rather deep wound inflicted on the underside. How did he have many scars, anyway? It wasn't as if the blue giants had any claws.

…It was probably a waste of time trying to rationalise wounds made by fifty feet tall killer whatevers spawned in the mind of Haruhi Suzumiya, though. Kyon didn't know why he bothered.

How, exactly, Koizumi had sustained his wounds wasn't issue; it was the fact he had so many wounds to begin with.

And, as soon as Kyon turned Koizumi's arm, over…

He wished he hadn't.

He really, really did.

It wasn't just the sickening display of angry welts and deep black bruising that turned Kyon's stomach- oh no. It was the startling clarity of the thin, blue veins that crisscrossed, thread-like and meandering, underneath Koizumi's paper-white (and just as thin) skin that made Kyon shudder.

The sight of Koizumi's veins- easy (far _too_ easy) to see under the light film of skin that spread across his damaged arm- was a reminder.

A reminder of just how fragile Koizumi was.

Just how _human _he was.

Kyon shuddered despite himself- though not for cold.

Koizumi may have been an amazing 'esper boy' who could transform his body into points of glowing light and combat giant blue monsters; but, despite all that, Koizumi was still a human being.

And he could still be hurt.

The proof of that was lying right in front of Kyon; in Kyon's lap, almost.

Koizumi's head was resting against Kyon's chest, his hair- no longer styled to elegant perfection as per usual- brushing against Kyon's cheeks. Koizumi's eyes were closed, and his lips were pursed slightly; a strange parody of a princess from a fairytale.

Sleeping beauty, huh…?

Well, Koizumi was certainly no beauty- he wasn't as attractive as Haruhi, even when his skin _wasn't _mottled blue-black and red (although Kyon knew a great many girls who would have disagreed with him. His opinion was probably biased)- but, even so…

If, given the choice (and Kyon hoped a time would come when _**he'd**_ never have to choose; though, knowing his life, it probably would), Kyon wasn't sure…

If he'd kiss Haruhi or Koizumi.

Then again, he'd already done both, hadn't he?

When he'd kissed Haruhi he'd saved the world- and yet, when he'd kissed Koizumi (to be more precise, it wasn't like Kyon had initiated that kiss himself- but it didn't really matter), the world had nearly come to an end.

Surely it was obvious who Kyon would pick, if he had to.

At least…

It _should_ have been obvious.

If he'd been posed the question two weeks ago he wouldn't have taken two seconds to consider it before he gave an answer.

It Kyon had been anything like Taniguchi (and he hoped he wasn't- Taniguchi being the insufferable idiot he was), he would've taken under to _nano_seconds to decide.

But now…

Even though Haruhi was irritating, with her quirky cat-like smiles and over-zealous personality (or, even _worse_, her upside triangle mouth and her short temper), she was a very pretty girl; nobody could deny that. And… no matter what Kyon said, or what Kyon he thought, he _liked _her.

He truly liked Haruhi.

Haruhi sometimes reminded Kyon of his little sister. Both girls were fairly selfish and demanding (although Kyon's sister had an excuse, being so young); but Kyon cared about them both.

He didn't think he'd ever 'love' Haruhi, though. That would be taking it a step too far. After all, Kyon liked yakitori, and he was hardly going to propose to a plate of _that_. The disastrous end to Kyon and Haruhi's 'romantic relationship' had only served to prove Kyon's point. Whilst it had been easy to confuse 'liking' Haruhi for 'loving' her (that was why Kyon had gone out with her in the first place. That, and- to be brutally honest- being Haruhi's reluctant boyfriend had made life a lot easier for everybody in the SOS Brigade), it wasn't the same thing.

Kyon would never love Haruhi.

But he'd never truly hate her, either.

It probably would have been easier if he did hate her; because then Kyon wouldn't have felt so guilty about hurting her feelings.

In contrast, Kyon didn't like_ anything_ about Koizumi. He hated that damned esper's plastic smiles, and he hated the way he agreed with everything Haruhi said. He hated the psychological speeches Koizumi launched into from time to time, and he hated the way Koizumi would invade his personal space, and he hated the fact that- really- he knew nothing about the esper at all.

How could you like somebody whose very personality was built on lies?

And yet, confusingly enough, Kyon hated it when Koizumi was sincere, too. It… unsettled him. And made him feel nervous.

Kyon hated the fact that Koizumi was lying in his arms, his skin torn and bleeding (_again_) because the stupid esper had been trying to save him (_again)._

Kyon hated it.

He hated being in Koizumi's debt.

And, above all…

Kyon hated feeling so confused.

Kyon didn't hold any soft feelings for Koizumi; in fact, it was quite the opposite. Koizumi might have claimed they were 'friends', but how could you be somebody's 'friend' when you barely knew who they were behind their fabricated smiles?

How could you be somebody's friend when you were… a little bit disturbed about what could be lurking behind those smiles?

Kyon wanted to learn more about the esper- and yet, at the same time, a voice in his head (which was most usually right) was telling him to stay away.

Kyon_ wanted_ to sit there, his fingers threading idly through Koizumi's hair, listening to the esper's soft, reassuring breathing- but, at the same time, Kyon wanted to turn tail and run.

In the end, Kyon didn't know what to feel.

He knew _exactly_ how he felt about Haruhi.

But, when it came to Koizumi…

Kyon let out a deep sigh.

He was confused.

And Kyon hated being confused.

Would Kyon prefer to kiss Haruhi or… Itsuki?

A-and…

_Why are you even thinking about this?_

…Kyon didn't know.

_Ha._

_Maybe the weird energy rays of the SOS Brigade have finally penetrated into your skull, too._

_You've gone _crazy.

* * *

Kyon was incredibly thankful that it was so dark. That meant the taxi driver had been unable to see just how badly bruised and beaten Koizumi was. Whilst Kyon doubted the taxi driver cared that much (he, like other taxi drivers forced to tote drunken teenagers across the city at night, seemed to care little for anything except the money he'd receive when he finished his job), it saved Kyon the necessity to invent an excuse as to why Koizumi looked like an abused character from a Hideshi Hino manga.

The darkness also made it easier for Kyon to forget Koizumi was leaning against his shoulder; his hair still poking Kyon in the cheek, his breath ghosting across Kyon's neck.

Kyon wasn't sure why (it was stupid, ridiculous- as he kept telling himself), but he felt… strange… around Koizumi.

_It's probably guilt._

_You feel guilty__ because it's __your__ fault he's like this._

_If you hadn't pissed Haruhi off so badly with your childish outburst- if you'd tried to handle the situation like the adult you are (or, at least, __the adult you__** should**__ be) from the beginning- none of this would have happened._

_Haruhi wouldn't have been so upset._

_Mikuru wouldn't have disappeared._

_And Koizumi wouldn't be half-dead._

Kyon decided he'd follow this train of thought and stick to it, even though another part of his brain (a significantly larger part) was telling him that wasn't it at _**all**_.

Kyon's guilt certainly did contribute towards his confusion; but it wasn't the only reason why his breath caught in his throat when Koizumi's own breath lingered upon his skin.

If guilt was the only reason why Kyon felt 'strange' around the esper, then why did Kyon feel so bizarrely... So bizarrely…

W-well…

Kyon could hardly even begin to describe it; not even in his_ own_ head. But Kyon felt stupidly relieved to hear the sound of Koizumi's breathing… And whenever Koizumi shifted slightly in his uneasy, most likely pain-ridden, sleep (the taxi sped through the streets in a manner that suggested the taxi driver really wanted to hurry through his shift so he could go home. As a result, the taxi driver paid little heed for speed bumps- and Kyon's head was knocked back against his seat a fair few number of times, until he began to worry for the doubtless demise of his brain cells), Kyon felt…

Strangely… flustered?

Kyon didn't know if that was the right word or not. After all, he felt 'flustered' so rarely- apart from those few occasions when he'd accidentally stumbled upon Mikuru changing (more like, Haruhi forcefully stripping Mikuru of her clothes, whilst the shorter girl wailed… Which was even sexier than if Mikuru had merely been changing her outfit by herself, actually).

'Flustered' wasn't a word Kyon liked applying to himself- not under any situation. It made him feel like a schoolgirl; and not just _**any**_ schoolgirl (because some schoolgirls, despite their flawed representation in anime and manga, were actually sensible. You just needed to look at Nagato for proof of that- although she wasn't really a 'schoolgirl' at all, was she…?)

It made Kyon feel like one of those silly girls that had flocked round Koizumi on Valentine's Day, blushing as they handed him their home-made chocolates…

And that wasn't a good thing.

Kyon shuddered.

He didn't want to think about it. Instead of inspecting his feelings carefully, he shoved them to one side; boxing them up in some small corner of his brain where he wouldn't have to look at them.

It was a lot easier that way.

It was lot easier trying to avoid his problems than facing them head-on.

_I k__now that mentality is childish and solves absolutely __**nothing**__, but I managed to stop Haruhi from blowing the Earth up an hour ago._

_I think I'm __entitled to__ a break right now._

_I don't need to keep torturing __myself__ with this useless speculation. I'm not a masochist!_

_Even though_Koizumi _might be, judging by the number of times he goes to fight those stupid blue giants, knowing he could get all his ribs crushed and come out with skin like moldy bread again._

Kyon frowned.

…_Stupid._

_So stupid._

But, by that point, Kyon didn't know whether he was talking about himself or Koizumi.

And he didn't know why he cared so much.

* * *

"Y-you don't need to stay here, you know," said Koizumi, smiling- ever so slightly- at Kyon. "I'm… I-I'm fine."

That was such an obvious lie Kyon couldn't help but roll his eyes. It looked like Koizumi knew it, too, because he gave a soft laugh-

And then a small gasp of pain.

Apparently, laughing was too painful for him. The simple act of breathing seemed to be giving the esper some difficulties, too. Even though his breathing was fairly unlabored, a wince would occasionally flicker across his face, though he tried to hide this from Kyon behind his usual smiles.

Somehow- despite Koizumi's worn appearance- Koizumi's smiles looked far more sincere than usual, though.

Kyon wasn't sure whether he should feel happy by this, or irritated.

In the end, he settled for a mix between the two- which was apathy.

Kyon liked being apathetic.

He did it fairly well- if he did say so himself.

"Of _course _you're fine," said Kyon, the scorn evident in his voice- though it wasn't as if he were trying particularly hard to mask it. Koizumi's facial expressions and tones of voice may have been built on lies, but Kyon's weren't. "You look like you've been mauled by a shark and you keep pulling faces like you're inhaling glass- but no, that's just _**fine. **_Of course you don't need my help. How silly I've been."

Kyon was sat at the side of Koizumi's bed, his arms folded. He was trying to dispel the strange awkwardness he felt with a blank expression (or, when the mood struck him, a scowl). Koizumi, meanwhile, was lying in his bed, his torn shirt discarded on the floor. Koizumi had hissed ever so slightly when he peeled his shirt from his skin- and for good reason, too. The fabric had stuck to Koizumi's skin in some parts, owing to the dried blood that pooled round his wounds; and one of his injuries had even opened up. It had leaked a steady trickle of blood down his shoulder, which Koizumi had tried to staunch with his trembling fingers before Kyon pressed some toilet paper against it.

Kyon knew, despite Koizumi's reassurances that he was 'fine, really…', the esper was in a lot of pain, and Kyon wasn't really sure what to do. He wasn't a nurse. He didn't even know anything about first aid.

Kyon knew the basics of caring for minor cuts and bruises. After all, Kyon had a little sister, and her ultimate goal in life seemed to be trying to find as many new and inventive ways to injure herself as possible so she could show off her scars to all her classmates and school and they would 'ooh' and 'ahh' over them.

However, Kyon had absolutely no idea how to fix cuts as deep as Koizumi's. The one of Koizumi's shoulder looked as if it would need stitches. The flesh around the lacerations was red and raw, and some were filled with dirt, small stones, and bits of debris from where Koizumi had been lying on the floor. Even after Kyon's ham-fisted attempts to sanitize the wounds, some dirt still remained. The grime was embedded so deeply in the grooves of Koizumi's cuts that Kyon worried any further clumsy attempts on his part to remove them would only hurt Koizumi more; and Kyon didn't want to cause the esper are more unnecessary pain.

Kyon already felt guilty enough as it was.

Even so, Koizumi had smiled- a shaky smile, a shadow of his usual dazzling expression (no girls would've swooned over a look like that, unless they were particularly maternal... And Kyon found, with a worrying start, he himself found Koizumi's expression almost... Endearing... W-was he a mother hen himself? H-he didn't dote on his little sister _that_ much, did he?)- and thanked Kyon.

"I-I'll heal..." Koizumi said. His words would have been more convincing if his voice hadn't been so weak or fragmented. "This... It's not... that bad."

Kyon snorted. "If this isn't 'that bad', then I'd hate to see what your idea of a _serious _injury is."

"I'd probably be dead." Koizumi's voice was pleasant when he spoke- but it still sent chills running down Kyon's spine.

Kyon thought he esper was incredibly annoying, true; but he didn't want him to _die._

Kyon- despite his vicious internal monologues- wasn't a cruel person. He'd never enjoyed tearing the wings off flies when he was a child; and he didn't find the pain of others overly amusing. That was probably why he sympathized with Mikuru so much. If Kyon had been more like Taniguchi, he could quite happily have watched Haruhi molest Mikuru without any nagging feelings he should go over and save the poor, abused girl.

Sometimes Kyon cursed his conscience from time to time (it wasn't as if he didn't find the idea of Haruhi stripping Mikuru incredibly sexy; he just happened, at the same time, to find it rather cruel, too) but it was there all the same and he couldn't stop it.

There mere thought of Koizumi dying...

Kyon frowned.

No.

He didn't _want_ to think about it.

It made him feel ill.

"Hey..." Koizumi's voice was gentle when he next spoke, as though Kyon were the one in pain who needed soothing. "I was just joking."

"Don't joke about things like that," said Kyon stiffly, with perhaps more anger than was necessary. "Not when you're... You know..."

Koizumi smiled gently. "I apologize. I didn't realize you cared so much."

"I-I don't..."

"Hmn. Of course... Heh." Koizumi's eyes softened, and Kyon felt himself looking away- looking at the floor- because the esper's glance was suddenly too intense. "I wish you wouldn't make me laugh... Truth be told, it's kind of painful..."

"It's not_ funny._"

"I know," Koizumi agreed, still smiling. "I find your concern most... endearing. Please don't stop flattering me on my account."

"S-shut up..."

Kyon looked up at Koizumi slowly, almost tentatively; his eyes flickering across the esper's bruised body. Even though Koizumi was smiling- speaking in his usual light-hearted, teasing tones- he was still trembling, ever so slightly, and his expression would occasionally contort itself into one of badly masked pain.

"You... haven't broken anything... have you?" asked Kyon, his voice strangely hesitant.

"I don't think so."

"How can you tell?"

"I've broken a few ribs before..." Koizumi gave a one-armed shrug with the shoulder that wasn't too badly injured. "I know what it feels like."

"That's awful..."

"It's part of my job. You get used to it after a while. I was rather lucky," said Koizumi. His eyes became downcast, as though a rather weighty thought was pressing itself upon him. "Theoretically speaking... I could have been hurt a lot more. And taking my previous wounds into account, I don't really have any cause to complain."

Kyon couldn't help but scowl at this. His eyes darkened as though storm clouds had passed over them.

"Stop acting so self-sacrificing," said Kyon irritably, running a hand through his hair in a distracted manner- if only to give himself something to do, because he felt just a little bit like throttling the infuriating esper. "You're making me feel bad and it's pissing me off."

"I'm sorry," Koizumi replied. His voice was earnest. Truthful. A rarity for Itsuki Koizumi. "I... I seem to be very good at annoying you, huh?"

"It's your greatest skill," Kyon replied dryly. "To think; if you put as much energy into trying_ not_ to get your teeth knocked out as you do being completely unbearable, maybe I wouldn't be seeing so much of this." Kyon gestured towards the wound on Koizumi's shoulder. It had stopped bleeding- but it still looked red raw and incredibly painful.

"My wounds aren't nearly as bad the ones some of my other comrades sustained," said Koizumi. "I think they were trying to protect me, knowing I'm a member of Miss Suzumiya's SOS Brigade... They didn't need to sacrifice themselves for my sake, though. It was... unwise."

"You feel guilty?"

"Perhaps. A little bit." Koizumi winced; and this time, his look of displeasure had nothing to do with he pain in his arm. "I... I don't really deserve it. After all, if I get too badly injured, the Agency can always replace me."

"Yeah. That's a pity," Kyon agreed, the humor in his voice as dry as the Sahara desert. "Maybe, if you were put out of action, the Agency could bring in a substitute who's less annoying than you."

"I'm sorry I continue to survive, then, despite your wishes," said Koizumi. Previously, he had been frowning- his expression pained- but, at Kyon's rather cruel joke, Koizumi's lips quirked upwards in another smile.

"You should be. Are there are any hot girls at your 'Agency'?"

"I wouldn't know; my relationship with my comrades is strictly business only. I suppose Miss Megurine is rather attractive, though. She reminds me a little of Miss Asahina."

"Oh? How old if she?"

"She's twenty six, said Koizumi, smiling. "And I doubt she could disguise herself as a high school student too easily. So don't get your hopes up."

"Damn." Kyon sighed. "I guess I'm stuck with you, then, huh?"

"I guess so."

"You can't go back to school looking like that, though," said Kyon, flicking his eyes over Koizumi's bruised body- trying not to grimace (it was probably impolite pulling faces at people who were in extreme agony). "Everyone'll start thinking you're in a gang or something- and what would that do to your image?"

"The Agency has a few doctors. I believe I've already told you," said Koizumi. "Though..."

Kyon frowned. He didn't like the sound of that 'though'.

Whenever people said 'though' or 'but' in that ominous tone of voice, and then trailed off, it never heralded good news.

"What with so many of us being injured by the unprecedented Shinjin attack, I can imagine the doctors will be swamped with work. I'm relatively unscathed..." Here Kyon rolled his eyes and muttered something along the lines of 'yeah, right' under his breath- and Koizumi smiled. "But, as I already said, my comrades weren't so lucky... Despite my involvement with Miss Suzumiya, my injuries must be fairly low priority when compared to others."

"Can't you go the hospital?"

"And how, may I ask, would I explain what caused my injuries?"

"I dunno." Kyon shrugged. "Can't you just lie about it? You're pretty good at doing that. At least, you seem to think you are."

"I think nothing of the sort. My acting skills aren't that good. Moreover… If I had the choice to go to the hospital, I would; but that option isn't available to me…" Koizumi sighed.

_Hey._

_Stop that, esper boy._

_Sighing like that is_my_ job._

_I'm not going to steal your default response for everything and smile like an idiot- so I expect you to pay me the same courtesy._

"Have those Agency bastards banned you from going to the hospital or something?" Kyon asked, voice disgruntled.

Koizumi smiled at this, although it looked like he was trying not to (or maybe he was truly smiling, and the pain in his shoulder was distracting him. Kyon couldn't tell).

"Please do not call the people at the Agency such things. Whilst we are not forbidden to go to the hospital, it is advised against."

"Probably because they want you all under their thumb- like some kind of conspiracy."

"I didn't realise you were the type to believe in conspiracies."

"I didn't realise you were the type who'd sit there, in pain, and do _nothing _about it until it drives you insane," Kyon replied sharply. "I thought you were more intelligent than that."

"The wounds the shinjin inflict can be rather difficult to cure using human methods," Koizumi explained. "I doubt a normal hospital would be of much use."

"What?" Kyon frowned- his eyes narrowing. "So you're saying those Agency... guys..." he had to fight hard to avoid cursing again "...are **really** just going to _leave _you here, in your depressing, empty house for weeks on end, in a bunch of pain, whilst they decide if you deserve to be treated or not?"

"I-it's not 'incredible pain'," said Koizumi- though he was still trembling. Koizumi's skin was impossibly pale, marred by those hideous bruises and cuts- and even the slightest movement he made seemed liable to open up the poorly healed scars and ooze more blood onto the bed sheets. Just because he hadn't broken any ribs, it didn't mean Koizumi _wasn't_ in pain; and if that pain _wasn't_ 'incredible', Kyon was pretty sure it something similar to that.

"I'm sorry to disbelieve your 'amazing lie' but... Wait. No, I'm not," Kyon said, voice heavy with sarcasm. "If you want me to believe you're okay then maybe you should stop trembling and wincing in pain- because you look _awful_, Itsuki."

"...W-why? Does this bother you?" asked Koizumi softly, looking at Kyon with an... oddly _vulnerable _expression on his face.

Koizumi wasn't smiling.

Instead, he looked... just a little bit nervous- though that seemed to be unrelated to the wounds on his body. His sudden change in nature was centered entirely around Kyon; and maybe that was why the look in his brown eyes was so intense.

Kyon felt his heart beat faster and faster.

Kyon_ hated_ it when Koizumi hid behind his smiles, his face expressionless like a Noh mask. But Kyon also hated it when Koizumi set the mask aside and allowed himself to look into Kyon's eyes with upmost sincerity- because it made Kyon doubt himself.

Doubt **everything.**

Even so, Kyon tried to keep his facial expression neutral.

Tried to look uncaring.

"Of course not," said Kyon coldly, his words coated with poison. "I _**enjoy **_seeing you hurt yourself. In fact, this is the most fun I've had in years." Then, Kyon scowled. "Don't be an idiot- I'm not _that_ cruel. I hate seeing you get beaten up for_ me_- and I hate it when you look at me like that, too. Good grief- you're making me feel like I'm _wrong _for worrying about you."

"Sometimes, when you look at me... I do wonder," said Koizumi. His voice was speculative, as though he were pondering a complex mathematical formula. "You always seem to give the impression you can't stand me..."

"I _can't_," Kyon answered flatly (some part of his mind hoping childish insults would absolve the complete and utter chaos turning over in his mind- even though he knew, logically, it wouldn't). "But I hate seeing you get hurt even more. I hate seeing you like this. And I think, if I had to choose between _this _and your annoying fake smiles... I'd rather you kept smiling... Just so long as you didn't get injured anymore."

Koizumi's eyes widened slightly, as though Kyon had paid him some great compliment. In reality, it had been more like a vague, not-all-that-insulting insult.

The girls at high school frequently told Koizumi he was handsome, he was attractive, and they loved him ~sooo~ much- and Koizumi never batted an eyelid at such praise. Instead, he'd smile in that usual enigmatic way of his (a smile Kyon interpreted as Koizumi's 'I don't really care' expression, but the eager, obsessive girls took to mean as 'I will cherish this compliment forever'), and say thank you; but he never seemed to mean it.

Not really.

So why, then, did Koizumi looked so surprised… and so ridiculously, _genuinely_ flattered when Kyon gave Koizumi an ambiguous comment (a back-handed compliment at best; a thinly-veiled insult, at worse)?

It didn't make any sense.

...Unless Koizumi happened to value Kyon's personal opinion of his character far more than he valued the opinions of the other girls.

That didn't really make much sense.

Megumi and Mizki and Mei were all far, _far_ prettier than Kyon.

"D-don't look at me like that," Kyon snapped, folding his arms, as though trying to protect himself from Koizumi's wide-eyed look of real astonishment and... happiness? "You're making me think I said something strange..."

"Maybe you did."

"H-huh?"

Koizumi's lips pulled upwards in a small smile; and this smile, quite unlike all of Koizumi's other smiles, was so genuine it would have made any girl (even those not members of Koizumi's fan club) believe Itsuki Koizumi honestly, truly, from the bottom of his heart, was truly in love with them.

"I've always known you don't really hate me, though you seem determined to pretend you do," Koizumi explained. "It's not like you to be so straight-forward with your feelings. Maybe your earlier conversation with Miss Suzumiya has left an impact on you?"

"What does my conversation with Haruhi have to do with this?" asked Kyon irritably. "We were talking about _you_."

"It's never been abou**t me**, though," said Koizumi- his voice distant, pensive. "Or Nagato. Or Miss Asahina. Everything is centered around yourself and Miss Suzumiya."

Kyon's eyes narrowed.

He hated it when Koizumi spoke like that. It was almost as if Koizumi believed he had no personality of his own; or, if he did, he had no right to own one. Did Koizumi truly want to throw his own personality away?

That- like so many other things about Itsuki Koizumi- pissed Kyon off.

"You're still a person, aren't you?" Kyon said sharply. "Your feelings still have worth."

"...I-I never imagined I'd hear you saying that."

"Then you don't know me at all. I'm sure I've said it to your before. That's why I hate it so much when you- and not just you, but Mikuru and Nagato, too- do whatever Haruhi wants. You're still _people._ Or robots. Aliens. Time travelers. Whatever. But you all have _feelings._"

"I'm not too sure about Nagato."

"Even Nagato," said Kyon firmly. "Even her."

"W-well... Be that as it may... We all have roles to play," said Koizumi. Forcing a smile.

Kyon had never hated that smile more.

"If you keep 'playing your role', Koizumi, you might end up _dead_," Kyon spat. His words were complete and utter acid; no kindness in them at all- and Kyon couldn't help but feel a tad guilty as Koizumi visibly flinched. But if anger was the only way Kyon could get through to Koizumi, then... So be it. Kyon didn't even know why he cared so much (why should he worry whether Koizumi lived or died when the stupid esper was so very, very annoying?). But Kyon did care. He cared so much. And that confusion made him feel even angrier. "I thought you would've figured that out by now, after getting staked by Emiri and then thrown into a building by a blue giant- or whatever really happened to make you look so hideous now. And you _still _haven't gotten it? It **still** hasn't sunk in? What's going to happen if you spend your whole life doing what Haruhi wants? If you don't learn to speak your mind now she'll only become more selfish- and then, when something doesn't go her way, she _really _will lash out in a childish temper tantrum- she'll do something stupid- and I won't be able to fix it!"

"K-kyon...?"

Koizumi looked at Kyon with wide eyes- and if his skin had been pale before, it was positively white now.

Although Koizumi was trying to hide it (and doing a rather poor job of it), he was obviously upset. Kyon could tell. And that...

That made Kyon feel even guiltier.

And even more confused.

And even more irritated.

It was all Kyon could do to resist taking hold of the stupid esper's shoulders and shaking him. Why could Koizumi realize that Kyon _cared_ about him? Kyon hated to admit it- even to himself- but he _did _care; more than he wanted to, and more than he'd ever believed he was capable of doing do.

Kyon cared about Mikuru and Nagato and Haruhi, too, even though that girl's head was filled up with ridiculous ideas and she had a tendency to explode when in a foul temper. But Kyon would take her good qualities with the bad because Haruhi was only human. She was just like another little sister to Kyon…

Or even a best friend.

Kyon _liked_ being a member of the SOS Brigade, too; he _liked_ the world he lived in; he liked… w-well, he wouldn't go that far, but he felt apathetic towards Taniguchi and Kunikida at best; and he didn't want any of that to change.

Kyon cared about Itsuki Koizumi.

Even though he wished, from the bottom of his heart, he didn't-

That didn't alter the fact he did.

Very much so.

"I appreciate that you... are very adamant about this subject," said Koizumi slowly. He was trying to sound calm, collected, but his eyes were still just a fraction too wide, and he was trembling. "But..." Koizumi's gaze fell to the floor. He looked somewhat abashed. "But I assume, from the state of the world right now- and the fact that I am here, talking to you- that... You have made amends with Miss Suzumiya."

Kyon nodded. "That's right."

"Then... I'm very happy for you- and Miss Suzumiya, too, naturally."

Koizumi's eyes flickered upwards to look at Kyon again. Though Koizumi was smiling, however, his expression was strained- even more so than usual- and his smile didn't light up his eyes.

Kyon... much preferred Koizumi's real smiles. Even though they made Kyon feel such a strange mixture of emotions he sometimes wished Koizumi would put his mask on again.

Kyon's eyes narrowed. "What are you talking about? Why are you 'happy'? You don't_ look _happy."

"Forgive me. I'm being selfish... It's... Hmn." Koizumi paused. It looked as though he were searching for the correct words.

It took longer than it usually did.

The silence stretched between the pair; almost to breaking point.

Then, Koizumi said- just as Kyon opened his mouth to spit some insult at the irritating, confusing esper-

"You and Miss Suzumiya are a couple once more, aren't you?"

Kyon blinked.

Then, he frowned.

"Why do you care? That's private..."

"I'm sorry I have to ask- but Miss Suzumiya's heartbreak was the trigger that caused so many problems. I know your feelings on the matter, and I know you think I should… grow a bit of backbone, maybe… Ha." Koizumi gave a small, humorless sound. It was as if he realized how weak-willed he was around Haruhi (and maybe even he was a little disgusted by it, too) but he couldn't change it. "But I, Itsuki Koizumi- and this isn't me spouting the Agency's beliefs. These thoughts and feelings belong to me- honestly believe it would be best if you followed Miss Suzumiya's wishes," said Koizumi.

Kyon wasn't sure if he was imagining it or not, but Koizumi's voice sounded hollow. Completely lacking in the good humor or playful, teasing tones that had run through it before. And, for whatever reason...

Kyon didn't like that.

It felt as if Koizumi had lost something.

Something important.

…And Kyon wanted to find it again- no matter how illogical that sounded.

"Yeah," said Kyon slowly- his voice filling, once more, with irritation. Irritation that stemmed from confusion- and the rapid beating of his heart. "You _do _know how I feel on the matter. I already said I wasn't going to give into Haruhi anymore. And I broke up with her."

If the atmosphere in Koizumi's too-tidy room (save for Koizumi's discarded shirt on the floor, of course, and the blood staining his duvet) hadn't been so oppressive, Koizumi's reaction probably would've been quite funny. The esper's mouth fell open in a small 'o', and his face went pale.

...Paler than it already was, at least.

"Y-you... You broke up with her...?"

"That's what I said," Kyon replied, voice deadpan. "And the world hasn't blown up, has it?"

"But... B-but..." Koizumi frowned, as though he were attempting to put together a thousand piece jigsaw puzzle… and all the pieces were white. Itsuki Koizumi, despite the mask he frequently wore around others, _could_ be surprised, it seemed; and surprised quite badly, too, for Koizumi looked as though he'd been hit by lightening. "Kyon... You didn't break up with Miss Suzumiya merely to spite her, did you?"

Kyon's eyes hardened at this.

That comment... It was far more cutting than anything Haruhi had said to Kyon earlier.

Mainly because Koizumi seemed to _believe_ what he'd said was right.

Koizumi honestly appeared to believe that Kyon would break Haruhi's heart just to prove a point.

And that _stung._

"Of course I didn't," Kyon hissed, his voice dropping volume- becoming so dangerous Koizumi backed away slowly, despite his wounds. "I would never do something so petty. Do you really think I'd hurt a girl- hurt _anyone, _for that matter- like that for my own personal gain? To punish them? Just to be spiteful, because I didn't want to give them what they wanted? That's… that's _wrong. _I'd never do that."

"I didn't really believe it..." said Koizumi softly. "I know you're a kinder person that than. But... I... thought you _liked_ Miss Suzumiya, and you were just being stubborn…"

"I do like her."

_And I probably am stubborn, but that's besides the point._

_Why do you care so much, Esperboy?_

"Then... why?" asked Koizumi, confused.

Kyon sighed- but his eyes never left Koizumi's wide, surprised brown ones.

There was... something strangely endearing about a surprised Koizumi. Koizumi rarely displayed any facial expression beyond his smiling mask; but, over the course of a few days, Kyon had seen more emotion play across the esper's face than ever before. Happiness (_genuine _happiness), envy, anger, worry, fear, pain, confusion...

And an unguarded, more vulnerable emotion that Kyon couldn't quite place a name to.

All of it...

All of it, combined together, made up the _real_ Itsuki Koizumi.

The person Kyon despised above all others-

But cared about so much, too.

"There's a difference between liking somebody and being in love with them," said Kyon softly. All the anger had drained from Kyon's voice. In its wake, it left behind a strange kind of softness Kyon rarely used to talk to anybody; least of call Koizumi. "I like Haruhi. But I'm not in love with her. And it'd be even crueler if I kept stringing her along. I think... she realized that, too. She was upset at first- I mean, anybody would be. But... Haruhi's more mature than you think. She's not some selfish child. Maybe she was like that once, but not anymore. And, in the end... She accepted it. And... she tried to smile."

Koizumi blinked at Kyon in apparent surprise- his eyes still far too wide; betraying far too much emotion.

And then, after a short pause...

Koizumi smiled.

A real smile.

It was small.

Barely there.

But it was still a smile.

And it still made Kyon stupidly, strangely happy…

For a reason not even he understood.

For a reason he didn't much _want _to understand.

"You... Ha..." Koizumi gave a small, amused sound- though the pain in his ribs made him quake slightly. "Kyon... When did you turn into such a gentleman?"

"Who? Me?"

"Yes. You." Koizumi's teasing smile grew into something rather more self-deprecating, as he tilted his head slightly- his hair falling into his eyes. "To be honest... You're making me feel a little ashamed of myself."

"…Ashamed?"

"Yes. I'd... I wouldn't have minded if you remained Miss Suzumiya's boyfriend... even if you didn't love her. Just to make my life easier." Koizumi bit his lower lip gently, a troubled look running across his face. "I didn't pause to consider your feelings at all- or Miss Suzumiya's. Always... I was thinking of myself, all the time. I'm... a selfish person... I suppose."

"Yeah. You are."

Kyon reached forwards- unsure what he was doing (unsure why he _cared_; but he did, and he didn't know why or how. All Kyon knew was that it, inexplicably, _**was**_) but he didn't retract his hand- and gently, softly, Kyon brushed Koizumi's hair out of his face with his fingertips.

Koizumi looked up in surprise.

"Kyon...?"

"But... If you _really _wanted me to stay with Haruhi," said Kyon, his fingertips moving to cup Koizumi's chin, "then why did you kiss me?"

The effect that question had on Koizumi was instantaneous. The esper's face- normally so calm, so blank, so devoid of any and all emotion other than cryptic smiles that didn't reach his eyes- flushed a light pink. Koizumi's lips parted into another small, perfect 'o'; and he soon became so flustered he had to look away, trying to hide his face behind his bangs.

"N-no reason..." Koizumi muttered evasively. "Really..."

"So it was a meaningless action?"

"...I-I..." Koizumi voice began to break up; his words fragmenting like shattered glass, as he gave Kyon a tentative- almost shy- glance from underneath his eyelashes.

Koizumi's reaction told Kyon everything.

It hadn't been a 'meaningless action'.

Not to Koizumi.

"I-it was another... selfish action..." Koizumi said- his voice taught with... fear? Was that fear Kyon saw in the esper's eyes? It was difficult to tell; people's eyes weren't nearly as expressive as manga, anime and published novels led people to believe- and Koizumi's face was bathed in shadow from his bangs, making them difficult to see clearly. "I... I thought... I-I wasn't really thinking too clearly- i-it wasn't one of my better ideas… Haha… But I thought… I-if you couldn't stop Haruhi, a-and I never saw you again... I'd... really regret it... I-if I didn't… A-at least once…"

Kyon could only stare.

He knew what this was.

It was a _confession._

A confession from Itsuki Koizumi.

And Kyon... had no idea how he felt about that- or even how he was _meant_ to feel about it.

Shouldn't he have felt disgusted?

But...

He didn't.

He _couldn't._

There was confusion, Kyon wouldn't lie about that; complete and utter confusion.

There was surprise, too.

And maybe, just maybe, Kyon felt a little bit_ flattered_. Koizumi was handsome (Kyon had no worries admitting that. Kyon often thought, if he ever got a girlfriend, he'd _never _introduce her to Koizumi for fear of competition), and the esper had a rather large pool of devoted fangirls to choose from. Koizumi could have picked almost any girl to go out with; and some of Koizumi's fans were incredibly beautiful- almost as beautiful as Mikuru (though not quite, of course. Nothing could improve upon perfection; and Mikuru was an angel. The idea of any girl being more beautiful than her was blasphemy).

But there was no disgust, or revulsion, or anger in Kyon's thoughts.

How could Kyon be angry with Koizumi, when the stupid, _stupid _esper had gotten his insides crushed- just like an aluminum can being stepped on- all for Kyon's sake?

...Was Kyon feeling guilty, then? Was he prepared to follow Koizumi's wishes as a manner of paying him back; settling their debt?

That didn't seem right.

_I'd never do that._

_Kunikida once loaned me his math textbook in junior high, and I didn't feel the need to kiss _him _to pay him back. I just said "hey, thanks" and he said "no problem" and that was the end of that._

_Simple._

_I know lending out text books and __nearly getting murdered for you__ are two vastly different things, but the point still stands (would you really say "thanks for saving my life", "no problem"? It doesn't sound right…)_

_So then..._

_Why... do I feel like this?_

_Maybe it's that kicked puppy mentality._

_Nobody- not even Cruella de Ville (my sister's watched that stupid movie so many times sometimes __**I**__ feel like skinning a few Dalmatians and making myself a fur coat)- would try and intentionally upset Koizumi when he's obviously already upsetting _himself _enough as it is._

_And yet..._

_T-that's not it either..._

_It's not __**pity **__I'm feeling…_

_B-but I can't keep analyzing all my feelings- or I'll be here for millennia._

"Hey." Kyon spoke quietly. Even so, Koizumi turned to give him a worried look, as though he were expecting Kyon to insult him (which the Kyon of two weeks ago probably would've done; but Kyon somehow felt older, and wiser, than his two-week-ago self).

"M-mn?" Kyon wasn't sure how Koizumi's voice managed to fluctuate over the 'mn' (it was only one syllable long- and not even a proper word. How difficult was it to say?) but Koizumi still, somehow, managed it.

"When did it start?"

Kyon's eyes held Koizumi's intently; and whilst it looked like the esper wanted to look away- desperately wanted to duck his head and hide behind his hair again (when his emotionless façade didn't work he had to hide his true emotions behind his bangs?)- he couldn't. Koizumi could only look at Kyon; his eyes wide, his body trembling slightly, from a mix of pain and nerves.

"I-I... I don't know..." Koizumi admitted. "I... I-I..." He bit his lower lip again- tried to stop his voice was trembling- and Kyon was struck with the urge to tell the stupid esper to stop it, before he made his lip bleed and inflicted even _more_ unnecessary damage upon himself.

Kyon sighed.

"The Agency told me I'd have to befriend you," said Koizumi, after a long pause. "They said it was my job to get you on our side- because you're the key to Miss Suzumiya's emotions, and… T-they want to control her…"

"Well, I already knew you were a manipulative bastard," said Kyon, rolling his eyes.

A small, barely there smile tugged at Koizumi's lips.

"I-indeed. But... The Agency said, no matter what your personality was, or how disagreeable I might find you, I would have to be friendly to you regardless; and I soon began to assume I wouldn't like you very much at all. My expectations were quite low... S-so when I met you..." Koizumi's voice broke away. He inhaled sharply- wincing as he did so- whilst his eyes began to flicker about again; as restless as a hummingbird flapping its wings. "I... I didn't expect to... to actually_ like_ you. N-not as much as I did..." Koizumi flushed. "A-and… still do…"

"I'm glad I managed to exceed your expectations," said Kyon. Somehow, his voice managed to remain dry- apathetic- even though he felt just as (if not more) flustered than Koizumi. It wasn't every day Kyon was told how likable he was. Haruhi generally insulted him any chance she got (even if she didn't mean it, not really)- Nagato was about as likely to compliment somebody as she was to turn into a newt- and Mikuru was so terrified of Haruhi she was too nervous to say more than two words at a time to Kyon (unless those words were "would you like more tea?").

Being told those things by Itsuki Koizumi...

It was _strange._

"I-it worried me... It still does..." Koizumi exhaled softly- looking at Kyon with such open honesty in his eyes the esper looked like an entirely different person. A shy, meek person- who wasn't at all that confident- terrified of being rejected; and yet they pressed on all the same. "I was meant to be befriend you... B-but... I... I-I..." Koizumi's eyes closed. Apparently, he was too flustered to even look at Kyon anymore; though his voice was still trembling badly even when he looked away. "I-I started to like you more than I should have done... A-and then- even after I tried to distance myself from you. T-tried to irritate you, on purpose, even though it was defying the Agency's orders- I... I couldn't _stop_."

"Irritating me?"

Koizumi inhaled sharply again- trembling, as though he were inhaling fire.

"Y-you know what I mean… K-kyon…" Koizumi blinked slowly, nervously- though his flickered down to his lap mere seconds after they rested upon Kyon's face. "I-I… I…"

Koizumi gave another small, humorless laugh.

"I can't find the words…"

Kyon stared at Koizumi.

The _real_ Koizumi.

The person hiding behind the mask.

And, as Kyon looked (_really _looked, for perhaps the first time) he felt his heart- hackneyed and clichéd though the saying was, it was completely _true_- beat faster and faster; drumming a tattoo against his ribcage.

All of a sudden, Kyon understood.

_**That**_ was the reason why Koizumi stood a little too close to Kyon for comfort. The esper had hoped to irritate Kyon; to drive him away, before Itsuki grew even more foolishly attracted to him.

It hadn't worked, though.

_**That **_was the reason why Koizumi never gave any of his female fans more than a passing glance; never ate any of their Valentine's chocolate- and yet looked so flattered every time Kyon said something to him that wasn't a mere insult.

_**That **_was the reason why Koizumi had tried to hard to save Kyon from Emiri- even at the risk of his own life; even though it nearly _killed _him.

That was the reason...

For so many things.

A whole host of things.

And Kyon had never realized.

But, if he stopped to think about it…

It must have been awful for Koizumi, holding those feelings for Kyon in his heart even though he wasn't meant to- even though it could have turned the Agency against him. It must have been torture for Koizumi, trying to force Kyon and Haruhi together for the 'sake of the world', all the while smiling; trying to tell himself, over and over again, his love was completely one-sided and would never (could never) be returned...

And that was true, wasn't it?

At least...

It had been- up until a few days ago.

Because, all of a sudden, Kyon wasn't so sure.

He didn't know what he felt.

And that was... quite frightening, actually; even more so than Emiri's reanimated corpse attack or those awful horror movies Tsuraya and Haruhi liked to snicker at.

The idea that Kyon might possibly maybe not quite but kind of sort of not be repulsed by Koizumi's feelings… And might (**was**), instead, flattered by them…

Was terrifying.

"Koizumi..."

But Koizumi looked far more afraid than Kyon was.

And...

Well.

_Weren't you wondering- when you lost your mind for a second there- who you'd rather kiss; Haruhi, or Koizumi?_

_Now's your chance._

_You can conduct an 'experiment'- for completely scientific purposes, of course._

_...Just don't fuck around with Koizumi's feelings like you did with Haruhi's._

_Because I'm not sure Koizumi would be able to recover as quickly as Haruhi did._

"K-kyon...?" Koizumi blinked. He looked at Kyon with over-large, panicked eyes- as though he couldn't believe what he'd said. His face was still flushed light pink.

_...Damn._

_I guess..._

_He really loves you._

_Even if he 'couldn't find the words', I can._

_It's a good job I've got such an expansive vocabulary, huh?_

_Good grief._

_It's such a pain, being this popular._

_First Haruhi._

_Then Ryoko Asakura._

_Then there was that thing between me and Mikuru- which nearly ended the world._

_There was that parallel universe Nagato who seemed a little bit too clingy._

_Then there was Emiri._

_And now…_

_Itsuki, too?_

_I feel like I'm in a bad harem manga._

_A harem manga where __every single choice__ leads to my inevitable death and/or the destruction of the universe._

…_Why?_

"I'm a perfectly ordinary person, you know," said Kyon- voicing one of his confused feelings, out of many. "I... don't get it..."

"I-I'm sorry... I-I should think more before I say these things… P-please, ignore that…"

At Kyon's words Koizumi began to draw away- something akin to defeat visible on his face; and that was _no use_; it was no use at all. Koizumi had decided there existed a whole new meaning to Kyon's words that Kyon had never intended; because, whilst Kyon had merely been surprised, Koizumi seemed to have interpreted that as a refusal.

A 'get away from me, you freak'.

And it _**wasn't.**_

Not yet.

Kyon had already upset Haruhi.

He didn't want to hurt Koizumi, too.

"Come back here, you idiot." Kyon caught hold of Koizumi's (relatively) uninjured arm; refusing to let the esper leave- refusing to let Koizumi twist his words to take on meanings he'd never intended. "I-I never... I never said you had to apologize. So quit jumping to conclusions."

Koizumi stared at Kyon in shock; blinking slowly, as though he didn't believe what he'd heard.

As though he thought Kyon were playing some joke on him.

"I'm not that cruel," Kyon said, his voice dropping in volume. "You can't help being the most selfish person in the world."

"K-kyon, I-I-"

"Shut up, Itsuki."

And then- very carefully (trying not to hurt Koizumi more than he already was)- Kyon drew Koizumi's trembling frame closer towards him-

And pressed their lips together in a gentle kiss.

* * *

**a/n: **Kyahh! ;A; I took like 4 months to update.  
That's kind of bad, isn't it?  
That's awful ;A;

I didn't even lose an interest in the Haruhi fandom /or/ writing- it was just… with this fic…  
And then the 6,000 words I /did/ have written up of this chapter were mysteriously deleted, and I was all 'fffff' and that killed my desire to finish this even more- but at the end of the day I'm glad my previous version of this chapter got deleted because ~this~ is a lot more sugary-sweet and adorable, and I like it more XD

So, yeah. Despite my horrible procrastinating (I'm sorry ;A;) I like this chapter. I'm happy with how it came out ^_^;; I hope it makes up for my absence/laziness, and let's pray the next chapter doesn't take me as long to write XD It shouldn't- there are only like 2 chapters left anyway XD

Thank you everybody who reviewed this and told me to get off my lazy ass and actually ~finish~ this. I probably wouldn't have finished it at all if you guys hadn't been nagging me XDD You guys who read this fic are very precious to me (~sounding like Natsuki Takaya from Fruits Basket XD~) and I'm glad to know so many of you like this fic despite its flaws (such as that /one/ chapter where everybody uses honourifics that I KNOW exists and I KNOW should fix but I still haven't done it yet XDD)

So, yes. Thank you very much, to the people who review and put this fic on alert/favourite. It means a lot to me ^_^;;  
I'll do my best to get my next update out at a ~sensible~ time, if you guys will stick with me and keep supporting me!  
^_^;

**~renahhchen xoxoxoxoxo**


	25. 24: Bringing About a Change

**It's a Romantic True Love Conquest, Haruhi-Chan!**

* * *

Chapter Twenty-Four:  
_Bringing about a change_

* * *

Kissing Itsuki Koizumi wasn't, to Kyon's initial surprise, that much more different from kissing Haruhi. Then again, spoke Kyon's logical thought process- it was amazing he could still think, considering he was doing something incredibly _stupid_- why should it have been so dissimilar? Koizumi and Haruhi were both human beings, their genders regardless- so he really shouldn't that been that shocked.

Not at all.

Even though the feeling was fairly similar, however, it... was just a little off. For one thing, Kyon couldn't shake the knowledge that the person he was kissing (of his own free will this time) was also _male_.

It shouldn't have mattered that much, considering Kyon had witnessed aliens and time travelers. The _real_ thing Kyon should have been pondering was 'oh, I'm kissing an esper, a being that should not technically exist', not 'oh, I'm kissing a _male _esper.' An esper was an esper. Much like a human being was a human being- a-and this was beginning to sound very philosophical and Koizumi-ish, and it was giving Kyon a headache.

Were you meant to get headaches when you kissed people?

_Probably not. That doesn't sound very romantic, does it?_

_Then again, you always had a headache when you kissed Haruhi, too; but that was probably because Haruhi is one big headache._

Moreover, Koizumi... wasn't as forceful as Haruhi. Instead, he seemed taken by surprise; and Kyon kept his eyes open (which was poor etiquette in kissing, he knew) just so he could take in the expression flickering across Koizumi's face.

Koizumi's eyes were wide.

His face looked flushed.

And... he wasn't moving.

Kyon was suddenly hit with the intense, unshakable feeling that he'd done something very, very stupid. He had always known, at the back of his mind, he was behaving stupidly- but the look on Koizumi's face only helped him cement these doubts.

_Well, I guess it's just another stupid thing in a long line of stupid things that I've done to add to the list. I guess I can put insulting Haruhi on there, too._

_...Why am I so desperate to sabotage my own life? I've got other people who'll willingly do it for me._

_I wonder if I should feel flattered people care about me enough to try and make my life a living hell._

Kyon drew away from the Koizumi quickly, breaking the kiss before it could develop into something deeper (and even more confusing). The kiss (a mere touch of lips, really) had been brief Kyon could have forgotten it if he'd wanted it; swept it under the rug- and Koizumi could, as well.

But that was probably wishful thinking.

Koizumi was trembling ever so slightly, like a leaf in the breeze, or some such other delicate thing Kyon normally associated with Mikuru. In an incredibly clichéd motion, Koizumi pressed his fingers shakily against lips.

What? Was he checking to see if they were still there? Did he think Kyon had some kind of face-dissolving venom in his spit?

_Yeah. You might be an esper, Koizumi, but I can spew venom out my mouth!_

_…Get real._

All of a sudden, Itsuki Koizumi didn't look all that self-confident and assured anymore.

Instead, he looked...

Vulnerable.

And Kyon had done that. Kyon was the reason behind Koizumi's widened eyes and flushed cheeks; it was all Kyon. He'd shattered Koizumi's composure (or what little remained of it) with a brief touch of lips against lips; barely lasting a few seconds.

And Kyon knew, even if he himself tried to forget it, Koizumi wouldn't be able to.

That kiss had... meant something to Koizumi.

If Kyon tried to brush it off, or explain it away as 'I wasn't thinking clearly', he'd hurt the esper. And Koizumi was hurt enough already. He didn't need emotional scarring from Kyon's clumsy, awkward 'affection' (if you could call it that), compounded with the bruises all over his usually-pretty face and the dirt-filled sores that crisscrossed his body.

_Yeah._

_Even if I... don't really understand this... a-and it's... strange... There are lots of other things in this world that are strange and difficult to understand, too. Haruhi, for one._

_And it'd be an _**_incredibly _**_asshole-ish move to just leave __now__._

_I don't want to hurt Itsuki. I mean, he gets hurt enough already, what with those blue giants and... Emiri. Gah. It's not like he needs my help._

_I guess I can't run away from these things- even if I want to._

_...Look at me._

_I sound like a self help guide._

_This is _awful.

_What have I become?_

"Kyon..."

Kyon was snapped out of his sarcastic train of thought by Koizumi's soft voice. It was probably a good thing, too- because Kyon was reaching the point where he was half ready to slam his palm across his face at frustration.

"What do you want?" Kyon asked- and then he cringed.

_Well, that was a stupid question._

_Obviously, since you just kissed him, he wants to talk about meteorology. The two subjects are completely related!_

_...Kyon, you're an idiot._

"U-um..." Koizumi stammered- threading his fingers through his hair in a distracted manner, as his eyes darted about his bedroom. He was having difficulty focusing his gaze. "Why... did you...?"

"I don't know."

Upon reflecting over that answer, it might have sounded a little harsh- but, honestly, Kyon _didn't_ know. He couldn't give an answer to a question that confusing.

"You don't know?" asked Koizumi. He looked hurt by this response, even though he tried to mask it with a small smile- and, damn it, Kyon _hated_ those smiles. "Well... If it was just a one-off, then-"

"No." Kyon's voice was harsher than he thought it would have been when he spoke. It surprised even him.

"No...?"

"I mean... damn, this is really difficult to explain," Kyon said, his fingers taking hold of Koizumi's shoulders. He wasn't sure why. Maybe he just (gag) wanted physical contact- or maybe he just wanted to ensure that stupid esper didn't try to run away. The latter sounded more likely.

"...I see," said Koizumi, after a small pause. He blinked up at Kyon expectantly. "Well... I'm listening. I don't suppose I really have much choice, haha..."

Kyon closed his eyes, trying to organize his thoughts. It didn't much help. Instead, it made him feel like he was drowning in a pool of emotions- so, instead, he forced his eyes back open again.

_Well, that was pointless. What are you even trying to accomplish here, anyway?_

Koizumi still looked so... expectant, and hopeful, and perhaps... shy... that it made Kyon's heartbeat speed up just a little faster; just like a line from a hackneyed romance novel (and no, Kyon had not read any of those such novels- really. Not at all. End of discussion).

When Koizumi wasn't smiling his fake smiles, he really was... incredibly handsome. Kyon had always thought that- but he'd never found anything strange about it. It was just an observation, like the moon was in the sky and these glittery things came out at night. Koizumi was an aesthetically pleasing male; that was it. That simple thought didn't hold any more significance than that. Kyon wasn't gay- o-or at least, he didn't think he was...

He still thought Haruhi was beautiful- even when she was scowling. Nagato had an understated kind of grace about her, and if she hadn't been an alien with unspeakable powers Kyon would've felt the need to protect her, given her slight form and quiet nature. Mikuru was drop-dead gorgeous in every sense of the word, and Kyon cherished each and every cup of tea she gave him as though it were a precious gem. Anything Mikuru Asahina touched instantly became precious.

But... what did Kyon think about Koizumi?

Now that was a little tricky.

Koizumi was irritating and he spoke too much and he constantly said 'I'm kidding' at the end of serious statements. He liked to tease Kyon and he always stood much too close, and he willfully followed all of Haruhi's orders no matter how insane. Kyon hated Koizumi- or, if it wasn't 'hate' he felt ('hating' things often required too much energy, and the pay off was rarely worth the bother), it was something very close_._

And yet, at the same time... whilst all those statements were true, Kyon still spent the most time with Koizumi than anybody in the SOS Brigade. Squeezing more than two words out of Nagato at a time was nothing short of miraculous, and Haruhi was always busy ordering Mikuru around. That left Koizumi. Kyon and Koizumi, stood at the end of the club's insane activities whilst they played Othello together, and Koizumi always lost.

That was just how things were.

And maybe, after spending so much time together... Kyon had begun to notice certain things about the esper. Like just painful his fake smiles looked sometimes- and just how attractive his real ones were.

But was Kyon attracted to him?

Was he...?

If he wasn't, they why did he kiss him? At the time it felt necessary; something he had to do, because Koizumi was being an _idiot _who kept talking about Haruhi and Kyon had wanted to prove no, the world did _not _revolve around Haruhi and Koizumi's feelings mattered, too-

And then Kyon had kissed him.

He'd kissed Koizumi to...

Comfort him?

Make him feel better?

Was it sympathy?

Or... maybe...

_Well, let's look at it like this. If you like it when Koizumi is happy- even though you'd never admit that you 'like it' out loud, you'd say something more along the lines of 'I don't feel as annoyed when you're smiling properly', which pretty much amounts to the same thing- and you feel not-so-great when Koizumi is wearing his pretend smiles, and then you kissed him just so you could see more of his _real _facial expressions... Well._

_Either this was a really strange experiment- like completing insanely hard boss battles on a video game to unlock hidden settings for no reason other than gloating- or..._

_Or you like it when Koizumi is happy._

_You don't like it when he's sad._

_You want him to be happy- because it makes you feel better, too._

_And when you set the facts out in bite-sized chunks like that, it's not that difficult to understand anymore, is it?_

"Kyon?" asked Koizumi softly, looking up at Kyon from under his eyelashes.

When Kyon answered his voice was shaky, "W-what is it?"

"You've been quiet for quite some time. I must admit, it's making me feel a little nervous..."

"You? _Nervous_?" Kyon quirked a brow. He couldn't quite fight the smirk that tugged at his lips. "You've faced those weird blue giants and alien robots with time-distorting powers... and yet _I'm _the one who makes you feel nervous? I'm not sure if I should feel flattered or insulted."

Koizumi laughed softly at this- and Kyon was surprised to find he liked the sound of that laughter. Had he ever heard Koizumi laugh like that before?

_See. I told you so, _a smug voice in Kyon's head said.

"Well... When I'm fighting against the shinjin, I know I have my whole Agency beside me. If I die, I can replaced- though it would be a nuisance, I'm sure. But this is... different," said Koizumi; his voice so vulnerable, so honest, it sent a shiver down Kyon's spine. "I-I... I can hardly put it into words, to be honest."

"That's a first."

"Oh no, not in the least. I've been incredibly inarticulate as of late," said Koizumi, still smiling that small, nervous smile. "I think you know why. Haha... B-but it's your turn to tell me how you feel, so, um... Please, go right ahead."

Kyon grit his teeth together, his fingers digging into Koizumi's shoulders with a touch more pressure. He knew he should have been gentle, given the injuries Koizumi had sustained- but he wasn't able to think rationally at that point.

"This is a lot more difficult than you might think," said Kyon.

"Even after you saved the world?"

"Don't exaggerate or I'll get an ego like Haruhi's."

"Well... I suppose actions are easy to carry out, but words... Words can remain elusive. Perhaps that's why Nagato's race do not communicate with words at all."

"Too many 'discrepancies in the data'?" asked Kyon, echoing a phrase he had heard Nagato speak once.

Koizumi nodded.

"Well, I... I... This is annoying," said Kyon.

Kyon desperately wanted to look away; stare at the walls, the floor, the ceiling... anything. But he couldn't be that cowardly. He kept staring at Koizumi even though every particle of his being wanted to run away or suddenly vaporize.

"Alright..." said Kyon, after drawing a deep breath. His eyes narrowed with determination, even though he didn't know what he was going to say. "To start off with... I-I know you... you like me... At least, I think you do."

Koizumi nodded, his cheeks flushing slightly at this. "Mn. How very astute."

"A-and... To be honest, I've never really given it much thought. I mean- I don't like guys. Really. I think Mikuru's beautiful, and when she's in her maid outfit I can't stop staring at her; my thoughts for anybody else just disappear. And the bunny girl costumes... I mean, seriously, I'm just a regular high school guy. What do you expect?"

"I... see your point," said Koizumi, after a small pause. "Indeed, Miss Suzumiya did choose Miss Asahina for her physical properties. It is only to be assumed that you, like most other men, would... like her."

Kyon raised a brow. "And you don't?"

"I think she's a charming person but... honestly? I don't find her physically attractive at all. I never have with any girl. Hmn... It was quite a bother a few years ago," said Koizumi, blinking up at Kyon earnestly. "My other friends would begin to talk about girls... more about their bodies than their personalities. And I never found it remotely interesting. I began to think there was something strange about me."

"And then three years ago you discovered you had esper powers granted by some unknown deity and you realized there really _was_ something strange about you after all?"

"I suppose so," said Koizumi, laughing. "I'd always thought I was... odd... so perhaps I was less surprised than most when I learnt about espers and the shinjin."

"So you don't like Mikuru?" Kyon pressed. He knew everybody had different tastes. Some people enjoyed oolong tea, others Earl Grey- but it seemed almost inconceivable to Kyon that there existed a man who did not think Mikuru Asahina was completely adorable.

"I like her as a person. I'm just not attracted to her," said Koizumi.

"And yet... And yet you like _me_?" Kyon asked, his voice slightly incredulous. "That doesn't make any sense..."

"Maybe not to you. Perhaps it would be more expected if I were to find Miss Asahina 'beautiful', as the other boys at our school seem to... But I don't."

"W-well_, I_ think Mikuru's... But, well. You know."

"I know."

"But that's not all," said Kyon- desperate to get his point across, and worrying he was unable to. Maybe Yuki's race really did have a smart idea, not using words to convey ideas. "Even though I do like Mikuru quite a lot I... I still spend the most time with you- and you annoy me, I'm not going to lie, you piss me off so much sometimes, with your fake smiles and... and I always feel like I can't trust you because you're not being truthful, there's something 'off' about you-"

"I'm being truthful now," said Koizumi, his voice strangely serious. "Completely."

"I know that, and I appreciate that and... and..." Kyon sighed. It was practically his trademark.

_You should get it copyrighted; then everybody else who sighs will have to pay you._

"I'm confused, alright?" said Kyon. "I never really thought about this before- maybe because I was too busy looking at Mikuru or Haruhi... But... But I hate your fake smiles. I like it when you look truly happy. A-and... I want you to realize Haruhi isn't the only important person on this planet. Your feelings- even if I don't really understand them and you keep pretending they don't exist- have worth. They do mean something- and I'm sick of you being so self-pitying behind that stupid smile. A-and... And..."

Kyon leant forwards- and as he did so, his mind shouted at him. He had no idea what he was doing; he hadn't thought this through; when he sat in the club room playing Othello with Koizumi he'd never even _dreamed..._

But Koizumi's slightly widened eyes, the hope that flickered across his face, was worth it.

It felt just a little bit like Kyon had 'won'- though he hadn't been aware this was a battle to begin with. But, from the moment Kyon had seen Koizumi with his guarded expressions and carefully crafted smiles, he'd wanted to see what was underneath. It was a childish curiosity, like wanting to tear apart a box marked 'do not open'. Now, Kyon knew what was underneath that smile. And he only knew because he'd persisted in trying to open the marked box. Whatever happened next was his fault, and he had to take responsibility for it- because if he hadn't kept trying to pry at Koizumi's smile, Koizumi would not have told him.

But, if he hadn't kept trying to pry at that smile...

Kyon was sure he wouldn't feel the same way about Itsuki as he did now.

Kyon pressed their lips together again, tenderly- still unsure about what he was doing, even though he'd kissed Haruhi several times before. This was different; not _just_ because Koizumi was male (though that was still a part of it), but because...

It just felt different.

The feelings that flickered inside Kyon's body when Koizumi gasped so softly was... difficult to describe. There was a bit of shock, a bit of pride (_he_ had broken Koizumi's false smile; him) and a bit of... something else... that Kyon couldn't even begin to give a name to.

When Kyon drew away, he noticed Koizumi's face was still stained a very light pink.

Kyon couldn't help but smile- ever so slightly.

"You've been honest with me, so it's only fair I should return the favor," said Kyon, his dropping to a whisper. "Honestly... I would much sooner do this with you than with Haruhi."

Koizumi's eyes widened.

"I-is that true?" he said. He was fighting to keep his voice calm- but it was a losing battle. Kyon could see that clearly.

Kyon nodded.

"I'm still really confused... and I don't know what I'm doing. But..." He ran a hand through his hair; sighed again. "When I shouted at Haruhi, I... I was doing it partially with you on my mind. I think, at some point, I realized- irritating though you are- that you were sacrificing everything for me; when you fought with Emiri-"

"Tried to fight," Koizumi corrected, smiling bitterly. "I didn't get much real fighting done. It was embarrassing."

"I guess. It was pretty pathetic, seriously," said Kyon, his voice deadpan.

"Hey..." Koizumi frowned at this, hurt flickering across his face. "T-that's a little harsh-"

"I'm just repeating what you said," Kyon replied. He rolled his eyes. "I didn't really mean it. I thought you were... well. Like a character from a sci fi show, or something I used to watch when I was a kid. It was amazing. And you shouldn't be so judgmental of yourself- because I appreciated it. I'd be dead without you. You almost died to save me. And that made me realize... that I never really gave you enough credit. I just thought you were the smiling idiot in the corner- but... I never really thought that you were another person who could get hurt. And you did. For me. I-I know I'm phrasing this badly, but..." Kyon sighed. "You understand. When I was arguing with Haruhi I started to think... that, though I liked her, I didn't really love her- and if we started dating again, that would be unfair on her... But also, on you. After all you've done."

"Kyon..."

"Even though I don't know what I'm doing, and this is... impossibly confusing-"

"Even more so than aliens, espers and time travelers?"

"I've become accustomed to those things invading my life," said Kyon. "So... I suppose I can become accustomed to _this _as well. Maybe."

"D-do you not think Miss Suzumiya will be angry?"

Kyon paused. Then, he shook his head, and smiled.

Kyon wasn't really an optimist; especially not when, at the tender age of seven, he began to learn his favorite anime superheroes didn't really exist. From that moment on Kyon had grounded himself in reality, refusing to believe in impossibilities- because it was a waste of time praying for something to happen that, logically, never could. Kyon wasn't an optimist, because hoping for the impossible was a waste of time- and Kyon didn't like wasting his time (which was partially why he had resented Haruhi for making the SOS Brigade).

However, Kyon's sense of realism had been altered slightly when he first met Haruhi Suzumiya, with her sparkling eyes and stupid ideas and cat-like smiles. Kyon learnt from her that, maybe, it was alright to hope for the impossible, even if, at times, it seemed unreachable- because Haruhi never gave up. She was steadfast in her beliefs she could make the world a more interesting place; and her perseverance in the face of defeat after defeat after disappointment was inspiring. Haruhi had, through her sheer willpower, created aliens and espers and time travelers- and, apparently, in Tsuraya's case, sliders.

Even if something seemed impossible you had to keep hoping; and Kyon had now seen his fair share of impossible things, like looping endless summers and blue giants and evil killer camel crickets.

Haruhi, despite her rapidly changing moods and short temper, _was_ an optimist. She always hoped for the best. And Kyon was sure- though he, himself, was a 'realist' (it was difficult to be such a thing whilst surrounded by so many bizarre events, but he tried)- Haruhi would be able to recover. She would be able to move on with that wide smile across her face as always; because there was always something mysterious in the world to uncover.

Kyon might not have shared Haruhi's enthusiasm for everything, and he might have disagreed with her on many things- but he did trust her.

He had faith in her.

He was sure Haruhi would do the right thing.

* * *

Haruhi Suzumiya stared up at her bedroom ceiling, her favorite stuffed toy- a ratty old lion she'd had ever since childhood- pressed against her chest. She knew it was a little strange, a straightforward, no-nonsense girl like her clinging on to reminders of the past; especially when she'd strived for so long to be different from that normal, boring, ordinary girl she had once been. However, even Haruhi Suzumiya felt nostalgic sometimes, and she simply couldn't throw that lion away.

Haruhi had just awoken from a... rather strange dream. Generally her dreams (when she could remember them at all- which was very rare) involved finding espers and aliens and, true to the slogan of her Brigade, 'hanging out with them'. This dream, however, had been different.

Maybe it was a nightmare.

She'd been talking to Kyon in a dark space of repeating side walk and street lamps- and, though Haruhi couldn't remember all of the dream, she did remember shouting. She remembered a cold, piercing feeling driving through her chest; feelings of hatred and anger and betrayal, because Kyon had...

He'd left her.

And yet, all this time, Haruhi had...

B-but... had Kyon ever truly liked her? Had she blinded herself to his true feelings because she wanted to create a 'happily ever after' scenario? Haruhi could have laughed at herself. She always hated movies with cheesy endings like that, were the threads were all tied up and everybody save the villains were cheerful. That wasn't realistic at all! Emotions didn't work that way!

And...

Maybe Haruhi hadn't been realistic, either.

Had she been selfish?

Kyon constantly said she was selfish- but Haruhi didn't see what was so terribly wrong with that. If you wanted something and nobody would give it to you, you had to force them, or the world- or both. You couldn't sit idle and let life pass you by. It was better to regret something you'd done than something you hadn't done. Haruhi believed in that philosophy whole-heartedly.

She'd never tried to be a 'bad' person. She just wanted fun, exciting things to happen to her. She just wanted to have a life that wasn't boring or ordinary- and if she had to be selfish to get that, then so what?

But maybe...

Maybe she'd gone too far this time.

Especially when her feelings involved Kyon.

Haruhi sighed. Then, she crushed her lion stuffed toy closer to her chest.

If Kyon had never truly been in love with her, as her dream suggested- then maybe it was selfish that she still liked him. And she did. She... she cared about Kyon.

But if she truly cared about him, didn't that mean he should be happy, too? Generally, Haruhi could satisfy herself by acting selfish to get what she wanted- but, in this case, she couldn't force Kyon to love her (she didn't really want to), and making him miserable would not make her feel better. She had to... let Kyon do what he wanted.

If he was happy- maybe Haruhi could be happy, too.

She hadn't been feeling very good for a long time.

However, with this revelation... she couldn't help but feel lighter. How had she not realized it before? Her own happiness didn't just depend on herself anymore. It was related with Kyon, too- and maybe, in a way, her happiness hinged on other people's opinions and other people's feelings. Haruhi had never really given other people much thought- but maybe, if she had, she wouldn't have been so miserable.

Haruhi smiled.

She'd been blind for a long time- but she wasn't anymore.

Not now.

She was going to try and change.

* * *

Yuki Nagato, a humanoid thought interface for the Data Integration Thought Entity, was sat cross-legged on the bare floorboards of her apartment, a sizable book held in her lap. Strands of silver hair fell before her eyes, but she brushed them away with ease.

She had felt a great disturbance running through the earth some two hours ago- but now, everything was calm. There had been a minor earthquake measuring about 3.2 on the Richter scale that shook the twenty mile radius around Kitaguchi Station which could only be related to Miss Suzumiya; not faulty plate tectonics, as it would be announced at approximately 7:45 a.m. on the news the next morning.

Nagato, even despite her limited emotional capacity, had known to be somewhat... affected by the earthquake. Whilst her composure did not shift and her fingers did not tremble, Nagato noted her reading speed increased by approximately x100- perhaps in an attempt to course through her book more quickly, should the world collapse and she was unable to finish.

However... Nagato, despite her concerns, was able to finish her book. She set aside the heavy volume on astrophysics and then, with her lily-white fingers, selected another novel off the pile stacked beside her; a pile so tall it dwarfed her own diminutive height, and she had to stand to pick it up.

Nagato managed to read that novel, too.

The bodies of the humans 'Kyon' and 'Suzumiya Haruhi' disappeared from the planet known as 'Earth' between the times of seven twenty-three and eight fifty-two p.m. However, despite the earthquake- a warning sign that perhaps Kyon had not managed to placate Haruhi- they returned.

Nagato was able to finish her book on astrophysics.

And life went on.

Nagato's head remained bent, her eyes trained on her novel- though, for perhaps the first time in her life, her eyes were not processing the words properly. There were minor errors in the transmission of data; errors that could be easily rectified with closer reading, but it was still strange.

Was Nagato feeling...

Relief?

It was a strange emotion. Then again, emotions were strange, full stop.

Nagato did not put her book down; not even when the slight tremors of the earthquake (most likely undetectable to the other inhabitants of her condo) disappeared. Even so, she was not focusing properly on the knowledge displayed before her.

Instead, she was thinking.

She should congratulate Kyon when he returned to school the following day.

He... had done a very good job.

Nagato did not fully understand what function 'praise' served. However, if it would make Kyon happy... then she supposed she could indulge in an alien activity every once in a while.

* * *

When Mikuru Asahina released her hold of the TPDD, she found she was sat in her own small little apartment once more. There was a cup of stone-cold tea on the table which she had abandoned in her haste to escape the past (or 'present', as it were) given how volatile the situation with Haruhi had become. Everything in Mikuru's apartment was exactly as she had left it, right down to the smallest details. It was as though she'd never left at all.

However, there was quite a large accumulation of dust on her work surfaces. It was strange how much it could build up, even after only one or two days.

Mikuru looked round her apartment in awe, her eyes lighting up. Then- with the eager nature of a young child in a candy store- Mikuru ran forwards through the rooms of her apartment, almost skipping with happiness and relief, as she took in each and every detail. It was there- the past was still there! Her kitchen with the dirty dishes still in the sink (Mikuru didn't like washing up; she was clumsiness personified, and often tended to drop things), her bedroom with her clothes lined up neatly in color-code going down the rainbow in her closet, the stuffed toys on her bed- everything. It was all there. And she had worried, for a few horrible hours, she would never see it again.

Kyon had succeeded.

Kyon had calmed Haruhi.

Kyon had-

"E-eep!"

Mikuru gave a short squeal of pain as, in her excitement, she misplaced her foot in a crumpled fold of carpet that took her quite by surprise. Mikuru's body went flying through the air, almost weightless, and she landed in a graceless pile in the hallway with a small _thump._

T-that really hurt…

Tears began to well up in Mikuru's eyes. Slowly, she pulled herself off her tummy into a sitting position, nursing her swollen ankle with care. Maybe she could put pineapple on it to soothe the ache? A lot of people scorned home remedies like that, but they could be quite effective…

It seemed even time travelers were susceptible to tripping over their own feet when they got a little too carried away- but Mikuru would not make that mistake again! Not at all!

Even despite the pain, Mikuru couldn't help but smile.

She liked the SOS Brigade, despite the humiliation she suffered at the hands of Haruhi, and she enjoyed living in this time plane more than she had expected she ever would. When she saw Kyon tomorrow, she would have to thank him, deeply, from the bottom of her heart- b-but not right from the _very _bottom, of course. Mikuru didn't want to upset Haruhi, or provoke another end of the world situation with her clumsy thoughtlessness.

Mikuru giggled softly to herself, still pressing down gently on her bruised ankle.

She could easily imagine herself ending the world over stupidity, just because she didn't think hard enough about something. T-that would have been so embarrassing… and such a pain for Kyon.

_Kyon._

Mikuru smiled.

Regardless, even if she couldn't find the words to properly express her gratitude or her face turned bright red, she would have to say 'thank you'. It was the proper thing to do.

* * *

"Heyyy, Miku~ruuu~" said Tsuraya cheerily. She had the house phone (an ancient relic indeed in this crazy modern world! …Not that cell phones were all that 'modern' to Mikuru, of course) pressed in the junction between her head and shoulders, whilst her free hands tried to work sticks of pocky out of their box and into her mouth.

"U-um… Hello, Tsuraya!" came Mikuru's hesitant voice on the other end of the line.

Tsuraya grinned. If she didn't know any better, she would have assumed Mikuru was in pain. It was, of course, sadistic to laugh at another's agony, but… Well. Tsuraya laughed at anything. She had this really cute image in her head of Mikuru returning to the 'past' (or present. Whatever), and then skipping round her house in excitement to see everything was in its right place- only to fall over like a clumsy ox.

Tsuraya snickered.

Mikuru might have been cute, but graceful she was not. Anna Pavlova could rest easily; she didn't have any competition from Mikuru Aashina.

"I was just calling to see if you're back!" Tsuraya said, crunching on sticks of pocky as she spoke. "I thought you vanished because of some trouble, right? Wasn't that omegas scary! To be honest, I was kind of worried about it, too!"

"Y-yes. As was I…" said Mikuru hesitantly. It was obvious she was a little reluctant to discuss the finer details with Tsuraya. "But I'm happy it came to a good conclusion."

"Yeah~ Me too," said Tsuraya, smiling. "Do you think we should all find Kyon and corner him tomorrow? Me an' you an' Yuki. We could be all 'THANK YOU, KYON! WE LOVE YOU!' Gyahahahaha!~~"

"W-well…" Tsuraya could practically hear Mikuru's blush through the other end of the phone. "I-I don't know about that! Maybe… maybe not…? I-I wouldn't want to cause any trouble…!"

"Nah. I'm just teasin'," Tsuraya joked, crunching another stick of pocky between her teeth. "It was worth a thought."

"M-mn…"

"But… I'm still, like… omega happy that it worked out this way. And we're all still together," said Tsuraya, her voice unusually serious. "I wonder what Kyon said to Haru-nyan."

"I wonder about that, too."

"Totally!~ And I wonder what'll happen to poor Itsuki!"

"E-eh?" Mikuru asked, her voice laced with confusion. "W-what about it…?"

"Welllll~" Tsuraya giggled. "If you don't know I want tell you. But- Haruhi, Kyon and Itsuki… This is all like a big soap opera! I feel like I should be eating a bag of popcorn as I wait for the shocking conclusion!"

"I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about," said Mikuru, after a small pause. "Eheh… I-is this a 'slider' thing?"

Tsuraya could only laugh at that, until her sides felt like they would split.

Mikuru was so naïve it hurt sometimes.

Literally.

* * *

Kyon had faith that this- whatever 'this' was- between him and Koizumi (no, Itsuki) would… work. Maybe. Kyon wished he could return Haruhi's feelings because he felt a little guilty, remembering her hurt expression; as though she'd been gutted. But hadn't Koizumi worn a similar look of pain when he pushed Kyon out of the way, allowing himself to be impaled by Emiri's spears?

Haruhi was the type of person who could recover from life knocking her back, over and over again. Haruhi was strong. Kyon wasn't too sure about Itsuki. Itsuki appeared strong on the outside- but wasn't that all an act? In reality he hated horror movies, he felt crushingly lonely, he had never felt 'normal' and- ever since his eyes had met Kyon's- he'd been in love.

There was more to Itsuki Koizumi than met the eye. Kyon knew that Haruhi could pick herself up off the floor and dust herself down- but he wasn't sure Itsuki could.

Maybe Itsuki… needed somebody.

And, without realizing it, Kyon had (somehow) volunteered to be that person.

_It was probably when you kissed him._

_You just can't kiss people and pretend it's 'nothing', you know?_ _You should think about it more carefully next time you kiss somebody, Kyon, or the world could come to an end._

_Chh. And I thought romance plots in soap operas were unrealistic._

_This transcends that. This goes __beyond __'Life' and 'Boys Over Flowers'. This goes right off the deep end of the Earth._

And yet, despite these thoughts, and despite Kyon's confusion, and despite his unchanging sense of realism, Kyon was sure… that everything would work out.

_If it doesn't it would be incredibly unfair, considering the amount of times Itsuki got beaten up. Oh yeah, and there's the fact the world nearly ended._

_I think I… deserve a happy ending? Maybe?_

_Does that sound entitled?_

_Well, I'm sorry if I sound entitled, but I think I have a right to at this point._

_I guess this ending isn't so much 'happy' rather than 'confused'- but I guess I'll take it._

_Beggars can't be choosers. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Etc, etc._

_…I really need to stop spouting these proverbs at myself. It's not helping, and I'm beginning to sound a little like my grandma._

_I'll start thinking tea cosies make good birthday presents next, and then where will that leave me?_

"I'm not sure if Haruhi will be angry. I think it's safe to say she'll be a little upset," said Kyon, voice pensive. "But… I have faith in her. And, if she's your 'God', then you should have a little faith, too. I don't think Haruhi's a vengeful deity. Rather… She's a normal high school girl who suffered a serious disappointment. But Haruhi wouldn't be Haruhi if she let things like that knock her down, right?"

"Yes… I suppose you're right." Itsuki nodded. Then, he smiled- a dazzling, disarming smile that would have turned the heart of even the strongest person to marshmallow. Kyon himself, though he was fairly unmoved by Itsuki's good looks, felt his cheeks flush.

Then, shakily- his body trembling, his skin pale with pain- Itsuki reached forwards-

And pressed his lips gently against Kyon's.

The kiss was soft and fleeting, lasting only for a few moments. Kyon gave a small gasp in surprise… or maybe he wasn't surprised at all. Maybe he was, unwillingly, allowing Itsuki to deepen th-

No.

For know, Kyon would say he gasped in surprise. Nothing more, nothing else.

Itsuki's mouth was soft and warm, and whilst there was a slight metallic tang of blood on his tongue (not Kyon's favorite flavor in the world; then again, he couldn't afford to be too fussy. It wasn't like he was going to rate Itsuki- nor did he have much experience to compare this kiss too), the touch of lips was… somehow soothing.

Comforting.

Not at all like Haruhi's demanding kisses. This was quite different- and Itsuki's gender had little to do with it.

Maybe it didn't matter all that much.

Kyon tried to imagine kissing Mikuru like this- but he felt guilty for even imagining such a thing. Mikuru was beautiful, yes, but she was like a porcelain doll (Kyon winced at the terrible comparison). Kyon felt… unclean, somehow, imagining kissing her- as though her violating her. Kissing Haruhi had been different because Kyon never felt like he was going to 'break' her- in fact, it had been the other way round. But Kyon had never truly loved Haruhi.

He thought Mikuru was attractive, and though he had dreamed about it from time to time, he didn't really want to imagine Itsuki as the wide-eyed, softly-spoken girl, either.

In the end, after running a quick scan through all the attractive girls he knew, Kyon realized something. Whilst he wouldn't have minded kissing some of those girls- he didn't much want to think about then whilst he was with Itsuki. Kyon still found those girls attractive, of course he did; his entire perspective had not shifted from a few kisses, and Kyon did not doubt he still very much preferred attractive girls to handsome men.

But Itsuki was…

Well.

Itsuki was Itsuki, and though kissing Itsuki was… completely bizarre, Kyon did not want to mentally substitute the irritating, always smiling esper with anybody else.

…That was perhaps even more bizarre.

Itsuki was kissing him, and Kyon was leaning into it, and Kyon did not want to pull away- and that was the truth.

_Tch. The truth hurts, I guess._

_I wonder if I'm going to start getting jealous of all the girls who give Itsuki Valentine's Day chocolates. Then again, I doubt Itsuki would get himself impaled full of spears on _their_ behalves, so-_

…

…_Now I sound like a jealous psychopath._

_Nice going, Kyon._

_After, what, four or five kisses?, you've turned into a yandere. All you're missing is the hatchet._

_Although…_

_I wonder if, all this time, whenever I looked at Mikuru or made comments about her… Was Itsuki jealous? He's always acted a little strangely around Mikuru; never bothering to intervene when Haruhi torments her. Then again, that could be part of Koizumi's 'yes-man' nature, and not necessarily out of spite. I wonder. I'll have to ask._

…_I'm probably thinking too much, given I'm being kissed. I should just shut up and turn off my mind._

_Why do I have to keep a constant, cynical narration of my entire life in my head?_

For the first time, Kyon let his eyelids flutter shut. No longer could he revel in the sight of Itsuki's flushed face- and no longer did he feel as though he'd accomplished something. Instead, Kyon could only feel. He felt strangely bereft when, mere seconds later, Itsuki drew away- and Kyon inhaled heavily, taking in a breath he never knew he'd been holding.

_I suppose you could breathe through your nose while kissing, but honestly, who _does _that? It doesn't sound very romantic._

Itsuki's head fell against Kyon's shoulder, his fair hair poking into Kyon's cheek. It seemed he was too exhausted to remain sitting- and Kyon, too, was feeling slightly dazed.

"So…" said Itsuki, his voice soft. "Is it okay if… I do that…?"

"Y-you just did. It's a bit too late to ask now," said Kyon, trying to keep his voice steady. "And if I didn't want you to, I would've just pushed you away."

"E-even whilst I'm… in quite a bit of pain?"

"Even then."

"Haha…" Itsuki laughed softly, his breath ghosting against Kyon's neck. It made him shiver. "You're a horrible person."

"Now you sound like my little sister."

"Hmn? Do you want me to call you 'big bro'?"

"N-no, that's fine," said Kyon, his face flushing slightly. "I-I'm already a little… confused… by _this_. Y-you don't need to make it worse."

"Haha~ Of course. Sorry. I'm just teasing you."

"I-is that so…?"

"Mmn~ It's fun to make you flush."

"Watch it or I really will hit you."

"Huh. How romantic. I wonder what Miss Suzumiya saw in you."

"I wonder what _you _see in me," said Kyon dryly.

"Mmn. Now that is a tricky question. You'll have to ask me later- when I'm not feeling so sleepy…"

Any other time Itsuki invaded Kyon's space like this, Kyon would have pushed him back- pushed him away. This time, however, Kyon didn't. He couldn't. He almost welcomed the personal contact now- it was proof the world hadn't ended despite Haruhi's heartbreak, and Itsuki was not dead and maybe, just maybe, things were going to start to change. Whether it was for the better or worse, Kyon didn't know…

But he was still hoping for a happy ending. Or, failing that, a normal one.

_I think I might have avoided the bad end already._

_That's something to be thankful for. And I was never even that good at video games anyway- which makes this long, convoluted metaphor kind of pointless. Just like most of my other long, convoluted metaphors._

_Oh well._

"Y-you know what, Kyon?" said Itsuki lightly, lifting his head from Kyon's shoulders. He stared at Kyon directly in the eyes; his face earnest, completely unmasked.

"What?" asked Kyon, trying to swallow a lump in his throat.

Itsuki sighed.

Then, tentatively… after a small pause… Itsuki said- his voice fragile, hopeful, horribly truthful;

"I-I… I…"

Another pause.

"I… love you."

Kyon wasn't sure how to respond.

Maybe he didn't need to.

After all… words really were quite pointless in scenarios like this.

Everything was going to change- Kyon was sure of it.

But…

That wasn't necessarily a bad thing.

It might even be an improvement.

It couldn't_ possibly _be worse.

And even if it wasn't a happy ending… it was still… fairly okay.

Perhaps it was more, even, than that.

But hoping for more would have been selfish; and Kyon was fairly content with what he had. Even if what he had was, at the end of the day, a pounding headache, a flurry of confused thoughts, a few shards of hope, a confession of love from _Itsuki Koizumi-_

And a small smile on his face that just wouldn't go away.

* * *

**The End**

* * *

**a/n: **And then... This is the last chapter... I-I guess… o:  
This fic was originally going to be just a tad longer, but… Well. I thought this was a really nice place to end it, with a vague sense of 'what will the future bring?' and some stuff left ambiguous. I wanted to add a 'Haruhi and Kyon make up' scene somewhere, in the real world, but they already had that really long chapter devoted to them settling their differences, so maybe such a thing would not be needed.  
Haruhi's a strong girl, she'll be okay ^_^;

When word gets out Emiri Kimidori has 'transferred', I'm sure Haruhi will find lots more fun things to do with her time (I was also going to write this an epilogue, but I just liked how this chapter ended)

Mmn there were lots of things I wanted to fit into this chapter that I didn't or couldn't, like a scene with Kyon interacting with his little sister, and maybe some more Taniguchi and Kunikida… but they weren't necessary scenes and they didn't add to the plot. I just really wanted to write about them, that's all. I'm a little sad I didn't get to do that, but… That's life, I guess.

At the moment I'm not sure whether I'm happy or displeased with the ending, as it's so ambiguous and I could have developed some things more… But did I really need to? I mean, Itsuki and Kyon should be the main focus of this fic, and if their feelings have been given some closure then… that's what should really matter, yes?

I don't know. I kind of hate knowing so many people read this story, because I'm afraid I'll disappoint everybody with my ending. This might be why I prefer working on fics in smaller fandoms, because I don't feel like I'll disappoint as many people if it doesn't end decently… -sweatdrop-

Anyway, I really hope you liked this story, and I hope you enjoyed the ending (this fic was actually meant to end like a chapter after the Emiri incident, which was supposed to be the climax…) and… I'm really happy you stuck by this story and kept reading, despite my erratic updating times. Honestly, you people who've read this mean a lot to me (apart from the people who got angry with me over it… That wasn't nice ;A;), and I hope this ending wasn't too disappointing…

Thank you so much ^_^~

**~renahhchen xoxoxo**


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